One Year Old Fights Sleep

Hey H.,

You may not like this suggestion, because when it was told to me I didn't. But let me just tell you it works and I have a child with healthy sleep patterns as a result. When my son was 9 months old he was still waking up every three hours to nurse. My pediatrician told me there is no physical need to nurse at night when they are that old. At this point they cry because they awaken and don't have the soothing skills to put themselves back to sleep. Hince they cry out for mom. When mom comes, they continue to not develop the self soothing skills. This will continue until you let her cry it out and learn to go back to sleep on her own. Same thing for naps. My pediatrician said I needed to be firm with nap and bedtime and stick to it. I am the parent and should control when the baby sleeps by sticking to the routine. He said if I try to lay him down and go get him in a few minutes because he is crying, then that teaches him to control me. My Dr. said he should stay in his crib for at least one hour for naps and should stay in his crib for at least 8 hours for sleep at night. If he wakes up before that, the needs to soothe himself back to sleep. It took 3 days to cure him with this method. No one wants to hear their baby cry, but I just told myself it was for his own good and it was. He sleeps from 8pm-8am now at 14 months and has since 9 months when we started this. He is phasing out his second nap, but takes at least 1 two hour nap during the day. If he wakes up crying from naps, he is usually not well rested, I usually let him cry for a few minutes and fall back asleep. When he wakes up well rested he wakes up very happy!
Sorry this is so long, but it is advise that had to be told to me over and over until I tried it at 9 months and I am so glad I did because it works. I try to remember with everything we do, that it is in his nature to try to control me and I need to think carefully about how I react to things he does. Like when he is screaming out for my attention at inappropriate times, thats probably not the best time to pick him up and love on him, because it rewards that behavior. It sure is hard trying to be a good parent, I always want to give in to him, but I am trying my best to think of the long run where I want a well behaved and well adjusted child. Hang in there and Good Luck.

You do not have to wean her but you do have to stop nursing in the middle of the night. Nursing is your baby's sleep aid (how she puts herself to sleep) and she cannot get back to sleep without nursing when she wakes up in the middle of the night. You can still nurse her to sleep but when she wakes up inthe middle of the night, you have to let her cry it out for a few nights so she learns to put herself back to sleep without you. I only say this becuase I've been there and althought the few nights of "crying it out" was painful, it worked like magic. After a few agonizing nights of letting my baby scream for a couple hours in the middle of the night, she now sleeps through the night. Good luck to you.

I always play music when it is time for my baby to go to sleep and she has gotten use to it so when she hears it she knows it is time to take a nap or go to bed.
I breast fed her until she weaned herself at 61/2 months but I started giving her cereal in the morning and before bed and it helped her sleep longer. At night she wakes up every 4 to 6 hours instead of two. If she wakes up in between I have been leaving her in her bed as long as she doesnt cry and she has been going back to sleep on her own. But she has a stuffed animal in her bed she plays with until she falls back to sleep.

When my son was that age I nursed him down. He was like that too. Honestly, I can't remember what I did. I just wanted to let you know that he, too, would wake constantly at night. I did notice that if he fell asleep without nursing, he would sleep longer. My husband would put him to bed when he was home.

Eventually after he turned two he self night weaned and started sleeping through. His father also came home from deployment. I believe it's the latter that helped with the night time sleeping though. He became more secure.

H.:

I am right there with you. My son is 3 years old and I am still nursing him to bed at nite. I don't nurse any other time and we cut out the middle of the nite feedings about a year ago. He just doesn't sleep well and I have had to resolve myself to this fact. I did try putting a futon on the floor so that he can get up and come to my bed on his own. all I can say is that this shall pass. I thought that I would never stop the hourly nursing thru the nite but it did and he sleeps pretty much thru the nite now, but the truth is he doesn't sleep well. I tried No cry sleep solution and nothing changed for me. but I recommend reading everything and talking to people. good luck

H.,

My daughter, now 7, did the same. It might sound strange but what worked for her was for me to really hold on tight, and keep her from wiggling, wacking etc. What would happen would be she would fight my hold, fight my hold, maybe even cry, then poof! She would plot into sleep. FYI later I read some stuff about swaddling and I realized this was in essence what I was doing. I know in our culture it might seem 'cruel' to restrain a child, but if you read about swaddling and the reasons you might try some version of it for you and your daughter.

N.

I think you'd get a lot out of the "No Cry Sleep Solutions". She can help you identify cues and create other sleep associations.

This time passes quickly! Mine are almost 8 and 10 now :) We extended nursed and it was so wonderful to have it as a tool for toddlers.

A.

Hi, H.. Try not nursing her to sleep. Make eating and sleeping independent activities. I suggest feeding her about an hour before you want her to sleep, play with her (tire her out) for a while after the feeding (+ give her a bath or whatever) and THEN put her to sleep, alone in her bed. If she fusses, rub her back briefly to let her know you're there for her, but then leave. Do the same each time she starts to fuss again, waiting just a little bit longer each time between visits. The first few nights will likely be a little rough, but it will pay off in the long run. Good luck!

Try the book "no cry sleep solution" - it addresses this issue. I love that book!

My husband and I believe in co-sleeping and things of the nature as well, and my sone used to do the same thing when he was a year, except, instead of breastfeed, he was looking for his cup for milk, I asked around, and was told...."Stop giving it to him"! And it made sense, if you're used to waking up and getting whatever it is you want, you're going to keeo getting up for it, same as your little angel, she wakes up know she's going to feed. It took me three days to get my son off that schedule, the first night was kind of rough, by the secong night, he woke up looking for it, I told him no, he whined a bit, and went back to sleep, and my the third night, he never asked for it, and I've been getting a full night sleep ever since, and he's two now!
Good luck with it, I wish you the best in getting some sleep.

