Parents Being a Pain

First, I personally don't think anyone should sit in judgment of J. for asking for some advice. I don't think any of us are the perfect parents or kids for that matter, so until you have walked a mile in J.'s shoes, I don't think it is fair to judge her, her lifestyle or make assumptions about how responsible of a parent she might be or whether or not she is fit at all. There are lots of single parents in this world and the majority are good, hardworking, decent people just trying to do what is best for their kids while not losing their sanity. If J. didn't care about her kids, then my guess is that she wouldn't be trying to make a better life by bettering herself through education or worrying about making sure their is a DD around at the end of the night. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and while turning to the bottle is not a way, I don't think going out and having fun signals a drinking problem. From what I read, I don't see that she is saying she is going off and leaving her kids with her parents while she goes out and parties like a rock star. What I did read is that she and her parents have an agreement that she could go out on weekends when the kids are with their father and that the parents are not built in babysitters. So, I'm going to assume that she is holding up to her end of the bargain and not just running off and leaving the kids with grandma and grandpa while she goes out all the time.

Moving back in with your parents can be difficult at any age once you have lived on your own, had your own house, a marriage, kids, etc. My best advice would be sit down and talk with your parents again, maybe take one of those nights when the kids are away and spend it with them--take them out or cook them a nice dinner to let them know how much you appreciate what they are doing for you. Remember, they probably got pretty used to it just being the two of them, so maybe buy them an evening out, while you stay home alone while the kids are away and just have some "me time" once a month. If you are going out, revert back to when you were a kid and your parents knew who you were going out with and where you were going. If you aren't going to make it home that evening, call. Tell them that you will call to let them know that you are safe and let them know where you are in case they need to reach you. I know this is the day and age of cell phones, but they aren't flawless and my guess is your parents would like to have a back-up plan in case they can't reach your cell for some reason and need to if one of the kids is sick or hurt. As someone else suggested, at the beginning of the night see if the DD is willing to drive you home, if not, find someone that is or consider being the DD yourself, pace yourself and cut off the fun early enough to be able to drive. Another option is Care Cab, it's a free cab ride home. Program the number into your phone so you always have the option.

I guess last but not least is just make sure that you are showing your parents the respect that you expect back. I know it's hard for you as an adult to live back under their roof, but like I said, it may not be as easy as you think for them either. Part of the problem may be that they see you out on weekends and them wondering about whether or not you are saving any money for the future. Make sure they are aware of your savings plan and make sure you have one.

Good luck,
~M.

Hi J.

That's great you are going to school, it in time will make things easier on you and your children. Things and people can come and go in life, but no one can ever take an education away. I also understand at 26 you still have the desire to go out w/ friends and drink and have a little fun. You are young to have the reponsibility of being a single mom w/ 2 little ones. I know when I had my first child I said I don't know how parents can do it alone. So I understand your need to have a little fun, and act your age so to speak. When you are not having to be a responsible mom you like to do what most 26 year olds do. I also commend you for haveing a dd, I don't think it matters how many drinks you plan to have, if you are drinking any amount it is just safer to have a non drinker drive. You do have 2 kids to think of and driving after drinking is putting you self and the others on the road at risk. So, good for you!

