Opinions About Preschool vs Home?

Updated on January 19, 2011
S.S. asks from Muldoon, TX
30 answers

I am a SAHM of one boy, just turned 2. We are currently beginning to discuss and weigh the decision of whether I should continue to stay home with him full time and basically educate him at home until he goes to kindergarten or should plan to go back to work within the next 18 months and put him into pre-school (probably just part time) *Note I would have to work outside the home to afford preschool

We were very drawn to some of the more progressive preschool options out there, but when we take a further look and talk to friends, see that a lot of it is fluff and a lot of money and hassle of application processes, etc for minimal rewards. We are against daycare of any type, it is NOT right for our family so that is out of the question. Any activity would need to be educational in nature.

I am giving serious consideration to opting out of traditional pre-school and Mom's day out and all that stuff and continuing to provide my son socialization through things like playgroups, church, and putting money towards things like music classes, swim classes, etc instead of a pre-school. We already do a lot of educational activities at home and we travel quite a bit. My son already can identify and say 3/4 of the alphabet which is enough to pass kindergarten in our state!

I don't want to do a disservice to my child by isolating him or not giving him a good head start and I do not plan to home school in grade school as I know that level of commitment just isn't for me, but I am an educated and attentive parent who stayed home to do just that, educate and nurture my child, so I guess I am feeling like the money might be better spent toward college savings versus working to pay for pre-school which is just time away from my child for less benefit...?

Just wondering what others have done, what has worked, what hasn't?

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So What Happened?

I just wanted to say thank you for all the thoughts and opinions, I didn't expect to get so many! It probably was obvious in my tone, that I lean toward staying home with my child and I realize there are obvious social skills that my child needs practice in before he enters school all day without mama at his side.

With regard to my comment on the alphabet and passing kindergarten, just wanted to clarify that I am not ignorant in thinking that is all is required for moving to first grade. I only mentioned it because a close friend who teaches kindergarten has spent time around my son and maintains that he is advanced in ways that many of her students are not, so he's off to a great start already.

I have lots of time to look at the possibilities and options and who knows, my mind may change somewhere along the way too. I do appreciate the encouragement with regard to how precious time with our children is though because I agree, I would not have become a parent had I not wanted to devote myself fully to raising the most capable and productive member of society that I could.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Staying home will work! Google "kindergarten readiness" and see what's expected of them at 5.....
Socialization is the only "really" important part for kids who receive a lot of teaching/learning/education at home and it sounds like you've got that more than covered.
IMO, I would not go back to work in order to pay for pre-school! He'll be fine.

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C.S.

answers from Milwaukee on

I think from reading your post you want to stay home, but are second guessing that decision because you are worried it might be a disservice to you child.

Stay home! If you are lucky enough to stay home and are educating your child and socializing him in other means he's just fine and will be fine. And you will both cherish those memories.

Another bonus is your son probably won't get sick as often as kids in preschool/daycare.

I'm a working mom and my son goes to preschool 3 days a week. It works for us, because we balance it with gma time and my husband being home, etc...but I would LOVE to be home more-especially now, he's three and so much fun!

Stay home and play with that kiddo!

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J.T.

answers from Little Rock on

Well you seem pretty confident in your decision despite you asking. Haha. I think that if you aren't planning on homeschooling your child, it's an important step in transitioning him to grade school and to a structured program. Hopefully he can get a jumpstart on making new friends that perhaps will be attending kindergarden in the fall. This might make that dreaded first day so much easier if he sees someone familiar.
If your child attends pre-school on a regular basis, he is learning "true" interaction with other children. I think social interaction is different than situational interaction. Kids can "play" nice together for a little while but usually remain on their best behavior if mom is close by and it's for short periods of time. Where kids really "learn" and get to use all of those values you have taught them usually come up when Johnny takes Sally Sue's toy and bites her.
I am a fan also of building the kiddos immune system. If they are never around sickness, they will be miserable when they start school and are sick all the time. Schools are little germ factories, and they swap bugs like pencils.
Good luck dear. I know it's hard letting go of our babies, but the time eventually comes.