Hi. I have never dealt with breastfeeding. But in my opinion, It is time to wean. They say a year with formula. Should be the same with breast feeding. Does she eat regular food yet? She might not be getting enough nurishnent any longer. Start giving her a sippy cup and wean her.

It sounds like she is too excited to go to sleep. Also, I have read numerous books about sleep issues, since my two sons gave me problems with that. To be honest, I had to stop nursing my son to sleep in my bed or sleep with him at all. Sometimes, the child wants that space. In any case, what I found out with all the research I did was this, the less sleep they get the more they fight it. The more sleep they get, the more they need. So, you may find Dad may need to take over. The baby knows YOU will cave. Sometimes, you have to let the child work this stuff out. (even if it means letting them cry a little) I know I always sleep better when I don't have someone next to me tossing and turning.

Did you find a solution? I'll be going through this again in the near future.. 6 week old boy at the moment. We did this with out 5 yo and ended up having to let him cry. I hated it but in 2 days it was better. My sanity was at stake so it had to be done. I hope all is going well for you and yours.

When do you plan to ween? The reason I ask is because the breast is her pacifier so she will continue to wake up to suck on you. She isn't hungry and she knows when she wakes up, she will get to sleep with you. I am not sure while she is still waking while in bed with you because my breastfed babies slept all night when in bed with me. I am a breastfeeding advocate, but the older they are, the harder they are to ween. That's mainly because they are more tenacious and strong willed. If you have tried giving her a really warm bath with chamomile (or however you spell it) or some other soothing fragrance. Cut down her sugar intake too (natural and processed) in the evening and sugar is in just about everything.

With my dd I learned that she starts to get cranky/silly around 5 hours after she wakes in the morning so she's started going down for a nap then. She didn't use to nap in the crib, she sleeps with us too, but after about a week of sitting in there with her, she learned that it was an ok place to be and now fals asleep around 2 every day in her crib. The nap has helped her night time sleep as well. We slow the pace after dinner, dim the lights, have her bath and it helps her go to sleep. Not early like most of my friends children but it works for us.

I refuse to let her cry to "teach" her to self soothe (to me that tells her Mommy left you deal with it on your own sorry but suck it up...that's not ok for us) or to wean her b/c she doesn't "need" to eat. A lot of people who don't breastfeed their children don't understand about reverse cycling or any of the other phenomenons associated with breastfeeding. We nurse to sleep and on demand. It's suggested to nurse for at least 2 years by the WHO. Breastmilk doesn't turn into koolaid when the baby hits one year. It amazes me that people think there is no nutritional value in it...as if that's the only reason people breastfeed.

By the way we are bfing still at 15 months and counting and she wakes at least 2 or 3 times at night to eat as well. I feel your pain on that one but I figure, she's eating, I hear her, and she's only going to be little once so I can deal for now.

Take care of your baby Mommy. YOU know what's right for her!

I completely feel for you and your daughter. I can relate. My daughter is three and a half, she will be turning 4 in December. I nursed until my daughter was one, pumped during the day while at work, etc. The whole nine yards. It was a wonderful experience. However, I can now see where I might have created a few sleep problems with my daughter. I NEVER listened to what others had to say about this subject either, b/c I had to do it my way, b/c I too was a firm believer in the attachment-parenting style/co-sleeping, etc. I still believe in all of this and would probably still do some of the same things except for one....I always allowed my daughter to fall asleep while nursing, for naps, bedtime, everything. She never got on a good sleep schedule. She would routinely get up every two hours or less to nurse. I read an article recently that hit home for me. It basically said to not nurse everytime your child wakes, it said to not respond during each waking either. I was AND still am one of those moms that literally runs when I hear my daughter on the monitor. (Let me explain my situation and I'll get back to my point...)

B/c I had to go back to work when my daughter was 12 weeks old, I got into the routine of just letting her sleep with me. Most of the time she would sleep on my chest, in my arms. I slept much better this way and so did she. I have a psychology background and I've worked with kids in therapuetic foster care (so I've seen horrible childrearing situations). I felt that if I didn't respond to my daughter everytime she whimpered, she would not learn to trust, etc. blah, blah, I'm sure you get the picture. She slept with me until she was two. Then I started laying with her in her bed until she would fall asleep, or until we both fell asleep. She still to this day, has great difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. Many nights, I'm so tired that I find myself in her bed when it is time for me to get ready for work the next morning. Keep in mind, my daughter sleeps fine at daycare (sometimes), and with her grandparents. But at home, she knows that mommy is always there and that is comforting for her. She unconsciously knows that if she whimpers, I'm there.

I think what I'm tyring to say, is let your baby fall asleep on her own, the sooner the better. Don't run to her when she wakes. I'm not saying let her cry to the point of no return or anything. But just see if she can learn to self-soothe herself back to sleep without nursing, etc. My daughter is wired to know that she will be "rewarded" with my prescense if she wakes, so I've programed her to wake. I LOVE her with all of my heart, but I worry that she will always have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. I don't care that I go without sleep, but it takes it's toll on the whole family. Also, once I weaned from nursing, she began using a sippy cup of milk at night. We just finished filling her last set of cavities, so don't try to subsitute from the breast to another "pacifier". It costs too much!!!! :-)

Be willing to try different techniques, but adjust them to fit what you are comfortable with. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. GOOD LUCK to you and your little one!