Outburst!

Instead of moving the toy away from the wall or whatever he runs into you could move him while talking to him in order to help him do it. After a few times of helping him fix it instead of doing it for him he'll realize he can do it himself and stop screaming at least that's what worked with my son's.

So he screams and cries and mommy drops everything to come fix it? I am afraid you are setting yourself for a lifetime of servitude if you let this continue. Yes, as parents we need to rescue our children, but we also need to teach them to problem solve on their own. It sounds like you started trying to do that in the beginning and your patience understandably ran out. It is almost always easier for us to just do it for the kids than listen to them scream and whine about it. Also, it hurts to watch our kids be unhappy. However, doing it for them is a short term solution. In the long run it will set you all up for bigger issues. It is hard to stand by while our kids are upset and frustrated. But, this is something he CAN do on his own and he is in no danger, so doesn't truly need you to rescue him. You need to just let him work it out on his own. Next time it happens, talk him through what he needs to do, but don't do it for him! If he refuses to do it himself, just cheerily say, "well then I guess it is time to play with something else" and walk away. It won't be easy at first, but eventually he will figure out that he needs to do it himself and how to do that! Good luck! You've officially entered the toddler tantrum stage...

Hi M.,

I know it's hard, but you have to let him cry and figure out his problems. He's gotten used to you fixing everything for him so that it's just right. He doesn't realize that he can do it himself. Next time he gets frustrated, walk over and show him how to fix the situation and then put it back in the trouble spot. Walk away and let him work it out on his own. I'm sure there will be much noise and frustration, but he can do it. He just needs a little confidence in himself and then he'll be fixing most problems on his own. Good Luck! We all go through this.

This is totally normal. This is just him getting frustrated because he can not do and understand how to do the things that he wants to. It will pass, just keep doing what you are doing. Let him try, then guide him into doing it himself.

My 8 month old baby is doing that since he learned to crawl. I don't think he is doing anything abnormal. I am still trying to figure out what to do myself, but don't worry it's perfectly normal. Eventually you can teach him to use his words to express his feelings. Start out by saying to him, "I can see you are really angry." Then you could show him how to do it. He eventually will not need help anymore.

It is good to get into the habit of validating our children's feelings, because that will help him in the future as he gets older. Eventually he will be able to express himself with words instead of throwing tantrums. This is not something that will fix overnight. It will take time.

He sounds like a normal 1 year old to me. Kids that age don't have much of a memory so you'll have to keep repeating things over and over again. Be patient. He'll have it figured out before you know it.

I would recommend the book What to Expect the Toddler Years. It is great at explaining why toddlers act as they do.
Good luck.

Hi M.,
I don't think your little one has any signs of problems. I do think he is just reacting and has learned you will step in to help him. However that being said, in the development of children's brains, it is up to age two that they tend to react from their brainstem (basic response) at age two the parts of their brain where there emotions are formed begins to grow -so you tend to see a lot of "pms" like symptoms - happy one minute and tantrums the next as the child tries to learn how to respond to his/her feelings. (Thus - many call this the terrible twos). Three's, I think are worse though, because by three the child's emotional part of the brain is pretty much formed and behavior is learned so the three year old reacts in such a way to get attention on purpose - the three year old knows how to push your buttons and get the reaction he/she wants.

So, your little one is probably just reacting to his frustrations and really doesn't know what to do. All he knows at this point is that you will help him. Leave him alone several times and he will get it figured out on his own. He will learn that he can do it - yes he might cry a lot the first several times when you don't step in, but eventually he will get over that.

Remember, that rescuing your child isn't always the loving thing to do, as hard as that may be. As soon as we become parents we journey a life long lesson of letting that child go. That starts at about 1 year - or after the weaning process. We are given a year to teach our child to trust, love, have faith that we love them and then we begin to set them free to learn to stand on their own. They are only a child for about 17 years and in that time we need to teach them to be a healthy, independant adult that they will need to be for over 60 years.

Sorry, Ive probably written too much. Know that your child knows you love him and will be there for him when he gets hurt. But let him figure the things out that aren't going to hurt him. Crying isn't going to hurt him.

I am the mother of four. I learned the hard way, my first now 10 is definately my most dependant and fearful of life, the other three I've learned to let go more and they love life, are independant and yet always know I will be there when they hurt. We are very close.