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

I like a good preschool (which is one that utilizes "play-based learning") because they learn a lot, enjoy the socialization, and get prepared for kindergarten. Why not continue what you are doing and the year prior to school, put him in a part-time curriculm?

PS...if the alphabet is all that is needed to pass kindergarten your school system is doing a disservice to their students (and my four year old would probably be in 3rd grade by now!).

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L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

This is going to be somewhat of a contradictory answer, but it's what I've got.

I've always felt that kids who have ample stimulation in the home do not *need* preschool. My son had that. However, I did choose to send him to preschool. Why, you ask? Well, all of our kindergarten is full day, 5 days per week. I couldn't fathom sending my little boy to school for 5 full days without having had any exposure to that type of environment, especially in light of the fact that so many kids nowadays are quite used to that type of structure, having been in daycares and preschools.

So we opted for a kind of transitional approach to preschool. He started at 3 1/2, with preschool 2 days per week, for 2.5 hours. Then, this year at 4 1/2, he goes 3 days per week, for 2.5 hours. I feel that at least this way, he has exposure to being away from me in a structured environment, and he is learning and enjoying the company of other children, neither of which have been bad for him. He loves it.

My son also had plenty of activity outside of preschool, with swim class, gymnastics, sports classes, playdates, etc. But in my mind, none of that was similar to being *in school* without me.

I am sure that he would have coped ok with going to kindergarten straight from home, I did as a child (although I had half day kindergarten), because we deal with what we are given. But I thought our approach to preschool was a way to gradually have my son adjust to being in school, and being away from me, and it has worked really well for us. He loves it, and I feel that he is totally ready to start kindergarten in the fall.

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J.T.

answers from College Station on

As a former pre-school teacher, here is my professional opinion. Pre-school is not about the academic education. Sure they will be learning some academics, but kids this age are so different in their abilities that unless you are able to spend a good bit of one on one time with each child, the academics are secondary. You are already doing this yourself.

The real value of pre-school is the social skills. These skills cannot be gained by playgroups and play dates because you are there at those activities- intervening, stepping in when you think something is not right, etc. Kids are different when their parents are not around. The sad truth is that the majority of kids are in a day care situation and they truly do have a leg up on kids who start kindergarten never being away from mom or dad. They have all their social issues, separation issues, independence issues all worked out by the time they get to kindergarten. Kids who have not been away from mom or dad need to spend a good deal of kindergarten working this all out, often at the cost of learning the academics.

Kindergarten now is not like kindergarten when we were there. There are a lot more expectations on those kids, since most have been in a daycare/MDO/Pre-k setting. You are really doing your son a disservice keeping him home.
Just my humble opinion.
You need to make the decision that works best for your family. MDO twice a week is sufficient. It doesn't need to be anything big or expensive, trendy or "nerdy".

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E.M.

answers from Johnstown on

I kept all 3 of ours at home 100% until they hit kdg. There was 0 preschool. I was a 100% SAHM for well over 5 years and have not once regretted doing it. When it came time to have them tested for kdg registration, they ALL tested ABOVE the kdg level. Stay at home with your child. Set up play dates with other kids to give him the social skills he needs, but don't put him in preschool unless absolutely necessary. Cherish these years at home with him because you can't get them back no matter how hard you'll try.

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H.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

Don't even second guess yourself. Preschool has come about because of the working mother. It is not necessary. When children fall behind it is more likely about bad home life than not getting early reading skills. You can provide early reading skills at home and developmentally, the extra skills they learn at this age don't make much of a difference past 3rd grade. Developmentally, they can only advance so far so fast. Preschool is great if mom has to work But if mom can stay home, way way way better for your kiddo.
I think the notion that "teachers can tell which kids had preschool" is a non reason to send your kid to preschool. When I was a teenager I taught swim lessons. The kids in day care warmed up to me ASAP, while the kids who stayed home were clingy and slow to get started. At the end of the week they were all doing the same. I may have preferred the day care kids as students because I didn't have to work so hard to get them to be comfortable with me. But that does not imply that the day care kids had an advantage. It implies that my job got easier because they were already used to being away from the comforts of mom and home. Its the same story with preschool. I think staying home as long as possible with your mom is the real advantage.

