One Twin Won't Hardly Behave, the Other will...not Sure What to Do.

At that age my son was into everything too. I started giving 1 minute time outs in the pack and play for the worst behavior (no more than 3 things at a time). He did get the idea after 3-6 time outs and eventually got the important stuff (no playing in the cat box, no running in the street, etc). For the less serious stuff distraction or removing him from the situation. My 20 month old daughter has a few drawers of safe kitchen stuff for her to play with...but she still tries to play in the dishwasher.

Most kids that young don't really have a working ability to control their impulses:

"A goody appears – I reach for it. Life is so simple, but then mommy gets upset. She doesn't want me to have the tempting thing – don't know what that's about. Can't stand it when mommy is sad or mad (she's still something of an extension of myself), so I snuggle up and kiss her to make it better. Okay, now everything's good again. Oh, look, a goody appears…."

Time-outs, or even repeated demands of "No, don't touch," make very little sense to a 16-month old. He's working hard to put it all together, but can only do that at the natural rate his brain will mature. "Tude" has very little to do with it at this age. He doesn't even know how to deliberately manipulate you, although he is learning from cause and effect what behaviors of his have what effect on you. So if you don't want to let him "get away" with stuff, you'll do well to not have "stuff" within his reach.

What does work best for most parents of littles is to recognize where the temptations lie, and child-proof them or move them out of reach, to distract and redirect. This takes some advance planning. My daughter and son-in-law set up a low drawer in their kitchen with delights for their son when he was mobile – a pan and wooden spoon for "mixing" or banging, some tupperware containers and items to put in them, a couple of colorful toys, a dead cell phone, etc.

Two fabulous resources for young parents are Dr. Harvey Karps books and videos on The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and when your kids are just a little older, the amazingly effective yet gentle techniques in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Every family I've known who used these approaches have been delighted with how well they have worked, and how they reduced stress in everyday situations.

From what I have read, 16 mths old is still too young to discipline. Their attention span is still rather short, so you really should not expect them to reason: "if I do this, then I'll get into trouble". Ideally you want to give them a safe environment free of possible hazards. This would be like securing the drawer, so that he is not able to open it. Child-proofing all the floor access drawers and cabinets is really best. A real good concept I heard is to also guide the child away with a safer activity- distraction.
www.askdrsears.com has lots of wonderful advise on 'discipline' for all ages. It's worth a read. :)

Updated

From what I have read, 16 mths old is still too young to discipline. Their attention span is still rather short, so you really should not expect them to reason: "if I do this, then I'll get into trouble". Ideally you want to give them a safe environment free of possible hazards. This would be like securing the drawer, so that he is not able to open it. Child-proofing all the floor access drawers and cabinets is really best. A real good concept I heard is to also guide the child away with a safer activity- distraction.
www.askdrsears.com has lots of wonderful advice on 'discipline' for all ages. It's worth a read. :)

Hi I.,

At this age, toddlerhood, limitation is the most proactive approach. This means doing more childproofing: latches for the off-limits drawers in the house; using gates, doorhandle covers and other safety measures to prevent your children from getting into rooms which require parent supervision. (Bathrooms, esp, are unsafe for little ones unattended. And they do make latches for the toilet, to keep it shut.)

For what it's worth, in my opinion, prevention is optimal and then, distraction and redirection to follow up. When your child has something inappropriate in hand, you can offer him something else as a trade. "Oh, that one is for Mama, it's not meant for you. You can have this one." Yes, our children need to learn boundaries at this age, and we are also modeling how to make those trades when they are ready to do it with other children, so we must be thoughtful in showing them how to do it kindly. (This means no grabbing things forcefully out of their hands, which only teaches them how to grab.)

You don't have to go overboard either, just be clear and simple with your words when you are giving him guidance and use a serious voice, not a lovey-mama voice. You can be gentle and firm at the same time. I also caution parents not to fall into the "asking trap", which is where the parent uses a question instead of a direct request (this looks like 'Are you ready to stay out of the silverware drawer?' instead of "It's time to close this drawer. Here, you can play with this.") Our toddlers are very confused by questions, so just know your own mind as to what you want to do and help your kids along with simple "It's time to..." statements.

I haven't read any other posts, but will say preemptively that, at this age, I've found time out and other punitive techniques to be more distracting and less helpful than just helping the child to move along. Making them sit down only starts up a power struggle, when so often we can just teach them what is okay for them to play with. Once again, prevention is the best medicine..if we limit their access and don't fall into the trap of expecting toddlers to have self-control and self-regulation (which they don't have the maturity to possess), we help to teach them where they can be and avoid the stress and struggle that allowing them to be in forbidden places can bring. Best wishes!

