Poop on the Potty... PLEASE Help !!

Updated on March 26, 2010
E.C. asks from Albertville, MN
9 answers

My son is 3 1/2 years old. He has been very resistant to potty training. The advise I always received was don't force it, wait till he's ready. But just shy of his 3rd birthday I put my foot down. If I waited till he was ready I'm be putting him on the bus to JR. High, he's very strong willed! So I took away the diapers, put him in underpants and took him to the potty every hour!! It for the most part has been going great, we have our days, but I'm please to say I don't have to buy dipers anymore(except for at night, but I'll take it!!) Now my challenge is poop..... He has not yet gone #2 on the potty. He is a nap time pooper and always has been so I tried not putting the pull up on him for his nap... yeah he didn't poop!! But than he just held it all day and just went that night after I put him to bed. How do I get him to go poop on the potty? We have tried lots of different books, talking about how others go poop on the potty, getting him excited about it and I even told him that if he ppoed on the potty we would go to target and buy anything he wanted!! Notta i need some tried, true and creative ideas!! Thanks Ladies = )
I just wanted to make it clear that I am not forcing the issue for him to poop on the potty and he is not holding it because of the pressure he is holding it because he just wont go in his underpants. The tinkle part is going just fine and I couldn't tell you the last time he even had an accident and he would always pick underpants over a pull up.

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter didn't poop in the potty till 5 months after going pee. But once she did, that was that. She night trained that week too.

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K.N.

answers from Austin on

Sounds to me that you have 1 or 2 things happening:

1.) You inadvertently created a power-struggle with him. At 3 1/2, children are very acute to figuring out what control you actually have versus what they initially thought you have... and what control they actually have. The reality is, he alone does control when he goes poop.

2.) He has a fear of the toilet and/or poop. You can google this to see if there are tips on how to address the fear. If he perceives an expectation from you (that you expect him to use the potty, you'd be disappointed that he doesn't, that he's heard you say 'big boys use the potty' and if he doesn't want to, then he deducts he's not a big boy) then he may not feel confident in admitting a fear of the potty or fear of poop.

You might need to take a 1-2 month break and see whether he comes around on his own. Otherwise, my concern is that you might be setting yourself up for a much harder struggle as he gets older.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Pooping on the toilet, if often attained last. In the process.
Holding poop, is not good for the body.

Once a child starts to "withhold" their poop, this is not a good sign. This is anxiety. They WILL get constipated... and this makes it worse, because it hurts, gets harder to come out, gets impacted internally, and so because it hurts, they will withhold pooping again. A vicious cycle.
This is per our Pediatric Gastroenterologist Specialist, which we had to see because my daughter went through that. He said, Toddlers COMMONLY go through this, once they are expected to potty train. Pooping... takes longer to master, in a toilet and for the emotional comfort with it. He said, NOT to force it or make it an issue nor to scold/punish for it. This will only make the constipation worse. Once on a vicious cycle of withholding poop and becoming "constipated"... it it then a biological AND emotional based issue. AND, at least for my Daughter, he said that is can take a minimum of 3 months... to overcome AND for the poop to become of normal consistency etc. We had to give my daughter prescribed things to alleviate her constipation and for her to stop "withholding" her poop, and to overcome the anxiety. We did not "force" my daughter's toilet training nor pooping... but the process can create anxiety in the child, regardless.

Potty training... is a process, over time. And, there will be relapses or regression... or accidents. All normal. They are so young... they will not be perfect. If a child thinks they have to be perfect, it will just give them hang-ups.
AND, night-time dryness or during naps... is a whole other process. It is biological and has to do with the myelin nerve development as well. Night-time dryness does not occur until even 7 years old. Normal per our Pediatrician.
Keep your expectations in line with your child's readiness.
Your son is young... and boys typically master pottying later.

All the best,
Susan

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K.H.

answers from San Diego on

We had the same problem with my son. I was really concerned and it came across to him and affected him in a bad way. It wasn't until I just let the anxiety go and let him go potty when he was ready and when he needed to. It worked!! Probably within 2 months tops (he is 7 now) he was pooping just fine on the potty with no problems. We did insist that he learn to wipe himself off thoroughly also, which he learned to do after a little practice. We also used a reward system. I bought two Thomas The Tank Engines and put them out for him to see. When he was ready, he started going potty and I think we gave him whichever one he wanted after he'd gone potty 5 times with no accidents. It worked like a charm!!