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B.S.

answers from Saginaw on

I don't like hearing from people that preschool is fluff. I don't believe that or at least in my area its not. My daughter went to a preschool that had a huge waiting list if you didn't sign up by February for the following fall. I loved her teacher and I loved the interaction she received, not to mention what she learned.

Also, when starting Kindergarten her teacher said she can always tell which of her students went to preschool and those that didn't.

As for germs, they either get them in preschool or they share them in Kindergarten. And I'd rather my daughter share them in preschool as Kindergarten is much more different now a days with lots of things to learn in a day and missing just one day means they miss a lot of learning.

So while, I don't think its absolutely essential your son goes to preschool, I wouldn't call it fluff and/or a waste of money. (At least in my experience it wasn't.)

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I think you are on the right track. You can offer your child what nobody else can: love, schooling directed expressly for him, time, commitment, deep devotion, catering to his needs/strengths/weaknesses. You can do everything that a pre-school can do, and most likely much better. He won't have to compete with others for time and attention. You also will foster a deep love for him, teaching him that he is so important to you. Homeschooled children, who are taught in love, have been found to be leaders because they understand their importance in their families. They do not lack self-confidence because they have been nurtured one-on-one for the time they are homeschooled. There is a book called Upgrade: Ten Secrets for the Best Education for your Child by Kevin Swanson. He goes through what the "experts" say are critical for successful children. All 10 point to homeschooling: 1. Character; 2. Quality one-on-one education; 3. Protection; 4. Individuality; 5. Relationships; 6. Doing the basics well; 7. Life integration; 8. maintaining the honor and mystique of learning; 9. build on the right foundation (what you are hoping to do); 10. Wise, sequential progression. Swanson goes through each one of these points thoroughly.
With homeschooling, you have way more freedom to travel, go on a nature walk, spend the day curled up next to the fire drinking hot cocoa while reading a book together, whatever floats your boat. Oh, I would NEVER give up the freedom that we have by homeschooling for fear or any other reason. Thinking outside of the box can be daunting, but it is so liberating! Once you do it, your eyes are opened so wide to the possibilities that are before you. We could never go back to the status quo. We love our life too much to give it up for the grind. Enjoy these years!! They are such a gift.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

I think part-time preschool is the best option. There are many church groups out there providing this. What I like about part-time P.S is that it gives the child an opportunity to feel a level of comfort, to be in a learning & nurturing atmosphere, to be with other children to learn that all-important skill of socialization which is so necessary for a successful KG year, & it teaches the child that he has to learn to listen to other adults!

This would tie in with your thoughts on socialization thru play groups, etc. There are options out there which will also provide academics. That's what I would search for....& would also plan on rounding out those academics at home the rest of the week! It can be done "piecemeal" with great success!

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J.W.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I did send my 4 oldest children to pre-school. My purpose in sending them was to experience socialization with other kids, getting new experiences, and learning to listen to other adults besides my husband and me. We had an awesome preschool close to our home that was a farm school and they got to interact with the animals and take nature walks on a daily basis, weather permitting of course. They did no academic instruction, just fun activities, (art, pretend play, music, stories...) based on a theme in a learning center type environment. Just for fun. I did plenty of academic type activities at home and like you, my children had all the basics well before kindergarten. I just thought it was good for them, given that we had this amazing preschool so nearby, to get some time to do something else to stimulate them. And honestly, having 4 young children at the time, I was eager for some time to get a few things done for a couple of hours 2-3 days a week! I am a firm believer in the idea that kids are in traditional school from age 5 until who knows when, at least 13 years of education in an institutional setting, and probably many more than that! Why in the world do we as a society have this need to take these little tiny children and make them sit down and do formal academics in an institution any earlier than we absolutely have to! The learning they do from birth to kindergarten, should be through play and new experiences and interactions! Playing and pretend time is the best time for learning at this age.

I now have a 3 year old and we have since moved from the area where the farm school was. I am leaning toward skipping preschool and just doing the play group, sunday school, and music, and movement classes. I don't think he will miss out on anything doing this, but if I send him, I would miss out on all the time he is away from me and selfishly, I am treasuring this time, as he is likely our last child!

