Pain or Bad Habit?

Updated on October 19, 2010
K.L. asks from Sun Prairie, WI
12 answers

My son is a few days shy of 6 months old. He is breast fed, though does take formula here and there if I'm not around. We just started oatmeal cereal in the mornings. He does not sleep through the night. In fact, he wakes at different times every night--and recently it has gotten worse. It used to at least be at increments of 2.5-3 hours. Now it's random and unpredictable.

We are wanting to do some sort of sleep training/graduated cry it out method. (Currently reading The Sleep Easy Solution) How do I know if my boy is waking due to teething pain and is legitimately needing comfort? And how do I know if he is legitimately hungry? OR, how do I discern that he is simply in a bad habit of not sleeping deeply, and needing the boob to get back to sleep???

I need sleep, and so does he. But I'm not okay with "crying it out" if he's in pain. TIPS???

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Portland on

Oatmeal can cause gas and intestinal discomfort. You might try feeding him rice cereal at bedtime to see if it fills him up more.

About teething pain. I rub my finger along the gum and if a spot is tender or has a bump, I think it's probably teething pain and treat that.

Both Momma L. and S.B. have good advice.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

- Babies don't *swallow* if they're not hungry. If he's swallowing while nursing or being bottle fed, he's hungry. (And 6mo is growth spurt time).

- If 20 minutes after tylenol is given he's out like a light (at night), or Mr. Happy Baby in the daytime... it's teething pain.

- If you tap his tummy gently and it sounds like a drum it's gas

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.M.

answers from Portland on

"Not sleeping deeply" isn't a bad habit, for child or adult, in that it is not willfully chosen or preferred over deep, sweet sleep. So thinking of it as a habit probably won't help solve the problem.

Babies wake up because something wakes them, whether a discomfort, hunger, a dream or sense of anxiety, or too much stimulation, which can occur when they are learning new skills or have had too long a day. Unfortunately, some babies are overstimulated by lack of sleep. And some babies just sleep very poorly for their first year. Or two. My grandson was a terrible sleeper until he was around 2.5, and I would occasionally spend an overnight to give his parents a break. There was just no possible way for him to sleep through a night.

Wouldn't it be great if babies could tell us what the problem is? Oatmeal has a fair amount of fiber, and may be too harsh for your little guy's digestion, especially since he's only started it. Rice is usually a better first choice. Some research suggests growing pains can start during the first year, and ear, sinus pain and headache can all sneak in, too. Too hot? Too cold? Something poking or tight? And of course, teething is a biggie, and can be a real sleep-wrecker, especially for the earliest teeth.

I feel for you. It's incredibly hard to keep going and maintain focus, or even emotional equilibrium, when your sleep is disrupted night after night. Unfortunately, that's what lots of moms have to do. Take naps during the day if you possibly can, accept help whenever offered, take care of yourself, and hang in there. It feels like an eternity now, but someday you'll be surprised at how quickly his first years passed.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Your going to get a lot of different answers here. Some people feel very strongly one way or the other about the cry it out method. We did versions of it with both of our children. The truth is, you don't know why your child is crying. It takes a lot of trial and error to figure it out. Some things you know right away and other days, you can't determine the problem at all. In our house we let the kids cry for a while. If they go beyond fussing...if the crying gets more intense or hysterical we go in right away. If the crying has gone on for an extended time...we go in. And that changed with their ages. At six months...I might have let them fuss for 10 minutes or so. Now that my daughter is two and learning to work the system, we let her cry for 20 minutes or so. That being said...neither of my children slept through the night consistently until after a year old. But sleeping through the night definitely happened more frequently after we adopted the CIO method.

Teething severely disrupted sleep for both of my children. Their sleep patterns were completely random and NOTHING helped, except frozen wash cloths and those thawed too darn fast. :) During those periods, I coddled them. I became the human pacifier. And it exhausted me, but it seemed to help them. I remember nursing my babies with tears of exhaustion running down my face more than once, if nursing them during teething helped us all sleep,I did it...Sometimes you do what you gotta do. Hang in there mama!

2 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Have you tried rice cereal? Rice cereal is easier on the digestive system than oatmeal on just babies just starting out. I wonder if maybe he is extra gassy at night from that?

Crying it out is usually best to start closer to 8-9 months. I wish I could help you out on the teething pain.. neither of mine really went through that! I would just try and cover all of your bases, offer him infant oral-gel on the gums, a cool teether to gnaw on, maybe baby tylenol with dr's approval, that should help with the pain. So, once you do that, you will know if he is crying due to that or not.

For now, you can go in there, do the teething check, softly rub his back, make sure the room is a good temperature and he is comfortable.

Dr. Sears has some amazing advice on sleep problems for infants and what you can try:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

and ps... nursing while laying in your bed is amazing... especially for nights like these, b/c you both get some sleep.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.O.

answers from Dallas on

well,here's my two cents worth....someone said babies won't wake up for no reason--well they do--or in a lot of cases, they want to nurse--which, unless your child should still be eating in the middle of the night, is not a reason. if he's getting plenty of solids at night, and a good meal right before bed, there is no reason why he should need to eat at night. You'll be able to tell during the day if he's teething. If he's cranky during the day, then chances are he's teething and needs some tylenol to sleep. If you call and ask your pediatrician, they can tell you how much to give your infant. Be sure and call, becuase iot may be that he needs more than you are anticipating. My son needed twice as much as my daughter did at the same age because he was a bigger baby. crying it out worked for both of my kids. but it's a process you have to stick with. If you let them cry but then decide halfway through that you can't do it, it will just be harder the next time. remember, babies cry. He will be ok and probbaly be a happier baby the next day because he got wonderful uninterrupted sleep. someone said seomething about co--sleeping,or laying in bed while nursinig back to sleep. I would strongly advise against this, unless you want him in your bed all the time. especially since he seems to be attached to you already, with wanting to nurse at all hours. I started to co-sleep with my son, because he was doing the same thing your son is doing, and it became a habit. then I had to break him of sleeping in my bed as well as nursing! some people want their children in bed with them. It was not good for us! good luck and I hope you can work it out.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.K.

