Personal Problems, Make Friends and Feeling Better??

Updated on March 03, 2008
D.R. asks from Clearlake, CA
58 answers

I have been having a lot of emotional issues in the last few weeks, I love me 7mth old daughter and her dad but lately I feel I have nothing else in the world but them. I feel trapped by myself and I don't know what to do. I have only one really good female friend but I know no one else with kids that I know how to contact. I have no license- I got a fine and now with a kid I am having problems saving money for that and school. I feel like a loser and I am fat... I could work on that if I only could get rid of my stress about every other thing. What do I do...

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone I love the advice I didn't think about seeing the ob. I can't wait to start walking everyday it really sounds like that will help. I will add more next week after i try all the great advice. I was losing hope and you guys gave it back... thank you.

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

That can be a really isolating and lonely time raising kids. I hardly ever got away from my kids. I can remember when I would finally get adult time I would get what I would call 'diarrhea of the mouth', I just couldn't stop talking I was so desperate for adult company. I also remember one time for some reason I didn't have the kids and I crossed a street all by myself. I had this intense feeling of joy just because I had crossed a street by myself, instead of herding 3 kids across. Sad. In hindsight I should have done anything I could to get more time away from the kids. Trade babysitting with a friend or something, if you can't afford to pay a babysitter. Also join some kind of mothers' group!!! Being a part of a group was the thing that gave me a life. I finally found a co-op preschool that was cheaper than a normal preschool because the parents helped out, and later I put my kids in a charter school where parents are also very involved. Makes all the difference. Hang in there.

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R.R.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello D.-

I know the feeling to be so stressed. The body is an amazing ability to heal itself... when we let it. As suggested, how about if you try working in some small exercise like a daily walk, and with a routine you may start to meet people as well.

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T.G.

answers from San Francisco on

you can email me if you like. I am new to Fremont and have yet to make any friends. I homeschool my 4 kids so I can meet anytime. Perhaps we can meet at a park and chat?

[email protected]____.com

T.

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J.J.

answers from San Francisco on

hello D., boy do I know that feeling, but I DID get through it! I have to say that I agree w/your 1st responder & have a few more ideas. Here's a combined list:

*let your OB know what's going on - absolutely.
*new moms group: call your nearest hospital - you can participate w/any of them! they're all FREE!
*your local church likely has a program for new moms too.
*Las Madres playgroups -- in your community based on age of children & part of your city.
*the library! children's story times ;) borrow CDs & books to get a jump on that education you want. Your daughter won't understand them, but that doesn't mean you can't read her some of them!
*Bay Area Parent magazine (bayareaparent.com). lots of stores have them & the library too.
*FRESH AIR! walk, walk, walk & then walk some more.

If you're out there walking, your pumping out those endorphins that make you feel r-e-a-l good; you're soaking up vitamin D which we all need; you will not be spending money because you are walking; & you will be getting healthier & more trim because you are walking! It's a win-win-win !! for you AND your daughter! show her the flowers, colors, scents & different textures of spring, of nature -- and enjoy them yourself. and when you're done w/all that, put a blanket out on the lawn & watch that beautiful little girl of yours explore.

Sometimes these steps are difficult, but you've already taken the 1st step & that is asking us for help. The hard part is over. Have your self a few deep breaths and step out the door w/your daughter. You can go anywhere!

Remember that the bus or trolly can take you downtown as well. The Discovery Museum has an "open door policy". If you are unemployed, they will let you in at no charge. When you get to the counter, just ask if they still have that policy. they work on the honor system - there was nothing to sign & no paperwork needed.

feel better D. and keep talking to us!
best wishes, ~J.

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S.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Sweet heart you are feeling depressed and it is totally normal. First of all know that being a mother is the best thing in the world and if you are nothing else you have done a great thing. The world tells us we have to "be somebody" to be important. God tells us that our greatest joy comes from being a wife and mother. If you are fullfilling His purpose you are doing well.
Now you need some help too. Call your ob and tell him/her that you are struggling. Ask for support services in your area. If you have Kaiser, they have a support group for new moms, but I know that other hospitals have them too. Call the one you delivered at. Ask for help to get through this rough time. It will get better. Trush His purpose for your life.
Finally the weather is nice, put your baby girl in the stroller and walk to the park. You will feel better and meet other moms. Go get 'em girl. Blessings.

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B.V.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi D.,

I would say.

1. STOP for a moment. Clear your mind Forget everything, then start filling up by breathing.

2. BREATH, do a loving breath. As you breath say

3. Thank you for my source. Thank you for having a daughter, her dad and everything and anything that makes you happy. Count as many blessing as you can. Do not stop until you feel full of blessings in your heart.Then deeply breath and feel them.