So I guess my 2 cents is that if you can give him interaction with other kids and adults as well as different experiences like field trips, play groups and different classes, and especially if you would have to go back to work to afford it, then I would skip the preschool experience. He is getting all he needs and more without it, in my opinion.

Even though society would like us to believe otherwise, I don't think there is any long term data that says that kids who go to preschool have any advantage over kids who don't and that over the long term, they do any better than their pre-schooled peers down the road.

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

We just did a little half day preschool 2 mornings a week where I got to be a "volunteer parent" about 4 times a month or as much as I wanted. We moved it up to 3 days a week because our son loved it. It was from 9-12. I think you can do everything they do in a preschool at home, but it is great for getting your child used to being without mom and socializing with a group of peers. Our son jumped right into Kindergarten with no hesitation :) We have moved so I have no idea if there is something like this where I live now.

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C.B.

answers from Austin on

I am of the opinion that no one can nuture and educate your child better than you in the early ages. My oldest went to preschool but my two youngest have not and I see a difference. Good luck with your decision.

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A.M.

answers from Austin on

Can you work part time? Unless the school you're looking at is an all day everyday thing, you can send him to preschool AND teach him yourself, do the nature walks, read together, cook together etc.

You can do half days or 2x a week and there is still tons of time at home together.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I have four kids. Ive been mostly a stay at home mom... currently I am ( and intend on being for a while), and when i did work it was just part time.

we tried both preschool and "home pre-school". around my area, preschool is a status thing: you want to prove yourself a good mother (and that you have some extra money)? you take them to preschool, of course! I tend to think that understanding extends beyond my area as well. I see it, if you don't send your kid to pre-school you are inferior in some people's eyes... you say you DO send them to preschool, and it's like "well, aren't you something!"

Well, I DO think preschool could be helpful in getting them used to cooperating in a group of kids and practicing patience and such (the social aspect)... HOWEVER, I find the "education", activities, play-based learning, crafts, ABCs and such could be much better done at home. We didn't have a bad experience with pre-school, we just came to see that it wasn't necessary for our children- perhaps other children, who's parent's work or that need the social time, or need extra attention on things parents struggle with- could benefit.

I think too many parents think they can't do as well as pre-school. it is very easy and fun to do so, you just start with books! I also think that IF you are going to send your child to pre-school, do it the year before kindergarten to prep them for the school setting. I have no idea why anyone would send a 2 or 3 year old. Instead, I'd look into an activity, like swimming for children that age to learn. When they are that young, it isn't "preschool" its "daycare".

Just my opinion!

Just a little side-note: thanks to grandma, one of my children went to the best pre-school (and most expensive) in this area. it was a fantastic school, i recommend it to ALL that want to send their kids... BUT, staying at home brought my children the same things. ALSO, in comment to the mom that said Kindergarten teachers can pick out the pre-schoolers... they THINK they can... but they guessed my oldest was in pre-school and she didn't go at all! it was simply what she learned at home:)

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

If you are doing other stuff with your son you do not need preschool. My oldest went straight to 1st grade and did just fine. I only put my 2 younger boys in preschool because of some speech delays and they needed the extra speech therapy. There is no reason a 3 and 4 yr old can't learn their ABC's and 123's at home. You sound like you are doing enough and I think keeping him home would work best for your family.

B.A.

answers from Austin on

Here's some good info on preschool considerations and the link has more details:

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/06/21/...

Here are a few questions to ask yourself and the staff in making your final decision:

1. Does this seem like a place my child would like to be?
Use your instinct on this one. Can you see your child fitting in and being comfortable in this environment? Are the children enjoying themselves? Do they appear to be happy and active? Is there a variety of activities that are age-appropriate for the children? You know your child better than anyone, so rely on your instincts.

2. Are there rich, interactive language experiences?
Watch the staff interaction with the children closely. Are they talking with the children? Are the children communicating with the staff? Are there rich language experiences and if so are they “hands-on” (not just paper and pencil)? For instance, is the staff reading, speaking, listening to the children? Are there outings, art, dress up, and play type of activities in which children can communicate with peers? Is there a television and if so, is it being used as a “baby sitter”?

