Picky Eater Rant

He is old enough to eat what you make. My parents had a rule where we had to try at least one bite and if we still didn't want to eat it we didn't have to but they wouldn't make something else. You are not a short order cook. And its not like he is a baby or toddler. He is old enough to understand. I was a very picky eater as a child - I hated the two foods you mentioned. ;) lol I did not start liking them until I was an adult.

Does soy milk ACTUALLY make him throw up or was he just being dramatic? I know some people are allergic to soy. Neither of my children can drink it.

I'm sorry he is being so difficult for you. Does you DH back you up when it comes to discipline or just leave you hanging? He needs to get his son under control. IMO, his behavior is unacceptable.

Because you get soy through WIC, he has to drink only soy?? Sorry, but I don't get it. I wouldn't be able to eat cereal with soy milk on it either...

The rest of his pickiness does need some work, but take it slowly, by introducing similar foods. You aren't going to turn around 9 years of eating behavior all at once, just because you say so.

But I agree with him about the soy...

I understand you being lactose intolerant, but here is one thing...

It is my understanding that WIC is for pregnant mothers, nursing mothers, and children under 5.

I also realize that with the quantities and foods (dried beans, peanut butter, etc...) that is supplied, frequently others in the family also use it.

However, why not just buy some regular milk for him, for drinking and cereal? Save the soy milk for you. Problem #1 solved. How much would that be? Maybe 1 gallon a week?

His picky eating is something else, however, and needs to be addressed separately.

Ugh, I feel your pain!

My daughter was able to cook some foods for herself at age 9 so your son should be able to as well. My daughter could make a sandwich, mac and cheese, toasted cheese and some other foods.

The rule in our house is, you have to try what's been cooked. If you don't like it, then you don't have to eat it, but no one is making anything else for you--you'll have to do it yourself. AND you have to clean up after yourself.

I stopped buying junk food so if she has to make something for herself, there aren't many bad choices she can make. My daughter likes to make mini pizzas. I buy bagels and pizza sauce and she spreads on the sauce, sprinkles on cheese and bakes in the toaster oven.

My daughter took advantage of the "make what you want" rule when we first made it. She thought it was so neat that she could choose her dinner (after sampling what was on the table of course) so she made herself pizzas and grilled cheese every night for a week.

But then the novelty wore off. She didn't like cooking in the kitchen after we were sitting down eating. She didn't like having to cook and clean up after herself. Suddenly the food we were eating looked a lot more delicious!

I think you can allow him to have pizza every night if that's what you need to do. I guarantee, the novelty will wear off and he'll be eating what you eat. Right now it's just a battle for him.

I would almost suggest giving him pizza for every meal! My daughter used to LOVE eating Ramen noodles and would beg for them. They are so bad for you so I refused and had to listen to begging. I let her have them once in a while. Finally I got sick of it and let her have them whenver she wanted. She ate them for 2 days and hasn't eaten any since! So there you go :)

Pickiness can certainly be a problem, but I don't know why you can't just get a half gallon of regular milk for your stepson. He's not lactose intolerant. He's not asking for Coca Cola on his cereal. Letting him have regular milk seems like an easy solution to the cereal problem.
If you're upset about wasting food, you could have eaten the cereal. It didn't have to be thrown away.
I'm funny about milk too. I will only drink whole milk. 2%, 1% or soy? I can't stomach it. My dad was so used to drinking 1% that if he drank whole milk, it made him sick. Milk is one of those things I think it's okay to have preferences for.
Just my opinion.
Does your stepson live with you full time?
If he lives with his mother as well, the food thing can be difficult.
My stepson was pretty picky. His mother let him have whatever he wanted.
When he came to our house, he wouldn't eat 80% of the stuff we made. My husband didn't offer substitutes. If he didn't want to eat what we had, fine. It was perfectly normal every-day food. There was definitely a "my mom let's me have this, my mom does it that way" dynamic. It wasn't worth fighting about.
The kid had definite favorites that my mother in law made so my husband told his son that if he at least tried the rest of the food during the week, we'd make one of his favorites on the weekend. Other than that, there was no use getting mad and fighting about it.
If your stepson doesn't want a sandwich for lunch, fine. But he's still not getting pizza.
I would suggest not calling your husband to let him know the kid wouldn't eat a sandwich or whatever. If your husband is at work, what is he supposed to do about it? He can tell his son to eat a sandwich and if the kid doesn't, then what?
It's not your "fault" the kid won't eat what you prepare. The blame game needs to stop. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, but the tattling to his father needs to stop too.
You and your husband need to talk about this and try a strategy. Fighting about what the kid will or won't eat is not a good thing.
As for the milk issue though, just let the kid have regular milk. I'm an adult and I would respectfully decline your soy milk as well.
No offense.