4. SAy I AM A WINNER. I am thankful for what I have. I will treasure them by focusing on what I would like to do now. I want to... what ever you like. Then you pray and say I

5. Ask for guidance from (whatever religion you may have or whatever it is that you believe in someone up high)

6. BELIEVE that what you ask will be given unto you

7. Do the action to make your wish come true.

Hope this will help. B. www.bv1712.myopportunity.net

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D.W.

answers from Modesto on

I can empathize with you on this one. It can be hard to make time for yourself. You should find something that you can do by yourself once a week, like taking a class, or going to bingo or something that can help you get away for an hour or so once a week. Everyone needs time by themselves so they can find who they are and what they want in life. I hope things get better for you! Oh and don't be so down on yourself for being overweight, a lot of people are. That doesn't make you any less of a person.

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C.C.

answers from Fresno on

You may have post-partum depression. I had that with my first daughter as well, and it is really tough to get through on your own. Please speak with your doctor. Your doctor can evaluate whether medication would help you.

Besides that, I would suggest going for a walk every day. Take your baby with you in the stroller and just get out and enjoy the beautiful spring weather! You never know, you might meet other moms out doing the same thing. I walk for an hour a day no matter what, and it has helped me lose weight and I feel better too. Exercise releases endorphins that will actually make you feel happier! Once you get into walking more and more, you will discover that you can walk 5 miles in an hour, which is a long way - you'll be surprised how many places you can go without a car!

Hang in there, things will get better. Being a mom is the single most important job you will ever have; don't ever feel like you are "just" a mom! You are a superhero in your child's eyes.

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C.S.

answers from San Francisco on

When children are that little they take up so much time and energy. You can tend to loose all of your time to your family. What helped me burst out and actually meet others was to join a playgroup. There was a Mother's club in the area and they matched me up with a playgroup with others who had children the same age. You can do a websearch for one if your area if you're interested. You deserve some time just for you and please know you are a very important person. Know that in doing your best, you should be proud. It sounds like you are very busy so it doesn't necessarily mean doing a particular thing but getting away to have a bit of time for yourself or to have some comraderie with others in the same plight or who have similiar issues, concerns, or are just great listeners is a blessing at times. Best of luck in finding that magic thing that makes life special again for you.

C.

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G.B.

answers from San Francisco on

D.,

It sounds like you are getting depressed. Stop, take a breath, most of us who stay at home have felt like you at one time or another. I have felt like that a few times.

Start taking your beautiful 7mth old for walks. Not for her but for you. Enjoy the air, sing to her, breath. This alone will make you feel better. If you go to a park you might meet some people. I find that there are super nice Moms who like to chat, Moms who want to talk but don't know how to start a conversation and Moms who don't talk at all. You need to be the nice chatty one. If you say hi enough times you will find a friend. Put yourself out there!

There are numerous Moms Clubs in the area. I am not sure where you are from but Castro Valley has a great club, San Lorenzo has a great club. Google your city name and mothers club - something might come up. You will have to make yourself available for friends - the more you give of yourself the more you receive from others. I have met so many great friends, some 'best' and some I just see here and there - but with all of them I put myself out there and made myself open to receive people.

It is never easy to save money - the more you have the more you spend. Stop spending! Do you really need the item - if no then don't buy it. Try this for 2 weeks, you will be amazed at how much you have. For some $40.00 will be a lot for some $200.00 will be a lot. Worry about what is a lot for you.

As far as the feeling of being fat - you know the cycle you are in - I have been there myself. The walking will start helping with that too. Start small, everyday go further. Your mind will feel good and you will physically feel better. You will want to eat better and this will help with the money. It is soooo much cheaper to eat healthy then to buy processed food or fast food.

The stress will start to remove itself. Pray, focus on the positive things you are doing instead of the stress and you will be feeling so much better in no time at all! Feel free to e-mail me separately, off list, if you ever need an ear or a little bit of a pep talk!

Thank you for being so honest - I am actually going to print this note out because I need to be reminded of the above sometimes to....I feel better this morning - thank you.

God Bless

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J.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi D.,

I do know this feeling. My daughter is now 4months old and I had a really hard time right after I had her and still do occassionally. My husband and I live 2 1/2 hrs away from my family. We've lived where we live for over 2 years and I still don't have friends up there. I work full time and feel like I constantly have all this stress worrying about so much.

I also know about being "fat" so I started doing something about it. I joined weight watchers and am doing really well on it. Maybe that's something to consider. There are so many benefits to it. You go to the meetings once a week, you have a ton of support (at meetings and online), you can meet people, get out of the house and feel better about yourself. Trust me, it works. For me personally, if I don't feel good about myself I am miserable about everything else. I would say start there. The weather is getting nicer, start taking walks with your daughter in a stroller (that's what I plan to do) and remember we're here for you!

You are not a loser..

Love,
J.

