My kid's father and I have had a rough past. We stepped into our relationship very fast but fell in love right away. He has cheated on me and just confessed and realized ALL his mistakes a couple days before the new year. We decided given the circumstanses that we want to be together and we are trying to make things work. He told me last week that he fears me treating him the way he has treated me as a way of getting even. he basically is afraid of me cheating on him. I will not cheat on him because I'm more mature now and I realized what I want and need in life and cheating is not in the books. however I have no idea how to make him feel more secure. He admitted it last night after accusing me of flirting with too many people that he is very insecure and is expecting me to cheat because of what he has did to me and because every other relationship he has been in the woman has cheated on him. I know he needs a lot of love and attention and that does not bother me. I like to give that. what bothers me is how to do it. I need more ways I can be romantic with him.
I feel like a man asking for this kind of advice becuase he is really like the woman in our relationship. I'm the one who is responsible and takes care of everyone but he is the one who needs to be loved and appreciated. I'm much stronger than he is when it comes to this kind of stuff. He's the type of sensative man who if you met him you'd NEVER EVER know it and it scares me. I just need suggestions. what shows a man love and appreciation. what showes him I love everything about him and care about him. he knows all of this stuff but he does not belive it. he has to be trained again and I need help on how to do it
Thanks for all of the advice. I guess I have to think about this a little further.
Remember: HE CHEATED ON YOU!!! Why are you the one that needs to show more love and affection? Your childrens mother(you) deserves to be treated better. Get some counseling and if you are truly going to start over w/ this "man" base everything on trust and "wanting" to be together.
You both need to put as much effort into you relationship as you do into your kids. Thats romantic.
Hi A.,
I read what you wrote and I obviously am not in your shoes nor can I tell you that I have been in your situation. I have been cheated on yes but not when there was a family to think of. I wanted to say that from what you wrote that it sounds like he is the one who should be kissing your A$$ not the other way around. In the situation I was in I found that once he cheated it was really hard to be together again, not just because of the trust issue but because of the insecurity. The only advice I could possibly give would be for you both to address the issue on why he cheated to begin with before trying to be romantic. Maybe he needs to find that out and see that you dont have that same issue.
Good luck with your kids, no matter what you decide with the "Daddy".
A.
Think of it this way. Most of the time they are accusing you of something because they did it or are doing it. Sometimes we wonder why we go thorugh the things we do. God has a plan for our lives and sometimes we may not understand it but maybe there is a better future for you by yourself and your children. THink of it this way. You really love him so you would never cheat on him now if he really loved you why is he cheating. Would'nt you rather be really loved by someone. Not just half way but all the way. I have been there and your love isn't going to be enough to save the relationship it takes two. And beleive me you cannot change anyone. They have to change because they want to. I just wish at the time I had someone to give me advice. I probably did but never realized it because I wasn't hearing what I wanted to hear. Here is something I think is important and would like you to read. Rememeber a man can replace us but you'r children never will.
A newborn's conversation with God:
A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow,
but how am
I going to live there being so small and helpless?" God said, "Your
angel will
be waiting for you and will take care of you."
The child further inquired,
But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and
smile to be
happy."
God said,” Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.
And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."
Again the child asked, and how am I going to be able to understand when
people
talk to me if I don't know the language?"
God said, Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words
you will
ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you
how to
speak."
And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God said, your angel will place your hands together and will teach you
how to
pray." Who will protect me?"
God said, Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its
life."
But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God said, Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach
you
the way
to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth
could be
heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please
tell me
my angel's name."
God said, You will simply call her, "Mom."
Lift a mother's spirit, send this to every mother you know (no matter
how old
her child is)
First of all, its not your problem, its his. My second husband was that way, and it not only affected me, it affected my children as well. Its not your job to make him feel better about his self. HE needs to do it. He has low self esteem, and trust me, the more you try to PROVE to him, the worse he is going to get. Its a game. You guys need counceling, and I guarantee they will say that each of you are respsonsible for your own feelings.
