So, DS has been "potty trained" for...seems like forever, about 3 months though. He's perfect at it, never has accidents, never did at night, awesome! EXCEPT.......... he STILL will not poop in the potty! He has, like twice, but it's been a while and he won't anymore. He won't even sit on it to "practice". Instead, he goes into another room or somewhere private and poops in his underwear! We've tried the reward thing, stickers, candy, toys toys and more toys (there are a ton in the bathroom just waiting) even punishing for a short time, but nothing. I know part of the problem is/was that he would often get constipated. We now give him BeneFiber for kids each morning and it has definitely solved that problem. But I think he still is afraid it will hurt if he goes in the potty. The only reason that he gives us is that he's scared (which I think is partly from us asking if that is the reason). He's very vocal and VERY smart, he knows better.
Does anyone have any advice, I'm desperate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K.
Hi K.,
Toddlers sometimes has an issue with this because they think they are losing a part of themselves. Reinforce the fact that everyone does it and his body does it to get rid of waste, just like when he throws something away when he is done with it.
L.
Milk and dairy products are extremely constipating -- how much dairy does he consume? Eliminating dairy may solve the pain problem.
Some children don't like toilet water splashing up on their bottoms when the poop plops into the water, and that may be part of his fear.
Hello K. , I wanted to tell you my neice had the same problem and I was talking to one of the senior ladies I know.She told me kids are afraid of that coming out of their body and reassure them is was ok. So I talked to my niece when she was sitting on the toliet and I asked her if she was afraid of the thing coming out of her body and she said yes. Than I explained to her that her tummy would feel so much better if she would just get it out and that everbody does it and if it hurts a little just rub the top of your legs while your on the toliet and that would help. Than I bribed her and said if you have no accidents for a week I would take her shopping for a surprise. She has done well.
Have you tried letting him flush for you and your husband? Some kids just get freaked out by the noise and fear that they are going down with the poo!
Good luck!
S.
My niece would never poop in the potty because she was a little constipated one time and it hurt her to go while she was sitting on the potty. SO..she associated the pain with the potty. It took her quite a while to overcome that obstacle.
My son will be 3 next month and still refuses to poop on the potty. He will pee but that's it. I'm just trying to be patient with him and keep practicing. I guess that's all we can do.
Oh yeah.......I did buy him a potty book for boys that makes sounds of the toilet flushing. He's done a little better since receiving it.
Good luck!
I read all the responses below, but didn't see what we tried and found to work. First, let me say that some boys are afraid to poop in the potty. (Not sure why, but I read it somewhere that there is a genuine fear of pooping in the potty for boys...go figure! LOL) Second, my son will be 4 in December and he just FULLY potty trained in July. He actually potty trained AFTER his baby sister (will be 3 in December) was potty trained. Here's what we did. He had the concept and ability to poop in the potty, but didn't want to. It was a control issue. So, we took the control back. He LOVES having big boy undies and he HATES being dirty. One day, we told him that if he pooped in his undies again, we would have to throw them away and that he would have to clean up his mess. We explained that he was a big boy and that mommy and daddy didn't like cleaning up his poopy mess anymore since we KNEW he could use the potty. Well, he didn't believe we'd actually go through with that threat, but we did. He ended up cleaning himself in the bathtub twice and losing two pairs of undies to the garbage before deciding maybe he ought to use the toilet. (We made a BIG deal of throwing away the undies and how that really stunk to have to throw them away, etc.) He hasn't pooped anywhere but the potty since then. He even has dry pull ups at night. HTH
Hi K. - here's what I did with my daughter as I was desperate! I was on maternity leave at home with our newborn son when my daugher was 2 1/2 years old and potty training. She was fine going pee on the toilet and we did stickers, m&ms, etc. The poop was the problem. One day I had a screaming newborn that was stressing me out and needed to get to him and she went running into the corner to poop. I quickly grabbed her and stuck her on the toilet, as she was starting to go in her pants. The poop made it into the toilet and she never did it in her pants again. I think it just took that one time to prove that it wasn't painful and she was on her way. good luck!
Your situation sounds an awful lot like what we went through with my oldest son. When he turned 4 I found out that he had retentive encorpresis. When we started potty training him (at 3 years old) we had a huge power struggle and he controlled it by holding his BM. He held it until it was so compacted that nothing could fully come out and he had leaking problems. It sounds like your son is not to this point and trust me you don't want to to get to this point. Don't ever disapline him for an accident, just be understanding and patient! My youngest son trained himself because I refused to push that issue again and he was trained by 2 & 1/2. With my oldest, we went through the benefiber and laxitives, but when we quit he would go right back where we started. So, I took him to a Holistic and Wellness Center, we started with lots of supplements and changed his diet. He just started Kindergarten this year and has made a lot of improvements. He is off of the supplements but his diet is very strict. If he sticks to a healthy diet and have our "scheduled sits" he does great! It has been a long road. The biggest thing we have changed with his diet is no milk (he still gets cheese on his salads.) and nothing that has cornsyrup in it! I don't know if this has helped you at all, just keep plugging along with patients and understanding and he will do this all on his own!!!
Best of luck!
Just responded to this issue 'again' today. Please read it! this is not a problem but you are making it one!!
Our son was very similar, right down to the constipation. His actually came from holding it until we put on a pull up at night. I thought other moms were crazy, and never thought I would try this, but I did, and it worked immediately. When he was home with me one day I made him go bare bottom. No pants, shorts, underwear, pj's. I let him wear either a long t-shirt or his robe and within 1 day he made the all important trip to the potty. Once he had a bm on the potty that didn't hurt, he was fine. It was amazingly easy for us and I wish I had tried it sooner. It may not be overnight for you, but you might try it. I made sure for a couple of days that I still had him bare bottom, but he has never had an accident since, and his constipation is nearly gone (he still holds it sometimes at daycare when he doesn't want to stop playing). Good luck!
I had a similar problem when I was potty training my son. My first attempts began when he was 1 1/2 yrs old. I tried videos, books, rewards, stickers, progress charts, songs, and EVERY method I could find online, in magazines and books. He resisted until he was about 2 1/2, and he finally began to use the potty about 80% of the time but he still wouldn't poop anywhere but in the pull-up.
About 2 days after his 3rd birthday, HE told me "Mommy, I don't wanna wear a pull-up anymore". And just like that, he started going on his own. There were a few little mishaps once he was in regular underwear but I always kept spare pants and underwear with me for emergencies.
There was no amount of "training" that I could do for him, he decided when he was ready.
My husband and I went through the same thing with our son. We found a website that discussed the problems with potty training and BMs.
It suggested giving him a teaspoon of honey for the constipation.
My husband also talked to him this is basically what he said to our son:
- "I'm so glad you told me that you won't go poop on the potty because it hurts."
- "Mom and I found a website on the computer that told us what to do because we want to help it to not hurt when you go."
- "It said to give you a teaspoon of honey to help make your poop be softer so it stops hurting."
The reassurance helped a lot and soon he was able to go on the toilet.
Hope it helps. Blessings.
I have a question for you, has there been a lot of changes at home lately? If so maybe that might be the reason. Alot of children feel like this is something that they can control - the when and the where of it. They also feel that this is a part of them and they don't want to let it go. At least this is what I remember reading when my children potty trained (the youngest 2 are 10yrs now) years ago.
If it is a matter of hurting when he goes, sounds like you have some great advice already.
Good luck.
