Pggy Back Question About Having Moms and Mils in the Labor and Delivery Room...

Updated on May 07, 2012
T.M. asks from Kingman, AZ
58 answers

My mom has 4 sisters.
When my female cousins delivered they invited (their moms also insisted) to be in the room with the baby's dad while they delivered some of their kids.
Me on the other hand, did not want anyone in there with me other than my husband.
My mom didnt force the issue, I dont think she cared one way or the other, she politely stayed in the waiting room and, well, waited to see whether she was ending up with a split tail or a tailed grandchild.
I would be uncomfortable to have anyone else in the room other than the person that put that child in my gut, ya know?
I wouldnt be comfortable having my mom watch me conceive, so I think having her watch me writhe in labor and delivery would be somewhat in the same category.
I know lots of you probably had your moms in there with you and will want to be in the room with your daughter when she delivers.
I didnt want to be in the room when my wonderfully, perfect DIL had my granddaughter, her mom was not there as well.
As a poll, how many of you think it's a moment to be shared with the grandparents? I'm curious.

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So What Happened?

Good answers :)

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

My mom was with me, T.. I was grateful, and so was my husband. She helped with all the things that a mama helps with - she has taken care of me when I was sick "from both ends" before and seeing me in this condition didn't bother her.

I can't remember which one of us brought up her being in the delivery room with me. It doesn't matter - looking back on it, it seemed to be a "given" that she'd be there. My husband loves her as a mother anyway, and was glad for the help.

My MIL never asked, and I wouldn't have offered. I have no idea if she would have wanted to be there. She never changed my diapers, and as much as I loved her, I wouldn't feel like having her there. Perhaps I will never see my grandchildren born, but I am okay with that. I think that what the mother-to-be wants is the most important thing of all.

Dawn

6 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Meh...personal choice.

I chose to share it with my husband--ONLY.
My parents & in-laws were in there with us through labor, & when it was time to start pushing, they were asked to move to the waiting room.

5 moms found this helpful
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M.K.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

Not a moment to be shared with but anyone but my husband. No way would I have permitted my mother or my MIL in the room. I would have choosen to go at it alone if necessary. With my first my husband was out of the country when my daughter came 7 weeks early by emergency c-section. My brother was the back-up and now has seen more of me inside and out then I ever wanted LOL. I'm glad he was there to support me. With my second my husband was not allowed to leave the country after 24 weeks and made it to the birth.
When my sister had her first she was 20 and I was 16 and I was her coach. Best birth control ever for a teenager. I didn't have my first until I was 33 LOL. When my own daughter decides to have a child I will only be in the room if she wants me there but if she's anything like the other women in this family she probably won't.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Personal choice, I think.

I had a planned c-section, so my husband is the only one that could be in there. Even if I hadn't, he would be the only family member in there. We created my son together, and I want the moment we met him to be private and very personal. It's my personal preference, to not have other people around during intimate moments like that.

Also, I hate even doctors having to be up in my privates. I don't need anyone else around to see me that way.

5 moms found this helpful

E.D.

answers from Seattle on

I could not have gone through labor without my mom. I'm so grateful she was with me. It was long labor, finally ending the morning after the second night. I needed to move around a lot during it, get into strange positions, have my back pressed on and my hips squeezed, and I needed a lot of help to do so. My daughter was OP and needed to flip around during the contractions.

My mama was right there the whole time. I felt like we were in total sync, and she knew what I needed before I was able to know. Whenever I started to feel scared or like it would never end, she talked me through it. And stayed perfectly calm. I felt so safe with her near. For me it was incredibly helpful to have the person who brought me into the world, there to help me bring my daughter into the world. She was there when my niece was born too. She cut both of my niece and my daughter's cords and is my niece's name sake.

Back then my sister was still in our lives. She flew up for the birth with my niece who was 14 months old. It's funny to think about now. She was this beautiful bald little pea pod with a pirate grin. Anyway. My sister, husband, mom, midwife, and the birth technician were all there, crowded around me. Hah! I was buck naked, standing up, totally exhausted. We could have had the whole world watching and I wouldn't have noticed. I was past being able to care about what was going on around me.