Hope this was helpful.

Hi M.! I think this is really normal. My little girl (1 yr old today!!) does the exact same thing as does her little friend Mason who is a month older than she (or he did when we saw him a couple weeks ago). I think its just sheer frustration and lack of problem solving skills at this age (they just don't know what to do and they were having soo much fun!). Just keep doing what you're doing (showing him how to turn it around) but know that it takes an awful lot of coordination to be able to put all those things together to actually get the walk-behind turned around. Don't feel down - there is nothing wrong with him or you!!! :)

M. ; well like you said he is only one, its ok to help your child when they cant do it, you are not spoiling him you are teaching , there is a difference, its ok to give your child what they need in times of need, so you must think of yourself, do you get frustrated when things dont turn out ? when you make your lunch and it accidently falls on the floor, and its totally ruined, do you ever sit and cry , and get frustrated? we all do that from time to time, when things dont go right, its very frustrating, by going to him over and over again you are teaching him its ok, to run into a wall, just learn to turn, and turning those objects dont come easy , when youre one, when he is a teen and feels frustrated about a freind who made fun of him cause he did something foolish , is that spoiling the child when you talk to him and tell him he is an ok person and you love him even if he does make mistakes, of course you would, its ok to learn parenting along with child rearing, its ok to teach them you are there for them, when they need your help, they are just children , spoiling the child would be to push the toy for him, turning the toy when he cant , is teaching, im so glad i helped my children out when they needed it. it made the bond stronger when they were older and they knew they could rely on me for help when they needed it , otherwise their frustration grows, and they learn they cant use us as a helper, how frustrating is that? its ok, they grow up so fast, enjoy the time they do have, all he really might want is attention anyway, why not take some time and sit and play with him, and turn it before he gets to that wall? any way enjoy your little son, my little sons are now older 20,16,14 sometimes i wish they would let me help them turn away from a wall, D. s

Why not swap the toy for something less difficult for him to play with? It is not spoiling your child to be there for them when they are needing help figuring out something. You need to go with your instincts and do what feels right. Being a loving, caring, concerned mommy does not make you a bad mommy; it makes you a good mommy. You are doing a great job, but maybe you just want to put the toy away for a couple months and give him something less frustrating to play with. At that age they can be so totally easy to distract anyhow. On the other hand, a little frustration isn't the end of the world for a one year-old. You may just want to see what happens when you just calmly step back and let him be frustrated because eventually he'll figure it out. It's up to you. You know your son better than anyone. Good luck!

M.,

I agree with your other posters, and speaking from the experience of having a 3 year old who I really have to push to get to do many things on his own (that I know he is capable of), let him do it himself. Some of it is personality, and some of it is learned, but either way, it's a teaching situation.

J.

Hi M.,

I was going to say pretty much the same thing as the other posters.

he's so close to walking....I saw this type of fustration with both my boys (currently going through it with my youngest.)...it's an age thing, but if you rescue him too much, he'll expect it for everything. My suggestion is to help him, just not every time. More like picking your battles.. it will let him know you're there for him, but also help him to be independent.

Welcome to real parenting! The first year is the honeymoon.
He is just hitting a phase and doesn't know how to handle it. One year olds just are not ready to figure out how to turn things around when they hit a wall. My 19 month old just has it down now. It still takes some banging to get it turned all the way, even.

It is reasonable to go to your son when he needs you, but a tantrum is not a need. You can take two routes; ignore him or put him out of the situation, like put him in his crib for awhile. It would be better to use a port-a-crib so he doesn't associate his sleep place with his "calm down your acting like a maniac" place.

You may want to remove that toy for awhile, too, if you are very concerned. I just control the play with it and follow them around and turn it for them so they don't get frustrated. Later they will get better at figuring out problems and will be able to do it themselves.

M.,
I am laughing because my little girl has a similar temperament. She is 14 months and when she was learning to walk and when she would fall, she would get so frustrated. I see it in her when things don't go her way. Try to take something away, OMG! She will be the one throwin herself on the floor for sure! I already can tell. The only thing I can say is I think she is just impatient and that I am the same exact way. I am pretty sure she inherited the trait from me as my other daughter is just the mellowest kid around and doesn't have a mean or impatient bone in her body-She obviously takes after her dad. :)