One Year Old Wont Nap in Crib

Hi, L.. My 18-month old is the same way, always wanting to be with me...even at nap time. My daughter also sleeps with me though, so (needless to say) we're never apart. There are days when I don't get much accomplished around the house at all, but I just keep thinking these days won't last forever. One day I will look back and miss the times when she was safe with me at home. Just hang in there, I know it's difficult. But truly this time is priceless.

I am a mother of 6, with one on the way. All but one of my children completely stopped taking naps at one year old. Yikes!! Like you, I was still wanting MY nap! Though many people are for bed-bonding for as long as possible, I have learned to ease my children into their own beds sooner rather than later. I found, though my experiences of giving them a comfortable crib environment, that my children seemed to do better when I used two blankets for their bed. I would alternate: sleeping with the one fresh out of the dryer until it had my 'smell' and then trading it for the other to be cleaned and 'rescented.' This helped with the bedding down. Crying is to be expected...it is an excellent motivating tool to tug your heart-strings. But your child needs to know that they are safe, even if they are 'alone.' The crib is not the enemy, no matter what your baby is trying to tell you! All in all, this is a wonderful time for bonding with your little one, but you must always be looking to teach them that a mother's love is about protecting them AND teaching them how to fly, not keeping them in the nest forever. Best regards...

From my experience, this is the age where they test the napping anyway. Since she hasn't ever napped on her own during the day, you leaving her causes great distress becuase she doesn't understand why you are suddenly changing things on her. The night time sleeping is because that is how it has always been. She probably only sleeps for 30 minutes because as she cycles through the stages of sleep she pulls her out of her lighter sleep and realizes that she is not as she was left since this is upsetting to her she wakes up completely instead of nodding back off to sleep (which she would do if she was still sleeping with you). To fix the problem it could be one day but will probably take a few days and a lot of patience on your part--it is hard to say without being there to see how she responds. You have to teach her that it is okay to sleep during the day on her own. Since your morning nap seems to be working for you, leave it that way. For the afternoon you will need to put her down to sleep (with whatever routine you chose works for you) and then you will need to stay in her room in a place where she can see you. (Bring a book so you don't go crazy from boredom). You are to ignore her--once you have done the before bed routine and gotten her close to nodding off (don't reward her not sleeping with attention--bedtime means bedtime, not you can coax me into interacting with you by choosing not to sleep). Don't make eye contact or talk to her, she is supposed to sleep, your presence is only to wean her off of being used to sleeping with you. You have to kind of gauge how it works for her. I have sometimes had to have a hand on my son (gently rested on his arm) or whatever and other times it was just me sitting near the crib. She will nod off and seem asleep--be aware, getting to this point of nodding off again once in the crib will take some time and will probably start off with a lot of crying and could take an hour or so depending on the history of what you have done in the past--it could also only take 15-30 min. DO NOT then sneak out of the room once she nods off (it builds distrust). If after a few minutes she is still settled move the space of your body one step closer to the bedroom door and then wait. Without fail, she will probably wake up and start to complain all over again. As long as you don't engage her by making eye contact or talking to her, she will settle again. Wait until she nods off again and then move the space of your body, one step closer to the door. She will keep checking on you and this can be a very long process, but it is worth it. You keep moving toward the door and hopefully if the first day goes well, you will make it out of the room and she will continue to nap for a bit. When she does wake up and her nap is over, go in and be positive about the experience. You may have to repeat the process for the next day or so, but it should go faster and be easier and again you have to gauge her responses, but you may be able to start farther from the crib or even just stand in the doorway for a bit. Don't get frustrated by the crying you are being there to offer loving support and express positive feelings. All of this will build confidence in her and she won't continue to need it.

Little kids pick up on emotions so well and they can sense when we are scared or unsure or nervous so you have to decide that you can help her to learn how to sleep and keep a loving positive attitude throughout the process. Don't be scared and aprehensive as you lay her in her crib because you are worried that she might wake up, approach it with confidence that if she does wake up you will work through it and help her learn how to go to sleep on her own while it is light outside and not be afraid of where you might be or not be.