My daughter SHOT right on out after three pushes and forty eight hours. I had my arms around my mom and my husband caught my daughter. July sunlight was streaming in through the window. It was all pretty beautiful and sweet.

I'm really grateful we got to do it the way it happened. I'm a fan of people doing what feels right for them and I can understand wanting privacy too. I WAS glad my in laws weren't around (tee hee)!

5 moms found this helpful
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E.E.

answers from Denver on

For me, all the doctors I ended up needing already made it TOO public. I had thought I wanted my best friends there, but in the end - no.

This is an indivual choice. My MIL was at the hospital waiting, as were many other family memebers. I am grateful that was good enough.

MIL asked if she could come in during labor (not delivery). The nurses all shouted "no". To this day, she probably thinks that was me. But it was the nurses - when she asked, things were already getting complicated. If things were normal, I would have been happy to visit with her - for just a bit.

My MIL has some very serious issues, but she never brought this up and seemed content at the time to see Son 1 soon after I was stitched up. I am grateful for it. If my MIL (who is mentally ill and a substance abuser) can handle it, I would think most could.

I have sons. I have no expectations of my DILs inviting me to watch anything come out of their vaginas. I'll be there if they want, but otherwise...I'm OK with waiting until they're ready. : )

5 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

It takes me nine months to get used to the idea of the doctor being there. Nope, no one, I really don't think my then husband was of any use either. :p

I loved when my mom declared my cousin was was letting my aunt be in with her. Good for her, maybe ask her if you can hang out since she is okay with it.

I figure with my kids if they ask me to be there I will suck it up but I won't be offended if they don't ask. :)

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S.E.

answers from New York on

i already told everyone that once i start to really go into labor and have to start pushing that i want everyone out except my fiance.. id just be umcomfortable having other people in ther watching.. my dad asked me if fiance was going to video tape it and i said heeellllll no0 i think ill remember it i dont need to watch it in the future!

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B.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter asked me to be there with her and I was thrilled to do it. It is up to the woman delivering to ask who she wants and everyone should follow her wishes.

You need to speak up for what YOU want or don't want, it is your choice.

4 moms found this helpful

B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Well, my first My mom and hubby was in the room, i didnt watn my mom in there at all, but I was trying to be nice, but it ended up being such a bad delivery, liek Dr. never showing up, I had like 5 students in there at one point, I was in so much pain, I didnt even care anymore, but after that.. No.
Only my hubby was in the room with my 2nd, but she came on her own, and was kind of non expectant. And I will hopefully deliver this baby any day now, and my mom was like, I want to be there, I was like, sure, in the waiting room. I dont want anybody else in there either besides hubby, Dr. and a nurse.. My second was so smooth, and not as crowded. It was a much better experiance. So i been through both, and unless im invited in like 30 years (lol) to be in one of my girls room, I wont push the issue. Good thing I dont have any boys, I dont think I would want to be in there with my daughter in law...

3 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I had the whole world and then some there when my third was born. There were a couple more that were traveling that very day and arrived later that afternoon because she came 4 days earlier than we were guessing, which was already earlier than 40 weeks ;) I had student nurses with me, I had a couple other midwives from the practice that had been seeing me during my pregnancy come in and out because they were in the building. There was practically a party going on when my third was born and I loved it!
My second we barely made it to the birth center for his birth, and that was *cough*going*very*fast*cough* on the freeway to get there. Some family that planned to be there was unable to get there in time because they had a little longer drive and didn't go quite as fast as we did (middle of the night so almost no traffic thankfully!)
My first...well...I had a bunch of family but the OB on staff was a bit of a B***ch and ended up kicking them all out because she didn't feel like she had enough control of me and the situation (there was nothing at all going wrong for the record!). Long story there. I only had my husband and a good friend that was training to be a Doula at the time with me and I was furious!
My older children were all there for their siblings births as well.
Everyone afforded me privacy, no one was right there in my face or between my legs that had no reason to be there.
I will be there for my daughter and any of my daughter in laws that want me. I will never push the issue if they do not wish me to be there. Everyone deals with labor and delivery differently.
I welcomed all the support and distraction they offered me. It was a time to celebrate and be together as a family and welcome and help the newest member come into the world!

