Opposite Sex Sleepover

Updated on January 30, 2013
A.M. asks from Lake Wales, FL
40 answers

Ok, this "sleepover" has been debated in our house/family for a couple of days now. My five year old son asked if his best friend can come over for a sleep over. The problem is, his best friend is a girl. The two of them have been friends since they were 8 months old (same daycare). They now go to the same VPK and are in the same class. Part of me says "No way! She's a girl". But the other part of me says "This is just an innocent childhood friendship". Her mom is not sure how to react to it either. I thought that she could come over and the two of them and myselvf can have a big sleepover together and I could be "apart" of the sleep over too; all three of us sleep out in the living with our own sleeping bags and me sleeping in between them. What are your thoughts? I would really appreciate any help here. Thanks in advance!

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your responses. The other mom and I talked and we think it will be fine. The kids do almost everything together outside of school; going to Disney, going out on the boat, movies, time at the park. I was not worried about anything sexual going on. I guess I was caught up by what "other people" would say about it. Thank you all for letting me see through that nonsense. I know the two of them will have a blast. Thanks again!

Featured Answers

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

They are 5! The only ones making this sexual or deeming it inappropriate are the adults.
Let them have fun!

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Are you REALLY so worried that two five-year-olds are going to have sex that you need to sleep between them?

7 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from Missoula on

They are five. What could the problem be?

Sleep with them if you want, but what are you worried will happen if you don't sleep between them?

At this age I would let my son's female friends sleep over without worrying about boy/girl stuff.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

At 5? Seriously? They're babies. What do you honestly think they're going to do???

Please cherish your son's innocence while he's got it and allow a perfectly harmless sleepover. It (the innocence, I mean) is not going to last.

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

I think it's fine. I think you're making too big a deal out of it.

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C.V.

answers from Columbia on

I think it's perfectly fine. But when it's time to change into PJ's, do guide her to your guest room with your son's knowledge that girls and boys change clothes in different places.

I don't see the reason to sleep between them. Put them in different sleeping bags and tell them to give eachother plenty of room so nobody gets bonked into. Or put one on the floor and one on the couch.

There's no reason to stop their friendship and sleepovers when they're older. I fail to see the threat. They're friends. Just ensure that you outline the rules when it comes to young ladies having privacy when needed (while changing, toileting, etc). Enforce gentlemanly behavior.

Have fun!

C. Lee

6 moms found this helpful

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

My problem with those kinds of sleepovers is, at what age does it stop being appropriate? Is it when they're 11? 12? Why is it ok one day and not the next? I have two daughters, and they already know, sleepovers with the opposite sex isn't allowed. It's not appropriate, in my opinion.

Also, I think age 5 is really too young for a sleepover anyway.

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K.V.

answers from Springfield on

It seems absolutely fine to me. As long as each child's parent is ready for a sleep-over in general, the gender at this age is really a non-issue.
Have fun!

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K.G.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter is almost 7 as is her best friend (male) they have sleep overs together at least every other weekend. They have been besties since they were babies also. I also would never think of sleeping between them. Now, I'm sure I will think differently in 5 years or so but for now it's fine.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Most of my daughter's friends are boys and we allowed sleep overs when then were that young. I don't know how you do sleep overs but we have tons of space.

The only thing we did differently, because it does feel weird, is when they actually slept Genna slept in her room and her friend slept in her brother's extra bunk.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I see no issue with it, they are 5 and best friends, what do you think is going to happen?

I can see it being fun to "go camping" though as an in general idea.

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G.S.

answers from New York on

My oldest is still BF's w/a boy & he went away w/us this summer, they are now 14. We don't think anything of it, because the bigger a deal you make of it, the bigger a deal it will become. We don't allow them to sleep in the same room any longer, haven't for quite a while, but they've been BF's since the 1st grade.

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I would say it's okay for now...in another few years I would rethink it. Let them have fun...but maybe have them sleep in the living room just because (mainly incase people ask you about it!). Sounds like fun and at least you and the other mama feel the same way!!

You could also do an 'almost' sleepover...have the girl come over until bedtime...even wear pajamas and do everything EXCEPT sleep over.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think you have to look at this through the innocent eyes of a child, not the experienced, seen-to-much eyes of an adult.
It's fine.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Go for it! My oldest son was good friends with a girl from Kindergarten through 6th grade. He used to go on vacation with her family and sleep over her house all the time. They naturally stopped doing it when they were old enough for it to be weird but it wasn't an issue, ever.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

at 5 years old I wouldn't worry about anything. They are so innocent at that age. My son is 5 also and I would have no problem with him having a girl sleep over.

