Oy - Questioning Myself Again. Am I the Only One This Bothers?

Updated on January 22, 2014
D.D. asks from Phoenix, AZ
20 answers

Just a question: With restaurants called hooters, pink taco, and driving down the road seeing, well, 'sex' shops essentially, it bothers me as a mom. I want my sons to respect and not objectify women. No, I am not a prude, just don't like these messages being sent to my sons. Am I the only one? Do I need a hobby? :)


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answers from San Francisco on

What bothers me is not that there's a "Hooters" but that there's no male equivalent, say, "Bulges" for example, where hot young male waiters serve up food in Chippendales type outfits!
It's the double standard I can't stand.
Oh, and I have no problem with sex shops, though I personally do most of THAT kind of shopping online ;-)

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I agree that hey can be used as a talking point or teaching tool. Pink Taco???? I am glad I've haven't seen that chain local.
What bothers me more are the comment that many people make directly to my kids. I have three girls that constantly get compliments on the hair or clothes (two get compliments on their blue eyes the one with brown doesn't get compliments on her eyes unless the person realizes what they just did) And a boy that doesn't get a lot of compliments.
I understand that it's sometimes rough to come up with conversation with kids. Why not compliment their good behavior or manners?

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Portland on

It does bother me, in the way that anything which panders to the lowest common denominator rubs me the wrong way. I mean, who named these businesses? 12 year old boys? If my son were quite a bit older, we'd likely be having some conversations about what *he* thinks of those names. (He's already asked about the bondage shop and he's six-- we call it the 'silly underwear store' because I don't think he needs any details as to why there are metal cones on the nipples in the window displays!) Being open and talking about it if the kids snicker also helps. I don't have an issue with adults enjoying the sex shop, but it would be nicer if it didn't need to have a raunchy name and the advertising was limited to print ads -- you can leave the displays inside! I have a feeling there are a lot of interesting conversations to come....

I think the best defense, really, is to make sure that we don't behave or talk that way at home about ourselves or others. Marrying a respectful person is part of it, too. When you have a partner with whom you can have a mutually-respectful relationship with, who treats you well--- kids can more easily see that relationships are about far more than sex.

15 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

I actually LOLed when I read this, not because I disagree with you, but because I absolutely love the crispy shrimp quesadilla at the Pink Taco.

I just make sure that at home we stress a message of respect, and their father treats woman with respect to be a good role model. I don't really think sex stores objectify woman though. If you have ever been in one, they have stuff for both men and woman and everyone is pretty much objectified equally. I want my sons to learn to respect everyone, but I also want them to understand that sex and sexuality are normal, healthy things that they should not be ashamed of. I try to keep a very open dialogue when it comes to sex.

Added after reading some other comments: I think way more damage is done when we, as woman, use words like "tart" or "slut" or say that there is something wrong with a woman if she makes the choice to dress sexy, for work or otherwise. Showing true respect means not belittling the choices of others just because they are not the choices we would make for ourselves, and calling women trashy in front of our kids will objectify woman way way more then any low cut top or booty shorts ever could.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

I personally think people are far more concerned with sexuality than they should be. People should be more concerned with things like growing violence, skyrocketing poverty, rising levels of illnesses and any number of far more important things.
Worry about your own sexuality and leave others alone.
We need to stop hiding sex from children like it's an evil, nasty, foul thing and instead teach them a healthy respect.
None of those places bother me at all. A women can be comfortable in their sexuality and still be respected. A women can actually enjoy the attention and I don't consider it objectifying.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

The restaurants bother me. The sex shops - less so. What bothers me the most are women who classify other women as 'class or trash' to their children. The issue is not that women are not/should not be sexual beings. The issue is that women are being objectified by and for men.

ETA - And no, we should not pray for the women who have 'low self esteem' and therefore take their clothes off. We should work to empower them/us with the skills to make enough money they don't ever need to consider this. When men need to take their clothes off to work in a restaurant and make more than minimum wage, then this will change.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Tyler on

My kids are older (19 and 15, both girls) and we live in a smallish East TX town with very little exposure to the billboards and in your face sexualization that is everywhere in the metropolitan areas. So, I dealt with very little of this. I do have a funny story on how I did handle our one and only strip club.

There is one strip club here, you had to drive past it to get to the "wet" area to purchase alcohol. And yes, my kids were in the car a few times when we drove past this establishment. So, in kinder or 1st grade, a boy in my dgtr's class told her that the club was where men took kidnapped girls and forced them to dance naked. My daughter was TERRIFIED that she may fall victim to these men and screamed when we drove past the club. I had to calm her down and tell her the girls weren't kidnapped and forced to dance there, they did it because they felt bad about themselves and we needed to pray for them. From that day on, we would pray for the self esteem of those poor girls who didn't love themselves enough to dance with their clothes on, while driving to the liquor store! Mom of the year!

