Please Help!!!

infants and toddlers go through all kinds of sleeping cycles. Does he happen to be teething. My daughter (15 mos) always sleeps worse and louder when she is teething. It could just be a phase. Or he is getting scared. You might try putting a sippy cup or bottle in the crib after he falls asleep so that he has something comforting when he wakes up and may not yell for you right away.

If you feel like you should go pick him up, then you should go pick him up!
At this age, you want to be teaching them to trust their communication, and that you will be there for them. Imo, the best way to stop the screaming is to respond to what he's trying to communicate: "Mom, I need you!!!"

Why on earth would you let your child scream and just turn up a radio and ignore him?!?! He's calling out to make sure you are there and you want to teach him that you aren't? Go get him, give him a big kiss, and apologize for not responding to his needs sooner.
We have never let our son cry it out and he's a better sleeper than most children I've known. 12-14 hours at night and 2-3 hour naps.

I know it is hard to do but he will probably continue this behavior until you start ignoring it. That means it will wake everyone in the house up, but it will probably only last a few days and then he will learn to put himself back to sleep. I know, I didn't believe it either, and I thought it was mean, but its not. You need your sleep and SO DOES HE. I think most people agree that you should not ignore a baby who is only 2 or 3 months old, but he is 11 months old. He has had nearly a year to learn how to sleep properly and he is not. Try reading " The Sleep Easy Solution" Great book. Helped us a lot. Toddler bed? Do you really want him walking or crawling around the house in the night? Yikes. Also, try putting him to bed earlier. When they are overtired they do not sleep well.

When you get him up can you put him down somewhere in the room with you and he stops? If so I would get him up, talk to him for a minute and then just put him in a play pen, or safe area and then go about my business. It could be he just wants to know he isn't alone.

I'd l;et him scream for a while and when he clams down and says something that sounds like Momma go get him..... that reinforces your want for him to say your name and not scream.

I.,
I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing wonderful. I have four children, now 8,7,6,and 5. When they were younger, it was tough. I never had my down time, unless they were all sleeping at the same time. Which was not always at the same time. Anyway. It sounds like your son just needed to hear you say no loud enough. I think that is awesome that it took turning your radio up. When the kids were younger, I used to turn on the radio, loud, because I couldn't handle the crying anymore. My husband would come home and if the radio was on loud and the kids were "now dancing", he knew that it was a "bad" day. It was my way of surviving those days. But, they are older now, and I find myself being sad, because they don't need me like they did then. So, try to survive. Because you will. It is tough. I know. But, you will get to my stage, and WISH you could be back at your stage. If that makes any sense to you. I will pray for you. God has taken me through so many tough stages in my life, I know that he will help you through yours. Good luck. If you would like, you can email me sometime. It would be nice. Talk to you later.
T.

Hello I am mom of 2 girls they are 5yo and 6yo and I have always thought that when my girls there is something wrong with them when they scream like that. So see what is going on and figure it out that way.

Is the screaming his normal method of communication? My daughter used a few words, but would scream a majority part of the time. She was prone to ear infections since she was born, many of which you could not tell until they were excessively bad and the eardrum was ready to rupture. If screaming is his traditional form of communication, push to go to an ENT. Get a first steps eval, if needed, to try and get speech therapy. Speech therapy will help you get tubes if they are needed.

If this is all behavioral, I would walk into his room and tell him until he stops screaming and says something like "Up" that you will not get him out of bed. I would make sure that you consistantly do this. It may take awhile for him to do this, but you can't give up because they will know how far they can push you until you will just give in. I would also not run right in to pick him up when he starts screaming. You can go into his room and tell him until he stops screaming, he will have to stay in his bed. Go in every few minuts and remind him that until he stops screaming, he needs to stay in his room. If you run every time he screams, he will learn that this is his way of getting you to jump at his every want and need.

Hope this helps you.

If your baby is crying, then go get him. Babies, especially under a year, are developing trust. If he doesn't have his cries responded to, how can he develop trust that his needs will be met. He is too young to be manipulating you in any way. He only knows what he needs. It may be that he wants to be with mom, or it may be that he is hungry right away. Physical needs and emotional needs deserve equal attention. I also believe that my child's needs should be given equal respect as my own needs.

As you can probably tell, I did not follow the Ferber method with my children. In fact, my three girls have all slept with me from birth until about age 3. I don't even see any reason that people, especially babies, should learn to sleep alone. I have nursed all 3 of my girls. We nursed on and off throughout the night. After a short time, I was able to sleep through nursing. With my child right there in bed with me, I was able to get good rest. We all do well with this arrangment.

If you are feeling stressed, you also deserve to have stress relief. Maybe hire a mother's helper as I did to get up with the girls in the morning. She is 14 and comes 8:30-12:30 during the week. I pay her $100/wk. I can sleep in, exercise, do some housework, or whatever I need to do in the morning. It definitely helps me start out my day with a positive attitude. Good luck!

Hi I..

I have an 11 mo. old son also. This is the age when they start to go through seperation anxiety and it can really test your patience! The important thing to remember is to always stay calm. Sometimes he may just need you to hold him and let him know that you are there. My son sleeps the first half of the night in his bed and then when he wakes up crying I bring him in bed with me. I'm more of a fan of the attachment parenting style and do not like the "crying it out" methods. I believe if they are crying (or screaming...) it's usually for a reason even if that reason is just that they need to be close to you and know that they are not alone. My first son was the same way. He is now 2 and sleeps through the night fine. I hope this helps. If you have any more questions feel free to contact me :)

God bless,
B.

Hang in there! Sounded like you had a bad day. We all do that. Doesn't make you less of a mother.