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J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

My daughter is four and my sister took her for the night. I have a nephew who is just getting ready to turn four. They slept in the same bed (which was a great big queen size), honestly I didn't think a thing about him being a boy and her being a girl.

There was no problem....well, I take that back. She woke up at 5:30 and said, "David! Let's be done sleeping. Open your eyes!" Yeah, David is NOT an early riser and was not pleased.

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R.M.

answers from Washington DC on

5 isn't too young if they are both up for it - i.e. ready to sleep away from home. My youngest son's best friend is a girl (pals since 1st grade) and when they were younger they had sleep overs. Now at 11 they hardly acknowledge each other at school (eek!), would be horrified at the thought of a sleepover (gross mom!), but still love spending time together!

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D.P.

answers from Sacramento on

I wouldnt worry about it, they will be fine! My kids are 22 months apart and have each had friends stay over at the same time and all sleep in the same room. When they were really little they would all sleep on the floor, my kids would be next to each other with the friends on the opposite side. The kids not related were not sleeping right next to each other. Then as they got a little older, one gender on the couches the other on the floor. Sometimes I have even gone and slept in the room with them. Now they are 11 and 9 and we are starting to change it up a bit, they can all play together until bed then girls sleep in one room, boys in another

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

It's all good. My son's best friend is a girl and she will be staying with us this summer for a few days and we'll be camping in the livingroom or his friend will be bunking in with my daughter. No problem! :)

edit* I want to point out that non of my little boy friends growing up ever played "You show me yours, I'll show you mine" with me. Turns out the neighbor girl was the one always trying to act out sex scenes with us that she had watched on TV with her older sibs. The key isn't segregating gender, it's parental supervision.

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K.H.

answers from Boston on

I used to have sleepovers with my friend who was the opposite sex. Our parents didn't really think anything of it until we were in junior high.

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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

Look at it as if you are babysitting an overnight guest and that might make it easier for you (and others) to process. I would not sleep between them though. They will likely fall asleep in their sleeping bags on on the floor. So be it. However, if I allowed this for an older child (11 and up), they would have to sleep in separate rooms.

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

That is too young for a sleepover regardless of age IMO.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it would be fine. They're five, it's innocent.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

I think it's fine. What you can do is let them sleep in separate rooms. But at this age, I don't think it's necessary.

My daughter's bestie slept over and her little brother came along. No big deal.

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H.L.

answers from Portland on

My kids have sleepovers with their best friends, who also happen to be the opposite gender. It's totally fine. They have a blast and it's not weird at all. When I was growing up we vacationed with a family with opposite gender besties and it was like we were siblings. This was through high school. We still are extremely close with them.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

If the other mom is cool with it, why not. I wouldn't make a big deal about sleeping between them, that sends a weird message.

If you can't wrap your head around it, you can do a fake sleepover. My daughter wanted a pajama party, but I know none of her friends were quite ready to actually sleep over (or sustain play for that many consecutive hours!) so the girls came over from 5-7 in pajamas, we made pizzas and smores, they played and then cuddled up in a bunch of blankets and pillows on the floor to watch a short movie while their moms came to get them. That was enough sleepover for that age (age 5).

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B.B.

answers from New York on

5 years old is too young for a sleepover. This is regardless of gender. They can get in their pajamas, watch movies in sleeping bags, eat pizza, whatever. Then the parents come pick them up late in the evening.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Yep, I'd say it's okay too. I'd sleep in the living room with them, like you said.

I went to visit my best friend from Boston when I lived in Kentucky. I had moved away from Boston in September and flew back for a visit that April. My best friend was a boy. He picked me up in his sports car, we met his girlfriend at a local hangout spot, and he and I went home and slept in his room. His room was HUGE and he had two twin beds on opposite sides of the room. His dad checked on us a million times, but he's like a brother to me. We are both married with kids now and rarely talk, but we never did anything back in the day.

My daughter has been doing sleepovers since she was 3, neither of my boys ever have (7 and 5). All kids are different.

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A.R.

answers from Houston on

I don't see a problem with it. I think the important thing is for you and the girl's mother to be on the same page. What do you both agree as far as ground rules - you sleeping in between, in the same room, them sleeping apart, etc. You should work out those details in advance and then have a good time while the kids are enjoying themselves.

