Okay This Is a Question That I Am Not Sure How to Go About Asking

Updated on April 13, 2008
A.D. asks from Roseville, OH
19 answers

How do I get or encourage my man to quit smoking. He has COPD

Don't worry evryone, I have been with him for seven years and already know not to nag him, he is far more stubborn than any man alive, but I still want to see him live to at least grow to be sixty, I already lost my husband to a heart attack when he was 33, when in hospital he was asked do you smoke, he responded not any more unfortunatly he did not get to live up to that response, I want my second man to see that life is short and perhaps I will have a mate to be with until I am sixty or so. I have learned much since loosing my husband, and believe me a little nagging never hurt anyone. I don't really nag anyhow. I ask him to stay with me and realize that he might leave me sooner than he thinks if he does not quit smoking. I said this once and have left it at that. I know that it is his choice, my husband proved that to me. He looked at me before leaving this world and I know he was sorry that he had to leave. He was worried about how we would cope. I had five kids with him. I truly appreciate everyones response to my question. I promise to not nag. I understand that. I will give my new man the information and let him decide, I still would not trade him for the world bad habit or not. I just worry when he coughs so bad. Thanks again. A.

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M.M.

answers from Columbus on

Has he tried Chantix? His pulmonoligist should be able to prescribe it for him if not. Otherwise, have you just tried ultimatums? I know it sounds silly, but sometimes an ultimatum is the only way to get someone to quit smoking. Good luck!

A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I heard a LOT of people are inspired by the "Bodies" exhibit now on display at the Cincinnat museum. It shows a real human lung of a non smoker and that of a smoker. Good luck.

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Do you have power of attorney for your dad? If not, I don't think a lawyer will let you see the will. If you have power of attorney, you are able to see and review his paperwork, including wills and finances. Other than that, the only thing you can do is offer to help your father with his affairs. Are you concerned that he wasn't able to make the correct decisions or that someone has taken advantage of him? If you're afraid the lawyer has taken advantage of him, then that's an entirely different concern. You can always have the courts declare your father unable to make his own decisions and step in that way, but that's pretty extreme. Good LUCK!

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Y.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

A.,

I hate to say this because you have probably heard it before but there is nothing else you can do but express your desire and concern for your significant other. I am married to a non-compliant diabetic, Type I at that, and I have tried everything to get him to control his diabetes to no avail. Finally at one of his doctors appointments (which I use to always go to) his doctor looked at me and said "you can't do anything for him until he wants to do it for himself". Light bulb went off and I realized this statement is so true. We can talk until we are blue in the face but if they don't want to do it then they won't. I too am a mother of 5 of and my husband and I just celebrated out 20 year anniversary. I tell my husband if you don't do it for yourself at least do it for your children. But I guess if I look back over what I said he has to want to do it for himself or it fruitless. I hope this helps a little.
Y. Martin

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D.I.

answers from South Bend on

My dad has copd and the doctor put it bluntly to him that if he didn't quit smoking he would die. My dad also had a heart attack and stroke at the same time and I thank god everyday that he lived. Be honest with him and tell him flat out that if he continues to smoke he will die from the copd. Make him go to the doctor and set up a quit smoking plan. It is tough but if he wants to live he needs to quit. Good luck and I hope he will get the help to quit smoking.

D.
I am 31 and have been married almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4. My husband is a full time diesel mechanic and I work part time doing construction.

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H.S.

answers from Columbus on

Well, I have been in the same situation but it is with my father. He complains that he just can't seem to quit. My husband and I both were smokers, and the only thing we found that worked was a prescription for Chantix. It is the best thing on the market when it comes to curbing the cravings. We both tried everything else. Patches, gum, cold turkey, but nothing worked. With the Chantix it just seems to take away the frustration and cravings. It worked after 7 says, and now we have even convinced my dad to try it. I hope this helps. I know that you feel bad when you have to "nag" but somethins it takes a little bit of that to get the ones you love to pay attention! Check out the website for chantix and see if maybe he will try it.

