Pets- What Do I Do Now?

Updated on June 22, 2010
L.B. asks from Seattle, WA
20 answers

I am hoping to get some advice about what to do with our cat. I have had her for about 13 years thinking she was going to mellow out. She's a Bengal who NEEDS attention and will get it, positive and negative, whenever she can. I am at a loss as to what to do to satisfy her when I have two boys, nearly 3 and 3 months, who are constantly needing me as well. I am fortunate enough to stay home at this point, but I have so little to give her and she seems to be demanding more and more. Just when I can get a quiet moment without either kid crying, needing to be fed, etc, she starts howling, wanting her share. By the time I get to a point where I can offer something, she's either howling loudly or nowhere to be found. She really knows how to push my buttons, and I don't want to send the wrong message to the boys about how we treat animals, but I am very frustrated with her. She also can't be trusted in our garage-she pees on stuff- so we are constantly watching out for that in the house as well. If she gets pissed off for some reason, she'll find a spot to pee. I have caught her in the act so many times! Litter box is clean and available in the house even though she is an outdoor cat for the most part. I am at my wits end today as I found her sleeping in the baby's bassinet this morning, found fleas on the older boy again, and am unable to go to the garage without company and pee I am sure. She's 13, so it isn't like this is new. I am just tired of it. I know that when you take a pet, it is your responsibility to provide for it for it's life span, but what if it doesn't work out? I am feeling so guilty even thinking about not fulfilling that promise, but , like I said, I am just worn out with it. Knowing that she behaves like this, noone in the family will take her, and I don't blame them at all. Any suggestions for what I could do would be greatly appreciated. Again, I am heartsick and feeling really guilty even thinking about a permanent solution. Keeping her outside permanently won't solve the problem either- She'll just howl at the windows night and day which isn't good for her or our neighbors. Please help!

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W.W.

answers from San Diego on

Honestly, the minute she was in my child's bassinett or giving my child fleas, she would be gone. No cat is worth that. I know some people probably think I am inhumane, but enough is enough.

With my puppy, he had horrible digestive issues when we first got him. I bought an oversized (so he wouldn't be at all cramped) crate and left him in there at night and when we were out. I don't know if a cat would react well to crating? I've never tried.

Good luck, though. You have more patience than I do with a cat.

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

What a difficult situation. But, she's an animal, not a person. I would try to find another home for her.

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C.A.

answers from New York on

We had the same problem with our cat. He is part bobcat so he is fairly big. Before we had kids he would come up and bite us for no reason. I was getting tired of getting blood transfusions every week. LOL He would draw blood all the time. So one day we decided to get another cat. Needless to say he never bit or scratched us again. He was lonely and needed a playmate. They are inseperable now. I really don't know if this is an option for you but it may help. After my daughter was born we thought that we would have problems. But they have each other and don't really bother with anything. As for the fleas... it is a little expensive but frontline really works. You can literally watch the fleas walk off the whiskers and die.

4 moms found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from Seattle on

PLEASE ask your vet about Clomicalm!!! It is an inexpensive drug that can help vastly with anxiety issues in cats, and is worth a try considering the other options. Don't forget that pets can feel stress just like we do, and can manifest it in unwanted behaviors like inappropriate elimination (of course, make sure it isn't a urinary track issue first......). We all know how stressful raising kiddos can be at times, just don't forget that our pets feel it too :)

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

You ARE responsible for your pet! You got her 13 years ago, you are responsible for either finding her a good home or keeping her until she dies. Period.

Even though many people don't think so, cats need attention too. So try to build some time into your day that you will dedicate to her. Your 3 year old seems old enough to get involved as well, so get him a couple of toys that he can use to play with her.

Cats will pee in places if they want to get a message across...it's true. But it can also be the sign of a health problem, as they are notorious for urinary issues. Make sure to get her checked just in case. Also: if she isn't neutered, that would be one thing to consider. It is more effective in resolving behavioral issues in males, but can help in females as well.

Last but not least the fleas and sleeping in the bassinet. I am sorry but I have to pin these two on YOU! You are responsible for keeping her up to date on flea prevention treatment and you are also responsible for closing the doors to those rooms you don't want her in - so be a responsible pet owner and do you share.

I have no doubt that it's hard with a young child and a newborn, but that's what you signed up for. So either find her a nice new home or act up to it.
Good luck.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I hate to say this, but as someone who has worked in animal rescue for over 10 years, I can tell you that many animal rescues won't take Bengal cats. There is a reason that hybrid breeds develop a reputation, and Bengals require more time than the average cat...or dog... They are very smart and thus need to be kept constantly entertained and stimulated.

It is terrible, because such an old cat may have more difficulty getting adopted, and Bengals are often extremely intelligent, and so you might ask around and find out if anyone in your area does cat training. It may be possible to train your cat, but it does not sound as though you know how to go about it. Ask your vet, go on petfinder.com and find rescues that work with Bengals and call and ask them.