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K.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

It definitely depends on the person. I had my mom in the room with us for all three of my boys and plan on having her in the room when my daughter is born. I have an extremely close relationship with my mom and I wanted/needed her support. She is also a nurse, so I felt more comfortable knowing that she was there, looking out for me from a medical standpoint. I love my husband, but he is not the supportive type that would rub my back and hold my hand the whole time. My mom, on the other hand, stayed up through the night with me (on my youngest) and rubbed my back when I had terrible back labor. I know my husband would prefer it be just us, but I don't really consider it his decision. He is not the one doing ANY work. My mom is very close to all my kids and she has thanked me on several occasions for allowing her to be there when they were born.
If I had a close relationship with my MIL, I probably wouldn't mind having her there. However, we are not remotely close, so its not something that she has ever requested.
I think it just really depends on the dynamics of your relationship with your mother/MIL. If I wasn't close with my mom, it wouldn't be important for her to be there.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Good grief....I have never understood why some people insist they have the right to be in the room when a woman gives birth. I am a very private person and am very modest. For both of mine, it was just my husband in with me. The medical staff was there because they had the drugs:) I even got agitated if too many medical staff kept coming in and out. I might have screamed at my mil if she was there....

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L.D.

answers from Modesto on

I only wanted my husband there.My family knew that if I wanted them there I would invite them, so they did not ask. It was really a non issue for me. If my husband were unable to attend for some reason I would ask my mother or sister, but only then. It's an extremely personal decision. Family should be respectful enough to abide by the mothers decision without resentment .If I were to be INVITED to a delivery I would attend, however I would never ASK to be at anyone's delivery, family or not.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Definetly agree that this is a personal choice. I am one that felt this was an incredibly personal time to be shared ONLY by my husband and myself. I had very difficult deliveries and I cannot imaginge anyone else but him and the medical staff in there.

My mom is pretty relaxed about things- if she were asked, she'd do it, but she would never be offended if she wasn't asked. My MIL, on the other hand, would have to make the entire thing all about her and she would probably pout the entire time because someone else in the room was getting more attention than she was.

I still have the best memories of those moments after both of my children were born- just the three of us... it's quiet, we are alone and we are all snuggling together in the hospital bed... no way would I want an audience there during that time.

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A.M.

answers from Phoenix on

I was recently asked to stay in the room with my sister when she delivered. I didn't anticipate doing it, but when I got to the hospital while she was in labor, she asked me to stay. I ended up being very involved in her delivery along with her husband. I was so blessed to be able to encourage and help her in her time of need.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I was in the L & D room with my younger sister or she would have been alone. I took her to the classes as well. My sister didn't want to hold her and I was the one to hold her and look into those amazing brown eyes with killer lashes. She came to live with us ten days later. ** Not the typical** situation!!

If it were just me and my husband, I don't think I would CALL/Text anybody until it is over. This is such a bonding and private experience for them as a little family.

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R.

answers from Detroit on

To each her own. But I do believe the bigger the audience the longer/harder the labor. I've had 6. My mom hasn't been to any my mil and sil was present @ 1 (weird). My sis was at one (the only one I had a local pain med for...at this point I am like what ever it takes to get baby out. If your there and your helping me calm down great if not, see ya when I'm done. I have never invited anyone if they just happened to be there at the time then they were there. So no not looking for audience and frankly there's been some nurses I wanted to ask to leave.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

Actually, I didn't want my husband in there! I was wondering how he'd feel like doing' it after seeing all that....bloodbath... :)) Mom, maybe not in the labor room, but I definitely wanted her to be with me in the hospital when the baby came.
I swear, I could never even get a blood test done without my mom standing next to me till I was 17. Yeah...baby...I know I know...not proud of it. :))
MIL, God no. Nothing against MILs in general, but mine's not very...crisis-friendly. My MIL has this my-way or the highway attitude, that I can manage most of the times, but not during my special moment.
Ultimately, hubby was there with me, and mom was in the room, but was sitting in a corner, praying away...
AND, I realised having hubby with me was the right decision. It is his baby too, and he deserves the moment. AND, it didn't damage anything, but made him love me more! :D :D