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R.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Hang in there, D.! I remember feeling that way when my oldest kids were little ones. I know this won't sound like it will help but if you realize this is a short phase, it will make it easier to get through. In the meantime put your daughter in her stroller and head outside for a walk. Go to a park if you're near one and if not then just walk around the block a few times. Try to do it at least once a day if you can. The fresh air will be good for both of you and you'll be getting a little exercise (which will help you mentally and physically). I remember not having the energy to go out but when I forced myself to do it I ALWAYS felt better when I got home (even if it was just 10 minutes). Once you feel a little better then you can start working on a plan for saving money and school.
I hope that helps. Take care!

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S.L.

answers from Sacramento on

You say..."I feel like a loser and I am fat... I could work on that if I only could get rid of my stress about every other thing."

The way to get rid of the stress is to start working on that. I was feeling this way about two months ago (my son is almost 6 months old). I didn't like who I was and the thoughts of negativity I was having. I made a commitment to get out and do something every chance I get. My son and I walk every day (at least a mile). I wear him in the baby carrier and my son is about 17 lbs. so the baby belly is disappearing fast. At night instead of sitting in front of the t.v. I started reading books that I'm interested in. Browsing the bookstore is another stress reliever for me. I put my son in the baby Bjorn and we browse. He loves to be out and interacting with people in this way. I bet your daughter would love it, too, and it might renew your sense of pride in being a mom. I know you don't have a car but I'm sure you could take the bus with your daughter. I don't know where you live but if you're in Sacramento I'm sure you're not far from a mall.

Getting some exercise will make you feel better. Involving your daughter will make her feel bonded to you and will make you feel proud, strong and capable.

You may feel alone because you don't know anyone and can't get out but there are many women who experience these feelings after having a baby. It is perfectly normal and common. But you can't settle for it.

Also, give Daddy some bonding time with baby and go for a walk on your own or go to a coffee shop and read the paper for an hour, take a bath. You have a partner and I'm sure you can get handle things for an hour or so while you take some time for yourself.

Again, I've been there and I know it doesn't have to be a gloomy situation. You have to take the first step out the door, though.

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L.N.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi D.,

I would highly recommend joining a mother's group in your area. They are usually divided into age groups so your group would also consist of mothers with babies. Extend yourself at this group and set up times outside of the group to get together with other moms. As joyful as having a new baby is, it can also be a very lonely time for many people. You are not alone! There are so many moms feeling the same way you do. If you can leave the baby with your husband a few times a week (even for an hour) and get some exercise, you will very quickly begin feeling better about yourself! I know it's easy to say but just start with small steps everyday. Best of luck.

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J.P.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't know where you live, but there are lots of moms' groups that are FREE and may be in your neighborhood. You could also post on Craigslist to form a moms' group in your area. There are lots of people out there in your situation looking to make friends ... you are not alone!! Good luck and keep your chin up.

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R.G.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi D.,

I really think you should seek a family counselor and discuss your issue with her/him. Professional help would really help you--I guarantee it! As far as meeting other friends with kids, join a moms' group. You can probably find one through your local recreational center, preschools, yellow pages, or the web. Many moms with babies join the mom's group for support and some adult time too and meet frequently, and your baby would make friends too. That would get you out of the house and meet new people. Once you start feeling better, take a driving course so you can get your license. This will make you feel more independent and you'll be able to do so much more by driving yourself to places. You need to find another part-time job to fill in for the in between weeks that you don't work for your grandma. This will help with saving money for school. Your self esteem is low right now, but once you start seeing a counselor and join a mom's group and get your driver's license, I guarantee you will no longer feel trapped, and you will be an independent individual with friends. Oh, so you are a little fat, well you can join weight watchers once you feel less stressed.

Good luck to you and I wish you the very best. God bless.

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C.T.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi D.,

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you feel so isolated. You are such a good mama to put yourself out there & to ask for help! That's the hardest thing to do. Now that you've done that, it's only up from here! From what I'm reading here, I'm hearing that you are giving everything of yourself to those around you with all the caretaking you're doing, but no one has been there to take care of you. Big air hug to you.....

What are your interests? Do you have any hobbies that you're missing right now? What did you used to do that you really enjoyed? I totally understand transportation issues. We had one car for a VERY long time & often I was housebound with 2 kids. I started to find it very easy to fixate on what I didn't have, rather than what I did have. I had 2 children at home with me who dont care if we had a car & could drive somewhere. They wanted to make playdoh & play dress up. They didn't care if I hadn't showered in 2 days, but I sure did! I was very stressed out for multiple reasons & it was affecting my happiness & our marriage. I needed an outlet.

I started to incorporate simple little things to slowly regain my sanity. Shower time was my sanctuary. NO ONE was allowed to enter my sanctuary without consequence. It took a while to train them, but well worth it. My 30 minute escape from reality.

I also started to take walks around the neighborhood WITHOUT my kids. Sure we'd go for a walk or play outside during the day, but that was still me being a mom. I needed ME time. So I would go for a walk by myself & come back feeling refreshed.

Little things like that might at least help you clear your mind & reconnect with yourself & the beautiful woman inside you who is so devoted to those she loves. You just need time & space to love yourself.

