Play Dates - Toledo,OH

Updated on September 29, 2013
J.M. asks from Toledo, OH
13 answers

I just scheduled a play date. Another mom who i also would like to do a play date with just reached out to me. I am very busy and the best solution i can think of is to combine and all 3 of us and our kids meet up. It would be an odd number since one is an only child, so it would be 3 first graders and 2 pre schoolers, all boys. I have never done this, I have always just met up with one mom/family at a time. Is it ok to add another family? What are the pros and cons?

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I think it's fine, but I'd probably just meet up at a park or something. I find it awkward entertaining adults I don't know very well in my home, and when you're all in a public place it's easier for someone to leave if it's not going well.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

You should make sure it's OK with the first mom you had plans with. Not everyone is thrilled to get somewhere and find out there are additional guests.

I was friends with a mom who was famous for this. She would invite me to come over or meet up at the park, and when I'd get there she'd almost always have 1-2 other moms and their kids. She had to have constant interaction with other adults, and would just make plans with various people every day to make sure she had at least one adult to hang out with. The problem was some of the kids were bratty and I didn't want my kids around them. It was very annoying!

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I actually do not like it when I make plans to have a playdate and I find out that they invited another person. I think it's very rude to do that. When I make plans with someone, I make plans with them, not them and their friends.

ETA: sorry, I meant it's rude to do that if you don't ask first. If I show up for a playdate (at a park or where ever) and surprise we have more people there when I was expecting a 1:1 playdate, then I think that's rude. Usually if I have plans with someone and they ask if I'm ok with that, I've never said no.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Its fine to have more then one family at a time, but I would double check with the person you already made plans with to be sure they are fine with it and that there are no issues between the families or children you don't know about.

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M.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I wouldn't do it for first playdates, because it's akward w the moms. kids prob wouldn't care,

but if I were the original mom I would assume I was meeting just you, and even if you told me you invited the other second mom, and I agreed I would be thinking in the back of my mind that you didn't really want to meet w me and were looking for something better.

so for me I wouldn't like it,

If you are all friends and have had playdates before then maybe, but I would still want to be asked.

edited: I feel like the situation the OP laid out was a one on one playdate to establish a friendship, NOT a meet up PLAYGROUP. that's different. the "first Mom" wasn't signing up for a playgroup, she either picked one family to invited or was invited by one family, I can't tell from the post but either way it was not a group invited when the first mom agreed to it.

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V.S.

answers from Reading on

We meet up with lots of kids all the time! I would ask the other moms how their kids would feel if it was a threesome - some kids feel sad if they have to share their friend's attention! But my kids think more kids are awesome! At that age, when there were three or four, they liked to play games like house or store, things that are too hard to play with just two. Now they get on multiplayer games on the wii.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Do it someplace like McDonald's so everyone can play and have fun regardless. If they don't get along then the ones that do can congregate in an area playing and each group can have fun.

Or go to a large park. Same thing. They all won't like each other and the more active play they can do the more fun they'll have.

Just say my other kiddo is having a play date so why don't you guys drop by at that time so they can all have some fun.

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C.C.

answers from New York on

You should ask the "first" mom first, to make sure it is okay with her. Like Lillym says, some people can be sensitive about that stuff. If "first" mom was looking forward to one-on-one time with you and stuff like that, she might not be so into a bigger group.

If "first" mom is fine about it, then talk to the second mom and let her know that you'd be happy to have her join your plans if she wants to do that.

Just be aware that some moms might enjoy one on one time with you, to establish a friendship with you.

But if everyone is fine with the playgroup, then that will be fun!

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K.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I would not combine them unless you know for sure that all three first graders are going to play well together. My son is in first grade now and sometimes he can do really well in a group of three, but sometimes three can be really, really hard. It can quickly become two against one and whoever is the odd man out is going to end up in tears.

I would keep the play date with the first mom and find another time to get together with the second mom. Do you have to attend or could you drop your son off with mom #2 (or, better yet, have her take him home straight from school so you don't have to)?

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J.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

How about you mention it to both people and see what they prefer. I would not mind either way. Candice mentioned she finds it rude when people do that. So as a couresty I would ask.

Are the kids wild or calm kids? My kids are calm but if we are going to a high energy kid then I would make it 1 on 1.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You either combine playdates, or you don't.
You scheduled yours/your child's, already. That is a previous commitment now.

You can explain that you are very busy, and IF she does not mind, can you just combine the play dates????
You have to ask her, first. If it is okay.
And if not, then you just have to plan another time, with that Mom and her kid. Explaining that you don't know when, being you are busy.

It does NOT matter, if it is an "odd" number or not.
I have never heard of play dates, going according to odd or even numbers. And it does not matter if one child is an only child or not.

How old, are these kids???? Hopefully all in the same age range??? That is best.

Now, as far as how many you have at a play date, it is not about pro's or con's. It is about... what YOU prefer or not?
For example: I have combined play dates for my kids (due to our busy schedule) and at times, there were like 8 kids here, plus my 2 kids.
And it was FINE, for ME. I am used to that. I always have lots of kids here, my kids' friends. Or at times, I may only have 2 kids here.
It just depends on our schedule, or what *I*, feel like doing.

And if you combine the play dates and kids, then have SNACKS for them... of which all the Moms can pot-luck about it.
That is what we do here, in my locale.
The Moms, always, as a matter of "custom" also bring some food/snacks/beverages, to the play date, too. Its just courtesy.
AND most importantly, have an END time, for the play date. 2 hours is good enough.
And not planning it at nap times.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Oh my goodness, do it!

We had a play group that met in an indoor play area and it was great.
We met every Monday. Sometimes, some would able to do it and not others. We had great flexibility. Even great flexible friendships, some have survived over 20 yrs. if I see a mom from it, we still are happy for that time in our lives. Some moms, we don't ever see.

Not only would I be ok with this one time, I would try to set it up on a regular basis and invite others. Try to find a neutral space. Could ask a big church or do a park or even a McDonalds play place.

Give your friends a chance. Give your kids a chance. It's worth the effort.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

How about you open your front door and let your child go out to play. He can have his friend come over. No preschoolers. When did playing become such an "event." Have your sons friend take the bus home with him, they can play and then his mother can pick him up. Another day, he can do the same with other friend. If I had to do "play dates" with four kids, I would have never been home. Kids made their own plans very early on. Just checked with me before hand,

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