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

I think it may depend on what kind of delivery you are having. My sister had two trials of labor before C/S and invited me for the second. She got an epidural when she first arrived at the hospital and was just laying in bed watching TV the entire time, basically just waiting for things to happen. She wasn't in pain, she was fully covered and very comfortable and bored.The nurses came to check her every hour or so and we stepped outside for that. I am sure I would have stepped out for the actual delivery as well, but they decided to go with another c/section...
Me on the other hand, I had a natural birth with no pain meds. I labored at home for the most part and spend the few hours on the delivery room naked, dripping amniotic fluid and vocalizing through my contractions. It was a very intimate experience for me that I would not have wanted to share with someone like my MIL, probably not even my mom.

I think it really depends on personal preference and how close and comfortable you are with your family members... to each their own.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

For me it wasn't so much a "grandparent" in the room issue - I was going through the most painful experience I'd EVER gone through in my life and I, quite simply, wanted my mommy. Of course, my husband was there, too, and I was thrilled to have him. But NOBODY can relate to labor and giving birth like another mom, so having them both there was pretty important to me.

My first child was a few days early and my mom was still on the plane when I went into labor (she DID make it to the hospital in time for the birth). My second one was 2 weeks early - Mom didn't make it to that one, sadly (it was her namesake grandchild, too). My third was right on time and my mom was there for that. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

I think it's totally up to the mom about to give birth and the grandmothers. If the mommy to be is ok with it, I don't see a problem. To each their own.

I did have a problem with my MIL in the room. I didn't want her in there because she would've critiqued my labor and delivery, judged what I did or did not do, and then gossiped about me to her friends. She tried to come into the room, but I had told my OB and the nurses that she was not allowed under any circumstance. She did not do this with the births of any of her granddaughters, in fact she didn't see any of them until days or weeks later! But because I was having a boy, she felt she needed to be in the room. Whatever, I got my way. :) In addition to my husband, my mother was with me and also my sister for both of my deliveries.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

I have nothing against others wanting friends or family being witness.

I personally did not want anyone around while I went through the process. I am also a person that does not like people around while I am ill. If I do not have to depend on others while I do not feel well, I just do better.

I did not mind if they were in the waiting room, but I knew they would want to come in. And that is exactly what happened. We called my mom, only to tell her I was in labor, and she dashed over and asked so many times if she could come into the room, I finally let her and then she started trying to help me! Asking questions, wanting to help me by massaging me! Ack!

Then she called my sister who also then dashed over.... Flood gates.

Finally my husband took them out into the waiting area and explained, I did not really want people there, but they could stay if they just waited out in the waiting room.

As I said before, I all of a sudden went into labor and we needed my mom to hold my leg. And so she was very quiet and was witness to our daughters birth and it was all fine. She then excused herself so we could have time alone. She apologized later. She said she realized why we had wanted this to be a private moment for us. I told her not to worry, but please not tell the rest of the family, since they were not there.

And so it is good that we are able to express what WE want and need. It needs to be honored.

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R.S.

answers from New York on

I had my mother in the room both times and I am happy for that. If my MIL was in this country, she would be there too. I did not feel uncomfortable about this at all. In fact, I am sort of surprised that some moms would feel uncomfortable about this. I mean, she's your mom -- she changed your diapers. She knows more about how you look down there than you do. So, why would you not want her in there for modesty's sake?? Well, anyways, to each his own.

For me, I felt like this was a beautiful moment that was worth sharing with my family in the way that I did. I had no problem with it and I am glad I did it. My mom was thrilled to be there as well, and she was a good leg holder too, lol!

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I had my MIL and my husband in the room with me. It was a big room, so it's not like she was on top of me. And honestly, she hung back and supported my hubby, which is what I wanted her there for. I really don't remember her during the delivery and she was in the room with me, so she was present enough to be supportive but not be a focus. I was very glad she was there :)

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I had my aunt there, she's like an older sister, and she was there when me and my brothers and sister were born. I did not want my mom there, though, which could have been awkward but I didn't care.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

if my future DILs invite me, i'd be there in a heartbeat.
but no WAY would i ask. i only had my dh there with me and he's the only one i wanted. that's such an intensely emotional time for the new parents, i would never ask to intrude nor expect to be included.
khairete
S.

