Please Help Me Breathe.....

Updated on April 09, 2010
N.S. asks from Bristol, VT
12 answers

Hello again to everyone, so my daughter is almost 8mths old. She is so stuck up my you know what that i can't hardly breathe. I have gotten to the point that if she starts crying when i put her down and cant get her to stop that i just put her in her crib to go down for a nap instead of listening to her cry her sad little head off. i have a 3 year old son though and plus we just moved into a new house so im still trying to get organized etc, she is just a mamas girl hard core and no one can even really look at her without her turning right into me. i cant hold her 24/7 and i refuse but i also refuse to let her do nothing but scream her whole life or untill she gets over being on me 24/7. my son wasnt ever this bad so im kinda going nuts. especially when my son is going through the terrible 3 stage as well as some emotional issues. what can i do to get through this without ripping my hair out. Also id like to ask if there is anyone who knows what i can do about my son thinking he needs to be in the living room with the adults all the time. whenever we ask him to go play with his toys in his room for some adult time or whatever he flips out and wants someone with him in his room. he is very smart and would rather just hang out with us then be a 3 year and destroy a bedroom with millions of toys. LOL please help im going nuts. ahhhh gotta love kids LOL

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answers from Spokane on

Have you bought your daughter a sit in "bouncy thing"? Not the ones for the little babies but the ones that they sit/stand in with toys all around...the saucer things? My kids loved those! This might not help seeing how you are also asking how to keep your son and his toys out of the living room but my favorite thing was putting down a huge blanket and encircling my child with all kinds of toys! This usually keeps them busy enough for at least a little bit of time?? I also utilized the high chair a lot, while I was in the kitchen...just give her some snacks to eat or play with :) or some toys and a sippy cup? Also, this is messy but works well- I used to strip my kids down to the diaper and give them some baby food in a bowl and their own spoon and allow them to try and feed themselves...they love this and can spend a long time "playing" with their food and spoon! Just make sure you move them away from the wall or anything they can touch to try and minimize the mess some:) Then just take 'em out and put them in the bath and do a quick wipe down of the high chair immediately to lesson the clean up!

Sorry I have no advice about your son when company comes over...mine were always in the living room with all there toys (I have one of those living room that is lined with toys and toy boxes)...I just barely have gotten to the point with mine where I can send them downstairs or to their room to play when the adults need some time...and mine are 6, 4 and 2...and they have each other, which helps A LOT!

Hope some of this helps! All 3 of mine were "momma freaks" and I know how much patience (for the holding) and imagination (for creative ideas and fun w/out you) it takes to get thru the first year and a half!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

Is there someone who can watch the kids for a couple of days so you can get away? I was at your stage, it got to where the whining was like a cheese grater running acrossed my brain!! I told my husband I had to get a break, so he took a week off work and I went to stay with a friend. When I returned I was ready to be the patient loving Mom I ususally am! If you can not get a couple of days, even one day away at a spa or something can do wonders.

As for your son wanting to be in the living room all the time with the adults, my boys do the same thing, it is normal even if a little annoying :). We started having 2 or 3 nights each week where we watch something the whole family can enjoy together, and I have found that having those days has lessened the fight on the other days when we want adult time.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

My 7.5 month old son has become more and more attached to me. I think it's the age. Is your daughter entertained by your three year old? Could you have them play together on the floor for a few minutes while you get something done? If she still cries, I think your only options are to wear her so that you can get some things done or work only when she's asleep.

As far as your son, he probably just wants to be around you guys and not by himself. Why not bring some toys of his into the living room and let him play close to you? Also, have you tried going into his room and playing with him then telling him you have to do something and will be back in a few minutes? I do not think he's old enough to think up creative things to play alone but if you get him started, then he'll keep playing even when you leave.

As soon as your daughter is crawling and then walking, she'll be all over the house so you may cherish this 'wanting mama' all the time!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

I think you need to find a baby sitter and get some 'me' time for an hour or two. Find someone to watch the kids and take a nap, or a bath or a walk, or go see a movie. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

i can totally relate. We moved and my kids were 6months, 1.5,2.5.
it was a nightmare, and i had noone who could watch them for a few hrs.
they were stuck to me, so i believe the other poster is right, they have to learn security.

that said, they r now 5,6,7 and still wanna be w us when company is over.
thigns r much easier now and they do grow fast. it will get over before u know it. hang in there and make bedtime early so u can have some down time.
good luck



answers from Erie on

at 6 my son is ready to play in his room alone for short periods but not before this.

breathe and enjoy the baby while you can. if you watch carefully you could have her in the tub while you sat on the floor next to her and payed the bills or folded laundry or something, but watch her carefully.

maybe you need to teak how long she naps or when she naps if she is screaming she might be overtired or something, reflux will do that too.