Now as far as easing the tenssion between you and your parents, it is probably going to take a little give on your part. I don't think it matters how old you are or what you have done in life that deems being an adult, you are living in your parents home and with your 2 children. As much as your parents love you and their grand children it has to be a stress on them. The one thing I did not read from you was what you are doing to make this as easy and stress free on them as possible. It does not matter if your children are there or not, you don't live on your own and it is selfish to think that way. What do you do to show your parents you appeciate what they are doing to help you and your children, to help you 3 have a solid happy future, to help bail you out of the mess you created. They had all ready raised you, and now you and your 2 kids are back in the house, that is a lot to ask of your parents who probably lived a pretty quiet mess free life before you guys moved in. I don't think it matters how old you are you are always your parents child and if helping their child is within their means they are glad to do it. Think about your own children in 20yrs, they will always be your children, and you are always the parent. You too will help your children when they are "adults" if you can. That's what parents do. But don't mistake the fact that because you are a parent you are an equal to your parents. You still owe them respect and appreciation. So what do you contribute to the house as far as cooking, cleaning, laundry, picking up after you and the children, help with any of the bills or food, and teaching your children to be respectful to their grand parents. You may not ask them to watch your kids, but what else are they doing in reference to your kids,buying their food, doing their laundry, cooking for you and them, picking up their toys. Because of the favore your parents are doing for you, you should want to do as much as possible to help them an make your stay there as easy on them as possible. You just need to stop and think about how you and your 2 kids have changed their lives and put some of your free time needs aside. Like one person said, maybe they want to spend some time w/ just you, that might mean the world to them. If you have the money to go out then you have the money to offer your parents from time to time for bills or groeries. It makes me so mad when my own son (he just tured 18) has a starbucks in his hand every day, but needs money for gas. Your parents may think the same way. Now, if you where married and decided to go out w/ friends and you where not going to come home would you call him to let him know. More then likely you would, and that is so he would not worry, and because it is the polite respectful thing to do. Your parents want that same respect, they are your parents, they worry. You need to respect the fact that they are still your parents by letting them know your plans, you owe them that. You may not realize this yet because your children are still young, but you will always and forever worry about them.

If you want to think you are an adult then you have to act like one and show the people you live with some respect and appreciation. Stop thinking you are an equal to them and that they owe you anything. Ask yourelf from time to time what you can do for them to make the situation easier and to show your appreciation. Remember this is not easy on them, they are doing this because they love you and their grand cildren. Next time you give your kids a bath and there are clean towels in the closet remember they did not get there by their self, when you reach in the drawer to get a fork or the cabinate to get a glass it did not get clean and on the shelf by it self.

As far as I know you may pitch in as far as money and house work. Your kids may be quiet as church mice and always put their toys away. You may be doing every thing I mentioned and then some. If your not, you might consider it, it might not all go your way, but I think there would be less tension in the house. Your parents are doing you and your kids a favor, its not all about you all the time. You think your parents are stressing you out now, just think about your stress level if they did not help you. You are very lucky to have such good loveing parents.

I wish you all the best and I hope the fact that they are helping you is just that, a hand up, not some thing you think they owe you.

I am not trying to make you feel bad or lecture you. Often times learning to be selfless and walk a mile in another person shoes truly does not come until you are in your 30's or so. I just think if you did try to view things from your parents position and show a little respect and appreciation, stop tinking they owe you and realize you owe them things would go smoother. You said your 5 yr old is a princess who thinks she is 20, that is cute at 5, but not at 26, you are not the princess.

Good luck with every thing.

T.

Find another babysitter!

I'm guessing that your going out on weekends when the father has the children? If that is the case then I think maybe giving them a call to let them know your okay and just going to stay at a friends place is respectful. They're probably just worried about you, even though your an adult...your still THEIR baby. Sit down with them and see if that would make them more comfortable.

Hey there J.,

I first want to appaluade you for going back to school. I think that anytime you move back in with your parents it is hard. You mention that "things will basically be like I am living on my own" however, your not 'living on your own' You are living with other people and have two wonderful responsibilities(a 3yr old and 5 yr. old).

Now that I've said that, I don't believe that you are being immature. You ARE making sure of a DD, you are not going out every single night or having your parents as built in babysitters, you just need some time to chill take a breather. I wouldn't stop going out and having some me time, but I would try to see it from their perspective. They are obviously NOT out to make you miserable.

My advice is to see if your DD can drop you off home, or BE the DD and then you would be sure you get home. When you do want to have a couple more drinks and don't want to come home tipsy(or more) stay at a friends house, just make sure that your parents/the children's dad, has the information handy on where/who you will be staying.

When your parents see that you are making an effort to both be 'J.' along with mom, student, child, worker, ect, responsibly; I hope that they relax and let you lead your life the way they raised you too, responsible and fullfilling.

Good luck and I hope that all ends up well.

I doubt your parents would bring the going out to your attention and go through the conflict if it was every now and then and you just get out and be with friends. It sounds like you might be abusing the freedom of your kids being gone on the weekends and staying at your parents.