I.,
I have 3yr old b/g twins and i really wish i had some words of wisdom for you but i don't! My son still tries to kiss and cuddle to get out of trouble- it doesn't work anymore, but he still tries. He does listen better now and is finally coming out of that INTO EVERYTHING phase but it took awhile. His sister got to where she would just look at him and shake her head like a little adult. So funny!! Well anyway, i just wanted to let you know i feel your pain! LOL Sorry, i know this was no help at all but i had to answer!!

best wishes!!

Children are very smart and will learn how to play your emotions even as young as 18 months old. That's why he will be "cute" to get out of trouble. Don't feel bad when you have to follow through on what you just told him to stay out of. If you don't follow through, then you have just lied to him. When he plays in the silverware drawer after you asked him not to, simply take him by the hand and lead him to his toys. Show no emotion on your part. Do it matter-of-factly. He may cry; it is normal. Crying won't hurt him. Do this as many times as it takes for him to learn to stay out of the drawer. It may be a test of wills. Don't give up and never show any emotion about it. It is simply a fact that you must teach him to stay out of certain things. I ignore the tantrum crying; I may go in the other room. Parents should not feel guilty or upset if their child isn't happy all the time. Children push boundaries all the time in order to learn exactly where the boundaries are. If you are not firm in your boundaries and don't follow through on your instructions, the child won't believe you. You let him get away with things; a big dis-service to him. He won't learn how to be a good citizen. Teach your children firmly but calmly.

You are getting first-hand experience at girls vs. boys when it comes to toddlers. Friends of mine who have girls only are shocked when those of us with boys get together for play dates. Boys bring a certain energy to the table that girls just don't have. Boys will get into everything, play rough with toys and won't really listen when you say no. Little girls will sit quietly and play nicely with their toys and listen when you tell them not to touch something. This is a generalization, of course, but it holds true for 90 per cent of them! For example, I went to visit my sister recently - she has an 11-month-old girl and I have the twins who were 13 months old at the time. When I walked into her place I had to go through and babyproof. She had the DVD player within reach, the fireplaces were all open with no gates around them, she didn't have gates on the stairs and her shutter blinds were all hanging nicely on the floor-length windows. I tried to tell her before we came, but my sister was adamant that the boys wouldn't go near the stairs because we would be in the kitchen/living room with them and the stairway was down the hall. In any case, we weren't there five minutes before the twins had pulled down her blinds, played drums on her DVD player and we had pulled them off the stairs a dozen times. Boys vs. girls, case in point. She wanted to hang outside with the babies but didn't have a gate around the pool. Her daughter would play quietly on the grass, but my guys would crawl toward the pool every chance they got. Boys vs. girls - it's a different world. In any case, you'll just have to keep things saying no, but keep things out of his reach until he starts understanding. In two or three months he'll start getting the picture a little better.

I disagree with previous responses about discipline; each child is different, and 16 months is right around the time when kids can understand cause and effect and receive some discipline for their actions. I have 3 girls above that age and they were between 15 and 18 months when I realized that they knew what they were doing and started to test their boundaries.

Depending on the situation I usually start with slapping their fingers or putting them in a 1 minute time out. The key is to not get emotional. You just have to make your rules in a "here-is-the-way-it-works" sort of tone, and if they break a rule, then you keep that same calm tone when you give your discipline. Then you ask them to apologize, say "I forgive you" when they do (rather than "It's okay" because it wasn't okay), and then give loves and back to normal routine.

Getting upset only upsets them and sets a bad behavioral example. So don't worry! Your kids are normal, and they will spend the next couple years testing out boundaries. It's taxing on mom's patience, but patience is exactly the key to making it through!!! Blessings!

Hi I.,
You have your hands full with toddler twins! I feel for you. I have a girl and a boy (not twins) and I noticed that with my son I couldn't just say "don't do that" I had to actually suggest something else to do. I couldn't say, "don't pound on the window." I had to say, "Don't pound on the window, but you can hit that on the couch or the rug." Maybe if you tell him not to get into the silverware drawer, but that he can play in the tupperware drawer (or some other kitchen area that has things that are safe for him to play with). If it's too hard for him to stay out of it, it might make sense to move the silverware temporarily until it's not such a big draw.