Sometimes, I have to wonder about what our obligations are to our children, especially when it comes to media, blogs, and television exposure.
I've got some strong opinions on this. For instance, I would prefer that the FCC regulate reality shows so that children could not appear on them. I find it hard to believe that it's in a child's best interest to capture their most challenging and emotionally difficult moments on camera for the entertainment and scrutiny of others. Years ago, I watched an episode of a 'nanny' show where a teen girl was crushed and vulnerable, just wanting to be close to her father. He responded well, but it made me cringe to think that her peers might watch her on tv, see her family was having a difficult time, see her breaking down, and judge that, the way kids will do. Moreover, these shows skew reality through editing, so the perception of the child is further manipulated for ratings, not for the child's protection.
It's only gotten worse over the years, in my opinion. The fact that we validate family dysfunction and dysfunctional parenting the way we do, with the sorts of 'reality' shows we do, is beyond trashy.
What struck me today, though, was the featured post about The Middle Child on this site, where, in the first paragraph, the blogging mother explains that her daughter has asked her not to be mentioned any more on her blog. So, to get around this, mom posts an old anecdote... which was cute, but that's beside the point for me. The fact of the matter is, the mother chose not to honor her daughter's request. I can't believe this will improve the relationship. I keep wondering-- couldn't mom have just written it down in a little book for her daughter to have later on?
So, what do you think? I understand, as someone who keeps a blog myself, that we all have the right to write or share about whatever we choose to. That said, I also feel that if my son or husband (or any family or friends, for that matter) were to ask me not to write about them publicly, I would honor that. My family is more important than readers.
Question: Should parents choose to do what they will in regard to exposing their child through media when the child does not want to participate, or is the onus on the parent to honor their child's request? Even if the child is relatively unidentified-- there will still likely be comments, which I think further exposes a child to others perceptions about them. Is there a right answer. I know what mine is.... do you have one? Any thoughts?
Thanks for the replies.
Alexis-- here here! My husband jokingly calls me "Miss Pro-priet-tay". Maybe we should hold a wake for decorum and discernment?
I'm a professional writer and many friends have suggested I write a book or blog about our experiences with our special needs son. I have decided not to, in order to protect our son's privacy. I may write about him on boards as I seek or offer advice, but don't want to do something that might generate publicity and bring him unwanted attention.
While I don't agree that the FCC should actually regulate it, I do think parents owe it to their children to get their permission to share their stories, unless the identities are hidden.
I actually stopped posting potty training humor stories about my kids on my FB page after one day when someone said, "Oh, I can't wait til your son is old enough for a FB acct so he can read the funny stories." I'd never thought about it like that.
I firmly believe that they should honor their child's request. I don't believe that parents should have carte blanche only for the reason that *they* are the parents and can do as they please.
You are correct. Family is more important than readers.
Edit* I just read CAWriterMom's answer and love it! Preserving dignity is important for our children as well. It makes my heart happy to hear from such honorable mothers.
I'm often surprised by the amount of information parents share about their children. As I have an adopted daughter, I frequently read adoption-related blogs. Parents are so willing to share intimate details about their childrens' experiences and it makes me cringe. My daughter's adoption story is just that - her story. When she is old enough, she can share or not share what she wants, but it is her story to tell, not mine.
They say we live in the information age. I disagree; I believe we live in the oversharing age. Privacy and protecting privacy (whether for ourselves or our loved ones) needs to go in the exhibit hall of dying arts along with decorum and manners.
I sometimes get flack for not allowing my DD to be posted by others on FB. I keep her offline. However, I have seen that in recent years I am not alone. My great-niece's mom has rethought having her child online and my sister also keeps her son offline as well. When DD is old enough to post her own pictures, that will be her choice.
I think that the mom blogger who posted something old should have either said she OKd it with the child or not posted it at all. Her child stated her wishes for HER privacy. There has to be other parental material the mother could use. Even though I only have one child, if she said she didn't want to be on my blog, I'd have to rethink my blog if it was about her. She should have a voice.
I also think that we as a society have this "anyone is fair game" mentality. If you are in public, you might be on someone's wall, in their blog, etc. We go to a very large event in the summer and it never fails that rather than send me photographs of my family, people will post them publicly to FB and then tag me. Um, how about asking first? People do not respect other's privacy.
I also think that reality TV is terribly exploitative, especially for children, and we need to be mindful about where we put our kids. If kids who are celebrities in their own right have a tough time, what's happening to regular kids who just can't escape the episode of Wife Swap their parents put them on? Children are at our mercy, right or wrong. We need to protect them.
ETA: Like someone else said, even the funny things DD does that I do mention on FB are carefully chosen. I try to not post embarrassing things about family that would mortify them if they got back to them. If I wouldn't joke about it to their face, I don't post it behind their backs.
I agree with you, H.. It's really awful what they will document.
There's a youtube video of a kid having a huge temper tantrum. The brother, who was sick and tired of all the meltdowns, videoed it and put it online while laughing at the kid. I actually could not watch it, it was so bad. All I could think is that the parents weren't getting him help and he will end up killing somebody one day.
I haven't read the blog you're talking about, and I won't. (I don't read the blogs, unless one of our own ladies here writes it). The woman you are talking about is pretty selfish. If she wanted to talk about her daughter, she could change her blog name, but she isn't about to do THAT - she wants the world to see who she is because SHE is more important than her daughter. Pretty crappy...
No matter what, a parent and their displaying info/photos of their child, cannot be totally controlled.
There always will be those that see nothing wrong with it.
And not all parents, have parenting common sense.
It is their ego and the keeping up with the Jones' type thing and them wanting to brag about their kids or be just like everyone else, and per any "reality" shows etc.
Not all parents are honorable nor honorable about their kids and what they publicly display about their family and kids. And they simply see nothing 'wrong' with it and them doing that per social media sites or whatnot.
So for parents to 'choose' what they do per exposing their child through the media or not, not all parents can or have the ability, to make rational decisions like that. And they may not be even thinking, about their child when they do this, and they do not even think... that anything online per postings, are there forever and it creates an internet 'trail' of their child, for life. And for anyone that is a pedophile or an aberration of a human with wrong intentions. Even per divorced couples who have kids. Ex's can't even control Ex's, per what they do with their child or for the child's best interest. For example.
Even if the media and FCC has rules, for underage children, this will still happen. And even per legal age of consents per State, it varies and is highly disregarded or disputed and what kids can or cannot do legally....
Parents, routinely let their kids, watch things on tv that may not be age appropriate etc. and they themselves post things or photos of their kids, online. And parents themselves, watch reality shows. Parents let 5 year olds watch Tween or Teen tv shows, and see nothing wrong with it. They see it as it being cute etc. Until their 5 year old starts acting and talking like a 13 year old.
We cannot, make a parent have values like an ideal parent.
So how can parenting... be regulated?
How can parents' blogging... be regulated? Most blogs are about kids and the parents.
I'm so with you on this H., and I had the same thought when I read the middle child post.