I hope you are able to make this work for you. If you have any questions, let me know, it is hard to explain in an email and I am not sure how clear I have been.

if she is over 1 then she really only needs 1 good long nap during the day. thats probably why she fusses so much when you try to put her down for the 2nd nap. it's understandable that she dozes off during nursing, it's a relaxing thing for babies. try cutting out the 2nd nap, and moving the 1st one a little later in the day and see how that works out. you might need to adjust bed time at night a little too, if she starts getting fussy, just let her go to bed a little earlier in the evening.

I agree with the others that she probably doesn't need more than 1 nap, but you could let her fall asleep with you in your bed then you get up and leve her. I would make sure that you put up some kind of barrier if she moves alot as you don't want her to fall out of the bed.

I agree with pp that she may only need 1 nap at this point. My 12 mo has just switched from 2 good naps (at 9 and 2) to 1 at around 11:30. It was getting so hard to get him to sleep for that morning nap and has been such a relief to give it up!

L.,

First of all ... don't fear! It's not too late! ;) I thought the same thing. My daughter (14 months) has never been the best sleeper (her brother is a great sleeper ... he's 3 now). We let her sleep in her swing (one of those cradle swings) for naps and nighttime for the longest time (she's small, so it worked for much longer than with her brother). Then, she started sleeping in her bed at night, but was still taking naps in her swing.

I'm not a huge cry it out fan, so we never really did that. And, I'm proud to report that (when I believe she was really ready, and could tell it based on how she reacted when we put her down) she's been sleeping in her bed (and putting herself to sleep, too!) for naps (sometimes takes 2 a day, and sometimes just 1) and nighttime ... this has been probably just the last 2 weeks! We've taken the swing out of her room! ;)

I remember that my son was a better sleeper from the beginning, but also got much better around 13 or 14 months. I think they just have so much going on (starting to babble, walking, eating solid foods, giving up the bottle, etc.) that it's just h*** o* them to sleep well, too! We just kept trying different things with my daughter (different music stuff, routines, etc.) and found something that worked ... and then I believe she was just ready to sleep better on her own!

Best wishes, and I hope that for both of you she starts to sleep better. ;)

hi L.,

poor mama! you need some rest yourself, it sounds like! :-)

is there any reason why your dd can't sleep in your bed? she's only 1. 1 is still a baby, really. i wonder if, since she doesn't want to sleep and wants to be with you (which is natural; she hasn't differentiated btw you and herself yet; she still thinks of you both as one person), maybe you can try a sling or backpack and wear her while you do your chores? my ds used to LOVE that at her age. she might balk at a sling if she hasn't grown up in one. but she might love a backpack. if you can find a Kelty (in the Iwanna? or on freecycle or Ashevillemamas?) they are wonderful, cause they carry the weight on your hips and no stress on your back or shoulders.
seriously, i see the problem not as trying to get her to do your will (cause that won't work) but as trying to meet BOTH your needs. i see not a dog that needs to be trained, but a child who needs her mama's attention. she's only young once-- enjoy her! you won't go to your grave wishing you could have gotten more housework done ;-)

blessings,
P.

Hi L., its L. :)

I tend to think differently regarding the nap (2 vs. 1) My son went through a phase of only 1 nap when he was around 13 months and did a brief stint in daycare. He could do it, but then he would come home at 5:30 and be the total grouch muffin. More recently, (18 months old) we've been tending toward 2 again (not in daycare anymore) and he is much much more cheerful all around.

I would pinpoint the issue being closer to your daughter not wanting to sleep in the crib. Our son totally rejected the crib thing so we had to move on toward explaining to a very young child how it was necessary for him to stay in bed when we put him there. We sometimes let him nap on the living room couch since that is downstairs and we would be able to hear him ifhe woke up etc.

First I would just like to say that I dont think the # of naps is the issue at hand. Second, is there a specific reason you dont want your child sleeping in your bed?
Then finally, There is NOTHING wrong w/your child bonding w/you while you guys nap. Too many people say that children shouldnt be allowed in their parents bed, but at what point do we cut the string? Seriously! I think its great that your child likes to snuggle next to mom while sleeping! Unless this is a personal issue I wouldnt worry about it honey! Maybe you are your childs security blanket...think about that!