I rarely encourage people to get rid of their pets, but I'm not sure that you are able to give this cat what she needs. If you are unable to find anyone to help you with your cat, you may need to start looking into special Bengal rescues. I know they must exist out there (again, visit petfinder.com and see if any rescues in your area accept Bengals).

Next time you go looking for a pet, please do your research. Although all animals are individuals, breeds are bred for certain traits, and many animal within that breed will have these traits. While wildcat hybrids are bred for their intelligence and beautiful coats, this is not all they are known for. Many Bengal breeders no longer breed first-generation hybrids, but these cats are still much closer to wildcats than the Domestic shorthair. You are not the first Bengal owner to find yourself overwhelmed, but a little bit of research could have prevented this situation. Good luck.

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M.F.

answers from Sioux Falls on

I use Frontline on my cats. It is a once a month dose. As for her behavior issues, I have a few suggestions for you.
The Peeing issue is resolved a few ways, first, make sure all clothing, towels and bags are picked up. Many cats, especially females, will pee on clothing left on the floor. Also, she may not like the type of litter you use. Alot of cats don't like clay based litter. You can try a natural, corn or pine based litter. The corn litter is actually flushable and controls odor well!
For the yowling, and attention hunger, she is probably bored. Does she have toys? Does she have a tower? If she can keep herself occupied, she wont rely so heavily on you. My cats love the toys where they try to get the balls out of, but they can't! We also have laser pointers, various catnip stuffed toys and wiffle balls. Bengals are high energy, intelligent cats. If you keep her stimulated, she will be a much better and happier girl!
I would not give her to a shelter. At her age, she likely would not be adopted. If you are dead set at getting rid of her, contact a Bengal rescue group. Check out www.bengalrescuenetwork.org They have suggestions for behavior problems, and also information on how to surrender her, if that is what you choose to do. If I were closer to you, I would take her!

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B.K.

answers from Seattle on

A few quick ideas: get her checked at the vet for a bladder or UTI, it can manifest itself in peeing in unusual places. Treat her with advantage or a similar product for the fleas. There are oral meds for fleas too which would remove any chance of the children touching the product on her fur. Can you teach your older child to quietly sit and pet her so she sees them in a positive light? There are also pet behavioralists that could help you and also modify her behavior. I may be looked at poorly for this comment, but if you have exhausted all other possibilities you certainly could speak to your vet about euthanasia. I think it is far kinder to take that route for an older animal that to expose them to the threat and stress of a shelter. There may also be rescue groups for her breed that could help you. I also get overwhelmed with our animals so I know how you feel. I hope you can find a solution.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

well your cat is old... is she having age related digressions?
My cat was 11... when he started getting old-age related behaviors and mobility problems, pee accidents etc.,... then he would get disoriented and more 'clingy' because he was basically getting senile... and 'needed' me/us around to feel 'safe.'
He eventually got ill, and died.

But you said your cat was always like this.

Maybe time for a pet psychologist!
Or ask your Vet...

all the best,
Susan

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J.K.

answers from Detroit on

First thing you should do is put on some advantage multi, revolution, or frontline that you can get from your vet. These are all good products that cost less that $15/month to keep her free of fleas and other parasites. The next thing is that you have a almost three month old, so you are likely more stressed these days. Perhaps you should try and wait it out a month before you make any decisions. Things may not look so bad once you are getting more sleep. Good Luck!

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L.E.

answers from Chicago on

We are going through something fairly similar so I sympathize with you. My hubby has had this cat for 18yrs. Some of her issues might be age related but they seem to be more and more jealousy over the new baby. She pees in the bathroom sink and poo's almost everywhere else. Every morning I feel like it is a hide & go seek game for me to find her nightly gift. This morning it was behind the glider I rock my daughter in. Last week she somehow was able to poo UNDER our futon in the nursery.
She often howls like crazy in the middle of the night until you go to her and pet her or put her in the front window.
Despite all of this, she is a wonderful cat... great temperment... loves to be held/petted... tolerates my dog.

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R.C.

answers from Portland on

I'm sad to say that I had a similar situation with my kitty. She was a little older, and hadn't a history of misbehavior, though. But after my son was born, and my other kitty passed away, she started a mental decline, and soon was howling for hours every day. With a baby who wasn't a good sleeper, we soon started coming unglued.

We worked with the vet to try many medications, both naturopathic and pharmaceutical, and nothing helped. She just needed a lot of attention and affection. She was like another baby, she needed to be held, a lot.

I'd had her for 15 years and it was very hard, but I knew I had to give her up for us all to be happy. I found a friend who could take her. They babied her, held her all the time, fed her from their own plates, and she did great. She lived another 3 years before passing away from organ failure.

I hadn't thought that anyone would want a geriatric cat with dementia, but I was surprised. There are lots of people out there, friends and strangers, who will take cats with issues. Your cat needs the right person now for where she's at. I hop you can work with a shelter, or Craigslist or something to find one for her.