Best wishes.

you should drink lactose free milk instead of soy, soy does absolutely nothing for your bones!!

I think a lot of kids would have grossed out on soy ;) It's not for everyone! It looks and tastes different! I agree with the idea of just getting the soy, or lactose free for yourself and get him a gallon a week or so, I mean the kid already has food issues, I think you can give him this one! As far as pizza for every meal, well that didn't happen overnight. I do things like give some special treat after a meal if it is eaten completely or almost completely. We usually have some sort of dessert every night. Like jello, yogurt, some special fruit like strawberries or cantaloupe, fruit snacks etc. I have one that is a little more picky, used to be majorly picky, but knowing if he eats there is a sweet treat coming helps. Hang in there!!

I am sorry if I'm missing the mark on suggestions. I don't know much about the WIC program and if there are limitations on choice, but is it possible to just buy him his own milk? Soy isn't the best choice for growing boys anyway...see:

Have you asked him why he likes pizza? Depending on what he tells you, is there a way you can modify the family diet so that it includes flavors and textures he does enjoy? I'm guessing, like so many kids he likes Italian-american foods like spaghetti, pizza, and maybe calzones? These foods can be very affordable, and budget stretchers...maybe more so than prepackaged foods if you do things right. What about variations of mac n' cheese. Many kids like that. I know you won't be able to eat this, but he might, and you could make enough to store in the freezer in small portions so on nights you make something he doesn't like, you can pull that out and heat it in the microwave for him, and you can eat what your diet requires.

I know this is alot of work. I have 2 picky eaters and a tight budget too. These are just some of things I did to get around these problems. Just as an aside, my kids hated hamburger helper too. In fact, my youngest would get flu symptoms from it. Turns out there was gluten in the mix and he's sensitive to it. I have found that everything my kids wouldn't eat actually did make them sick. They haven't been diagnosed with all out allergies, but they definitely have serious sensitivities. I wouldn't discount your son's pickiness as him wanting to have a power struggle with you just yet. Considering you have lactose intolerance, it is very possible your child is having food sensitivity issues as well but isn't able to articulate this. Prepackaged foods are notorious for causing diet problems for people with allergies and sensitivities because so much can be hidden in them.

If possible, do what I have finally resorted to doing...avoid boxed meals. They really don't save you much time or money if you take time to do the math. You might be better off making all of your meals from scratch. My kids are doing much better, and eat much better since I've done this. yes, they're still picky. But they do eat more.

Hope this helps.

Various things:

1) Tell him, to make his own, food.
He is 9.
He must know how to cook.
Tell him he is acting like a 2 year old.
He is 9.

2) He is also now, a "Tween." Google Search "Tween Boy Development" and many good articles will come up. Read it. And learn about this age and development. Tweens are from 9-12 years old. At this age... even their hormones are changing.

3) http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/Recipes/extremely-picky-e...

4) HE does not have to drink nor eat, soy milk. The soy milk is for YOU. Give your son, regular milk. Why does he have to drink and eat according to your Lactose Intolerance? He is not lactose intolerant.

Soy milk... is gross. I wouldn't like it with cereal either.

5) Is your son healthy? Often, at this age, kids get picky. Its the pre-teen thing.
ASK your son, what he would eat?
What he wants?
Why he does not like what you eat?
Pizzas... do not grow on trees.
Or teach him how to make his own. You buy frozen bread dough, roll it out, put spaghetti or tomato sauce on it, and cheese and whatever else on it.