I guess my point is to make it lesson, you can make a change one person at a time beginning with your kiddos :)

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Denver on

You are not alone. The "pornification" of our society definitely makes it harder to raise healthy kids who do not objectify others and themselves.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

If you are simply driving down the road and not actually patronizing these establishments, your children are unlikely to see anything more inappropriate than they'd see from the cover of a supermarket women's magazine or during the halftime show of the NFL or NBA.
We patronize a lovely Chinese restaurant on Rockville Pike that is in the same strip mall as a sex shop. Occasionally, we have to park in front of the sex shop which has manniquins dressed in fetishwear type lingerie in the window. The first time that my younger daughter noticed the unusual outfits, she said "Well, that looks uncomfortable!" We all burst out laughing and that was that.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Actually I think there are many many more things to be concerned about when raising children these days.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

It does bother me for a variety of reasons. I am with Nervy Girl on this one. Also because I have eaten in some of those places and not all of the women are comfortable serving to a fellow woman. There is very much a vibe of 'cut a gal some slack while she makes money.' I don't pity them but it saddens me that if you are willing to objectify yourself, you can make money. What a terrific choice to make - I can dress like a cheap tart and make oodles of money playing the sex sells game. Lovely, eh? I always wonder about the hidden cost too. Finally there is a distinct difference between embracing sexuality and putting it on display for public consumption. There is no need to shame but there is equally no need to parade it in public view either. I don't think either leads to true freedom. Too much of something is simply excess not freedom.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

Doesn't bother me at all and I have 3 daughters. We also love Hooters and I have friends who worked there when we were younger.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

I know what you mean. It does bother me, but they exist and I kind of have to accept that.

My boys are still young (4 & 7), so I'm sure I will be dealing with this more and more as they get older. For now, I try to answer any questions honestly and really instill in them a respect for people.

Living with 3 boys, I do sometimes wonder if I need to do something extra to instill the proper respect. Just the other day I just felt so out of place in my high testosterone house! I do want to make sure they learn how to treat women, as they don't have sisters to help them with this.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

lol. It doesn't really bother me.
We have these stupid bikini barristas around this area. And I use the term "bikini" loosely.
One day I was driving through our gas station and one of the girls walked out of her "hut" to throw a bag in the garbage can. I kid you not when I tell you that she was wearing pasties and a g-string. My son, 6 at the time, is so startled and yells "MOM!! She's not wearing any clothes!!!"
"you're right." I say, "someone should give her a shirt or something!"
I just have been pretty forthright with my boys (8 and 11) about it. "They think that they will make more money by taking off their clothes. It's pretty sad that they feel they need to do that, isn't it?" In the hopes that I can teach my kids that there are people out their that don't respect themselves, but that doesn't mean THEY don't get to respect them.
Maybe in Arizona there's way more sex places...but out here I only see the bikini baristas and I don't go to them.
(I just have to add.......these women that are working as barristas or at Pink Taco (i haven't even HEARD of that!), or Hooters, are all CHOOSING to work there. They are getting jobs that they KNOW will have them being oggled by men, looked at crudely, hit on....sexualized. Yet they want to be there. In those instances I don't find it to be the man's fault at ALL.THe women need to be the ones not to work there. It boggles the mind.)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from McAllen on

I'm more concerned about the crime all around, getting closer and closer to home. I would like to believe that his father and I will set the main example for my son and provide an environment where he learns otherwise. Objectification is a time and place issue, and I hope that we are able to teach what's appropriate and back it up by having other responsible/conscientious men and women around.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Hooters used to bother me until I went there once with my boyfriend and he said that I had some better features than the waitresses. :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

Nope, you're not the only one. I'm right there with you. I like the way B said it.

Maybe we both need hobbies. ;)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I don't like it at all BUT will use it (when the time comes) as a teaching lesson; there is class and there is trash & which one do you want to be portrayed as or for my son, which one do you want to pick for your wife and mother to your children.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I have only been to hooters once and I thought the food was just awful! I haven't really thought much about it being called hooters though. My husband likes their wings, but only goes there once a year maybe. I don't really like it when he does go because of how the girls working there dress. I guess I don't care what the name of it is, but they shouldn't be dressing the way they do.



answers from Boston on

I would say move. When we were looking for towns to live in and raise my daughter I made sure it was a community with no riff raff. I have only ever seen things like that in the city.

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