I think the best advice I can give you is just let him be. He will catch on soon enough!! Don't compare yourself to anyone else either. Each child takes their own time to develop. We just need to be patient and give little nudges accordingly.

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S.S.

answers from Phoenix on

We did the reward thing - M&M's, temporary Tattoo's, sticker, suckers....what ever it would take. We early on started giving Mommy and Daddy rewards for going poopy on the potty. My child would say "Yeah Mommy, you went poopy" and she would get me a sticker. That was around 2 years. Then we would try to get her to go by singing a poopy song, "Push out the poopy - on the potty!" and it finnaly just clicked around 2 years, 4 months in a matter of weeks, so unfortunately I don't have any magic suggestions for you. She began to stay dry overnight and during naps around 1 yr, 9 months, so I don't agree with the first post that said "kids don't stay dry at nighttime till 7 years"... I think all kids develop at a different rate. Still to this day (at 2 years, 8 months) she will call to tell which ever one of us in not in the bathroom with her that she went poopy or potty. When she does both (potty and poopy) at the same time we celebrate that she "did the daily double."

I did read once someone told their child that when the poopy goes down the toilet it feeds the fish in the sea, so if the child went in the diaper the fish would not eat. She said that worked for her son, so I think part of it is getting them to see a positive result of their efforts even if its not the whole truth.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

I agree with the advice to back off. Yes, you've been changing diapers for a long time, and it will be wonderful when you no longer have to. Unfortunately, your son is showing clearly that he's just not ready yet, and your forcing the issue can only make it harder for him to get there. If parents make too big a deal of it, children commonly regress on peeing, too. This really isn't a matter of your desire, but his.

Pooping in the potty comes months after peeing for most kids. The child has to be ready, and confident enough to relax. Sadly, we can't just tell them to relax, especially if they have felt a lot of pressure from the adults around them to "Relax, hurry up, and succeed, already!" That whole complex of mixed messages, and the sense that they are disappointing their parents but are still confused or anxious about how to let go on the potty, is simply a set-up for failure.

Once children reach the point of withholding a bowel movement because of emotional pressures, they are at risk of developing constipation, pain, and the much more serious condition called ENCOPRESIS. You can google that term, and "potty training, withoulding bowel movement" for lots more information and ideas.

One of the main points made on most sites, however, is to ease off on the pressure and give the child a chance to say when he's ready.

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J.K.

answers from Cleveland on

I'm right there with you. My 3 year old will absolutely not go poop on the pot. He has been going #1 in the potty since the beginning of September, but I guess he is just not ready to do #2 on the potty. Yes, it is frustrating and I can't tell you how much money I have spent on underwear! Nothing seems to be motivating enough for him to do it. Argg!

I guess he will go in his own time. As long as that time is before he enters kindergarten, I am okay with it! :)

Good luck!

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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

We bribed our son w/ chuckecheese. He wanted to go there REALLY bad and kept nagging us to go, so we told him if he poopied on the toilet, then we would go. He was so excited, he went that afternoon. Find something that he is just dieing to do and bribe him with it.

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L.J.

answers from Omaha on

My son was well over three-years-old when he "finally" potty trained. It was worth not placing pressure on him. Before that, he was afraid of the potty. Putting pressure on him wasn't an option because he was frightened of the very aparatus needed to make toileting happen--the toilet. So, when he realized the toilet wan't going to harm him, and he was otherwise ready to take the step, and he had dry diapers at night, he changed from diapers to toilets on his own.

Everyone eventually potty trains. have you ever seen, even in elementary shchool, a child who didn't want to be, at least somewhat, like the other children? Do, decrease the anxiety. Children pick up on our frustrations, and feel pressured by them, or inadequate for not measuring up to our expectations. That is a path you don't want to go down with your child. The other possibility our anxiety leads to is manipulation. Our children can learn to press our buttons when we are visibly disturbed by them. This can give a sense of control when parents otherwise take away control that the child needs to feel human.

Your child is almost there. Just be patient for as long as it takes. Mention it to the pediatrician if you haven't already. Just be careful not to foster performance anxiety in your child because it will translate into the way your child thinks your view them as a person in general. Your child needs to know you are on his/her side through life, even through the tough times, and they start early.

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