It's not that they don't want you to be happy...it just puts added stress on them having to worry if you are ok and when/if you're coming home. They're main concern is your saftey and your children.

I am for sure not in your shoes, however you need to be appreciative that your parents have taken you and your kids on because it adds stress to their lives. They obviously love you and your children. You are an adult. I would thank them for providing for you right now and stop going to the bar and getting so drunk someone has drive you to their house.

If you're in a hurry to get out, maybe look for a job on the weekends instead of going out so that you can save money to prepare your family for it's new start on it's own once you graduate.

We all need a break from time to time. Take a weekend off and really pray and focus on what's important to you and where you need to be focusing your energy!

God Bless

have you thought of getting on section 8 until youre graduated? they will help with housing issues. the truth is you are their daughter and that wont change and as long as your living with them they will be in your business (it is just what parents do, you will do it too) I know it is frustrating but you have to put up with that unless you are willing to live on your own. im on section 8 and yeah its a pain but when your a single parent you do what you have to. if i had a mom i would live with her if i could even if i had her in my business but unfortunatly she passed away. just remember either way its only temporary and you will be in your own place soon and that will be over.

Hi J.,

I totally understand your needing to have a social life outside of your family. Why don't you try to make arrangements when you plan to stay out all night and let your parents know your plans, then they are not worried about you. At the same time, try not to make it an every other weekend habit. At the same time when the kids are gone, do some things with your parents, and make sure you are doing your part at home ie: cleaning up, cooking, communicating. I think it would be okay with them if you stay at a friends house sometimes just let them know in advance so they know what to expect, and it doesn't seem like you are just hanging out and staying out all night getting drunk. You know the rule which will always apply, their house, their rules. Try to obide by them and keep the peace. You will have your own place someday. Until then, just show them a little respect and still get what you need at the same time. Good Luck with School.

S.

Hello J.
First let me say I am a mother of a 21 yr old young man and also sort of a mother to a nephew who stayed with us from the time he was 18- 22.
And when they stayed out all night I worried.
Its just part of being a mother, I know you are a mother but its a lot different once you have no control over what your child can and cannot do.
We worry, it just goes along with being a parent and being a parent we think we have the right to speak our mind , just because we gave birth to you.
I can understand both sides because I have boys who have done this to me and I have done this to my mom and she did to me what your parents are doing to you.
The only thing that helped me some was to tell her in advance if I was not going to be home or calling her to tell her I am ok that only helped some might I add.
I know it might not be possible but the only thing that really solves it is moving out. And they will still worry about you. But it might not be as bad.
Like I said I understand it may not be possible right now.

Good luck , one thing that has helped me is to try to see things from my mothers point of view once you are calm.
Think of how you would feel if your daughter was doing the same thing, and try to think of what would make you feel better about it and do just that.

Take care.
S. M.

Okay.... first of all... ignore what everyone else said. You didn't ask their advice on your social life. You asked for advice on your parents. I am a single mom with a nearly two year old son. We live at home with my dad because I am trying to finish school and my ex husband doesn't give me any child support so i can't afford to live on my own. My dad gives me the same grief as your parents. The thing that I have found to work the best is to let them know about a day in advance what you are doing. Let them know that there is a probability that you won't be coming home and are staying at a friends house. That's a good idea anyways just in case something happens. The next day try not to lay around the house (even if you have a hang-over). Get up and do some laundry and clean the house for a couple hours. Make it seem like you are being at least a little productive.
I completely understand your stress level and the fact that you need a break from life. You are still young and single. I carry 18 hours at school and am just trying to get done as soon as possible. There is NOTHING wrong with going out, spending time with friends, and having some drinks. You are doing the right thing by going out and getting the stress out of your system that way when your kids come home you can be a better mother. Don't let any of these OLDER mothers that are telling you that drinking is the problem interfere with being young and enjoying your free time. Don't forget your responsibilities to yourself.