As an aside I think it is worth considering at what age you consider children to become sexual beings (sexually aware and able to act in a manner which is sexual). In my opinion that certainly does not happen at 5 but that is just my opinion. Once you establish in your own mind when sexuality enters in the picture, then I think you will feel more comfortable with this situation and your decision regarding it. Kids are curious but it is not necessarily sexual in nature. As someone said below 'I will show you mine if you show me yours' can and does happen. However, I believe it is more curiosity than sexuality at this age. Again just my opinion. Either way you should be watching over them to make sure they don't get into things nor into situations which are inappropriate. Good luck.

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

My son has had co ed sleepovers. I usually slept on the couch with them in individual sleeping bags on the floor.

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J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Definitely do it...she wont get to in a few years so let them have the memories while they are little. I dont think you need to sleep in between them J. have them sleep separately.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

The way we handled such friendships when the kids were that little was to allow them to hang out and stay up late and then the parents came and got the visitor and the friend went to bed at his/her own house.

It also gets tricky when you have two kids of opposite genders and they both have friends over. If the kid is a friend of the sister, too, then the girls sleep in one room and the boy in another. And be really picky about who gets to stay over.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

No way! I remember being five and six and playing "you show me yours, I'll show you mine". This is a age of exploring and finding out what others have and you dont. My 5 yr old so said some kids in his class were "tounge kissing". Of course at his age I told him that kissing of any kind is for married people. And kisses from family on the cheeks is fine. He has never liked kisses because of lipstick, he allows me to kiss his hair. But truly there is no way of allowing opposite sex sleep overs. That is for marriage ... in my house.

That being said I would not judge you or think "oh dear God how could she???" if you were to allow same sex sleep overs. Its fine but be aware its not all innocent childhood. there is exploring done. which is natrual part of growing up but we as parents want to protect the innocents until they are able to handle it truly. Hope this helps you and I understand its different these days. But I think the grandparents generation had more sence about them than what were rasing our kids to have. Most of our grandparents generation had morals values and goals. These kids have a neutral everything is handed to them sort of mentality. What I am trying to say is were old school in this house. What happens when the kids are say 13 and still wanting sleep overs? 16? When do you draw the line? Are you prepaired to explain to your son that his life long friend can no longer spend the night because puberty hit???

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it's ok, since they are still little. We just went on vacation with a friend and my son and their daughter shared a room (they are also five). It wasn't a problem. We did have them dress in separate rooms, but otherwise it was fine.

If it's too weird for you, have the friend come over for a pseudo-sleepover: she can come in her pajamas, bring a teddy bear/blanket, have pizza, dessert, watch a movie, and then go home to sleep.

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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Great idea Mom! You've got it under control! Have fun!

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My last co-Ed sleepover PARTY was age 8.

But my god brother used to come stay with us for a few weeks a year.

My parents left is with friends a few times a year (weekends), who had boys/girls & we were boys/girls.

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R.H.

answers from Houston on

That sounds so sweet. Take pics as your son and the girl can post them on their yearbook pages when they are seniors! Cute. They will be friends for life probably and laugh at their age-long friendship.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think you have a great idea but I don't really think it's necessary for you to actually sleep in between them. In the same room, yes, but not necessarily in between them. Just be sure that there is room between them.

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N.K.

answers from Miami on

I'm not sure what the appropriate age for sleepovers is, and I am sure my daughter will at some point ask. My boss said about 8-9 sounds right, but I don't know. I guess I was also lucky that I went to an all-girls school so this issue never manifested itself and since my daughter still sleeps with me, I don't think she will be asking for a sleepover any time soon. That being said, I think it would be nice for you to sleep in the living room with them because at that age, some kids can still have nightmares or get scared of the dark. They could also sleepwalk or trip/bump over something they're unfamiliar with and start crying and panicking, especially the boy who is unfamiliar with your house.

At their age, I wouldn't worry about hanky panky going on under the sleeping bag, so no need to keep their bags separate, but I think it's cool that the other mom wanted to come over for the sleepover too. What better way to feel young again than to have a sleepover with another mom? Maybe you could all play board games or video games, it might be fun. She may want to feel like she's on vacation or at a hotel, so she may like it. Next time, you and your daughter could stay over at her house and get served. I'm sure whatever you decide, your kids will have a great time together!

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