Parenting a Angry Child on the T-ball Field.

My cousin was just like this when he was a little boy. Team sports were not for him. However, he did do Karate, starting when he was 4 and it worked wonders for him. It gave him focus and individual goals. He was in a fairly small class- I think there were 5 kids, and the instructor was very mindful about giving them each individual instruction. He also might just not be ready- he might be more ready next spring after sometime in school.

Maybe he's not ready for team sports yet. Try again next year if he can control himself better. Angry is one thing, put pushing and shoving? I think you're lucky he hasn't been kicked out of the league yet. I'd be very upset if that was my kid getting pushed or tackled.

A child on my son's team has similar behavior, although he wasn't quite as violent. His parents pulled him from any game IMMEDIATELY when his behavior was not appropriate. After the game, he had to go find the person he treated poorly and apologize. The mother also devised a reward system. If he played well he got baseball cards (he collected them). She gave some to the coach and when he saw good behavior, he discretely gave him a card. Towards the end of last season, his behavior improved drastically. Now the mom is using a coin system. When the coaches see good behavior, he gets a coin. He apparently can use these tokens to buy stuff from a treasure box she keeps in her trunk. Everyone is pretty discrete, the kids have never questioned it. Last week I noticed no coins. I asked his mom if they forgot and she was proud to say they weren't doing any system any more. They thought their son had a handle on his emotions and they were going to try to go without bribes. The kid had a great practice! GL!

He acts out (especially hitting, shoving etc.) he goes home. Every time. We had a little girl in my daughters class that was like this, she hit mom said that's it, and took her home. Even if they had just gotten there. After a few times of this she eventually got the idea and played nice. I did it with my two and a half year old and she got the idea after the first time. Make sure you explain why you are going home, tell
Him if he wants to continue to play on the team then he needs to obey the rules. Hopefully it will sink in quickly. Best of luck!

I guess it would depend on how much he wants to be out on the field.
The moment he loses it he needs to be removed from the field and sit on the sidelines. Even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming. He needs to see what he is missing and if he wants to go out on the field then he has to be a good team member and take turns. (I wouldn't refuse the snack because that has nothing to do with his playing unfair.)

PS my son is kinda like a little on the impatient side. But the classroom is a bit non competitive so the chances are he will be great in school. Also it might mean 3 or 4 games/practices where he sits out but you will see the wheels turning in his head trying to figure it out for himself.

He might be too young and immature yet. But can you talk to the coaches about this and come up with a plan? If they are not getting through to him, what about essentially putting him in time-out away from his teammates? Any bad sportsmenship gets him yanked from the game and he is not allowed to play. Maybe if the consequence is more immediate it will have more of an impact and it's logical too - someone who can't follow the rules and listen to directions and be a good sport does not get to play.

I would also praise him for when he does play the right away and point out what he does right and let him know how proud you are that he made the right choice. But like some others have suggested, maybe karate would be a better option for him right now.

Maybe karate is more for him and not t-ball.

Do you praise him for doing the right thing? What happens at home when you give him consequences? Is he impulsive in other ways at home or is it just t-ball? I'd look for ways to channel him. Boys in particular seem to benefit from activities that give them positive outlets for their energy and aggression, which may be part of why you put him in t-ball, but maybe t-ball isn't the right activity at this time.

Sorry but I think you need to pull him out of tball this year. That behavior isn't even in the realm of OK for that age. Now is the time to enact the kind of punishment that hopefully will save you from many years of torture if you let your child go on like he is. BEcause I can guarantee you if you let this go on like this with only denying him a 'snack' after the game you are in for a lifetime of trouble down the road.

ANd I just want to say that I have NEVER seen behavior like this from a child and I have two boys who have been in sports for a while now. Please do not, or let anyone else, talk you into thinking this behavior is not as bad as it is. It IS horrifying as you say and it is in your power to stop it. Hopefully if you pull him he will learn a lesson and come to it next year with a better attitude. This is called tough love and it is not the easy way but is the most effective.

I think I'd go out to the field as a family and practice on days the field is void of others. That way you would be actually "showing" him how to react in certain situations.
My kids played t-ball and little league for about 6 years, and I seriously dont remember having any kids that were outwardly challenging.
He might be too immature for it until you can shape his attitude and reactions.
I'm sure it's very frustrating for the coaches and all the others that witness the melt downs. I feel for ya.

Talk to your son. Tell him that there is no pushing or tackling or any physical contact in baseball. Tell him that if he does do this during practice or a game - you will take him home and he can go to his room. Tell him each time you go to practice or a game. Stick to your guns!

His inappropriate behavior on the field is not the coaches problem, it is yours. Tell the coach of your plans to remove your son from practice or the game if your son behaves inappropriately.

Other than that, I would say he is too young to be on a team sport. He needs to mature. He'd probably do better in a more play-like setting or an individual sport. Good luck.

Five-year-olds don't always have the best impulse control. That really is SO young, especially for team sports. He just may not be ready.

I agree with removing him from the game and taking him home if he pushes. You need to counter severe behavior with severe action. Make it crystal clear -- push/hit/whatever, boom, done and you go home.

He may be better suited to individual sports, if he's active but just not able to control his anger. Our son has ADHD and we found he does great with individual sports. You might look into activities like Parkour gymnastics or karate as alternatives.