First of all what I am going to tell you, you might not want to hear. You can tell your parents until you are blue in the face that you are being responsible by staying at your friend's house when you go out to party. You explain to them adult to adult and they still will have something to say. As long as you live with them, they will always voice their opinions. It was different when you came and went as you pleased when you did not have any children. Now that you do, things have changed. Especially since you are living with them. If you do not want to argue with them and if you do not want them in your personal affairs you will have to move out. If that is not possible, you must be prepared to hear whatever they have to say. Take it from me, I was newly married, going to college, no kids and my parents were still in my affairs. And when we moved in with them they were in my affairs two times more. That is what parents do. You must respect their concerns as long as you are living there. If you do not they might tell you that you will have to move on. They would not be parents if they were not trying to steer you in the right directions and older people forget that you do need to go out sometimes. My only other suggestions is to go to them and acknowledge that you understand their concerns and then convince your friend to bring you home after you party instead of spending the night. Take care and good luck

I'm surprised at how many people have jumped on you here. You didn't say you went out and got drunk every night. You did say, "the nights that I go out, IF I drink I don't drive home." I think that is pretty responsible actually. They say you shouldn't even have one drink without a DD. It sounds like you go out every other weekend when you're kids are at their dad's. Most of the women I know who are single mom's do go out when their kids are at their dad's for the weekend. It may be to the movie, it may be out to dinner, it may be out for drinks. I think that's pretty normal to want to go out every now and then when the stress of work, school and parenting gets to you.
BUT, if you're out partying all night and getting drunk and out of hand, that is a different story! On the nights that you do drink and have a designated driver, can you tell your parent's that you are going to be spending the night at your friend's house so that they don't worry? Can you ask the DD to take you home?
Ask your parents what would make them feel better about the situation? What exactly is it that bothers them? Maybe they feel like they are being taken advantage of since you are out spending money and not saving it for your future. Even though you are an adult, you aren't entitled to do as you please in someone else's house. They have made sacrifices for you to live there and its only fair that you make some sacrifices for them as well. Are you paying any rent? Paying for food for yourself and your kids? If not, you may consider offering.
I had to live with my parent's when I was 35 and my daughter was 2 years old and it was a sacrifice on both of our parts. Even though I was 35 years old, I still felt like a child sometimes. It wasn't my house and I couldn't always do exactly as I pleased. I lived there for a year and saved enough money to buy a house and pay off my debts from divorce. I also managed to pay them some rent each month. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

I had the same issues with my family while my first husband was over seas in Operation Desert Storm and when he wanted us to live apart. Our son was often at Gramma and Grandpockets for the night too. Like you, I had the weekend off. I'm happy that your kids get this time with dad.

The only thing I could say that my mother and Grandma understand was: "I wasn't going to put my future or my son's only parent around in jeopardy to drive while under the influence or overly tired (I worked 2 jobs)"

I also had to take into consideration that Grandma didn't approve of drinking. She found other outlets for her stress and relied on her faith to get her through and that worked for her. My mother on the other hand teeter tottered between only social drinking and total abstinence during the era where drinking and driving were socially and morally acceptable. Your parents are probably from the same age group or similar.

Even dating is different now and they don't have any clue about those things because they've been in the safety of a commitment on some level for your lifetime at least. But the nightly news, even fictionalized crime shows bring reality into their realm of knowledge the dangers of partying, dating, or just being out at night. Therefore being your parents, well they're going to worry and believe me, they'll worry when you're on your honey moon, vacation even when you move out on your own again. Because that's their job when your 3, 33, and until the day they die.

Just this morning I heard of a nightclub shooting in Tulsa this weekend. Things like that can really fuel a mom's imagination. Don't believe me, think about the last time you heard about a toddler shot by a stray bullet, sibling or visitor playing with a gun in the house. Or, the child lured away from a park by a predator?

I suggest a compromise, leave full contact information of the designated driver for them, just in case. Text it to them, then make a point of calling their voicemail, or shooting them an email that you're in for the night at "J.'s", you love them and will see them at the end of your weekend. Make sure that you have a good cellphone with GPS to make sure if Heaven forbid they need to report you missing. When I "hooked up" instead of going back with the designated driver, I made sure he or she knew the full name, numbers and car information on the guy. I would even call my workplace and leave the information about where we ended up in my voicemail or with the answering service operator and my friends and family knew they could call in to get this information. lol, I even had my husband's employer information (he was a live in nurse/au pair)as well as his parent's information left in my supervisor's inbox the weekend I drove to a small town to pick him up for our first date.

