Please Help!!!! - Princeton,TX

I think he does have the right to say "no" when I was going thru child support meetings, I was told that if "he" does not pay his child support he does not have the right to visitation. Especially if the woman has warrants out for her arrest.

Maybe just the suggestion to her that a call to the police will be made will be enough to change her tune. There is no way I as a parent would allow my children to go anywhere with someone who has an outstanding warrant, I don't care what the reason. My job is to protect them.

P.

I agree with most of the women here. If she has a warrant for her arrest he should definitely have an officer pick her up. Although, not in front of the girls. Also, if she gets picked up while she has the girls, that would be detrimental to them.

I don't know if it varies from state to state, but in Texas vistation and child support are two totally separate matters. Even if a parent owes child support, they still have the right to exercise their visitation schedule. On the other hand, most police officers will not enforce visitation if the custodial parent refuses to allow the non-custodial visitation...they will tell you that it is a matter for the court and the non-custodial parent will have to file a contempt of court charge with the court system. It's a sticky situation - I hope that everything works out okay for your friend! God bless!

This happened to me once, with my ex husband. I went ahead and made arrangements for him to pick my daughter up. But, lo and behold, the police met him at my house (I asked them to come as he had a history of violence with me, protection). Because he had a warrant, they picked him up before my daughter even came out of the house. If he refuses to let her see them, he will be in contempt. But maybe having the police there will make her change her tune?!

I'm sorry to hear of your friends troubles. My brother-in-law deals with this same situation everytime he gets his daughter. Have your friend read his visitation order carefully to see if it states anything about his ability to see or talk to the girls during their Mom's visitation. It probably also states that non-payment of child support is not grounds for withholding the children from their Mom. He could end up in just as much trouble as she if he does that. Unfortunately, there really isn't anything he can do except take her back to court. I think he should at least try to contact the girls by phone and mail while they are with thie Mom and if she refuses to allow him to speak to them or if she sends their mail back then he should keep it and use it in court against her. As well, I would advise him to keep a log of each time he has contact with her and what happens so he can be ready if they end up back in court. I hope this helps a little.

Tell your friend to call the cops now. It sounds like that "mother" is not goint to give the kids back.

First of all, he needs a new attorney. This is the dumbest custody agreement I've ever heard of and there should have been something in it to begin with regarding failure to pay and loosing visitation because of it. There should also be provisions in the custody agreement about contact with the other parent during visitation. If he takes her to court, she will lose visitation since she is not paying her child support. If there is not time to get to court, call the cops and have her picked up when she arrives to get the kids; make sure the kids are not home.
My cousin has been through this with her lousy ex and her lawyer has gotten much better terms for her. He can't see those kids unless he follows all kinds of rules.

Only one piece of advise: without an attorney to consult, he could always contact his local Attorney General's office to ask for advice on this particular situation. If I were in his shoes, I would not relinquish them while she was under warrant, but if he doesn't go through proper channels, he could find himself in the same position the mother is in.
He has a right to refuse to relinquish them to anyone other than the mother, unless she states her intentions of having someone else pick them up, in writing a certain period ahead of time. Again, the AG's office can clarify that fact.

First of all, he is entitled to one full weekend while she has the girls for her 42 days. Tell him to read in his divorce decree, sometimes it requires written notice of which weekend he will be coming. I suggest he use his weekend to make sure the girls are okay!!!! Even if it's one or two nights in a motel with them, he can take them swimming and exploring around the town for no extra money. My next suggestion is to make SURE one of the kids not only knows their phone number WITH area code but also HOW TO USE THE PHONE!!! I am appalled at how many kids know their phone number but would have no idea how to make a call home from out of town. Teach them to either dial the whole phone number or to dial 0 and tell the operator what number she wants to call. I think the operator number is better because it's free from any pay phone. My only other suggestion is for him to try to keep the peace while the girls are with mom, even if it means kissing butt for a short time. He can get upset and fight his battle after the girls are back in his care for the next year! Good luck!

Been there but you cannot keep the children from their parent whether they have paid child suppor or not. But it happens and to be honest, if it is the mother keeping the children from their father (even when he is paying on time every time), it is done all the time. I would take my kids to another house and have the police pick her up on her warrent, it is illegal if she takes them and won't let you talk to them when she has them. Also, from our own experience, if it has been over a year and she has not paid any child support, you can start to have her rights terminated. I would check into this, when we got custody of my stepson, she went almost a year and then started paying sporatically, but our attorney said that if she ever went a year without paying we could sever her parental rights. Check into it and good luck!

technically he can't say no, but i do it anyway with my ex-husband because it's a horrible environment, he works weird hours, and i refuse to submit my daughter to that bad lifestyle. sometimes he pays, sometimes he doesn't. he's 400 miles away, but i won't put up with his attitude whether he's here or not. i wouldn't let the girls go if it was me.