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L.V.

answers from Austin on

I've been exactly where you are, and my children are now 8 and 11. We opted to send my oldest to Montessori beginning at age two and with my daughter, we chose to keep her home with me until she was four before sending her to Montessori. If retrospect, I would have kept my son home with me until four as well. He definitely had an advantage over her academically in Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade. She is now in 3rd grade - which many well respected educators believe to be the great equalizer, and now I understand what they mean. I now see that the "jump start" that multiple years of high quality preschool provides only lasts through around second grade. As long as you teach your child enough before Kindergarten so they can feel confident when they get there, then you've done enough. If you have the option to stay home with your child during those adorable years before Kindergarten, my advice is to do it! I wish I'd done it with both of my children. I truly believe that the two additional years my son had of preschool meant nothing in the broad scheme of things educationally. It would have meant more to me and to him to have spent it together. I hope this helps... it's just my opinion. : )

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E.E.

answers from New York on

I don't think it's an either/or.

You can send your child to pre-school AND still do lots of stuff with him at home.

I didn't think I would send my child to pre-school at 2. Then I realized (in my area), "Everyone else does it."

Was it a totally stupid reason? Absolutely! Was it a great decision? Absolutely.

My suggestion would be to visit some preschools (my library has a preschool fair so see if there's something like that in your area). See how your son reacts.

I knew as soon as I walked into the preschool he's now attending that I wanted him there, and I wanted him there as soon as he could be there.

(Now I can't wait 'til summer camp, lol!!)

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E.B.

answers from Houston on

My three kids did MDO at a local church - two days a week from 9am -12n. Then three days. Then five days.We did plenty of learning at home and the MDO was purely for socialization although they did learn a lot.
My 13 year old has a "boyfriend" that she met in MDO- they went to different elementaries and then reconnected in middle school. He remembers coming over for a play date when he was 4. Her best girl friend is also a girl she met in MDO when she was three. They haven't been in the same school since Pre-K but they are still close.
One of my 19 year old son's best friends is also a former Pre-K classmate.
Same with my 15 year old daughter.
You can arrange play dates all you want but the freedom of parental intervention/influence enables your child to learn how to make friends with people they are drawn to, not just people that are presented to them. A music or swim class does not allow that freedom.
It is also a great transition step from "totally with mom" to "totally with a teacher". A little structure learned before Kindergarten really helps with that transition. He can learn the concept of lining up, sitting where he is supposed to; the basics that make a classroom work. It also helps prepare him for being awway from home for a period of time- a big step towards real school.
I agree that some of the Preschools are over-hyped. Do they need uniforms? Entrance exams? No. You need loving teachers in a warm and friendly environment, some controlled chaos, small classes.
Does he need to go at two? No. Wait until he is three. Or four even. But I really believe SOME program - even just two days or three days a week- is a great boon to their ability to transition to Kindergarten.
Good luck.
OH! And one of MY best friends is a mom that I met when my kids were in MDO. We have agreed that even if our kids quit being friends, we will still get together! So far that hasn't been an issue.

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D.B.

answers from Houston on

I know you have received many many responses, but I think you should trust your gut feeling on this one and wait and see. You child is only 2, so there is plenty of time. There are lots of great preschool environments too, so you can just take your time, explore and then decide. Sometimes, when your child gets to be 3 or 4 you start seeing that they are itching for more and more interactions etc, and it may be a good time to explore more group settings. Just give it time. Also, I have seen that Kindergarten's are getting to be a bit more rigourous with their expectations of behaviors and academics (don't know why we aren't letting kids be kids for a while longer) so a child could benefit from being exposed to more structure and larger group settings without a parental figure involved. It depends on your child. I found for mine, preschool definitely prepared her and the transition to kindergarten was so much easier and she loves it. Either way, you know your child best and you have time!!!

M.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Staying home and giving them a great and calm childhood where they do not have to compete for every little scrap of attention is a great gift. I was able to stay home for large chunks of time with my first two and then when I had my third I stayed home full time and did a lot of neat stuff with them and it is something I have never regretted. My best time ever. Also my third child is very well adjusted, high achieving and has a great personality and self esteem.

