Out of Control Teen

Updated on October 17, 2007
D.R. asks from Holley, NY
10 answers

I have a daughter that is 17. About 4 years ago she was diagnosed as bipolar. She does not accept the fact of this. She is not on meds for the bipolar (because how do you force someone to take meds that they dont need lol). She is now 3 months pregnant and this of course has thrown her hormones out of whack. She was very difficult to handle before, now it is almost impossible. I talked to the school social worker today and she said that because of her age the only thing that I can really do is have her arrested. I know this is true but if someone out there knows of a better way to handle this or if you have any ideas where I can turn I would love to hear about it. (Oh, yeah we already went the counseling route and because there is "nothing" wrong with her she refused to talk). I have 4 other children who are being hurt badly by the things she does and says. So any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

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answers from Scranton on

Hi, I will try and help you the best that I can. I grew up in the same situation with my young sibling. I think that the best thing to to for her is have her arrested it would be safe for her and her unborn child. It is the only thing that will work! I wish that it would of worked for us but it is did not work that way and my sister is now past away and left behind a 3 year old little girl who I am now adopting. So I would deff have her arrested so her some tuff love. I wish you luck with it all and I hope that she gets well. And congrats on have a new grandbaby. If you would like to talk more you can email anytime I am allways home. Oh an by the way if you need any help St Joseph Center has a place where the help troubel teens that are pregnate. It is a great program if you would like more information on it just email me. I got me sister into it when she was pregnate with my neice.

A. =)

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answers from Glens Falls on

Having been in similar shoes as your daughter, all I can offer is that you love her and leave her. Don't quit loving her, but make sure she has her space and doesn't ever feel cornered by you. Be available to her (not at a cost to your happiness, but within reason) so that if she needs you, she knows you are there.

She has to come to terms with this. You cannot force her and the more you bring it up the worse the denial will become. She is the only one who can make the choice to change this.

And there is nothing wrong with her. There's something wrong with her brain, but remember, she's been living this and she doesn't know anything else so as she sees it, she's fine. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that there can be something better.

We'll be praying for her!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

If she refuses to go to counseling and take her medication than there is nothing more you can do. A person can only be helped when they want to help themselves. I know this because at 14 I had problems of my own. You can try talking to her again like an adult and mentioning the fact that she is having a baby and she needs to be at her absolute best of health to take care of him or her but if that doesn't work than you have to protect your other children. Don't feel bad about doing what you have to do. It doesn' t mean that you love your daughter any less but you still have the other children to worry about. It's not their fault that she doesn't want to get help. I hope everything goes well for you and your family. God bless!



answers from Albany on

Hello i am sorry that your daughter is bipolar i work in a physic ward for kids and adults and yes she does need some meds i see that those kids will go home and don't take their meds and end up doing something that they know was wrong but when theyget in that dark cloud when they feel like world is coming down on them then that is when all hell breaks loose so you have to try and convince her or you try to drag her to her doctor and let them know that she needs meds to maintain and it will be a process because she will have to try so many to see what ones work for her and if she don;t want to go to her doc then to a hospital that holds physic patients so she can get the help that she needs cause the only thing that is going to happen is she is going to hurt someone else or worse herself i hope everything works out.



answers from Syracuse on

WOW!!! What a situation. My heart goes out to you. This canot be easy. There are so many different issues here, and every one individually is HARD. Dealing with a teenager is HARD, dealing with a bi polar diagnosis is HARD, dealing with a bi polar teen is INSANE I am sure, dealing with the fact that your teenager is now pregnant is hear breaking and then the whole meds thing.......WOW!!! I would call CPS is I were you. Why? If she is not taking care of self she is jeopardizing baby , right? I read some of the other responses and we Moms of teens, we need to stick together. I have two and some days I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there. Anyways back to your situation, I would try CPS and ask them which way to go. They know the in's and out's of the police system and what they can and can't do. Once you have a case voluntarily opened you then have access to their programs and funds. You could open one on yourself because of your daughter as well. Call them and explain the situation... I know most poeple do not want to do that, but they are a preventative network as well. I would just try. You want to insure your safety, your other childrens safety, her safety and that baby, so I think Childrens division would be a good place to start. Remember, tough love is always hard but the best lesson. You need to have some mental and emotionally peace as well so yuou can mother the others.
good luck to you.... I will pray for you. Blessings