As a retired law enforcement officer who worked in the Family Law court I can tell you there's no such thin as a 'pending' warrant. There's either a warrant or not. If there is it's your duty to notify authorities in your city of it. They can very discreetly arrest her and have her extradited back.
While I don't advise to ever try to keep the children from seeing their mother this is not the time ubtill this issue is cleared up.

My opinion... (being the "B" that I am) I would refuse visitation since she is not keeping her "legal" part of the bargain. However if he does that, it could land him in trouble also, so unfortunatly I think he has to let them go. If the girls are old enough, get them a cell that the mom doesn't know about so they can call him. 42 days is a long time and 500 miles is far, but she should not be able to stop him from contacting his daughters. He should call the police to let them know she is coming and that she has a warrent out, may even call the police where the warrent is served.

He has every right to call for a police officer to come to the home and help keep the situation from getting out of hand. The first thing I would do is make sure that the court knows that she is threatening to keep the children from having any contact with their father. Visitation does not mean deprivation. My first thought is protect the cildren and turn her in as soon as she sets foot in town. I would just make sure the girls did not see the arrest. I

1. He MUST allow her to have her court ordered visitation.
2. She MUST allow him to have his telephone viistation with the children while they are in her custody if it is so ordered in the paperwork.
3. If there is a warrant for her arrest...simple. Call up the local police station that issued the warrant and let them know she is on her way to his house and that they should be there to arrest her.

You did not mention if both parents are in Texas or if Texas has jurisdiction on this case. Different states handle child custody differently (as we learned the hard way). We were never able to catch my DH's ex-wife on back child support. She would get 3k to 4k behind and then catch it all up in two checks before we could take leagal action. She also kept a seperate chking account from her current husband so that her account would register that she didn't make much money.
We had literal He## for 12 years. Now the oldest is 18 and about to move to Florida to be close to the ex's family and the youngest turns 18 this summer while he is visiting the ex. We are holding our breath that he decided to come back home at the end of the summer. Our saving grace is at 18 we can tell the ex to take a long walk on a short pier because we don't have to answer to her anymore about what the kids are or are not doing. PLUS she doesn't have to pay CS and she can't feel that we "owe" her anything.

*** Your friend should be able to contact the lawyer's paraleagal and find out who is taking care of his clients while he is gone. This WOULD be considered an emergency.

Unfortunately, child support and visitation have nothing to do with each other and your friend could get in trouble for not letting the mom have the kids for her court ordered visitation. He can, however, alert the authorities that she will be in town to pick up the girls - date, time - so that she can be picked up for the warrant before picking up the girls. If the girls are with her when she is arrested, it would be traumatic, but as long as Dad is comforting and reassuring, it shouldn't have a lifelong affect on them.

I can tell you that your friend is court ordered to allow visits to occur. He will have legal reprecussions for not allowing visits to occur. His attorney should have a paralegal or another attorney available in case of emergencies such as this. He should call and get some kind of guidance. He should also call the police and let them know the plans for exchanging the kids to a woman with a warrant. They can then pick her up. I would give those kids a prepaid cell phone on the sly so that they can call him. I guess I would be concerned if she had plans to run with them. I obviously don't know her or the situation well enough but that would be my concern since she doesn't want phone calls to occur. Good luck to him.

Hi, I work at a crime victim service agency and issues on child support is one of our number one questions. My advice for your friend would be to contact the OAG's (Office of Attorney General)office in the state where he resides and seek counsel with them. The are the governing agency for child support and custody issues and could hopefully give him an answer as to what to do.

I have a friend - Jennifer Hargrave she practices family law at Verner & Brumley here in Dallas. If he needs legal advice. Its hard for the children no matter what when divorced parents don't get along. If they were my kids, I would explain the situation (if they are old enough to understand and process it) of course it would not be good to have the kids watch mom get arrested, but I would definitely seek legal counsel and fast.