Hi there, I just wanted to share with you that I recently went through this with my daughter. She was the same way. I believe it to be an age thing. She just turned 1 yesterday and we seem to be moving out of it. All I can tell you is to be patient and wait it out. As frustrating as it was, it passed quickly. I have 6 children, so understand the need for some ME time. Good luck! Hang in there!

IMHO, he is screaming because you are not responding to his needs and screaming is what makes you respond. <<turn the radio up and ignore him>> (Believe me, I understand the feeling of wanting to do that!) It sounds like he might be frightened when he wakes up and needs some reassurance. Pick him up, snuggle him and assure him that he is safe. If it is too early in the morning for you to get up, you could bring him into your bed for some snuggle time with you and daddy.

This phase will pass but it might take some time for him to trust you again, particularly if you have let him cry it out in the past. Maybe you can get a mother's helper teenager to come in for a couple of hours during the day to give you a break for some quiet time.

As for stopping the screams, try to meet his needs as quickly as possible or even anticipate them. That way he won't feel like he has to reach screaming level to be heard. Also, keep your voice quiet as you respond to him. Kids will try to match the pitch of what they hear.

When you get down, just remember...this too shall pass.

Is he waking up too early for you to get him? Do you answer him when he first calls for you? Quiet parents raise quiet children. When he calls for you, say in a normal tone "OK, I'll be right there". Then go get him. Gently touch his lips and say "ssh" and whisper to him or talk very low. He will soon get the picture. Always talk in a normal tone and never yell or scream at your kids.

During the day, tell him, if you scream you're going to your bed and you won't get out until you stop. THen, do it. As soon as he screams, pick him up and put him in bed. Every time. Leave him until he is quiet. He will learn.

Good luck. By the way, I am a mom of 3, youngest is 17.

put him in a toddler bed, or just on the floor for bed. then he doesn't have to scream until someone gets him-- he can get up all by himself. he's still kinda young for moving out of the crib, but we did it with our son...

my daughter was the same way, and she instantly was a happy "good morning" girl when she could come into our room instead of wait for us to get her. you might try it...

Perhaps he is sensing your frustration with him and your negative feelings toward him right now and that is why he is responding the way he is. Try calming yourself and giving your baby the benefit of the doubt he is still a baby only 11 mos. Good luck

Hi I.,

We had the same troubles with our son, now almost 16 months old. He would wake up early from naps crying, even screaming and pulling at his ears. At night, he would wake up almost every 2-3 hours crying. He seemed like he was really in pain about something so I ignored the people who kept telling me to let him cry it out. We finally pleaded with the doctor to refer us to a specialist and it turns out he had a lot of fluid behind his ears and needed tubes put in. After the surgery, it was like night and day. He was able to sleep peacefully (and so were we) and all night. He sleeps soundly for his naps too. When he was lying down, the fluid was causing pressure pain. If you haven't already, you might want to check with your doctor to see if there's a medical reason for his waking and screaming. Good luck!

Maybe if you gave him a noise-making toy, and only respond to the toy instead of the screaming? Our daughter woke up and then played with a musical bluebird, and we got her up when we heard the bluebird.
Maybe he needs a radio on so when he wakes up it will not be so lonely?
I totally sympathize!!

C. W

Responding to him as quickly as possible is the best thing you can do. You should not ignore him. It could only make his anxiety worse. Babies need to know that they can trust their caregivers. By responding to him promptly you are teaching him that he can feel safe and secure in his environment. Also, this may be residual effects from you trying the ferber method on him and not always responding immediately when he cries. Or it could be that he is experiencing normal seperation anxiety. Whatever the reason, he should not be ignored. I know your happiness is important as well...can you're husband give you a break in the evenings or during the weekends so that you can have some alone time. Go for a walk, do yoga, ect. I know it can be difficult but at least both of your little ones go down for a nap. Good luck!!

You may have a "high need" child, a term coined by Dr. William Sears, pediatrician. He has written many books with his wife, who is a nurse, and they have 8 children. Check out Attachment Parenting, Nighttime Parenting, and The Baby Book to better understand such a child and good techniques for parenting him. Also, talk to your pediatrician about the possibility of GERD (gastroesophogeal reflux disease). It is aggravated most when children are lying down, which could account for the screaming. There's also good ole teething to consider. I went through the same ordeal with my child upon waking, and she is now 4 and is through it, although she no longer naps, which is helpful. If she still took a nap I think she would still probably cry upon waking! You need to respond to your baby's needs. Yes, we all need some peace and quiet. Ask your husband to take over on a daily basis for an hour and go hide out somewhere in the house to do something you enjoy, go for a walk, take a class, do something with a friend, etc... And get out for a monthly date with your husband. Good luck!

Does he have a lovey? My dd was a screamer. The SECOND she woke up she HAD to be held. We started giving her a blanket and that helped. Not too long ago she became attached to "dog dog" and then not too long after that it was "mo mo." Her crib is starting to look like a zoo! :D But, when she wakes up from her nap or in the morning, she plays with her animals until I'm ready to go get her. No more screaming! I don't know if it was the animals that helped, or if she finally got over the phase.

One word of caution, someone mentioned using his bed as a place for time out. I would strongly caution you against that. You don't want him to associate his bed with punishment. When it is time for him to go to bed, he'll think he's being punished.

Good luck to you! I hope this stage passes sooner rather than later.

My son is 6 mos. and is the same. ONce we get him in the same area we are he is normally fine. Sometimes I have to hold him for a few minutes since he is still a little groggy. I know how frustrating this can be since sometimes he doesn't settle down and stuff needs to be done. I just put him in his bouncer and get what I have to get done out of the way and let him cry. He is safe and can usually see me. I talk to him, and let him know he is ok.