answers from Scranton on

Hi D.,

I'm not sure if I can give you the advice your looking for, because I too have the same problem. When she was younger they wanted to put her on ADAHD Meds because her teacher couldn't handle her. That was at age 13, I was kinda mad in their assumptions as I knew it was a typical girl growing up.. Anyhow she will be 18 in a few months and has moved in with her father. In the last year she has became unjustifiably pissed off all the time. No matter what is so or don't she thinks its about her.. So... I basically just stopped being her friend and became MOM.. she doesn't like it but its the only thing that has saved my sanity... I have too other children one who is bootcamp and is almost 19 and the other is almost 16. Keri the 17, since she moved in with her dad this past summer has saved me... she still hasn't stopped with her meaness nor her demands but I don't have to deal with anymore.. her father seems to just tolerate her long enough for her to basically shutup... She will eventually figure it out.. and there are days when I swear she is bipolar.. but then again that goes back to the typical teenage bullcrap.. I miss the hell out of her but I know with time she will find that she does needs us to be there for her... patience.. as for the 16yr old and hormones... its too funny, she doesn't have any.. she was diagnosed 6yrs ago with a pituitary tumor and now she must replace all the hormones orally.. so to say the least she is a very respectful young lady and hates all men... lmao..we are in the process of adding the normal female hormones and I don't know what to expect..If you ever need to just talk please feel free.. I can understand what your going through... its not easy being parents in the world today..



answers from Binghamton on

Well I know you really care for her but at this moment she has no respect for you and her sisters and brothers. So what I would do is tell her she has to respect me or leave my house. Now remember she has chosen to be an adult now because she is bringing someone else into the world. None of this was your choice.So you have to let her know where she stands or it will just get worst. Think tuff love is better then no love at all. Say what you mean and mean what you say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



answers from Buffalo on

I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. It takes an enormous amount of strength and love to live with a child with mental illness, and even more to have other children on top of that. As a mom I can understand your feeling of wanting to help your daughter and make her life better. Ever mother feels like that for their children.
However, as a social worker, I strongly recommend you contact Child Protective Services and discuss your options with a case manager. While you do need to try and look out for the well being of your 17 year old daughter, you must also look after your self and your other children as well. If this is hurting them emotionally, mentally or physically, then having your 17 year old in the home may not be the best idea. Also if this situation is stressing you out, and draining you emotionally and mentally you can not be the best mother you need to be for your other children. Try explaining to your daughter that you love her with all your heart and want what is best for her, but you have to do what is best for your family as a whole. Best of luck to you.



answers from Albany on

The best way she will learn is through consequences. I don't know the severity of her illness and behavior, however if she has had multiple hospitalizations, engages in unsafe behaviors, or is a danger to self or others in the community you could talk with her psychiatrist regarding how to petition for assisted outpatient treatment (AOT). This is court-ordered treatment which will require her to follow whatever her treatment providers recommend. THis could be a treatment program, taking her medications consistently, residing in a supportive group home, etc. When individuals are on AOT and fail to comply a 960 order can be issued by providers which means the police will transport the individual to a crisis unit for evaluation. AOT allows for treatment providers and family members to create a safety net for the individual. The hope is that through consistent monitoring and medication compliance the individual will come to a place where they develope insight into their disorder and internal motivation to comply.
I hope this feedback is helpful. Good luck with your daughter.



answers from Buffalo on

What's important now is that she is a good mother to this upcoming baby. Try to help her ease into this mother role. Would she go to baby/parenting classes with you? Maybe through learning how to nurture another human being, she would begin to respond to you. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when she has the stress of a baby and is in one of her downward spiral days. Is there anyone who has bipolar who can talk to her about the importance of taking the meds once she delivers (if it doesn't affect nursing)? Are you going to be caring for the baby while your daughter attends school/college/work? If so, maybe tough love would work. You won't watch the baby unless you take her medicine (in front of you if need be). This sounds like a really stressful situation. I hope one of these ideas work. Maybe continuing counseling by yourself would be helpful too. You are absorbing a lot of this stress and it would be nice to have an outlet. Good luck.

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