Dear A.,
I have been through this with 2 absent parents... If she has a warrent he does not have to give the children to her... its his call, and when it comes up in court (which she would have to take him, and sounds like she doesn't have the money)he could tell the court at that time due to the threats and warrent he did not feel it was in the best interest and well being of the children to go with her. Exspecially her only seeing them once a year, how old are the children? He could however, when she is suppose to pick up the children he could call the police and have her arrested at the house of course maybe you could watch the children or one of his family members could watch them until she has been taking into custody. She is in violation of the court order by not paying her childsupport, He needs to call legal aid and get an emergency restraining order against her, he will need to move today on this since Fri is almost her.. he needs to call the police and file a report of harrassment and terristic threat against her. He needs to add his concerns that she may not bring them back...God Bless and May His Grace and Mercy shine on this matter. Let me know how it works out....

Unfortunately I think the only thing he can do is to contact the police dept. and inform them when and where she was coming to pick up the girls and that she has a warrent out for her arrest. Most police dept.s understand the situation, most of them are parents too....hopefully if everything goes right, when she shows up to pick up the girls, a police officer will be waiting...just take the girls to the movies. I understand the issue and the legality of it all....legally he has to allow her visitation, non-payment of child support does not void visitation rights under any circumstances...but you can play the same game.....did she send written notice of her visitaiton intentions? another loophole, no written notice, equals no obligation to be there when she arrives. there are a lot of loop holes within the custody papers...you just need to look creatively.

good luck!

No, he can't go against the court orders. He does have a right to let the police know she is in town and they can arrest her, but I wouldn't do that in front of the kids. That would be devistating! I can only imagine how hard it is on the girls only seeing their mother once a year, how sad. Or maybe he can alert the police once she brings them back if she doesn't let him have contact with the kids while they are in his possession. Unfortunately there is nothing in the paperwork about contact...he should check his paperwork to see if since she is getting them for the extended stay, if he can visit the girls during that time....I believe he can. I have a similar situation. I wish you all the best! Exes that can't act civil or grown make it sooo h*** o* the kids... that's the worst thing ever. It only hurts the kids. Good luck!

Laura's advice sounds good to me!! Or start praying her vehicle has a major breakdown and since she isn't working steady maybe she won't have the money to fix it and pay the high gas to come pick the girls up.

Sounds like she is in violation of the custody papers and that he should refuse the visit. He does need to talk to somebody. He needs to document that he is afraid, in fear, of the childrens safety. They do have a battle ahead of them. But the kids are almos told enough to have a voice in court as well. Whatever he does needs to be "for the kids" and must be documented with someone of notable power/authority. Maybe cps or the police. But the first words shoudl always be....i fear for my childrens safety and we being.

My husband is an attorney, and people have asked him a question like this before. He says even if they are behind on child support, they have the right to see the child. And your friend can also get in trouble legally if he tries to keep the children from their mother. The court ordered those visits, he MUST abide by them. The child support is a matter totally different, your friend can't refuse one because of the other.
Your friend should probably see if he can get an order in place by the court to be allowed a certain number of phone calls during the mothers 42 day visit. I'm sure it's too late for that this year, but he should talk to his children and explain that mommy is not wanting him to call them while they are with her, and he's not sure if she will allow it, so if they don't hear from him that is why.

If she doesn't have a job, how will she take care of them while she has them? I would not let her have them at all. I would have a policeman waiting when she arrives to arrest her. If she doesn't pay her support, she doesn't get them. Can he call the court and find out his rights or does his attorney have someone on call for him?

Hello. I have been through a custody battle with my husband and his daughter... I don't believe that he has a right to tell her no. However, due to back child support owed, that could change things. You might want to try Father's For Equal Rights. They have free attorney's that you can talk to. One thing that I have learned is that lawyers will charge for everything! Hope that helps.

A.,
I don't think legally he can tell her no, but he can have an officer waiting at his house when she comes to pick them up. The officer can then issue the warrant and make the arrest. This may help put off the visitation, but it will stall some time until his lawyer returns. Also, he should be able to talk to another lawyer in his firm or another lawyer locally on the phone to find out exactly what he can do leagally. He had to protect his children. Good luck and God Bless you.

Hi A., I am divorced with custody. Visitation and child support payments/issues should never be tied together. The kids should not be involved in this type dispute. If she gets arrested-the kids will be returned to their dad.

Yes, I have had personal experience. The court order states that he MUST deliver the girls to him regardless of what kind of woman she is.

The only latitude and/or option he has is to call the police and hope that they will arrive at his house when she does to pick the children up. The hope would be that she is arrested there. You mentioned that it would not be good for the girls to see their mommy arrested, but better there than in the car...as they would be taken into Child Protective Custody if in the car. I suppose the 'stage an arrest at McDonald's' advice works too, but unless she is mentally challenged, she will figure out that he or someone connected to him was instrumental in making it happen. And the girls will know too...maybe not today, but sometime in the future. They will resent him unless he is able to convince them that their mother is crazy/dangerous or whatever it takes to get them on his side. Just tread very lightly because I suspect the girls love their mother no matter what she does...don't drive them to her by creating empathy in their minds for her.