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D.F.

answers from El Paso on

Lol! That would be weird. My mom would be crackn jokes the entire time! Can you imagine tryn to push while your mom is making everyone else laugh lol!
Im still not use to the though of having my husband in there this July. All I can say is awkward!!! But then again wen the moment comes I want no one else but him. Maybe so I can yell at him and say is all his doing lmao!! :-P

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C.F.

answers from Tyler on

My husband, mom, and mil were ALL three in the room for both of my deliveries. My mom was great at helping and my mil sat quietly, but was so thankful to be there getting to witness the birth of her grand babies. I wasn't crazy about them seeing everything in the beginning, but once I was in labor I didn't mind. It's just such a natural part of life and I'm glad they were there. I do think it's up to the mother giving birth and what she's comfortable with though.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm with you.

My mom arrived at the hospital before DD was born. We called her the next day (when the Dr. said it would be that afternoon) and she hung out til it was time to push...and then I sent her away to "get coffee or something" and it was only me and DH, the nurse and OB. That was what *I* wanted. She lurked outside til I called her in. She heard DD's first cry and then was the first relative after me and DH to hold DD. At first I didn't even want DH looking at all the mess, but then gave up and he got to see DD be born. So she was involved, but not right there, KWIM? With my sister, nobody got a choice. He was an emergency C-section.

NO WAY did I want my MIL or anybody else there.

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J.P.

answers from Lakeland on

I guess it depends on the person. Many years ago people would rely on moms, grandmas and midwifes there to help since they had already gone through it.

My mom was with us while I was in labor, she left the room each time the doctor would check me. My mom always passed out or got very sick if I was hurt as a child so I didn't expect her to stay. I ended up with an emergency C-section and other then the medical staff my husband was there for the entire process.

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J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I only had my husband there, but I am not close with my mother and my MIL makes me uncomfortable so she was not there either. I think having your own mother there is not that strange, especially if you are close, having the MIL there is really weird to me. Mine threw a fit that she wasnt invited and people were so rude, blowing up the phone im my delivery room, ect., when I had my 2nd child I didnt let anyone even come to the hospital.

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K.L.

answers from Chicago on

I dont have any children yet :-/ Hopefully in the near future though!
Anyways, I would love for it to be just my husband and my Mom. I am a very private person so I don't want anyone else there. My Mom will be there for support as a woman who has gone through this before and knows what I will be experiencing.I would not be comfortable enough to have my in-laws in there or my Dad. I will be shy enough with lots of doctors in there, I hate going just for my yearly. Yuck!

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I didn't even want my husband in the room, to be honest. (He insisted.) I was completely mortified to have him see me that way. The thought of anyone else being in the room who knows me was an absolute no-go. Labor and delivery were so disgusting to me that I figured the fewer people to witness me in that state, the better!

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M.M.

answers from Tucson on

My first two babies dad and my step mom. Third my best friend and my step mom. Third timw was by far the best. We laughed and walked around then i sat on a birthing ball and joked and told stories. They both helped me deliver my baby by keeping me calm and understanding what i was going through. The babies dad was so useless saying dont get an epidural you can do this. Just hinks about cool it will be to tell everyone you did this with no meds. Personally after all that men have no idea what we are feeling. This women have had a baby so they knew what i was going through. I dont care who sees my hoo-ha. A baby is being born! : )

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

My mother and husband were there with me. In the end I was so glad my mom was there. My husband is emphatic and likes to "fix" things. When he feels something is "wrong" and he can't "fit" it, it's torture for him, add to that seeing me uncomfortable/in pain. Let's just say he's staying home with our soon to be 6 year old when our #2 arrives in October and we are both very happy with that. Anyway back to the story, I ended up needing a C-section, my mother was able to be in the operating room with me. When they delivered BooHammer, she was blue and not breathing. My mom is a Labor& Delivery nurse so having her there and not being worried helped me not panic.

This second round, both mothers and fathers are invited to town, once the time is closer we'll decide where everyone is going to be. My doctor mentioned a second C-section, we might do that instead of a VBAC. If that happens the "unpleasant" parts of labor will be skipped. Once again my mom will go in with me again. As for a VBAC, other mother can stay or go be with the dads. All the Dads will have the Boo and/or my sister-in law (who's homeschooled and only 7 so she might come up with.).

Basic summery, My mother in law's given birth to 5, my mother helps women deliver professionally and has had 2 of her own. Both woman are really better suited in the room with me then my own beloved husband.

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D.P.

answers from Sacramento on

For my first child I had two of my friends with me, one of them actually worked at the hospital and had a 1/2 hour for lunch, my wonderful son must have known because in the 1/2 hour she was with me I did my hardest labor and, he came into the world! My husband was there and my parents. At first I didnt want my parents there, but by the time it was time for the baby to actually come, all i could care about was getting that boy out!!! Now I am glad my parents were there, I cant think of another time I saw my dad tear up! My parents were not anywhere near "that part" of my body they were up by the upper part! :) For my second baby it was me, my husband and my mom. My dad and my son were with me until the last 10 minutes before my daughter was born. My son was 22 months and actually laid with me until those 10 minutes! Now as for the in-laws, umm they didnt even come to the hospital to see the kids, so they didnt even think to ask to be in the delivery room.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would have wanted to have my mother with me, she was the calmest and most reassuring person I've ever known, but she was killed by a drunk driver several years before I had my daughter. My MIL, well, I waited until she died before I married her son, so no, she would not have been there.

Instead, I had my stepson (20) and stepdaughter (17) there with us. They both benefited greatly from the experience. I was so busy doing what I was doing that I hardly noticed they were there. My husband was right by my side, but really, the only one I needed there was my midwife who was there for my entire labor and delivery.

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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

My DH, mom and MIL were there for all of my children's births, and if that doesn't squick you out enough, so was my dad. I wasn't self-conscious, I just felt surrounded by their love and care.

One of the reasons I chose to birth at home was so there wouldn't be any random strangers there, though. I know everyone who was present for all of my births.

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

For my first child, I was in the hospital with my husband and my doula (a woman). It was awesome and I didn't want anyone else in there to distract me from my work. In fact at one point I looked up and saw a half dozen people in the room (interns) and freaked out. The room cleared out fast.
My second was born at home and it was just me, my husband, my midwife, and her assistant, who stayed in the other room. It was so beautiful and, again, I didn't want anyone to distract me from my job.
In my opinion, birth isn't "private" so much as it is intimate. You have to feel some measure of emotional and physical safety to make a baby, and you need the same feeling to give birth. If you feel you can achieve a deep level of safety and intimacy with your extended family around you, then it works.
By the way, my midwife very specifically did not allow extended family in the birth room. And she strongly discouraged having them even very nearby. She said that many of the births she attended that required a transfer to the hospital involved an extended family member there messing with the mother's natural instinct and undermining her confidence.

Good luck. Go with what you feel.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

As a grand mother with two more grandbabies due soon, I would love to
be there. However, I feel that it is a moment only for Mom and Dad. To
me it is the more intimate moment a couple can experience. So no it is
no place for anyone other than the happy couple.

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❤.I.

answers from Albuquerque on

I'm with you! I couldn't imagine having anyone else in the delivery room besides hubby. Well I take that back, with my last one my daughter (22 months at the time) was in her stroller right outside the curtain being occupied by a nurse. Heck, my labors were so fast even if I wanted my mom in the room I wouldn't have had time to call, especially at one in the morning.

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G.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I couldn't imagine not having my mom and sisters with me, but it happened for my 2nd birth. They had to fly in and missed the birth by 9 hours :( It's a very personal decision, and wanting to have more than the partner in the hospital room can be difficult. For me, home birth was the only option, so I could have as many people as I desired. In the end, it's whatever the MOM feels comfortable with, as she's the one giving birth.