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K.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

I have a smoker as well...you really can't make him quit. It's something he has to do on his own. He'll only resent you if you push him to do so. It's hard when you know he needs to quit, but the addiction is theirs...so the quitting has to be theirs as well.

Wish I had more to offer!

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D.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

Need to do all the research on WHY. Understanding WHY he should and all the side effects that go along with it should be enough. There are HERBAL remedies you can try, maybe the patch or whatever.

If that doesn't work.....walk a few flights of stairs with him. He'll AUTOMATICALLY see and feel the need!

STAY IN SHAPE YOURSELF, too. He may just decide he needs to keep up w/ you!

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R.B.

answers from Toledo on

First you have to ask yourself...Does he WANT to quit smoking? If the answer is yes, then have him go to his doctor and get on the Chantix. (I have heard wonderful success stories about it) If the answer is No, then there is nothing you can do to stop him. Nagging will get you Nowhere and may push you away from him. HE has to want to quit. Me and my husband have struggled with Nicotine addiction for many years and I now have a perscription to get on the Chantix. (I just have to get the script filled) But the fact is...He has to take the steps to quit and ONLY he can do it. there is nothing you can say or do to make him quit. It takes alot of willpower to break the addiction.

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H.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi, A. --

I think you know everything there is to know, but I want to encourage you that you deserve for your man to understand what you've already gone through and how deeply this issue impacts you.

I think that smoking addiction is one of those things that non-smokers simply cannot comprehend. To me, it's such a filthy, vile, expensive habit that has the potential to hurt everyone, not just the smoker. It's a miserable and wasteful infliction of potential death and certain discomfort on everyone. The person who continues to smoke is living for today, and, unfortunately, it's going to be up to whoever cares about them in the future to care for them in the aftermath of the cigarettes' destruction.

Since you've already been through so much, I hate to see you having to confront this situation. It seems just too cruel to me. I know that quitting smoking is extremely difficult. I know a couple of former smokers, people I deeply respect, and understanding from them how difficult it was to be rid of the habit is very sobering to me.

So, all that said, it's got to be something that strikes your man in his heart -- that, because of his love for you, he does not want to subject you to more preventable heartbreak like what you've already endured. He has to really get serious about the fact that, chances are, this addiction is going to rob him of his life and of his quality of life as it takes him down. And, you're going to be the one to have to watch him suffer and take care of him, if you are willing to take all that on. Now's the time to make a choice for real, healthy life -- or as healthy as it can be considering what he's already done to himself. Even if the damage is already done, he owes it to you and to himself to show his love by doing all he can to get healthy so that he can be around for you.

I wish I had a great strategy -- all I know is that it's got to be his decision, and it IS the RIGHT and ONLY decision for LIFE. How he can come to that realization is something I don't know. Maybe you can write your thoughts and recount what your husband went through... and then what you went through... something to hit him hard about what a deadly serious decision this is and how important it is that he chooses wisely and thinks not only of himself but of you.

Best wishes to you!
H.

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C.A.

answers from San Antonio on

He has to be the one to WANT to quit? I have tried everything to get my man to quit. He tried hypnosis (that worked for all of 2 hours). He drove his truck where he always smokes and started up again. It can be such a habit, that almost the whole environment has to change. My uncle quit 6 years ago (he just decided one day that he had had enough). The WANT has to be there. It is an addiction of his MIND not yours.

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B.H.

answers from Cleveland on

My husband quit smoking about 5 years ago by using zyban (wellbutrin) He said it was very easy. I quit smoking when I got pregnant with my third child last year and haven't started back ( i hope I wont) Personally when someone nagged me it made it worse so my advise would be just make small suggestions on trying some king of stop smoking aid or see if his doctor will have a talk with him. Tell him how much you worry about his health so he feels like you are not trying to control him. I hope this helps and good luck.

