If you were a diabetic who was complaining of physical problems -- and oh, by the way, stopped using insulin -- most folks would tell you that you needed to be back on the medication.
If you had an kidney infection and started having problems passing urine -- and oh, by the way, was not taking her antibiotics -- most folks would tell you again to get back on your medication.
Medication is medication. You might need it to balance your blood sugar; nobody blames the diabetic for using insulin. You might need it to fight an infection; nobody thinks someone using antibiotics to cure infections is weak. And if you have to use antibiotics again, nobody blames you for having to go "back to that position."
So, okay, you need medication to balance the chemicals in your brain. How is that different from needing insulin or antibiotics?
I'm not saying that medication is the answer to every problem all the time. But it is the answer to some problems some of the time. It sounds like you're a good candidate to use medication to keep things stable.
If you don't want to stay on the meds forever, at least use them to stablize you and to help you function FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S SAKE. Then, once you are confident, happy, worry-free and more energetic, you can explore other options to deal with this.
For years I said that parents who medicated their children were lazy. I said that if they just stepped up and did what was right, their kids wouldn't need ritalin or antipsychotics. A mis-behaving child was the sign of a poor parent.
So when my youngest son was diagnosed with autism, I knew that medication was NOT the way to go. I tried tons of non-medical interventions but made very little headway. His psychiatrist kept pushing me to try medication but I resisted.
Finally one day I caved in. I was so tired and bruised (literally), covered in bite marks. I decided that I did need for him to take medication, if only to let me sleep through the night. Yes, I needed him medicated. Yup, I was a poor parent.
We started medication. The next day, my son (age 6, with a ten-word vocabulary), the VERY NEXT DAY, my son put two words together to make a sentence for the first time ever! Within a week, he had over 100 words in his vocabulary and he was able to follow simple commands (Like "come" or "sit"). His occupational therapist, speech therapist, physical therapist, behavior management therapist, special education teacher and his 1:1 aide were floored. Medication had changed my son from a raging maniac into a child with behavior issues who was ready -- AND ABLE -- to learn.
Without medicaiton, my son could not participate in his therapies. Without his therapies, he couldn't make use of his medication. They go hand in hand -- and nobody really blames me/us for using either one.
Get back on your meds.