answers from Boise on

With my first DD, I read "The Baby Whisperer." In it, she basically says that if they are waking up at consistent times during the night, it's habit (ie 4:00 every night). If it is sporatic, there is probably something else wrong...hungry, poopy, pain, etc. So to me, it sounds like there's something else going on with him, and by reading the other responses, I would agree that it's possibly the oatmeal.

As far as sleep training goes, there's a pretty heavy debate on whether or not CIO is good or bad for the baby. In my opinion, it worked/s for my kids. With my first DD, we used the Ferber method at about 8 months old. It took about a week of her crying it out and then she could put herself to sleep (without crying it out) and self soothe when she woke up in the middle of the night. She's 2 1/2 and rarely wakes and needs us in the middle of the night (like maybe once every 2 months). We're currently on day two of sleep training (same method) my 2nd DD (10 months). It took about 45 minutes last night before she fell asleep, but she only woke up once last night. And before that, she was waking 2-5 times PLUS I was the human pacifier. So last night, I nursed her (not in bed...I'm breaking that habit too!) put her back in her crib, and I kid you not, she cried when I left for 2 minutes and I never heard another peep from her until this morning.

I agree with Brandy (and learned the hard way)..while it's convenient to nurse while laying in bed, it becomes habit for the baby and then you'll have to break that habit too. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Denver on

We found a lot of helpful advice by reading the Baby Whisperer's book - the one she wrote on answering common questions. She is not a fan of crying it out but teaches you how to get your babies to sleep. She also has helpful hints on how to figure out if it's habit or something else. I found that with my son, teething usually only lasted a few days (other than molars which was longer). Hope that helps!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I highly recommend the Richard Ferber book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." It is a graduated cry it out method. The best part is that he explains the science behind sleep and the book really helps you figure out if there is something else going on - like hunger or pain. Then he gives you strategies for sleep training that do allow for some crying - but only for small chunks of time with frequent visits to help comfort your child. My sister gave me the book when I had my first child and it was a life saver!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R..

answers from Chattanooga on

Guh. I know how you feel. My DD turns 6 months next week, and is doing the same thing. Luckily for me, she has very distinctive sounds she makes while crying that mean hungry or hurt... so I can tell just by listening to her if she NEEDS me or just WANTS me. It took a while to figure out... I recorded her crying a few times when I KNEW it was from hunger, pain, etc. When I re-played them close together I was able to learn the differences. It's harder to hear them if you have the big gap of happy time between. Makes life easier!!! When I know she is just "I want mommy" crying, I go in and tuck her back in (she usually kicks off her blanket (which I use because she HATES sleep sacs...)) Give her her binky, and comfort her without picking her up... If she cries I go in and comfort her again. I can't do cry it out, because we live in an apartment building and I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it too much... but this SEEMS to be working... Last night she only woke up 3 times. (the night before, she woke up 8!) Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Columbus on

Lots of good info/advice. :) So here's mine:
Everyone--babies, adults, children--go through sleep cycles throughout the night, going through various stages of sleep from light sleep to heavy sleep. So, don't label him a "bad sleeper" just yet. :)

Even if you choose not to use the Ferber CIO method (which I believe may be what you're referring to in regards to the "graduated" CIO), it is a very helpful book to understand the neurologic and physical parts of sleep, the sleep cycle, etc. And he has good tips on mapping sleep habits, so you can find the pattern of what's going on.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.S.

answers from Denver on

You've brought back memories....Sometimes its not you at all, its the kid....
Child 1 - didn't sleep through the night until he was 14 months old. tried multiple techniques w/no success....Turned out that's just who he was. We didn't change anything and one night a switch was turned and he started sleeping 10 hours every single night. prior to that night, 5 hours was a GREAT night. A RIGID feeding schedule helped tremendously (at 4 mos we went from waking every hour to waking every 4 hours w/the rigid feeding schedule).
I'd also add cereal to right before bed.
Child 2 - slept through the night at 3 weeks (I mean 6-8 hours). Note that both kids were nursed on demand for the first 2 months. At 6 months, quit sleeping through the night. Was perfectly normal during the day, including naps. Poor kid - she was teething. My husband, my son, and I didn't get our first tooth until 9 to 9 1/2 months, so it didn't even occur to us to check that out for a week. Anyway, point is, he may not show any signs of teething during the day like fussiness. And she always fussed for at least a week before we could feel a nub on all her teeth.
Try some painkiller (ibuprofen or acetamenophin - whatever your doc says) right before bed. If he sleeps, you'll know your issue.
You can always use the clock. my ped suggested waiting 5 minutes (and later 10) from hearing the first cry. many times the fussing stopped as it was just a light spot in the sleep cycle and he never fully woke up unless I went in. that 5 minutes was interminable though.
One thing we did to prevent using the boob to go to sleep. I would sleep in the basement w/earplugs every once in a while and leave hubby to deal w/baby. 1) hubby didn't hear baby near as quickly as I did and there seemed to be fewer wakings; 2)hubby could give bottle and soothe but there was no boob. Helped quite a bit. made for a happy mom and a cranky dad - oh well.
good luck.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions