Organization & My 8 Year Old

I could've been your daughter, 30+ years ago.

I don't think I owned a mitten for longer than half a day, ever, as a kid. And if I actually managed to bring the homework I had completed IN to class, then that was a very good day.

I'm STILL hopeless about losing things. The only difference is that now, now that I'm all grown up and need kindness less, people are kinder to me about it.

What I'm trying to say is, your daughter is losing things because she has a propensity for losing things. Much in the same way that dyslexics have a propensity to have trouble reading, and people who are tone-deaf have a propensity to sing off key. It is NOT HER FAULT.

What you can do, rather than punishing her, is help her. Sit her down, say, "This looks like a challenge for you. And that's okay. Everyone has challenges. For example, I have a hard time with _____. But since this is a challenge, we have to come up with a solution. So let's start working on a plan." No shame. No blame. But don't completely let her off the hook. Instead, work WITH her on a solution.

A few tips I'd recommend are:

1. Empty out her backpack and come up with a system. Mittens live in this little pocket here. This is their cute little cozy home. (Honestly, if she can anthropomorphize something, she may take better care of it. That still works for me, to this day.)

2. Get her into the habit of an "essentials check." Before she goes through the door, she should give go through a checklist. "Snow pants? Here. Fleece? Here. Gym shoes? Here."

3. If you really want her to bring something home, stick a note where she'll see it, say, on a school binder: "I love you, honey. Remember to bring X home!"

4. Build in some redundancy. I have several sets of backup keys, just in case. Saves my life.

5. She just may not be at a stage where she can have very nice things. If you're getting something that needs to come home in a backpack (as opposed to something that gets worn all day) then buy it used, or as cheaply as possible. Not as a punishment, just to save you both the grief.

And, please. Be kind. Reread Jane Eyre. The charter Helen Burns, an absolutely saintly little girl who was treated terribly for being a space-case and a slob. That's your daughter right there.

Please don't be too harsh on her.
It's a personality trait meaning some people have a propensity for being
cheerful, neat, organized, orderly, slovenly, independent, outgoing etc.
So what can you do?
Don't punish.
Teach her.
Show her by example. Put things back where they belong, narrate out
loud when YOU are putting your keys in the same place so you'll know
where you put them, your shoes by the door, your hat on the coat
rack etc.
Then mark all of her items with a sharpie.
Have her check the lost & found at school.
Help her re-trace her steps so she may find where she left them.
SHOW her how helpful it is to have a place for things putting them there.
Do a verbal checklist when she gets in the car ("have your lunch?") or when you drop her off ("Don't forget to put your mittens in your backpack") etc.
Buy cheap backups to have on hand. This isn't condoning her losing her
things. It is merely helping an absent minded child be warm.
Again, it's a personality trait. Hard to beat by exacting punishment. Kind of
like your adult friends that are late or loud (personality trait). We all have
them but when it's our children we can help them deal with their traits.
You are most likely more organized so you can help by organizing her
things then showing her you have a bin for mittens so she can easily
find them but don't expect her to be organized like you. That's your
thing. Just like we can't expect our organized friends to let things go for
a minute so we can have their full attention or to leave with us right now!
An ounce of prevention is the best cure.
You won't be teaching her how to be irresponsible because you will be
modeling the behavior you want to see plus you will be imparting your
wisdom in how to organize. But you will be giving her life lessons to take
with her to eventually mold into her own. She will most likely never be
like you but she will still take things away for her adult life.

Is that an age appropriate expectation? If it is, I and most of the parents in my son's grade have completely missed the boat.

I think at that age it's the parent's responsibility to teach them how to keep track of their things.

We told our son that he needs to keep his hat and gloves in the front pocket of his backpack. This one he usually does. it is his job to hang up his coat and backpack each day when he gets home, empty his lunchbox and make sure his lunch box is placed back into his backpack. Doesn't sound like too much to ask, but we have to remind him almost every day.

Work with her on a system to help her remember. At 8 years old they are still just learning.

Give her a check list - even if it's something she recites in her head.
-do I have my mittens
-do I have my shoes
etc.
Every time I pick up my dd from school, I check what she's missing, then I make her go back in the school, and look for the items. I usually go with her, but she knows that I'm not happy. she now gets everything without having to go back in.

Kids lose things. In my day, parents connected mittens with a big string that you wore around your neck.

You do your best to remind them and set up systems for not losing them, and after that you have to purchase new ones. "Consequences" are not in order.

1. I taught my boys that everything has a "home." So if her gloves aren't on her hands, they should be in her schoolbag. If it's warm weather, gloves go into a plastic basket in our hallway closet. Those are the homes we have for gloves.

2. When something is lost, I ensure that they know there will be no privileges until the item is found. I'll say, "bring home your fleece from school tomorrow or you cannot __________ (watch TV, play games, whatever her currency might be)." When they complain, "But I don't know where it IS!" you should respond that she needs to go and look for it in the places she might have left it, and ask if anyone brought it to the lost and found. Get her brain thinking, because it's likely that if she puts her mind to it, she'll remember where she put it down and can start there.

3. If an item is absolutely and truly lost, it's lost. She goes without her snow pants (darn, no sledding!), fleece (wear that sweater you don't like), mittens (hands in pockets can't make very many snowballs!), and gym shoes (wear a different pair of shoes). And she goes without them until you would normally buy another. It might be next year. OR, she can do some extra work to pony up enough money to buy new ones (mittens might be a necessity, depending upon the length of Winter you have remaining).

Use this stuff as lessons for responsibility that she can carry with her for life. Good luck!

When my daughter, who is 6, misplaces something at school the first thing she has to do is check the lost and found lockers. Usually she finds her missing item there. If she cannot find something at home she does not get to use her tablet or watch TV until she makes a serious effort in finding said item. She almost always finds whatever it is she has lost. If she makes a serious effort then I will help her look for it.

I really think the only way to stress that these items are not just replaceable things she doesn't have to worry about is by not replacing them right away. If that means she doesn't get to participate in recess because she doesn't have snow pants, so be it.

As far as organization, you can just get her a tote/bin to keep her winter gear in. Gear goes in the minute she gets home. I'm not sure how you can keep her organized at school. If she is allowed to hang a dry erase board in her locker, maybe she can have a reminder of items she needs to locate, school events, homework, etc.

I just keep telling my daughter that it is her responsibility to take care of her things and to remember her school supplies. She knows if she forgets her gloves that she has to have indoor recess. If she forgets her snow pants she has to stay on the sidewalk during recess. If she forgets her accelerated reader paper she doesn't get to play games. It doesn't always work but it does seem to help to push her in the right direction.

Good luck!

I don't live in a cold weather clime, so I'm not sure what protocol is at school's for snow pants, mittens, etc. But, do you have any idea at all where/when her items were lost? Did she take them to school and they didn't make it back home, or did she have them at home and just can't find them in the mess of her room?

If at school, please take 15 minutes and stop in at your child's school and rifle through the lost and found. You'd probably be shocked at the amount of stuff there that has been lost and not claimed. We have boodles of jackets and hats and shoes down here in the south where we don't even have the "extra" items like snow pants or mittens.
Even lunch boxes have gone unclaimed. I've seen them.

What I think is the biggest reason? There are no names marked clearly on the items. Even if the name is there, it can get missed, I suppose. And different schools may have different policies about tracking down the owner EVEN WHEN the name is on the item. That can get labor intensive, I would imagine, with a large number of items and multiple grades.

So, first and foremost for preventing future loss, use a sharpie or label company and make sure her NAME is clearly printed on the items (in the waistband for pants or wherever the manufacturer tag/label normally would be). Then, take a few minutes and check out the school's lost and found. Sometimes, there is even a separate one for the gym, and those are typically full of gym shoes!

As far as consequences, maybe you can get used replacement items from a discount or thrift shop to get by with, until she can locate what she lost. Or until the season is out. I certainly would not go buy NEW replacements.

When ever you pick her up ask her if she has everything and if not then the sooner she begins looking for it the better chance she has of finding it.
Get her use to checking lost and found.
With things like mittens I always tend to get more than one pair just in case.
But if the last pair is gone I don't get around to buying a new pair right away.
Cold hands for a few days generally helps to remind them not to lose the next pair.

Please remember checking the lost and found in the classroom and in the "whole school" lost and found is not a one time deal. It can take days maybe even weeks for things to be turned in to the lost and found. So have her to continue to check.

Everything really needs to have her name on it. There are fabric pens, clothing labels, sharpies that you can order (it would be worth the investment if she really tends to lose so many things)
http://www.mine4sure.com

I recall a girl at a skating party accidentally taking our daughters tennis shoes home. It was not until the next week that the mother asked me if the shoes could be our daughters. They had her first name and last name Initial on them, inside and on the outside on the sides.

Her daughter never wore them, just carried them out of the skating rink to the van and left them there. She had all sorts of shoes she apparently just leaves in the van..

As PTA President I was in charge of the "lost and found show and tell" Every 6 weeks (end of the grading period) . This meant we went through all of the Lost and found and tried to get it back to the students.

we sent out reminders on the website, the newsletter and the School sign outside to remind kids and parents to look through the lost and found.

If they had names on them it was pretty easy, otherwise in the cafeteria we lined up all of the lost and found across the edge of the stage and each classroom as they were leaving walked past to see if they saw any of their things.

Imagine here the weather is so odd, it can be icing and snowing in the morning and in the afternoon in the 60's or 70's so a lot of jackets, hats gloves, get shed and left. Then if we do not have cold weather for another 2 weeks, families have no idea these items are missing or when they were lost.

At the end of each school year, we gathered all of the lost and found and donated it to a less fortunate campus here in town.

Expensive Jackets, sweaters, Tennis shoes, ballet shoes, hockey skates,
Lunch boxes, backpacks, wallets with cash in them..
But no NAMES!!!!!
Blew my mind.

Must be the age, I am constantly having this struggle with my boys, 8 and 10.