Have you talked to your partner about this? Is he aware of what you're going thru? Sometimes men, especially with a first child, try to understand but dont always get it. If you contact your OBGYN or pediatrician they should have a local resource/talk line that you can call to help put things into perspective.

Take care of yourself!
C.

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D.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi D.,
You are suffering from severe post partum depression. I suggest you try psychotherapy, CranioSacral Therapy, talk to your doctor or all three.
D.

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A.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Try using www.meetup.com. I went on and found an amazing group of other moms that I meet with at parks and going for walks. This is a great site and can help you find others that may have something in common with. And do talk to you ob about PPD. Many have samples that they can start you on until you find a medication that will be best at helping you.

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T.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Well you just have to put some time aside for your self, I have a family and a sick Dad, it became that was all of my world, I also felt trapped.
I started to take small walks before I went into the house after work, I put aside sometime to take long baths, short shopping trips and generally concentrating on refreshing myself. Start asking you significant other to take some of the burden off of you, do't allow the I've worked all day excuse, because as a mother we work all day and nite with no breaks or lunch.
You can't do a good job of taking care of others unless you truly care for yourself first.

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M.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Hey there, D., I completely know how you feel. I'm currently at the tail end (at least I hope it is!) of my post partum depression. My baby is now 9 months old and is my first. Everything that you talked about I can relate to, what I did was about 2 months ago I got in contact with a lady in the Bay Area about PPD and she told me about this mother's group called MOPS (mothers of preschoolers). They are actually international and are all over the place. Here is their link http://www.mops.org/ and I'm sure there would be a group meeting in your area. It has helped me out a lot. In fact I joined another group the other day, so now I belong to two of them. They provide support and also other contacts to other mothers groups in the area. It reassured me that I'm NOT alone on this journey of motherhood, and everything IS going to be okay, this is just a season of life, and I'm learning to love it! I pray you can too. God bless and my prayers are with you.

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J.O.

answers from San Francisco on

it's so hard to think positive in this situation, i've been through it, alot of moms have! u just have to change your way of thinking, and don't ever be down on yourself, everything is fixable!! one step at a time!! i can give you my number if you ever need to talk please call.

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H.G.

answers from Fort Collins on

D.,
I would really love to help you create the possibility of a sense of community around your new role as a mom. I own and run FitMomma, a mom and baby fitness class, in Oakland and in Alameda. This is really a great way to get connected to other moms in your community, have your daughter meet some other babies, and get back into shape! I know that you don't have a car right now, so we could possibly work something out to get you rides to and from the classes!

Please feel free to e-mail me! I know how hard it is to be a new mom with a little person who doesn't talk much!

www.fit-momma.com
[email protected]____.com

Good luck!
H.

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P.Q.

answers from San Francisco on

My heart goes out to you. I know you are probably exhausted from having a new baby. I remember the same feeling many years ago. Believe me, things will get better as your child sleeps more and settles into a routine. Start small. Try a walk around the block once a day, alone if you can or with the baby in the stroller. As spring comes you will be able to enjoy the sun on these walks. You will be surprised how a short walk can perk you up. If it is possible,you might want to join weight watchers. You can meet ladies and get so much support there. And it would be just for you. I wish you luck. Keep us posted on how things go.

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C.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi D., Sounds like stress is taking you over. You should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. You might just have some sort of deficiency. Also, be sure to take multiple vitamins daily. When baby is sleeping, try sitting quietly, deep breathing, and thinking of good things... do this every day. Also, turn on your TV to FitnessTV and start with some exercising or just dance with gusto to the radio. I do these things; mainly, they just get me going. Also, when the weather is decent, be sure to take baby for a walk in the stroller. See if you can get to know your neighbors, get an online penpal, is there a church near you? Do know that what you are going through is temporary and everything will work out... it ALWAYS does. Be sure to smile... your brain will believe you are happy. Take care, C. S.

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J.M.

answers from Sacramento on

I completely understand how you must feel! That is why I help run a moms group in the elk grove area! We provide free childcare and the moms come together to support one another. check us out at moms.meetup.com/2201

Many women who come don't know anyone, so you will not be the only one. If you would like to join us let me know and you can sit with me!!!!!

Love
jenn

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K.G.

answers from San Francisco on

D..You might also want to look for a support group for people who need to take care of disabled or elderly relatives.  Taking care of both a child and an older adult must be enormously stressful and must leave very little time for yourself.  People sandwiched between generations and needing to take care of both the younger and the older are on the rise. You should be able to find either a support group or an online community to join.  I think you are smart to check in w/ your OB, too.  Depression hits so many people, and post-partum hormones and/or stresses in your life could have trigger depression. Best to you!
K.