I know it's hard to feel like you have to check in. But you should do the same with a sitter, nanny or husband if you went away for a girls weekend.

Thanks for reading my ramblings, I haven't dated in 10 years. we haven't gone out for drinks in 7 years and I have an 18 year old that doesn't really feel any of this is necessary, either, but he doesn't have 2 kids that I know of.

Have a good time, but above all, stay safe.

Hey J.,

First of all you have alot of people chewing your butt out. Secondly, no matter if your married or single or whatever every mom needs me time. If you do stuff to help out your parents then I would suggest to them seeing as I don't have to kids this weekend why don't let you guys have some time to yourselfs seeing as you don't get it much because we are living here.

Thirdly I would only go out and do your thing when your kids are at there dad's. Regardless how you like to spend your me time.. It's not like your are drinking in front of your kids. Most people like to go out and have a couple drinks especially thoughs girls night out. I consider that me time..

Everybody automatically assumes that because you are a single mom that all you do is party and forget about your responsibilites and that's not true in all cases...

I lived in another state for 8 months while my husband was living in kansas and it's hard being a single mom... Good luck..

Hello J.,

I somewhat know how you'll feel, but not completely. My husband and I got married at 23 (we're now 29) and LOVED to party...then. Three months after we got married, I got pregnant with our first child. We decided that the partying had to stop. It was time to start a family, and we realized that our child was more important than going out, getting drunk, spending A LOT of money on alcohol that could be put away for our kids, getting into stupid fights while drunk, etc. After we had our first child, we had just gotten into a routine that we really liked and going out to party was no longer part of our lifestyle. And we didn't really miss it, either.

Just recently we were faced with possibly having to move in with my husband's parents, and I was a little freaked out. But I also felt very blessed, and reassured that they were there to help us and loved us. Luckily we didn't have to and I thank God for that, but I still know that there home is open to us if the situation arises.

I understand that you're single and you're "starting over" as far as relationships go. I'm not trying to be preachy, but just trying to give advice, so here goes. I remember when I was dating, before I met my husband, and distinctly remember thinking "I can't meet a great, quality guy with good morals in a bar." And that's the truth!!! You might want to think about who you may potentially be with for the rest of your life while going through the dating process. This person will be involved with your children and you really need to consider that. Also, you may want to rethink using alcohol as a destresser. There are so many other things you can do to release stress. I go to the gym--it makes me feel great and refreshed. Yoga is great, and any other class that the gym might offer. I am a member at the YMCA, and they have a great selection of classes and the childcare is included in the membership. Their swimming lessons are really inexpensive, and it's nice to be able to go to the pool during the summer. I know that alcohol makes me even more tired, and makes me think more about the things that are going wrong in my life--kind of a depressant, I think. As I've gotten a little older, I've become more involved in my church and have become really good friends with a few other young moms there. We try to get out without the kids and go to dinner or just go get some coffee for a few hours. We sometimes even get together at someone's house and have a game night and have a couple drinks. It's a lot more fun and less stinky than a smokey bar--and the drinks are WAY cheaper.

If you decide that you want to go out and party, see if the DD will go ahead and drive you home instead of staying with them--just to give your parents a sense of peace. Although they may annoy you and it may feel like they're in your business, they're just looking out for you. They're opening their home up to you and your children and should be respected, and I'm sure they'll respect your privacy more if you show them respect by letting them know more about what's going on. Try thinking about how you would feel if in the future your child gets married, has kids, gets divorced and then moves back in with you. You will feel bad for your child that they are going through so much. You will also want to see them get back on their feet and make good decisions both for themselves and their children.

As far as some of the other people who have reposted to this message, they have to realize that you are not irresponsible by going out when your children are staying with their father. You can't be expected to stay home and think about them and miss them while they're spending quality time with their dad. It's just not fair. You have to take care of yourself so as not to go crazy. Living with your parents is stressful enough, I'm sure!!