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

My daughter just turned 4 and we have been doing preschool at home. We do all kinds of fun learning projects and play activities.
We get together with a friend of mine who has a 3 year old daughter and do school together, 1 day each week.

My daughter is already learning at or above kindergarten level and has excellent social skills. You don't have to send your child to preschool to foster social and listening skills.

I am not anti preschool. I had intended to enroll our daughter in an excellent preschool program, but the waiting list was extensive. Now, I am so thankful that we didn't waste the money, as some of my friends ended up pulling their children from the program.

I totally see Lee P's point about preschool being a springboard into full time kindergarten. Although, I think it would be harder on me than on my daughter.
If I ruled the world....... I would also do half day kindergarten. :)

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J.J.

answers from Houston on

I am also a sahm with a 2 1/2 year and my second is on her way. We are planning on keeping them both at home. I am nervous but excited. My advise is that only you can answer this question. If your pulling out your hair because you have him 24/7 that maybe preschool part-time might be helpful for YOU. If you teaching him at home and playing with him and having fun. I say enjoy!

A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

We just placed our 3.5 year old child in preschool. She goes twice a week for 3 hours each time. I had to search for a preschool that was only 6 hours a week because I feel that any more hours than that is unnecessary at age 3 (plus when does it cross the line and become daycare...6 hour "school" days 5 days a week for a 3 year old is daycare in my opinion), especially when I teach her at home as well. Academically, she is far ahead of the other students but we found a program that is play-based and works well for socialization. Also, we asked out daughter if she wanted to go to school and she said yes which was a big deciding factor for us. Since you are fulfilling your child's social needs outside of a preschool setting and you are against daycare and you would have to get a job (presumably with suitable hours so that your child doesn't end up in need of daycare) I think your best bet is to stay home with your child. Now, when our daughter turns 4 her school offers a program which is less play-based and is 4 days a week. We are undecided if she will be attending that program.

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G.G.

answers from Austin on

In my opinion, staying at home with your child is always more beneficial than preschool. I do see the value in a MDO program, however. If you can somehow swing a job at a preschool, I would enroll your son once or twice a week (or another part time job). Work there to pay for it. It will help with his transition to kindergarten and he will learn some valuable skills that he won't learn at home or during play dates. Sitting still during circle time, for example. Walking in line, following directions from someone other than a parents, etc.

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A.A.

answers from Waco on

It sounds like your mind is made up already, but as a former teacher, I have to agree completely with Jennifer T. Ditto to every word she said.

Not that this is going to change your mind (nor should it), but I thought it may also be helpful for you to see the requirements for kindergarten children here in Texas. Recognizing and saying the 3/4 of the alphabet may have been the standard when we were growing up, but that certainly isn't the case anymore.

http://www.tea.state.tx.us/index2.aspx?id=6148

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C.S.

answers from Houston on

Stay home for now and take advantage of free library story times and programs. Check into mommy & me classes through parks & rec too. Preschool is the year before K, that would be when your child is 4. At that point, decide how much they need, but usually just 2-3 days a week.

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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

none of my kids have gone to preschool- I have taught them myself at home- and they are all above average in school( my oldest was at a 10th grade reading level at 2nd grade! The next one was right behind him) We do lots of things at home to learn- I love taking my kids for nature walks- we just walk around the neighborhood or park and look for different bug/birds/plants. We talk about different ways people live, we do a letter a day. When we go on walks we will find all the things that start with that letter (like "A" airplane, apple tree, etc.)
We practice writing and I read a ton of books to them also. I don't do this every day- I should- but I have other things I have to get done too! We do a lot of crafts and cut and paste pictures. None of this stuff takes all day to do- maybe a couple of hours, but we spread it out through the day.
I have also done a preschool group with a bunch of moms. We would meet at one mom's house once a week(we changed houses every month) and that mom would provide a lesson(shapes, animals, weather) and a craft and a snack. It was about 2 hours. It was a lot of fun. If you are looking at getting your child in for the "social" aspect- you can do that with a play group or the pre-school mentioned above.
But I would stay home if the choice was to work just to put your child in preschool- she will benefit more from having her mother around then she will from strangers teacher her while her mommy works.
~C.

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