I don't have any advice to add to the fabulous advice you have already been given, but I want to say GOOD JOB for wanting to take care of this problem now. You will be doing your child a huge favor!
It's okay to have consequences such as pulling him out of the game for poor behavior. It's a good example to him of how people shouldn't be allowed to play with bad sportsmanship. It won't scar him to do this in front of his peers.

My nephew and nieces are highschool and college tennis players and there have been a few times that a player has exhibited horrible sportsmanship. It's awful! And people never forget a poor sport, the players AND spectators dread playing the team with the bad sportsman.
The great news is that you are aware of this problem when he is 5 and are willing to do something about it! I applaud you and wish that more parents had your attitude. Your child will be grateful for the skills that you are instilling in to him. Keep up the good work!

I think taking away his snack doesn't really teach him anything--- food should never be a reward or punishment. It will set him up for food battles later on in life. As far as sportsmanship, have you talked with him about being a team player at home? What it means to be on a team, winning/losing etc? If not, I would have this convo now with him. I would also speak with the coaches and let them know you are working with him on it but you need their help. You would like them to remove him from the area if he gets out of hand and have him sit on the bench until he is back in control. Once he gets it that he can't act that way on the field, he will have more self-control. Also, it takes time with age and everything too-- he's very young!

Best wishes,
Molly

My nephew was similar to this when he started soccer. I remember one time going to his game and he got a break away with the ball, but when he kicked the ball it went way out of bounds. We all cheered that he made a good effort. But he was mad he didn't score and so he screamed "I DIDN'T SCORE" and ran off pouting. There were many incidents similar to this. My SIL did some of the same things with talks and punishment. She also carried out punishment when he was home too. It was more about teaching him how to be a good sport. It took maybe close to the whole first season but he eventually got it. He is now in his 3rd or 4th year of soccer among other sports and he is MUCH better.

I think it has to do with his age and learning the concept of the new game.

Could you practice with him at home so he understands the rules a little better? Practice and be nice pep talks before you go. Maybe beforehand tell him he will get a reward for good behavior?

How do you react when he acts like this at home in other situations? Is he getting attention when he acts out? (positive or negative)

I don't think punishment is the answer. It seems that he can't help his behavior, he is "acting out" his feelings and he cannot change the way he feels, only how he acts when he has them. I would try talking to him about how it makes him feel when xyz happens at t-ball. He might not be ready to handle "losing" which is appropriate for kids his age. Yes, we eventually need to help our children understand that losing is part of the game, but this can wait until he is a little older. Right now, he needs to be able to "win" before he can realize that the thrill of the game is more important than winning. This is all very age appropriate. I feel that we push our kids too soon. They are acting in a normal way but we are forcing them to act more mature.

Every coach will want him on the team when he get older and is able to handle his emotions better. Similar types of children I know are great athletes and have a passion about the sport you can't teach. It is a drive to succeed that causes anger if something or someone gets in the way. Think of things that make him angry and give him ideas how to handle it. Practice sharing the bases, ie, show him he only needs a little so he can get a faster start to the next one. So that will not be an issue again. Try and get ahead of it.

Most kids around the world do not join a team at this young an age. As to Kindergarten- He may not be ready next Fall. He needs to mature a lot. Does he go to preschool?

i know several boys that fit this description. all are excellent athletes and over the top smart. i think its a maturity and testosterone thing. The same hormones that make kids good athletes also cause them to be more agressive. He needs to learn to channel that anger when he feels it coming on. learning to recognize the signs of an upcoming outburst comes with time and age. i have seen kids so beat down by parents at an early age that they are frozen in sporting events becuase they dont want to get in any more trouble and they will eventually quit or not get asked to be on a team.

It sounds like your son is having trouble with being disappointed with not performing perfectly well, not winning, not getting praised and with being criticized. He's having trouble with the concept of being a team player and fair play competition.

What he needs is more practice in being gracious when he's feeling disappointment and in controlling his anger. He needs encouragement and praise for his positive behavior. He should have goals to work toward and good examples in the home of how to handle disappointment and anger.

Remember, though, that he's only five years old? He can't possibly automatically know how to control his emotions and behavior at this age. He needs help. It doesn't mean he has anger issues or that he's "an angry child." He's not bad either. Like other children his age he has impulse control problems and they're tied to his emotions. He just needs a lot of help with it.

I would put some effort into having him start by apologizing to people that he's pushed/injured and shouted at.

maybe you should try him in football, since he likes to tackle the other boys? Is it just on the field, because this sounds like personality. You should let him have the snack, and discipline should be at home, not in front of his peers.

I agree with SB. At this age, you need to find good behavior and reward it instead of punishing bad behavior. We have had similar situations with my son. He has had impulse control issues and has a hard time controlling his emotions. When he was younger, bad behavior was corrected and he had to apologize to anyone he mistreated. Good behavior was rewarded with small tokens that could be added up to a reward. When he got older, we moved to a tally mark system where a mark was given for inappropriate responses and once a level was reached, something unpleasant happened, like loosing video games for the rest of the week. Less than a level of tally marks was rewarded. It has been a long road and we have had setbacks along the way, but now at 11, we are seeing some great progress in behavior and emotion control. Everything needs to be spelled out in advance. What consequences are for certain behaviors and what rewards are for good behaviors. That way there are no surprises and you don't end up getting angry and can stay calm through the whole process. Good luck and know this will not change overnight - it is a long process but worth the effort.