I hope I've helped!! :)
Liz W.

J.--
If you have a designated driver, is there a reason why that driver can't bring you to your own home? Isn't that the point of having a DD?
Sadly, despite being an adult and having kids of your own, I guess the old saying is true, "My house, my rules". Since I'm sure this is not a permanent arrangement, you might just have to suck it up a bit and honor your parents and their rules until you are back on your feet and on your own.

J.,
I can relate my first daughter was born when I was 20 and her "dad" has nothing to do with her. So I was living with my mom. My parents are divorced so I would have my dad babysit some nights. I would tell mom I wasn't going to be home that night. Then the next day I would get so much grief about where I had been! I also have a young bro an sis that still live with mom and she drives them CRAZY with questions.(Their 24 and 22) SO anyways, Your parents are probably just worried about you. Have you tried sitting down with your parents and talking with them? Do you go out every night that your kids are with their dad? Believe me I am NOT trying to judge you in anyway, but I can understand your parents worrying about you.

I am also really suprised the way some of the ladies judged you so harshly on here. I don't thing that was fair at all. I am glad to see your reponsible enough to have a DD! I know alot of people that think they are the greatest driver no matter how many drinks they've had. Good Luck with school and hopfully getting your own place soon after that's done!!! : )

J., has anyone every told you that you cannot run from issues in life. Instead of avoiding the problem, maybe your parents would like for you to look for the solutions. Running to the bar and drinking these issue away is not good. I realize you are young, but you have responbilites now. The bar is not the solution. You choose to live under your parents roof and now you must respect them. I pray you realize that. Best of luck.

J.,

I am sorry you aren't getting the helpful responses I'm sure you had hoped for. It is clear to me that you are having a great time with your new found freedom and you have no intention of changing it no matter how your parent's feel. You don't need their help or input when it comes to making good decisions. After all, you make the decision to get partialy drunk more than you get totaly drunk. And, give yourself credit for being responsible enough to have a designated driver. J., we all know that all "DD's" drink... they just stop a little earlier than you. By the way... do you work? Who is responsible for your tuition and your daycare? How many hours of school a week are you taking? How do pay for your car and the rest of your bills? So, why do suppose your parents are concerned of the decisions your make? Could it be that you have a history of bad judgements?

I just want to say I think a lot of women overreacted. We don't know your whole story. If you only go out and drink sometimes while your kids are at their dad's...well who cares. I think people tend to be too h*** o* single mothers. There have been a few times when my husband and I have gone out and had a few drinks while my mom watched our kids. Big deal. My mom was a single mom and sometimes went out with friends when I was little. I'm glad she was able to sometimes take a brake from me and my brother and go have fun. She got to dress up and go out dancing. Good for her. Of course, it would not have been a good thing for her to do every weekend, but every few months or so was fine. Anyway, good luck with your parents. I don't have anything to add that issue.

Hey J., I'm a single mom and my parents live in the apartment downstairs. Great fun... NOT! They will be my parents and try to give advice to guide me forever. Right now they are too close for comfort!!! I want to share what has worked for me:

The biggest problem is the tone of voice they try to use, so I request they say the same thing in a positive way (that helps) and then I repeat what they said (not agreeing or disagreeing). I ask questions to understand them better. Are you worried about my safety? Why? At the club or at my friend's house? Oh... I see... Yes, that would be bad... (again, to let them know you really get it)

Once they feel I really heard them, you can either choose to share your point of view or not. In this case, in your calmest relaxed soothing voice, letting them know you will be spending the night at a friend's house and you will be okay, and it sounds like they are worried about you and that's because they care, thank them for loving you so much.

You don't have to change what you do because you need to get out - but reassure them you are making good choices and you are okay at your sleepover. Another option is to tell them when you are leaving and where you will be spending the night, so they can picture it and picture you making good decisions before it happens. They probably picture something totally different in their minds and need you to describe your nights out (edit a few things if you need to-they don't need to know details about men you meet- just the play by play with your girlfriends- as honest as possible)

Communication is key, but have your fun time and sleepovers!!!

