Online Divorces?

I used to practice family law. I HIGHLY recommend setting up a *free* consultation with a family lawyer. Get a professional opinion regarding what is "fair and equitable" division of the assets. My experience was that clients (especially women) arrived at the bargaining table wildly under estimating their "half" (of "his" pension/benefits/401K etc)...please take care of yourself, and your children, by getting a professional opinion. Alternatively, is there a law school near you? Do they have a free legal advice program?

We tried to do a quickie one with my first marriage but there are just too many details to iron out with a judge making some decisions when 2 adults can't agree. I personally would never do 50/50 custody because that is totally unfair to the parent who makes less money and the person the kids live with a majority of the time because they can't even take the kid to the doc without the ex having to know beforehand and give permission...well, hopefully the ex wouldn't be such a turd as that but seriously. If he didn't like your child care provider you'd have to stop using them. If he didn't like the school they were going to you'd have to change it to a different one. IF you didn't like something he was doing he'd have to stop doing it.

What if he had to go to work and you said no babysitter. He might lose his job because you said he couldn't put the kids with a babysitter when he had them.

50/50 gives no one any authority and takes so much from the child in the long run. I just think it's a bad bad bad idea.

My ex and I agreed on everything so I went to The Divorce Store and filed. Since we had kids, the whole thing cost $695ish and they do all the filing with the court, you just show up when you're supposed to. They meet with both of you to fill out the papers to make sure its done how you want it. Google them and see if there is one by you. Good luck!

I have several friends who have attempted to go the route of no lawyer. For one person, it worked, because they had no shared assets, no debt, and no kids. So there was nothing much to argue over. I think she went to "We the People" or somewhere.

However, for a few other friends, everything started off amicable, and then everything ran off the rails for one reason or another, and everyone had to lawyer up and fight it out.

What I would recommend is this. Make an appointment, just for advice, with a lawyer who specializes in representing women in divorce settlements. Listen to what the lawyer has to say - some advice, you may take. Other advice, you may decide isn't applicable to you. It's worth getting advice from someone who understands how the system works, and what pitfalls there are. At least make sure you know how you want to set things up, what things you need to put in writing, and how to do it, before you begin the process. At that point, you can go ahead and do the do-it-yourself divorce if you want to. A few of my girlfriends who ended up having to get lawyers wish that they had gone into it with good legal advice, before making mistakes and then ultimately having to pay more to fix the mistakes after the fact when things had become so contentious.

ETA: I know that you say that the state of California has a cookie cutter division of assets - BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK FOR YOUR SHARE! I know this to be true, because my husband was married once before me. They had no kids and she moved into the house he already owned. BUT, he had assets that appreciated in value (including the home, some stocks, a trust fund, and his 401K) during the marriage. By law, she would have been entitled to half of the increased value of all of those. However, she never asked, so the state gave her nothing. So please don't assume the divorce judge will just give you whatever you're owed. You have to know your rights and ask for what you want, or you won't get it. Whatever your husband may be saying, it's likely he's had a consultation with an attorney already. Do the same for yourself, please.

I have a friend that used an online service and paid $300 for those forms. There was additional court filing fees but nothing you wouldn't occur without an attorney. They were both fair about assets and thankfully they didn't have children.

You can also look into getting a mediator for the both of you to use.

I have no experience with any website or divorce, as I never married my older daughter's father.

When I was going to move out of state, my then boyfriend now husband went to an attorney and she suggested if we were going to get married then do so because courts don't like to see the child leave the state over a boyfriend. She further suggested that I take a letter to him asking for permission to take her out of state and have him sign it. If he signed it, it was over.

My point is, the attorney told me exactly what to do without ever retaining her. I do tend to think I paid her for her time though, if I did, it was well worth it.

I don't have a clue what you're talking about "online divorce." You can't get a divorce by internet; you can download and print forms from the internet.

The forms are fairly easy. There is a checklist of forms that need to be filed in order to get an uncontested judgment of dissolution. As long as EVERYTHING is agreed to, you should be able to complete and file the forms yourself. Forms can be found at www.courts.ca.gov - click on the Forms and Rules tab.