The bottom line...if he does not ensure that the children are available and delivered to her at the time she shows up for her court ordered visitation, HE is in violation and could be arrested. I would say call the vacationing attorney and take her back to court to limit visitation time if it is such a huge issue.

Good luck.

She is being unreasonable and isn't acting in the best interest of the children. I would keep a journal and put a recorder on your phone to record her saying they can't call, etc. The court will use this evidence and will not approve of her conduct.

If I were in your situation, I would have the girls somewhere fun at the time she is coming to pick them up and have the police there to arrest her on her warrant.

Then she knows she has to pay her child support and you don't have to worry about her treatment of the girls over the summer.

I have heard there is a legal league or something out there that you can call and get advice from, and he could go to the local police station and tell them just what you wrote, and ask if he has to let them go. And legally she would have no legal rights to not let them call or him call them. Of course she could just not let them , but a judge could take the vistation rights away from her I would think if she does this.

He really needs to call the child support office, which their number is 800-687-8226 and i believe tarrant county number is ###-###-####. I know he can't deny her taking them due to her not paying but with her having a warrant out he does have rights then. Good Luck!

Hello! I'm not sure what other advice you have received but I'm currently in law school. My suggestion would be to talk with another lawyer who works with his current lawyer. Usually in a law office, there is somebody who will take over the accounts temporarily while an attorney is gone. If not, somebody there can at least look at his account and make a not. All he has to do is tell them that his ex wife has a warrant out for her arrest and he does not feel comfortable with her taking the kids until the warrant has been fulfilled. He has a legal right to keep the children if he feels it is for their safety and well being. The thing is, he can only keep them until court. When he does this, he will have to go back to court to explain why he didn't want her to take the children and the court will decide from there what will happen. He does however; have every right to tell her she can not take the children. Like you've been told, the cops can't legally arrest him for keeping his children when he believes it is for their own good. If she shows up to take them anyways, he can have an officer present to arrest her. It doesn't matter what county she is in, she can be arrested when there is a warrant. Maybe he could send the girls to your house the day she is supposded to be there in case their mother shows up. I'll pray for him and for you to receive and give him the right information! God bless!

A.-

Your friend can get in trouble if he violates the divorce papers by not letting their mother come and pick the kiddos. I know this because I have to deal with a similiar situation with my stepchildren's parent. As child support, just let your friend know that the child support will continue to collect interest as the time goes by if she doesn't start paying. If she has a warrant for her arrest, she needs to know that she will put her children in danger if the cops stop her and arrest her. Even though we know that she needs to get herself together , you can't hold that against her to pick up her kids at this momement. Have your friend document EVERYTHING that she does--have a journal about it. If she threatens no communication to his children then put that down. When your friends attorney comes back, then have him take his concerns to the attorney. He can get it where she only has one day visits or can be supervised.

We had to resolve to one day visit with my stepkids mother because of the "life" she decided to have. We also don't recieve child support either. She does pick them up and has a "fun" time with them. We will not stop her from seeing her kids. I have learn to never confront the biological parent infront of the kids about child support or etc.

I hope that this helps a little bit. We might not like how the situation is right now but lets make sure to pray about it. I hope things work for him when the attorney gets back.

I have had the exact same circumstance with my ex...I was advised to notify the local police when he was planning to arrive and have my boys elsewhere. The police came and arrested him on the outstanding warrant. After that we had the courts rule that he could see them once a month for a weekend within 30 minutes of our home (he lived over 9 hrs away) and that this had to be done for 7 months in a row without fail. Until this effort was made he could not take them to his home for any visit. This accomplished a great number of things for my boys...their father got to know them in their environment - they had the opportunity to grow and mature as it took their father over 3 1/2 years to get 7 months in a row completed (everytime he missed a month, we started the count over) - and he was not late again on childsupport (to this day). It cost me extra to go to court and get these stipulations added to the custody agreement but it was soooooo worth it. If your friend's ex is interested in her kids well-being he will be able to know very quickly. The same if she is just out to make life difficult for your friend.