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M.K.

answers from Dallas on

I had my mom and husband both times. My mom videotaped. Not the tatsl visual, on the side.I had no problem with it personally. She stayed out of the way didn't bother me at all. I would have had mil in with me the second time but they only allowed one. Actually I'm shocked with all the answers so against it lol once your in labor I don't care who was looking at my vaj jay. She videotaped and my husband could be with me more instead of worrying about camera or video To each his own though!

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I did not want my fiance there - my sister was in the room with me. We had to have a planned C-Section and my sister knew exactly how to handle me in in that situation. I wanted my mom to come out when his parents were coming out (3 weeks later by my request) so they could meet and I had time to get to know my son w/out grandparents and everyone else telling me what to do. I think it is important to have someone who will keep you calm and "on track" in that situation, not someone who may throw you into a deeper frenzy (fiance).

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E.F.

answers from Kalamazoo on

No, no, no. Never. My MIL tried *everything* to be there. Would not take no for an answer. I felt hounded and vulnerable to an attack. She was (ahem, is) crazy. She even started calling every few hours (around the clock!) when I was overdue with my first, because if she didn't hear from us, she would assume we were at the hospital and was driving down to see "her baby" being born. Like I wasn't stressed enough with the whole process...I had everyone around me promise to keep that woman away from me (and my baby). Ugh. Awful. I am so much happier living a 5 hour plane ride away. And my mom? No - but she was the person I trusted with my son when I went into labor the second time. However, I would have considered having my sister there. She an I have always been really close, but she lived far away and had two wee ones of her own at the time.

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H.G.

answers from New York on

Not a fan of anyone else in there except me & hubby. It wasn't even a question back when my DD was born 12 years ago. Honestly, my mother would not have been helpful and I barely tolerated her short visit while I was in labor. My parents actually just made a quick visit while I was in early labor and then they went home. My MIL & FIL didn't come to the hospital until the next day (DD was born at 8 pm and I had a c-section).

I think you should have whomever you want in the delivery room with you. It should be a decision you and your husband make and tough cookies for anyone who gets their feelings hurt.

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A.A.

answers from Tulsa on

No grandparents in the room when my son was born. Just me and the hubby! No one complained or even asked if they could come in the room, both my parents and inlaws came in before the action happened though.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

with my daughter my husband and my mom was in the room with me. I told my mom she was not allowed to "look". She was actually even helping. She held one leg while my husband held the other, lol! But, trust me, in between pushing, I was watching her to make sure she wasn't looking. I'm a very shy and modest person.
With my son, I asked her to stay in the waiting room. He was our last baby and so I just wanted it to be between me and my husband. She said ok, but I could tell she was a little sad. We are very close. But I'm glad becuase she would have freaked out if I let her in. My epidural failed and I was fainting between contractions and had to be put on oxygen.
My MIL lived in across the country and came out to visit after the they were born to help out and meet her new grandbaby

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

It boils down to personal choice, really. I know for a lot of women, it just wouldn't seem right without the whole clan standing around as a participating welcoming committee. I don't get it. I am not one of those people. I value privacy.

My friends agree and we all still talk about an old, but classic episode of TLC's "A Baby Story" we saw, where this woman had a home birth and her "entire family," was there to witness the whole thing. First of all, she was pretty much naked. And I mean ALL of her siblings, her parents, her kids, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandpas, grandmas, nieces, nephews, their boyfriends and girlfriends, brothers and sisters-in-law and even the neighbors were crammed in her bedroom drinking wine, having hors d'ovres and whooping it up as mom labored, waddling around the room howling and screaming. When the baby finally crowned, several relatives armed with cameras moved in paparazzi style and took pictures and videos as she pulled the baby out herself with the help of a doula and her husband. Creepy.

Needless to say, this surreal episode of "A Baby Story" cured me forever on the idea of home birth and definitely convinced me that family involvment with the whole birth process is waaay over-rated. At least the mom seemed pleased with the whole thing. I would personally be traumatized knowing all the males in my family saw me like that! Don't even get me going about the thought of in-laws seeing you in all your glory. Sheesh! So to answer your question...no way! I'm for husband only.

