I have spent the last year paying down our credit credits, using all of my paycheck. I suggested my husband open a credit card to rebuild his credit since he claimed bankruptcy. We discussed that he will only buy small items and pay them off, absolutely no carrying a balance. I found out he is charging way too much and not paying off the balance. He told me to mind my own business. I'm pissed and feel betrayed.
Well, you trusted him and he doesn't have the same goals as you do. He's building credit on his own. At some point he will use up the available amount and have to pay and pay and pay and pay interest. You know he's not paying for anything each payment, he's only paying interest.
I guess he's not going to get another one, right?
I've been part of a group that helps people get and stay out of debt for many years and the situation you're facing now is so incredibly common.
You worked and planned to pay things off, good job. Your husband had declared bankruptcy. If you had asked before it happened, I'd have told you that your husband should absolutely *not* open a new credit card to 'rebuild credit'. He has to rebuild his brain first, which he has not done.
For your own protection, if you have not already done so, you need to separate your finances from your husband. Solo bank accounts, particularly savings, in your name only. He should not be a an authorized user on any credit accounts you may still have. You should not cosign on any kind of loan with him.
You'll need to figure out who pays which household bills and how you want to handle the physical act of paying them. His new debt(s) are entirely up to him to pay. Not one cent of your paycheck goes towards that.
Get into marriage counseling too. If he won't go, do it yourself. Money issues like this are a top cause of divorce. You need to figure out where you two are headed, because his behavior can't continue if he wants to stay together.
If your location is accurate; Florida is not a community property state, so you are not legally responsible to cover his new debts unless your name is on it too. Any joint assets are at risk, however.
When someone gets defensive about a previously identified problem, it tells me that there is a lot more to unravel about this problem.
I see your husband's response as quite defensive.
Before you decided to pay down your credit cards, did you and your husband discuss and agree on this plan? Did the two of you address how you got into that financial situation and how to prevent it again?
What exactly is he buying?
If the two of you did not develop a detailed plan, then the real issues have not been addressed and I see how this could happen.
If you did, then he did betray you and it's time for you to take legal action at a minimum to protect yourself and children and start to look for a marital therapist ( go alone if he won't go with you).
Apparently he didn't learn anything by going through bankruptcy.
He can NOT handle a credit card and may never be able to.
He needs to cut it up and pay cash for everything.
Maybe you need to see a lawyer about getting a post nuptial agreement that could separate your finances so he is responsible for his debts and you are responsible for yours.
Money (or lack thereof) is one of the big things couples fight about and it often leads to divorce.
You might need to think about that before he drags you down and drowns you in his debts.
Mind your own business?
This sounds like a bigger issue than just financial. You're either a team or you're not. Sounds like you have worked to get yourselves into a better financial position, and he's undoing your hard work. Did he also help to pay off the credit card debt?
It's not always even in a marriage (someone usually likes to spend more and one prefers to save) so you have to reach an agreement. If you're not able to on your own together - especially after he's already claimed bankruptcy, my suggestion would be to see a financial counsellor - together.
As for the not being on the same page with your goals - marriage counselling can be helpful.
If I wasn't going to do either (if he won't go), then I would take steps to protect myself (and kids) from his spending habits. I would have my finances separate from his, etc.
Unless you have completely separate finances and accounts it is 100% your business. You guys need to sit down and really discuss your financial goals, maybe with a professional if you think that would help.
He never learned about money and credit cards. A lot of people don't have that basic knowledge so they don't see that the thing they are buying for $100 on sale with a credit card actually will end up costing so much more when they just make the minimum payments.
I'd say its time to sit down with a financial planner and figure out how to make this work. You two may have different plans and goals which will cause you nothing but stress if you can't find common ground.
I would get an agreement from him that YOU will take charge of his credit card, and use it sporadically for small items in stores where you will not be questioned by having his card (merchants who know you) or for on-line purchases. You must then be in charge of paying off the balance.
Otherwise, you need to sit with a marriage counselor and a financial planner to work on better communication and a serious budget. He needs to work with his own counselor to figure out why he has this compulsion to buy what he cannot afford, and why he has no willpower when it comes to protecting you. Otherwise, you will go down the drain with him and be declaring bankruptcy again. If he does not agree to this, cancel the credit card entirely, and work with a planner to separate your finances from his, protect your house/mortgage, double-check that his life insurance is paid up, and protect anything else (kids' college funds, retirement/IRA funds) that is in jeopardy.
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I would get an agreement from him that YOU will take charge of his credit card, and use it sporadically for small items in stores where you will not be questioned by having his card (merchants who know you) or for on-line purchases. You must then be in charge of paying off the balance.
Otherwise, you need to sit with a marriage counselor and a financial planner to work on better communication and a serious budget. He needs to work with his own counselor to figure out why he has this compulsion to buy what he cannot afford, and why he has no willpower when it comes to protecting you. Otherwise, you will go down the drain with him and be declaring bankruptcy again. If he does not agree to this, cancel the credit card entirely, and work with a planner to separate your finances from his, protect your house/mortgage, double-check that his life insurance is paid up, and protect anything else (kids' college funds, retirement/IRA funds) that is in jeopardy.
what are the laws in Florida on marital debt? If you are found responsible for his debts as well? You might want to seriously consider divorce so that you don't have to keep the family afloat because he can't control his spending habits.
Please seek a financial counselor/advisor. Both you and your husband need to go. He obviously didn't learn from filing bankruptcy the first time. He's living very dangerously.
you need to have a sitdown discussion about this with him.
D.,
Welcome to mamapedia.
If he is charging on HIS credit cards? Make sure you are NOT financially liable for them.
You both need financial counseling. If he can't NOT charge? He's living outside his means and will end up in bankruptcy AGAIN.
If you are using your whole paycheck to pay off debt? How are you keeping a roof over your head? Buying food?
GET A BUDGET IN PLACE!!! Sounds like neither one of you know how to deal with finances and money. Find a financial counselor and get yourself on a budget and learn how to live within your means.
Good luck!
You are playing with fire. You do know that, don't you? He will take your credit down along with him.
People who declare bankruptcy and then continue to charge up the wazoo care nothing about others - only themselves. And that's what he is doing to his own wife. He doesn't care about you. It's all about him...
Do you want this man to do this and treat you like this for the rest of your days? You won't have a penny to your name when you are old and gray.
You need to divorce him. And you need to use a lawyer to unentangle your assets and obligations from his. As long as you are still married, you can be held accountable for his debts. You need guidance from the lawyer to do this so you aren't on the hook.