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D.S.

answers from Fresno on

D.,
So many of us have been right where you when we were young mothers, and thanks to this website, we can offer support and advice. You aren’t alone. Reaching out like this is really good for you and your family. I can tell you a million details about my life and my marriages, but what I found most helpful in my trials and tribulations as a woman is that simplicity is the best medicine. Find beauty and goodness in things around you. If you don’t know where to start, a good place is knowing what to stop. Stop watching, reading, and listening to anything that is depressing or negative. Replace tense dramas with comedies, avoid the news and read self-help and/or personal and spiritual growth books (Oprah’s website is a treasure of inspirational books), listen to uplifting music. I listen to songs like they are prayers. I like “Bring On The Rain” by JoDee Messina, “Strong Enough” by Cher, “Thank You” by Dido, and of course “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor I think. About the fine, we all make mistakes. Take a deep breath, if you don’t have time and energy for school right now, put it aside. If you are female you will always think you are fat. Don’t measure the size, measure the health. Walking with your favorite music does wonders. Do what you can to feel pretty even it’s just wearing scented lotion. We all wish we were Wonder Woman but I’m sure at times she wishes she was one of us. Well now you have us to talk to if you need to, and remember, no prayer goes unheard. Good Luck.

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K.M.

answers from San Francisco on

You're overworked. It doesn't look like it on paper, but you are. Choose the one thing you want most to change about your life right now, and change it. Forget everything else, and just concentrate on that one thing. You'll find that when you set one simple goal and set out to acheive it you get distracted from everything else. This is a good thing.

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A.C.

answers from San Francisco on

HI D.,
YOu are a very caring person.
How nice.
I suggest Las Madres support group for mothers of children born the same year in the same neighborhood.

(877) 527-6237 this is the phone number I got from white pages.

another suggestion is to see your family doctor for advice.
If you go to church ask for help there or contact Catholic Charities.
Best wishes to you!

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M.M.

answers from Sacramento on

Hello, It must be in the air I ahve 4 kids and am pregannt with my 5th and alot of my friends ahve started working or have moved away. I ahve some friends but they are very busy. I feel trapped in my SAHM house with all of my kids. I used to go to the gym every day and work out and that was wonderful it made me feel so much better and then in Novembver I got a really bad kidney infection and have not been 1005 since nad then now being pregannt it stinks becasue I am so tired. I forgot to check where you were located but it would be awsome if we were close we could get to know each other better. Responfd to me and then even if we are not close we can still get to know each other better.

M.

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M.P.

answers from San Francisco on

I felt the exact same way for so long, It's hard in your situation to get an outlet and take time for you but you have to. I started by walking around my neighborhood and I met some people at the park and on my walk next thing I knew I had a core group and lots of new friends somtimes you need to let those kids work for you lots of new moms hang out at the park have fun and take that needed time for yourself

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T.D.

answers from Fresno on

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Please remember that. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world because it almost requires completely loosing yourself to your family (physically and emotionally). However, no other success can compensate for failure in the home. You could be a hot model or a successful businesswoman. But remember, the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world because you are raising our next generation. Nothing is more important, and less recognized.

Try getting involved with a church group or MOPS (mothers of preschoolers).

By the way - I have had 4 kids and have never lost all the weight after ANY of them. Just try to treat yourself in a healthy way and then love who you are. If you cannot get out of this slump, contact a psychiatrist. I had post-pardom depression and after my 4th baby it did not go away. I finally started taking medication for it and it is amazing how much better I feel. Hang in there. :)

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M.T.

answers from San Diego on

hi, D.. it sounds like you're in a situation similar to mine. my son is 2 now, but i started feeling how you are feeling a little over a year ago. I had just moved and had no friends in the area, and moved here in order to be a stay at home mom. i spoke with some friends(from where i had left) and they suggested that i may be suffering from post-partum depression. I didn't realize that it could manifest so late after giving birth, but apparently it can. my situation with my son's father also made it difficult (we are not together as a couple but have been trying to raise our son together, as friends). Seeing a counselor to talk about my feelings helped, although i am no longer going due to financial reasons. i also believe that if you are able to work, even part-time, it would help to make you feel more connected to the rest of the world. This is what i will be doing soon - and i am looking forward to it!
i hope this helps....

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V.W.

answers from San Francisco on

D.,

You need to appreciate your blessings more!!!!! I worry if you don't you will end up a single mother all too soon... You need to focus a bit more on being a good wife...

If you are feeling so unhealthy that you call yourself fat - perhaps you should look for a work-out buddy...

Cheer up - that baby will be graduating from HS before you know it and you will have missed the joyous journey moping around...

I am the single mother of 5 amazing children - youngest is 7 months - oldest is graduation from HS in a few months.

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S.B.

answers from San Francisco on

My advice is to join a local mother's club so that you have a base of moms with young kids that you could get to know. Then you can start a sit-and-play group. This is a combination of a playgroup/babysitting exchange. Half of the moms stay to watch all the children for a couple of hours while the other moms get time off. You would meet weekly and take turns hosting the playgroup at each other's homes. This is what got me out of my new baby isolation--it's so wonderful on so many levels! You'll really get to know several moms/families well, you'll have regular time to talk with other women (when you're sitting) and have some time to yourself (when you're taking a leave). You could exercise during that time. Your child will start to develop a group of friends and get comfortable being cared for by people other than yourself. And...its all FREE! You would just have to stay on top of organizing everyone. Also, as the organizer, you can pick and choose who you'd want to include in your group.

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C.S.

answers from San Francisco on

D., I cannot relate to your being a Mom, but I can relate to being a caregiver. Sounds like you are like so many of us - girlfriend, caregiver, mother - giving all of yourself to others. I too have been feeling like there is no one out there - so I joined a group of women who are walking and doing a workout - trying to talk to others about them instead of how crummy I feel. But the best advice I received was to go to Oprah's website as Marianne Williamson is giving The Course in Miracles free. So I started with Lesson One (they are on Lesson 61 now). I have found it has helped. Along with doing my upmost to look at what I have instead of what I don't have based on my own thoughts. I try to remember that I shouldn't be going into my head thoughts alone, as it's a bad neighborhood. Hope you can see that giving OF yourself is a beautiful thing - giving TO yourself is what makes you strong. Blessings,

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C.D.

answers from Fresno on

D. -- I was a stay at home Mom too, and it can be very lonely and seemingly isolating. If you live in a safe neighborhood, you can try taking your little one for a walk in the stroller or wagon, or even just carrying them to a park or somewhere closeby that has a bench and some grass. There are usually other parents at parks, etc, and you might be able to make some connections there. I also used to take my toddlers to storytime at the local library, where I met other parents who had similar childrearing interests. I also volunteered at the local museum, and they allowed me to bring my little guy in the stroller, while I gave tours to the schoolchildren viewing the exhibits. I also took my pre-school child to a local church that had a women's bible study that provided child care. This was a total lifeline for me. I still attend that same study, almost twenty years later. If you go to church, you might seek out help from some of the other women there, or from your pastor. My church family was a great help in those early years when my boys were little. As for being fat, I know what you mean. I never have been able to lose all the weight that I gained...but don't let me discourage you! Get out and walk with your little one, and the benefits of exercise will not only burn calories, but also lift your spirits. And who knows...perhaps one of the new moms that you meet will want to lose some weight too, and you could be dieting partners! There is alot of information online in regard to dieting...check it out. God bless you...Cathy D.

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A.P.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi D.,
My name is A. papangellina dn I have a hoome based business that is around Health and wellness. It provides me with a great network of adults to speak with and many mom's are realizing a great income as well as getting back into "fit and lean" condition with their body.
Here is the link to the business and the attachment is an orientation around nutritional cleansing. Please feel free to e-mail me at [email protected]____.com if you have an interest in feeling lean and working with other adults and yet still be around the house to care for your little one.
This is a great business for stay at home mom's who are looking to be able to make a difference, connect with others and still give their children the attention they require and you want to provide.
www.cleansedforlife.com
www.angelyn.isagenix.com

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V.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi D. - sounds like you have a combo problem of being young and feeling isolated plus maybe some post partum blues going on. All is normal -even the feeling like a loser part - for awhile. Talk to your doctor on the blues part, as the weather gets nicer, take your baby for walks to a nearby playground and make yourself talk to other moms at the playgrounds. Hopefully, fresh air, nice surroundings, new people to meet and exercise will help with your outlook and your overall health. Money part is tough but will eventually work out. I've been there - it does get better.

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N.P.

answers from Modesto on

D.,

Please, please, please hang in there!!!! When was the last time you saw your Doctor? It almost sounds like you may have signs of Postpartum. You said that your daughter is 7 months old. This is the "beginning to get very busy" stage, and she will need you at your very best! She needs you to be patient and loving, and that will be hard to accomplish when you're depressed!
My suggestion...get up everyday as if you ARE going somewhere! It's ok to wear sweats in your own home, but you need to put on makeup....everyday.....and touchup every afternoon! Try that new color of eye-shadow you've been wanting to try, or a new way of doing your hair. You need to keep moving, keep reading Mamsource, keep in contact with anyone, and tell your husband how you're feeling so it's not a secret! You can make a turn-around, D., but you HAVE to fight for it!
I know you can do it! You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend.

:o) N.

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L.B.

answers from Chico on

Hi D.,

When you say you are a “looser” I hope that means you have been loosing some of what you feel is the excess weight that causes you to say you are “fat”. There are no other kinds of losers in this world. Most of us however, have not made good life choices from time to time (be it eating habits, exercise, education, life partner choices, and so on) and have felt that way.

You are obviously a beautiful person. If you were not, you would not be seeking input, advice, counseling, and moral support to help you through a tuff time. Keep in mind this is normal and everyone needs some bolstering up once in awhile.

