K.L.
The pacifier issue at this age can be very touchy, and I appreciate the "delicateness" in which you are considering your options before changing her routine - I, too, have a binky addict (though she is 34 months old). I also am a (former) special education teacher/child psychologist (have a degree in both child psychology and special education) and am working on my PhD in speech/language pathology - so I am very well acquainted with the pro's and cons, physically and psychologically, of the pacifier habit (I'll insert here that I was also a binky baby until I was 3). Let me reassure you that the binky will not cause a problem with her teeth now, so if that was ever an issue, put it out of your head. It won't effect her teeth until her ADULT teeth start coming in at around 5. That is not to say she should be allowed to use it up until she is 5, though!
My daughter, like yours, while having a favorite stuffed animal and a blanket, would give those all away for that binky. I understand that the binky IS her security blanket at that, at this age, that is still a very important part of them feeling safe and being a healthy, happy, well adjusted child - one wouldn't rip a child's favorite stuffed animal away just because at this age, and the binky is NO different! You also mention that your daughter has a wide, developmentally appropriate vocabulary and a stable home life : all signs that she is developing just as she should. Her desire and need for the comfort that the binky provides is completely healthy and appropriate for her age, and it greatly aids her in the process of learning to self-soothe. That being said, as she gets older, it is both recommended and appropriate to set limits on binky use so that the child DOES learn how to self soothe without the pacifier: you are absolutely right in your belief that at 21 months the binky should only be allowed at naptime/bedtime and in the car (other extenuating circumstances like a big fall or owie, an extra late bedtime, or a particularly difficult transition are okay too). I would also highly recommend that, when she eventually goes to preschool, the binky not be allowed inside those doors EVER. It helps wean them off of it by keeping them busy and occupied, which is great! She'll need the help of the paci to get her through those inevitable milestones like big girl bed, potty training, starting school (if she hasn't reached them already).
Let her keep the binky through your business trip, and when you get back, slowly get her back onto the bedtime/naptime/car routine with the binky. When they are closer to 3, their level of reasoning and depth of understanding is deep enough so that they can COMPREHEND WHY they are "big" now and don't need the pacifier anymore. A good few months of prep and an agreed upon technique or special reward prior to tossing the binky will help with the transition, and then go "cold turkey". There will be a few days to a week of hard days and nights, but then it will be just fine. I am currently doing this with my little one (the date after she turns 3 is "toss" day) and am confident she is handling the idea well as we chit chat about it a few times a week and will continue to do so with more frequency leading up to the day. Her recent enrollment in preschool is really helping too, as "binkys are not allowed at school" per MY rules - and while my little one is academically bright and already reads (hubby and I are both stanford educated, so it was in the genes for her) she is socially and emotionally very typical. I'll let you know how it works for us in the next three months - assure your husband that boundaries and rules are ALWAYS appropriate as long as they are age appropriate :) There is a reason why childhood obesity is a national epidemic - boundaries keep us healthy, happy, and well adjusted - even when talking about binkys!