Forgive me if this seems harsh...Make what you make and if he doesn't like it then he goes hungry. That is how it was in our family. It only took one time for me...It was over 35 years ago and I still remember it! Don't engage in an argument with him. Be firm and say this is what is for this meal. If you don't eat it, there is nothing until the next meal. He will survive. Time to step up and be the adult in the room.

Hope it all works out....

When I was growing up, I ate what my grandma (who raised me) cooked, I cooked for myself, or I went to bed hungry. It won't be long before he eats whatever you put in front of him. Put your foot down! And soy milk does plenty for bones, it usually has more calcium than regular milk. Just thought I'd add that in there since someone said it does nothing for bones. That's a myth. I know because I'm vegan and I've done lots of research on the subject. Almond milk is also a great alternative. But really, I am quite sure that telling him he eats what you cook, cooks for himself, or eats nothing at all will work very well. It did for me anyway! And this is NOT your fault, btw. He's just at that age.

Pick your battles.. this is an easy one, buy him regular milk. I know you need soy but he doesn't. I understand WIC won't pay for it, but you can get regular milk pretty cheap. I also agree with another reply, let him eat what he wants if he doesn't want what you cook, but he has to cook and clean up whatever it is that he eats. As an adult, we don't eat what we don't want to eat, why do we think that kids should? A lot of people probably don't consider hamburger helper a normal food (my husband is one of them, wouldn't eat it if it was the last thing in the cabinet!) Sorry, you are so frustrated at it all, but it's not that different than any other preteen...If the biggest problem that he ever gives you is not wanting to drink soy milk, then Praise the Lord!

OMG, this is my life. Thank goodness my SS is 17yo. He was the exact same way. He could only eat it if it was junk, so I started making "fast food" from scratch. He was fine at first, enjoyed it and even thanked me. Then, some other stuff kicked in--age, hormones, bio mama drama.... It got to where he would only eat pancakes for breakfast. From McDonald's. I told his daddy if you--contributing member of the household--can eat from the kitchen, then so can the kid. I started making him pancakes. He loved them, until he passed through the kitchen one morning and saw bubbles in the pancakes, before I flipped them. No more pancakes after that. Are you kidding me??! He has never eaten a sandwich, so he scoffs at the thought. He won't eat vegetables or fruit or drink water. He comes over and drinks all the juice and eats the last of the cookies leaves a plate full of ketchup or syrup...and doesn't even want to say hello half the time. I grew up in a house where we ate what was served, at least a little bit. We didn't get seconds if we didn't eat all of the first helping. This one thinks that if he doesn't eat side items, then he can have most of the meat. Uh, no, buddy! He eats my pancakes now and gets annoyed if I fix a special big one for his dad. He thinks that it should be his. But he won't get up and help with meals or even make suggestions for shopping. I have been trying to encourage my husband to teach him to be more gracious and considerate, especially since he contributes NOTHING, not even pleasant conversation or good attitude. One time I watched him pouring the last of the juice. I stopped him and called my husband in and asked if he wanted some juice. SS didn't understand why it was okay for me to give away "his" juice. I told him that he had drunk just about all the juice by himself and he should consider others before just finishing it off. He doesn't get stuff like that, and it annoys me, especially since he reserves the right to be so doggone picky! Aaaannnndd, he won't let us know what he likes so we can add it to the grocery list. He just refuses to eat what's cooked and complains, while eating cookies or a hot dog. Just a couple of weeks ago, I fixed French toast for my husband. DH offered some to him. He at some and left a plate FULL of syrup. There was enough for another serving. Even DH was kinda surprised, and he doesn't mind wasting a little. He talked to SS and told him that he needed to get a piece of bread or biscuit or something and eat the rest of the syrup instead of just leaving it (because he does not even wash dishes). SS told him no. DH got mad, but what can he do? He has allowed it. I am a stranger, so I can't force it. He's 17. Am I wrong to be glad that he's almost out? Not in a wicked stepmother kind of way (I've never treated him like that.), but in a "I'm just tired of beating my head against the wall going to bat for a kid who won't have a relationship with me, who lives in my house sometimes but I can't even speak to him" kind of way. He has no idea that I am one of his biggest allies and work hard to do certain things for him, but that's what we do, right?

Anyway, I have no advice, but I feel ya!