At times like this in my own life I have forced myself to focus on my strengths. It is important to remind yourself you are a person of worth and value. It is not necessary to be a “religious” person to realize “God don’t make no junk!”

Please feel comfortable to write to me personably if you would like to: [email protected]____.com

You are not alone…

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J.G.

answers from Bakersfield on

First, you need to focus on what you are doing right in your life. You have a lovely 7m old daughter, you help out by taking care of your step-grandmother and you are trying to be responsible by taking care of your fine and saving for school. Keep focusing on those things you are doing right and slowly start adding other things that you can do better. You feel fat. Most women unfortunately have a negative view of themselves. You may be overweight, but that can be changed. One of the most powerful things I ever heard was "When life feels out of control the on thing you can always control is what you choose to put in your mouth." I heard this at Weight Watchers where I lost 60 pounds. Losing weight always makes you feel better about yourself, but maintaining control of your actions is what makes you feel the best. Controlling your actions can be with money, food, your child, your discipline in studying and earning a college diploma, etc. You sound lonely and school would help pull you out of that. My suggestion is to set long term goals and then focus daily on what it takes to help reach those goals.
I was a working mom going to college. I had my daughter at 18 and had to work harder due to my poor teenage actions. My daughter is now almost 23 and is still one of the best things I have in my life. I also have 2 wonderful sons and 2 wonderful grandchildren. My point is that it is not always going to be easy but stick with it. The one thing that you will ALWAYS have in this world when things get tough is YOU, and you are worth everything that you have to give. When you give to yourself what you need (an education, peace, discipline, love, respect, financial security, etc.) everyone who is a part of your life will also benefit (your daughter). Feel free to email me if I can be of emotional support. Every human being has something positive to offer the world and is worth getting to know.

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H.M.

answers from Stockton on

Hi D.,
I saw your message and my heart goes out to you. I just want to say...hang in there. Sometimes we just get into a funk! I remember feeling that way after the birth of my son. My advice to you is to seek out friendships either via mother's groups or maybe even your church if you are religious. Find a neighbor and start taking daily walks. You will feel so much better and if you walk with a friend it will give you a chance to vent your frustrations or get your mind off of your stress, plus walking is free! I hope some of this advice helps. Just know how you are feeling is temporary and you'll get through this challenging time.
Sincerely,
H.

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S.S.

answers from San Francisco on

A baby is wonderful but the reality is that they are very difficult to care for. It takes so much of your time, all of it really. Please believe me that it gets better and easier. I suggest that you join a mother's group through your church or hospital. Even if you don't belong to a particular church you would be welcome. I also think you may want to talk to a counselor or a psychologist or psychiatrist since you may have depression - pretty common. As for being fat, try to eat healthy but don't stress over that too! It will be easier to deal with it when you have emotions under control. You are NOT a loser - you are a wonderful mother, wife, granddaughter and friend with lots of stress. Don't put yourself down.Good luck to you.

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J.I.

answers from Bakersfield on

HI, D.;
You are not a loser. You just aren't. Even though you are pulled in a lot of directions right now by your family, your family is part of the proof that you are rich. You have what so many other people don't have. Do you believe in God? I think that the other part of the "proof" that you are rich is that you do have certain skills and talents that you are here on earth to use. Consider spending some minutes every day making a list (mental or actual) of things you are thankful for, and of things you would like to do: goals. Things to learn about, practice and excel in. I hope you have a good night, and if you want to write back, you sure are welcome. J.

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P.B.

answers from Sacramento on

D., I really sympathize with you - you are overwhelmed. A new mother, taking care of your step-grandma, and it sounds like your baby's father isn't with you full time or helping you very much. YOU are not a loser. You are a Mother, and this is the most important job yop will ever have. You are a caretaker, also an important job. If your step-grandmother is qualified for Medicare (over 65) and/or Medicaid you could be paid to be her caretaker. Try to look into this. Then you can earn a wage, save some money for school, and go from there. Try to find a local church or community center you can visit for help, also. Many churches have day care centers that would allow you to go to school, and some are state funded. It is amazing what is done in lives when you just look for Christ! Hoping all the best for you!

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

You may want to visit some websites on post-partum depression.

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T.M.

answers from Sacramento on

Boy do you sound like me after my first child. When I had my twins I was so scared it was going to be the same way, well it wasnt', and you know what the difference was? I was involved in a playgroup. I found that being with women who were going through the same stage in life helped me to know that i was normal and I had worth! Find a playgroup in your area, you can start with Sierra moms! Good luck!