This same technique works with any complaint they have - repeat what they are saying -both of you calmly or ask for calm voice- and ask questions so you know what to clarify. My mom notices what I didn't do and not what I did do... I have to tell her #1st that I'll try to do even more of what she is asking and #2nd mention nicely what I did around the house (by then she calms down because Im not as lazy as she was picturing!!!) You will probably do this to your kids someday, get in a parenting rut and need them to communicate with you details to reassure you they are doing a good job and describe it to you... you might be telling them to work on something when they are already doing a great job.

Good luck!!!

I got to say that I am sure at the beginning when you moved in with your parents it was great but now it starting to stink ha! Well you know how parents are. THey will do what they can to help you out but later realize that if you are going to live in their house you need to go by THEIR rules. Your parent dont really know what you are really doing so they are probably thinking the worse when you go out and drink. You need to remember your parent will ALWAYS see you as their little daughter no matter if you are 40 years old. And trust me it is hard to change parents mind. So, my only suggestion is that you would need to move out and work it on your own or live by their rules and be more considerate of not parting all night and staying at a friends house. I am sure they feel like you are using them till you finish school. In the long run if you are more considerate of how they feel then you will have a lasting relationship with them. Maybe you can do something nice for them and plan on helping them around the house, take them out to dinner once in a while etc.

A.

Unlike some the very judgemental women who have responded to you I think you sound responsible in the fact that you have a DD I have a friend who was a single mom for several years and went out on the weekends with friends and had she not done that she would have never met the wonderful man who has now become her second husband. I also applaud you for going back to school I also am doing it but with a husband I don't know how you can handle all the stress of being a single parent and a student. Maybe you could explain how responsible you are being by having a DD and not risking an accident. I wish the best of luck with your family and school and you are only live once, so live always with out regret and fear of tomorrow having children should not make you a prisoner in your home as long as you spend quality time with them.

I'm pretty much in the same situation. I'm 25 & live at home w/my parents, and before I had my youngest, I'd go out on the weekends, when my oldest would go to his Dad's. At first they'd get mad because I'd come in late at night and wake them up, or they'd be up worried. I think they were more pleased when I'd stay at a friend's place then driving home drunk waking them up. As long as they knew where I was, they were ok with it... I have my youngest full time since the Dad isn't involved... I only get to go out occasionally, but now I have to come home! Hopefully they'll understand that you need some time for you, and you're still young and should be able to enjoy yourself a bit! Try not to stress over it to much!

First of all I have this to say, I am a 27 year old mom with 2 kids. My husband works all the time so I can honestly say that I don't even get the equivenlent of 1 weekend "off" a month. When I do get time to myself I don't go "party" and never have really. I think "partying" is very irresponsible. To go have a few drinks with friends is fine, but you are a parent and you need to do things with friends other than party. Partying is not safe anymore.

Two years ago my sister was "partying" with some friends. Some of her friends friends showed up. She ended up getting something put in her drink and she left with some guy. They all said she wanted to go with him but apparently no one knew he had given her anything to cloud her judgement. I got a call the next morning from my sister. She was crying and I couldn't hardly understand her, but finally got an address. When I picked her up she told me that she doesn't remember much but she did know that she hadn't had anything acoholic to drink, the guy (who she had seen at the parties many times) had offered her a drink she said just coke and then she doesn't remember much. He took her to someones house they all raped her and left her in this house with 3 older men she didn't know. When she woke up they were asleep and she called me to pick her up.

The moral is, even if you are partying with friends bad stuff can happen. Alcohol makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. This guy was someone she knew by name and had seen several times. No one would have imagined he would have done this. You have children, it could have ended up worse for her, thank God it didn't. When you have children you have to be respsonsible and sometimes that means not doing things you want to do. Have a few drinks with friends occasionally, but if you are doing it every other weekend then it sounds to me like there is a problem.

As for help with moving, try Section 8 and DHS.