Keep your chin up.



answers from Spartanburg on

So many good answers have been already given about your little one. I feel for the older sibling who is craving so much attention from his parents that he doesn't even want to leave their sweet! It looks like your baby girl attachement to you is taking a toll on all family members...have you tried to take some one-on-one time for you and the baby boy? You could get away for a while from the little one (daddy, nana, baby sitter can help) and spend some quality time with him. It may help you both. I know you are suffering, but they'll grow faster than you think and you just have to resist as long as you can!!!!! Good luck, you have a beautiful family and time will come to enjoy it thoroughly wihtout so much pain (in the neck, I guess!!!)



answers from Los Angeles on

I agree with McMama. My daughter was really clingy at that age too. I just wore her in one of those baby bjorn things. I preferred that to a sling myself because I had better range of motion. Two plusses to wearing her around were the workout factor- nothing like strapping 10-15 pounds on your chest to help you lose weight and get a little buff, and the motion would help put her to sleep and then I could put her down and get other things done.
As far as your son is concerned just let him bring some toys into the living room and play. He is really kind of little to be expected to play by himself for more than maybe 30 minutes. Toddlers don't really have a long attention span and may need help and gudance with his play. I can tell you are just exhausted and I feel for you! But you will be okay! Moving is stressful even without kids. Your little ones are also bound to be more clingy because they are adjusting to a new environment . For you it's just a nw home and a lot of unpacking. From your kids perspective their whole world and safety zone, except for MOMMY who is there primary and now only!, familiar comfort and security has changed. As exhausted as you are you are going to need to reach deep down and put yourself aside during " kid hours" ( anything excluding nap time and bedtime) because until they have had time to settle in and feel secure in their new surroundings they need you. You will find that soon enough, as long as he knows mommy is there, he will begin migrating to his own play. I wish I could tell you otherwse but if you have 2 kids under 5 " adult time" without kids in the room is going to be restricted to after they are in bed. If you really need time is it a possiblity to have a family member or daycare or sitter watch your kids once or twice a week so you can get a break? If you are as uncomfortable as I am still with leaving your kids in someone elses care I found a unique solution. I had a friend who was a few years younger than me who didn't have children but loved spending time with kids. I would pay her to come over while I was home and entertain my daughter while ai got some stuff done. You could maybe find a neighbor or friends older teen or something who you could hire to come over and entertain your son for an hour or two while you have your needed " adult time" once or twice a week. Maybe you could also ask your husband to make sure you get at least 20 minutes to yourself when he gets home so you can regroup and decompress. Husbands often have no idea what it's like to be with the kids 24/7 so if need be schedule a weekend day just for you and leave him with the kids. It would be good for you to have a day to be out of the house alone. You need to take care of yourself too but you will need help to do it so give yourself a break and ask. You won't be able to help anyone if you are so tapped out you give up. It will get better it just might take a little time. You can do it! And as much as you need you time remember they will only want you around for a short time, next thing you know they won't let you kiss them in public and will be embarrassed to have you within 2 feet of them. Keeping that in mind should help :)



answers from San Francisco on

Hey there, sounds like a really rough time- new house, kids, so many transitions!!

I just wanted to suggest using a bjorn or snuggli backpack for your baby (I like backpacks better than the front carrying- but whatever works best for you). Then you have your daughter close and can still do stuff.

When we moved last year, it was the beginning of TV watching for my son (now 3). I never wanted to use it that way, but necessity is a humbling experience... He loved watching his movies and it gave me a chance to unpack boxes, do laundry, hang pictures, etc. BTW- I think your son is perfectly normal: My son would never choose to play alone in his room, he always brings the toys into the common area so that we can all play together.

Don't forget to ask for help- can you get some daycare or go to the YMCA?

Best wishes.



answers from Minneapolis on




answers from Nashville on

My son was always a needy clingy baby too. And that age was definitely worse than most others. I felt like I didn't put him down for over a year. He has always had some separation axiety issues, thankfully they are better now. I would hope so, he is almost 2 1/2! But the only way I got anything done was to put him a carrier and wear him around. He didn't care what we were doing as long as I was carrying him, so I just figured I would make it hands free carrying.

If you think that might help, see if there is a babywearers group in your area. Just google (your city) babywearers. They have meetings and you might be able to get some help find a good sling that you both like, and sometimes you can get them used. Otherwise I recommend an ergo or a mei tai which were my preferences at that age. It will depend on her size. The ergo is a lot like a Bjorn, but so much more comfortable. I couldn't wear a bjorn for half an hour without it hurting.

I can't help with the 3 yr old, my son won't play alone yet, I'm not sure when to even hope for that. :)



answers from Honolulu on

I feel for you.

I addition to what everyone said: tis' the age she is probably in the midst of "separation anxiety" and "object permanence." Hopefully this phase will pass.... soon.

Try playing "peek a boo" with her. Put her down for a short period... step away, but where she can still "see" you and with your voice talk to her... so she knows you are not "gone." Tell her "I'm right here.... I'll be back" then repeat that everytime you need to step away.

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