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K.U.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi D.,

I don't have friends to hang out with myself, and in the absence of that I find that what makes me feel best in the world and with myself are creative outlets. Even if you don't think you are a creative person, there are ways to tap into it that will make you feel good NOW. Simple things. If you are in an apartment, you can make window boxes of plants, herbs, lettuce, flowers, working with soil is both good for your soul as well as your brain (microbes in soil are naturally antidepressant!) If you have a yard start working the dirt- it really works! Pick up a hobby and it might help pay some bills too. Knitting, and then selling your knitting at a boutique or online (not so much in the summer tho!) Sewing is also a great outlet, and it really just takes practice. My point being, pick something even of you don't feel confidant of your ability and then COMMIT to learning the skill well, and I guarantee you'll start feeling better. Just whatever your results, don't continue with self talk about being a loser. YOU AREN'T! You're just searching for meaning in your life and that makes you HUMAN! There's so much meaningful activity for us, but we have to make the effort to connect with it. It requires seeing ourselves more compassionately tho, so please stop coming down so hard on yourself. Have a lighter touch with your own self and motherhood will feel better too, I bet. We're here on Earth to figure out who we are and how we fit, not to run ourselves down (but many of us go through that too, it just doesn't help!)

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P.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Honey, you need to get to know your best friend... YOU! What does she like to do? What does she think about? Have you accepted her unconditionally and learned to love her? You are so much more than what you're describing in your post. You're an intelligent, talented woman who has a lot to offer. So what if you're a little overweight. Name me one mom of a young baby that doesn't want to shed a few pounds. If it's really THAT much of an issue for you, there are things you can do about it that require little more than some imagination. Can I make one suggestion? Now that you've listed all the things you can't stand about yourself, make a list of your positive qualities and post them where you'll see them daily. Make those things your truths... read them, internalize them and believe them and you'll start to see a difference.

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C.D.

answers from San Francisco on

oh sweetie,
you have got to take a long walk at least once day, walk to the store or to the library o just around the neighborhood, getting out will help your outlook and stress and may help you lose weight too. I also recommend finding a mom group in your area, check with the education dept at the local hospital or call social services which may have information. remember you are not alone and motherhood is hard now get out your stroller or baby pack and take a refreshing walk
take care

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S.V.

answers from San Francisco on

D.:

you are not the only one that goes through emotional ups and downs.....
we must remember that we all need friends, and to love life....
you could start meditating and focus your self in the positive things in your life..... see your self in a future full of love and accomplishments, see your self in a warm beach... just relaxing and breathing the fresh air of the ocean waves...
remember sweetie, that life has its ups and downs..... everybody face different obstacles in order to reach our goals...
it seems to me that you have many things that you need to deal with your self, and you have the time to deal with them as they come.... own them... and also see that all the things that happen to us when we are little, are not our fault....
nobody is perfect, and we all have baggage that came along with us to our current situations.... get the strength to surpass all the things you need to...
and start living... life is beautiful.... value your life.....
warmly,
sandy

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S.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you could get yourself plugged into a local church that might help. They might offer a womens group or parenting class. You will be amazed on the people you will meet just by doing this. I know it helped for myself. Take Care and hang in there :)

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J.B.

answers from Stockton on

It sounds like not only have you had a lot going on, but it came at a time when you're vulnerable emotionally. I know the feeling firsthand. I went from a career woman to a stay-at-home mom overnight with no advice from anyone on how it felt when I was suddenly cut off from my work friends and the daily grind of going to work. I won't say I miss going to work now, but that regime was mine for years and suddenly I was at home alone all day with a baby. So I started walking, pushing the baby around in a stroller. He loved the fresh air and I got some exercise (I'm a bit overweight, too). I also found a mother's group through a local church ... even if you're not religious, being with other women who were feeling the same as me (trapped, confused, etc) helped so much. Maybe there's one within walking distance or via public transportion. I bet someone would even pick you up and give you a ride! The most important thing is: Get out of the house and find stuff to do that doesn't cost anything!! :) It will put your mind (and your stress) at ease. Hang in there.

G.P.

answers from Modesto on

I know the feeling. I am overweight also, and you feel you have nobody to talk to. I agree with you on that. Socializing on the net is always easy for me. Nobody understands me either. Life is complicated enough. I am good at giving advice, but not taking my own. I tried Quik Slim, and it made me very energetic. I didn't feel like I was losing weight, just energy to clean the kitchen. I have 3 boys, so I got my hands full also.

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S.H.

answers from Sacramento on

Girl Girl, Girl..........sounds like the way I was a ways back. I was headed into depression. It was begining to way me down. BUT, i made the choice to give it to God and let everything go. I felt alone. I felt like I had nobody. The truth is I had God. He is always with us. He has promised to never leave nor foresake us.
It is important to focus on ourselves. A lot of times as women we spend so much times helping others. We give even when we don't have. think about this...how helpful are we if we aretired and burnt out. We as women must get out and get away. Refresh! Fill our tank!

Love yourself!

God Bless, Your new friend S.
Look me up on [email protected]____.com/livnfochrist
I would love to keep in touch with you.

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

HI-
It sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on. Have you talked to your MD about post partum depression? Can you find a local PPD support group? Does your local hospital have some resources for new moms, so maybe you can join a mothers group. I hope some of this helps.

I know all of the above worked for me.

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