Our 9 Year Old Doesn't Want to Play Soccer Anymore, What Do We Do?

The thing about kids is they change their minds. It isn't fair to hold a 9 year old to a choice or agreement she made at 4 or 8 or even earlier this year. Just because you're good at something doesn't mean you like it... it just means you've been doing it for quite a while (5 years is a lot of practice).

If you're concerned about her physical well being (don't want her to become inactive) ask her what other sport she might be interested in... Maybe she would like to dance, do gymnastics, play basketball etc.

6 months from now, she may decides she misses soccer and want to come back, or she may want to do another new activity, but a 9 year old has to allowed to experiment with social and sport activities.

They call it playing sports for reason... it's suposed to be play, not work!

HTH.
T.

Your Husband seriously needs to get a grip - thankfully your daughter is going to be making more of her own decisions - HE needs serious therepy . . .

Your daughter is doing the same thing i am but i am 13 years old and i have been playing since i was 4 too and now i have just gotten burned out from my games and practices so i know how she is feeling. Let her quit soccer and do a different sport because kids sometimes need to try something new but DON'T let her just stay home and watch TV have her go for a different sport.

Tough topic.... you have a choice to "push" the issue to thinking it is good for her, on her behalf, as it is "just a phase and you're getting her to commit to something and push through the rough patches" or "don't push" and let her figure it out.
We took the second approach. Our 13 yr old has now been in gymnastics for 4 yrs and loving it. She took gymnastics at age 5-7 and requested to stop. We complied and at the age of 9 missed it so much she "begged" us to start again. She's now wants to bring it as far as she can (to college), we'll have to wait and see, but here to support her because ultimately, she's the one that needs to get herself out of bed, go to school (make the grades - straight As at this point - her doing, not ours) in order to keep in gymnastics.
Our son (7 yrs old) was doing tennis from age 5.5 to 7 (just quit recently because of the same as my daughter.... didn't want to play). I've been playing USTA for the past year and have gotten back into another team. He's now asking to go to the club with me so he can play some. He played yesterday and said he had a "blast." He might want to get back in to it sooner, but we're going to wait until he "begs" or so,.. before we do.... The whole point is that the kids need to see that they're the "driver" of their own vehicle in life.... we can't be. We can only encourage, support and aid in their downfalls. But, to be the driver,.. you're asking a lot of yourselves as well as them... "Inspiration and motivation only comes from within" even as it relates to "living" and "loving.." whether it is a sport, person or life.

good luck...

It is possible your daughter just wants a break to explore other things. I took a year off from piano lessons and came back appreciating and loving it more. Thankfully, my parents had the wisdom to sit back and let me decide. I still practiced. I just didn't have lessons.

Maybe you can encourage your husband by saying he can still play sports with your daughter. It just won't be in such a structured way.

I think the worst thing you could do would be to force her to participate in a sport she doesn't want to play. I have always been tall and my dad wanted SO BADLY for me to play basketball. I always hated it. Finally my mom saw how miserable I was and asked if there was something else I wanted to do instead. I told her I wanted to join the swim team and also be a cheerleader. I loved both of those things and competed all the way through college! My dad was upset at first but when he saw how happy I was doing the activities I wanted, he lightened up and supported me. I think we just need to remember that kids are their own people, and there is absolutely no point in making your child miserable over something that's optional.

Unfortunately I think it is your husband who needs to be convinced to change his mind, not your daughter. As others have noted below, forcing her to play when she is certain she does not want to will not go well.

A good place to start with your husband may be to figure out why he is so dead set on her playing another season. Does he enjoy the games (I know I do!)? Does he believe she could get a scholarship some day? Is this one of the few things they have in common, that he feels he can connect to her with? All of those are valid reasons a parent might be upset about their child dropping a sport, but they can also be addressed in another ways. He will need support in trying to figure all that out.

Your husband should also understand that it is possible that all your daughter needs is a break. A year or two away from soccer, and she may be go-hung to do it again. Skipping one season does not mean it IS over, just that it MIGHT be.

In the meantime, help your daughter and husband connect through other ways, and help your daughter with whatever phase she is going through that caused her to want this change.

Well, it was hard for me when my older son said he didn't want to play Soccer anymore, but the kids do need to make their own decisions on their activies. We told him he had to do something, so it was time to try something new.

If she is involved in other sports, it may be a blessing. My daughter loves and is good at everything, which has made it difficult at age 11 with some hard choices. When they get older they really can't play too many competitive sports at one time, because all the sports become year round at that point. Maybe, she can pick one thing that she loves, get extra training and become very good at it. Hopefully, this helps.

Hello C.. I am a Soccer Coach. Please do not make her play. I know from experience, it does not have a positive outcome. I had players that were rude to other team members, and actually would disrupt the Team, but didn't even realize they were doing it. They were just unhappy about having to play. I finally found out towards the end of the season, they were playing because of thier parents. They didn't want to, but did it anywase, which gave them a very bad attitude. It can actually make them hate the Sport. The Team didn't like them, as a Team player, the Parent's were mad, because they would watch the game, and didn't like it when the child didn't play to the best of thier ability, and I as a Coach was very frustrated with the lack of positive attitude towards the game and the Team members. Then the Parent blames me because I am not teaching thier child correctly, when it has nothing to do really, with me or the child. The Child will act out negatively. The Parents do not always hear what I hear, and this actually happens, with 1 to 2 players of mine every year. They don't want to be there, so they make themselves miserable, and everyone around them. It is not fair to Them, the Team, or the Coach, when they are made to play. I have had player's quit for a few years, and they come back loving the sport even more.
It affects more people than the parent realizes. It is not worth making the child miserable, and if the Dad thinks about it, how stressed will he be at the games, when she does not play her best? It will be his fault. Not her's. Good Luck.

I can understand where your husband is coming from, after all extracurricular activities are good for kids.
But you are right, it is her decision and cannot be forced to do something she doesn't want to do. Something to be curious about though, did she say why she didn't want to play anymore? If its something she has always loved, then her quitting may exibit some deeper problems.

For some reason I've noticed that it's hard for men to accept changes in their kids -- especially their daughters. He'll be fine once he sees how happy she is doing what she'd rather do. I would, however, have her choose something to do it the place of soccer, rather than being idle... I think keeping them busy is key.