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V.R.

answers from Portland on

I know you feel responsible for your pet, but here's my two cents for what it's worth. It's not worth making your life miserable. Find someone who is willing to take the cat or take it to the shelter as a last resort. There are a lot of animal lovers out there and people who have more time to give the affection the cat wants. I don't know what can be done about the peeing problem, just make sure to be honest about it when finding it another home.

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

Sorry but you have a bummer cat. You could consult a cat expert. I had lots of trouble with a cat I moved from a 20 acre farm to the city with. My friend who is an expert on cats came over and explained what to do. Because my cat wouldn't use a litter box I made him a cat door in the garage. That made for an instant improvement.
However, it is about priorities. And, as I see it the children are more important than any other factor in your life.
There are people who take older cats. Place an ad on Craigs list and see if you can find someone. One important thing you have to charge a $50 dollar resettlement fee just so you know they aren't going to use your cat as an experimental animal.

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H.G.

answers from Portland on

My cat started doing this because he associated the litter box with pain he had bladder infections. He was an inside only cat who became an outside only cat. I got him a dog house with a door & put a table over it for shade. He loves it. I have a pet bed with towels over it so I can shake out the dirt regularly. the only other thing I could have done was put him down because no one else was gonna take him with this behavior. He's only allowed in when I have time for him on my lap otherwise he must be out because he will spray.

A.D.

answers from Denver on

Do you have a cage of some sort to put her in while in the garage? This way she can't get out and pee on everything but you can have some time to yourself. Just a thought...

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A.C.

answers from Seattle on

Frontline is the best for fleas. It is expensive but I found it a costco also. My vet said that on cat fleas turn to worms when they eat them while grooming. Maybe get her treated for worms also. Definately get her checked for UTI, especially since she is older.

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M.K.

answers from Seattle on

I know how exhausting a cat like that can be. We had one for a number of years. Howling at the door, everywhere underfoot, peeing and pooing in any nook and cranny or right in the middle of the rug, wanting in and out a zillion times a day. No fleas tho :) She died of natural causes when i was pregnant so i didn't have to care for her with kids. I can't say we werent relieved, but i still miss her sometimes. when she wasnt a total pain, she was very sweet and loving.

We do still have an older cat (15) who is not neurotic like the other one was but is getting much needier in her old age. Our vet told me that is normal, that they need more attention as they age. i have noticed that even a minute or two of undivided attention helps calm mine down (kinda like kids). It's a pain for me b/c i have a cat allergy and have to wash thoroughly every time i touch her but if it makes her content for a little bit, it's worth it. i explain to my son we need to pet the cat, and often he will "help" (sometimes she doesnt like that as much ;))

Anyway, definitely take care of the fleas- easily treatable, once a month w/ Advantage. i'd have the vet do a checkup for any possible causes or medical treatments that might help

If you know someone who could commit to a permanent good home for a high maint. cat, that is one thing, but there are already many older cats in the shelters and they don't all get homes.

Seems like you need some help with giving the cat attention. Do you have a husband/partner that can help- maybe pet the cat while watching TV or something? Do you have a neighbor kid that could come pet and brush the cat for a half hour for 5 bucks?

My son is 2 1/2 but he will pet our older cat for 30 seconds, i would think by three a kid could do a minute or two a couple times a day- maybe get an M&M for the effort?

Also, it sounds like you just might need a break too- you've got a lot of need to fill- are you getting any "me" time or breaks for you? It's hard to keep giving without getting a chance to relax and recoup for the next round!

One last thing, i vote for the original formula Nature's Miracle as the best product to remove cat pee smell. And a word of advice, DO NOT spray it on a leather couch.... :-O

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

It's hard to know how much of her behavior is related to her age, but if and when you catch her in the act, here's something I did with an elderly, very stubborn outdoor cat I once had.

She became more and more unhappy about our leaving in the car when she wanted us to stay home and give her affection, and when we returned, she would get up on the hood and spray the windshield. After several repeats of this behavior, I stayed in view of the car one day after returning, prepared with a spray bottle of plain, cool water. I watched her jump up, take aim, shake her tail and spray.

I emerged from the house immediately, placed her back in the same position, shook her tail in the direction of the windshield, and sternly sprayed her butt with the water. She never again sprayed the windshield, and didn't even seem to hold a grudge about the correction. She seemed genuinely contrite. I did make a point of giving her LOTS of positive strokes when she wasn't misbehaving.

Of course, cats are individuals, and there's no guarantee that others will take this correction as well as Minno did. But I thought I'd pass it on, just in case you want to try. I know folks who use spray bottles to train cats and dogs to stay off of various surfaces, too. It doesn't hurt them, but it sure as heck surprises them. Spraying during or IMMEDIATELY after the undesirable behavior is essential.

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N.I.

answers from Portland on

Put an ad in the paper or see if a pet store will take her to sell for you. You also might try the humane society or even a retirement/activity center. Post a notice on any bulletin board and see if an older person wants a kitty because they usually will give them all the attention they need.

N.

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