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J.J.

answers from Evansville on

A., Hi. I have the same dilemma with my husband. I have nagged him to death, talked to him about it and did nothing. I am now praying for him. I think that is the best answer. Good luck! J. (Mom of 3)

J.D.

answers from Columbus on

Okay, this response is going to be VERY different from others you have recieved. About 7 yrs ago, my dad was diagnosed with COPD. I begged him to quit smoking, but he insisted that he could overcome it other ways. He got involved in trancendental (not sure of the spelling on that one) meditation, started swimming daily, and started smoking only natural cigs that didn't have any additives (I can't remember what they're called, but there's an indian on the pack, and I know he orders them online.)
Well, about 5 yrs ago, he got a clean bill of health, no signs of COPD whatsoever.
Maybe you could suggest to your man that even though he may not be ready to quit, there are other lifestyle changes he can make to improve his health and perhaps prolong his life despite the bad habit of smoking.
If you are interested in learning more, I could get info from my dad (he'll talk to anyone who'll listen,) but it might take a while--he lives in Africa right now, and there are always problems with the phone lines.

~J.

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C.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

I would hate to happen for him what stopped my man.

He tried for years. Cold turkey, pstches, and gum. Even tought about doing hipnosis. He and my father tried to quit together being each others support system since they worked together. Nothing worked. Of course the doctors tried for years to get him to quit.

Well what did it was a heart attack. He smoked his last at the fire house 4 years ago. When they said he had had a heart attach and then stated he needed quad bypass and might not make it. Well I went home and threw all the ash trays away and threw away all the cigs and lighters. He was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks and when he came home he was not allowed to drive for 2 weeks.

He honestly was so scared that this had happend and because he didn't feel well enough to walk to the store and I REFUSED to get him any well he's not ever atrted back.

His health has not honestly impoved much so I guess he is better off with out them.

I had to have quad bypass my self on Oct 1st 07 and I have never smoked but haave lived with smoking parents and then him my whole life. maybe smoking whether it's inhailed passive or not is bad. I just don't know. But it would be better for him and all of you if he could quit. Be prpared he will gain weight and will be very grumpy for a long time.

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J.R.

answers from Canton on

I don't think there is anything that you can do to get him to quit. The fact is he should want to do it. Not only because of the COPD that is shortening his life span but smoking also takes your life span down. All of those carcinogens are obstructing his pulmonary valves and he probably coughs real heavy and can't seem to get the phlegm our of his chest.

They have mulitple avenues for the opportunity to quit smoking. Most of them free. The y hae the hotlines, the patches, gum, etc. I think like most things that you are addicted to, that person, would have to want to make a lifestyle change for themselves. What you can do is be there to support him when he decides that he wants to.

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J.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

My husband and my neighbor (who used to smoke) did a bet on who could get the most "in shape". They started going to the gym~not together they didn't want the other to see how they were training lol. (like they are professional weight lifters.) But whoever wins has to take the other and their spouse out to a nice dinner. But during the course of this competition my neighbor quit smoking. His wife could not believe it. But I think the working out and the competion helped him. Maybe you could get a friend to egg him on to a competition of some sort~ good luck! :)

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A.K.

answers from South Bend on

You hubby REALLY has to want to do it. I quit smoking after my first son was born but, his father kept pressuring me to start up again. I did, unfortunately. Now, I want to quit but can't afford all the quitting aids. Already told doc that I don't smoke so, can't get anything from him. So, I just need to figure out how to stop. It is HARD!!! Don't nag him about it cuz that's just going to make him want to smoke more or to sneak around and do it behind your back. All you can do is encourage him and pray for him. I am hoping to quit soon too.

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T.M.

answers from Terre Haute on

As a smoker, I can tell you that if a person does not want to quit, they won't. It is very hard to quit. My husband tried Chantix. He didn't do to badly on it but after he got off of it, he was right back to where he started. And he wanted to quit. For someone that doesn't want to quit and they are only doing it for someone else, they will never succeed. You can talk to him about it. Don't pressure him to much or he will get defensive. We all know that smoking is bad but it is a very difficult habit to break. He's gotta want it. Hope this helps. Shannon

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