Wow, I can't believe how many negative responses you have gotten. I have a friend that has gone throught the same thing and it didn't stop until she moved out. I do not judge you for going out and having a good time, you are being responsible and it is your life. I would probably do the same thing. Your parents though, probably won't stop being a pain until you move out. Good luck :)

Hi J.,

I have alot to say on this subject and probably none that you will like, and I'm not much older than you.
I am 31 and to this day I have never hooked up, never gotten drunk that I need a designated driver and never wook upin a strange person's house, Why because its stupid, irresponsible and even more so when you have 2 kids.

I am on the flip side of this coin, I watch children for a living and I am asked pretty often to watch peoples children when they want to go do things without thier kids. I ask tons of questions and I'm not their parent, but I'm their child care provider so I ask the WITH WHO, WHERE, HOW LONG AND WHEN DO YOU PLAN ON GETTING BACK. I ask it all. And get phone numbers of how to be reached.

I also understand that when your 2 kids are with their Dad that you feel like you have the weekend "OFF" and I get that but that doesn't mean you have to go party every single weekend and at some point that will have to get old. Have you ever thought that maybe your parents might like to go do something with you without their grand kids ?

You asked for "our" opinions and I'M not going to beat around the bush or sugar coat the way I feel about this subject and you may not like it but If you didn't want the responsibility of these 2 kids than you should of thought about it before you brought them into this world. As far as I'm concerned parting every weekend and getting drunk or otherwise is irresonsible on your part and to your kids and I don't think that there is a parent in the world that doesn't feel the sameway. And I can assure you when my kids are your same age I WILL be the biggest pain in their ASS, WHY because I love them and want them to be safe. And on top of that I am teaching them that alcohol and drugs odesn't solve problems it only creates more. I'm not sorry to be blunt, or if I seem mean. But I think it's time for you to put your "GROWN UP" pants on now and be an adult and a mother to your kids. Just because your husband has them every other weekend doesn't mean you can forget about being their mother wether they are there or not there. W. mom of 4

P.S. let my clarify a little the irresponibility part is where you are drinking to the point you can't come home, there is a difference between having a few drinks with friends and then just getting completely wasted and incoherent. I'm not saying to just sit at home and do nothing but having a little self control when you are out isn't gonna hurt either.

To the new post. There are 3 sides to every story YOURS, YOUR PARENTS and then there is the TRUTH.

Oh boy, aren't parents always a pain? But...trying to say this as politely as possible...you have every right to enjoy your mini vacations from your children, but getting smashed to the point of not being able to drive multiple weekends a month is not any sort of positive example for your kids.

Sure, enjoy your time, but do it sober. Alcohol can become a dependency if you let it, my father has now been sober for 12 years, but it was a long, hard road.

If your parents ask that you come home, you need to go home. You are living under their roof, and like it or not, their roof means their rules. If you can't abide, it's time to find your own place to live and learn a little independence. I'm younger than you are, 24, and I can't imagine living with my mother. Though it is easier considering I have a husband to help with finances, there are ways to make it as a single mom.

Go out with your friends and enjoy yourself, have a drink or two, but why don't you become the DD, the dedicated DD? You can have your fun, and your parents can rest easy knowing you are at home and safe.

I am going to say this. I am a 26 year old mother of a 8 month old child. My husband has been gone for over a year now. So i am married and i go out almost every weekend. But i also to live with my parents. They also know that i don't drink all the time so i can come home and stay with my child in the morning. Parent don't want their kids messing up their lives. But i am not here to give great advice. I just letting you see something. Just because u have a dd doesn't mean you are safe for anything. You could be drugged up and takin raped or dead. Parent never stop worrying about their kids and will never stop until they are at rest. I guess this is the stage my mother went through since i started to go out all night. Now i don't know what is going on your family but just show them you don't have to stay out all night and that you can come home and not be drunk. Maybe their see that you are a good mom. Because the state is take kids away for everything now. I know a mom which is a friend of mine. Her kid got takin away becuase she went out every weekend and gave the kid to her mom and would pick it up sunday afternoon. Now the kid is in foster care and won't get out of state until the kid reaches 10 and she is 7 now. So just watch it and make sure you are not acting like you are single kid. You are a PARENT/ADULT now and its time to put the partying days down to barely any. Sorry to be honest but its the truth and its time for a realitly