Unfortunately, the entire episode is no where to be found, but you can see a clip of the actual delivery and all of the relatives hovering over her with cameras with drinks and food. Because of the (her nudity during delivery) content, you do need a youtube account. But here's a link anyway if you want to be traumatized or amazed...depending on your feelings about things like this: http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch%3Fv%3D_...

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C.W.

answers from Phoenix on

With my oldest I had my mom, my grandma, and my boy friends stepmom plus my boy friend. My daughter who is my middle child I had my then husband there, he called my mom and grandma and they came over......i wanted my mommy. With my younger son my grandma was there, my best friend and my oldest son, plus my hubby.......but it turned out I needed an emergency c-section, so they were just there for the labor and my hubby was with me in the surgery room.

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R.B.

answers from La Crosse on

Its a personal choice for everyone! There is no right or wrong answer to this question :)

But for me... I was 18 when I had my oldest. Both my mom and dad were in the room.. when it was time to push my dad was going to leave and I grabbed his hand and asked him to stay. I can't explain it, but I was scared and wanted my daddy! He stayed with me and it was such a great thing to have both my parents in the room. Obviously he didn't leave my head and didn't see anything! But after I was covered my dad got to cut my son's umbilical cord and then the Dr explained and showed all of us the uterus inside and out and went over everything. It was actually pretty neat.

For # 2 & 3 it was my husband, my mom and my dad.

#4 was induced so we could go to my uncles funeral 6 hours away. When I had my son it was just my husband in the room but all of my family got to hear his first cry over the phone.

#5 it was my husband and my mom and dad with me. With her it was almost my brother and niece also! She was coming so fast and they had to do an ultrasound to make sure she wasn't breach ( my #4 son was breach until the day he was induced, I was actually set up for a c section the day they induced me instead). I had my niece in with us so she could the ultrasound and then I got the urge to push. I wouldn't have cared if she was in there but her mom had complications with her and I didn't want to scare her with me being in that much pain and no time for pain meds. I didn't want her to think twice about having kids.

( just to explain why my brother and niece was in there... we were on our way to drop off our son at my brothers house and go to my Dr appt when the contractions kicked in... then kicked in hard and we had to call an ambulance because the contractions were a minute apart. We were 40 mins from the hospital. So my brother and niece ( he didn't have a sitter for her) just met us at the hospital and was in the room to get our son from us when everything happened)

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

in my delivery room i had - my husband, my mom, his mom (only because mine was in there), my oldest sister, my youngest sister, my aunt and my brother in law and his girlfriend were in and out. this was for our daughter who was the first grand baby for both sides.

now our next child (whenever that may be) i decided that for labor anyone can come in but when it comes to delivering i want it to be just my husband and i.

i did not bother me having my family or mil look at her as she came out becuase i know they werent looking at me but her. but everyone has their own modesty level. when we have our next child we will be in another state so it will be different. also i want my daughter to be in the room for the birth. i would love for the dr to let her help them birth her sibling. i think it would be a memorable moment.

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R.F.

answers from Dallas on

It was just my husband and I. It was a mutual decision to have it be just the two of us, and I'm so happy we did it that way!

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J.A.

answers from Detroit on

My wonderful nurse "conveniently" forgot to get my mom, they had sent everyone out to get the room ready for delivery because I was in a birthing suite. My MIL never even asked. My opinion is it is really just for the mom and dad of the baby.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

I wanted my mother with us but ended up with emergency sections both times, so my husband was there for the first and i was "coached" by a wonderful anesthesiologist the second round b/c my husband was not allowed in.

I did not want my MIL or my SIL present. I like them both, but my rule was "if you haven't seen my vagina before- get out!"

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My daughter wanted me in there. So I was there when all but one was born. My ex's wife was there for that one. Daughter had her when she was there so it was wonderful for her to get to share this with her "other" mom.

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J.B.

answers from Sacramento on

I completely respect that choice.
I, however, had my mom, mother in law, sister and best friend all in the room (along with my husband) and did for my second as well. I wouldn't have changed it for anything. The birth of my children (though painful and gross, lol) was an amazing experience and I loved sharing that.

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