A.,

I have been in law enforcement for 6 yrs now. The police will not do anything to you if you keep the kids nor will they get involved if she comes down and picks them up. All that is CIVIL. Cops only deal w/criminal issues. So the choice is yours... If she gets pulled over w/the kids the cop will either let her go (because of the children), take her in and call a family member to pick the kids up, or take her in and call CPS to pick the kids up. I have been there and I've had to call a family member to pick them up while I arrested thier mom or dad. I'm NOT telling you what to do. That is something you need to do on your own! You either do what the papers instruct you to do or not. I'm just here to tell the the city police will not get involve UNLESS it turns into a CRIMINAL issue. Good luck to you.
PS - If she does take the kids, you can call the local police department to do a welfare check on the kids. I had to do that too! I go in and check on the kids and make sure they are okay. When I'm done I call the other parent and inform them of what I found out.

A.,

I would have him go to his local police station and ask what his rights are.
He could also call the child support division and ask them - they MIGHT be able to tell him. I would trust going to the police station though.
What a horrible situation...

I agree with Laura S's idea. If a person has an outstanding warrant and you know about it, it is your duty to contact the local law enforcement agency and advise them of such. You could possibly be charged with aiding and abetting because you knew and didn't let them know to arrest the person. So sorry you feel that way because it is mommy. But many mommies get picked up daily. Being a former employee of a police department I was advised that if I knew there was a warrant outstanding and that person was in the building and didn't do anything to have them arrested, I would/could be fired from my job. Yes, I had several moms one with a 4 day old arrested. The mom of the 4 day old was going to leave the child in the lobby to run outside to get her ID to get a background check down for a job. I asked her what she was going to do with the baby in the lobby on the floor. I told if she left that baby on the floor in the lobby, I would call the police and tell them that she abandoned the child because no one else was in the area and it could have been stolen. She looked at me like I had ten heads. This was all before the arrest. Once the arrest happened, she had to call someone to pick up the baby. As they say, too bad so sad. You have to grow a tough skin to live in this world. Just another side of the idea. The other S.

I would suggest that he call the police and let them know that she'll be arriving and has a warrant out for her arrest. Most police officers are sensitive to the fact that kids are present and do their best to not have a "scene" when arresting a parent. I would also suggest calling his attorney's office. I'm sure that there is someone covering for him while he's out of the country. Good luck

Frist look at your papers. Do they say that she has rights ? you do not have to let the grils go with her she has a warrant call your local police they will also tell you the stafey of the grils COMES FRIST. I am a grandma rising 3 boys Alex 8 Alvaro 7 & Alonso is 5 I have had them ever sents Alonso was 6 mons old and i go though this but my papers say if it is ok with me and my plans PLEASE DO NOT let the grils go with her my darughter dont pay child support and she also has a warrant but she dont want any thing to do with them so rember the saftey of the grils comes frist Please let me know what has happen I will keep you all in my prays.Grandma M. Tyler Texas NNO, THOSE CHILDREN DO NOT NEED TO GO.
From ____@____.com
YES, AS SOON AS HE KNOWS SHE IS COMING LET THE LAW ENFORCEMENT KNOW. I`VE BEEN IN THIS PART MYSELF. SURE THEY GOT MAD , BUT OH WELL, THEY SHOULD OF DONE RIGHT .

The short answer to your question is No. The court specifically states that child support and visitation are not linked. Paying child support doesn't guarantee you visitation, Not paying it is not grounds for with holding visitation.

If your friend wants to press the issue, he can refuse - she can take him to court for contempt. He can try to prove that it was because it's not in the kids' best interest. That may or may not work, especially depending on how she is other than as a mom. I.E. a history of d.u.i. or other violent acts.

The papers probably say that either parent can appoint a responsible adult representative - if they do, then no.

Here's a question - what happens if he 'forgets' and they go on vacation for a week. She can still take him to court. He may decide it's worth it.

Tell him to call his local police department and speak to an investigator and see if when she comes to pick them up she can be arrested on her warrant. If she has the money to travel 00 miles to pick them up, she can pay child support. She's getting herself in trouble. If she gets arrested while she has the girls 500 miles away, they will go thru hell trying to get back home and will be with strangers. He won't get in trouble if she's arrested for her own faults. Tell them to be there in an unmarked car or she may leave and really give you hell.

He can speak wih the local police to find out if they can /will arrest her when she arrives to pick up the children, leaving them at a neighbor's or friend's home if this is an option. If not then when she returns to her town, call the athorities and give them her address. If she can't afford o pay child support How's she going to take care of the children? Saying that they'll not be allowed to talk or speak with anyone while in her custody is a bad situation. He really should've called a judge or court where the visits were ordered and allerted them to her plans. I pray that it works out for the good o the children because they're the ones who will be
hurting.