ODD And ADD Help?

Updated on August 11, 2007
J.B. asks from Mount Pleasant, PA
12 answers

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone has a child with ODD. I am having some behavior problems with my son and several moms (3rd parties with no interest in my son) have suggested having him evaluated for ODD and ADD. My concern is that everyone will tell me his is just being 3. He is extremely defiant. Punishments do not work with him. We have tried spanking, removal of toys and privledges, time outs, cool downs, discussions of what he did wrong, and involving him more in helping around the house. He will hit you with toys and throw toys at you. If he gets mad he starts hitting things and throwing things. He has a very hard time controling his anger. The other day he took a bat to one of my landscape lights because he was frustrated that he couldn't find the ball. I have tried to work with him on this, but it doesn't help. Once he has himself worked up, he will be like this for hours. If you have experience with this, please let me know. I'm trying to gather as much information as possible in order to best help my son. This is putting a major strain on our family and his grandmother doesn't even want to have him over anymore becuase he is so out of control. I should also mention that when he isn't in a fit of rage, he can be the sweetest child in the world...with the exception of not listening and telling you no when he doesn't want to do something. Thanks in advance for any information you can give me.

Jenn

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M.M.

answers from Sharon on

I used to work with children that had a variety of issues including ODD. One thing that I noticed that works and I use it with my own children as well is to not point out when they are misbehaving, such as taking toys away and using time out, too often but to instead have a chart that tracks the positive behaviors that they display with a reward given after so many positive behaviors. The children I have worked with liked to be able to see that you notice when they display positive behaviors and they can also see this for themselves. Plus knowing that there is a reward in sight is great incentive. Hope this information helps.

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N.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi my son has PDD which is on the autism spectrum. This is a hard call for you. I'd have him evaled ASAP.....I acutally am getting my PDD child evaled for ADHD which is possible for him too.

Getting your child help AND getting answers for you is nothing to be ashamed of.....it's gonna benefit both of you.
As for other people and their comments they can go you know where LOL......
I have that problem cause my son is 4 and doesn't act or talk appropirately and I feel I don't have to explain he autistic.

BUT back to you..........get a professional opinion and don't rely on your PED doc cause half the time they'll tell you it's a phase, it happened to me, and I'm SO glad I went on my own to get my child checked out. A good psych doc is hard to find but I have the name of one I can privately give you if you'd like.

Take Care
N.

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D.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi, J.. Please get you son evaluated. I can't believe that any reputable doctor or other health professional would tell you that your son is just being three. Tantrums are part of being three, but not taking a bat to your lights, and even if your childs doctor tells you that this is just being three, as his mother you have the right to insist that your doctor have him evaluated. No one knows your child like you do and if you think there is something wrong, there very likely is. Good luck with getting help for your son.
D.

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J.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Jenn,
My 3 year old daughter is the same exact way! Let me know what you come up with. I'd be interested in hearing about twhat the doctor says about his behavior issues. Thanks!

J.

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K.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am going through the same thing you are. My son is also 3. We had him evaulated and was given a dx of Destructive Desturbance Disorder and spmytoms of ADHD> We were told he needed to be montitored but the resources that where given to us are a no go.I want to take him to another child psychologist to be reevaulted becuase his demeanor has gotten worse. Punishments dont work for him and he actually laughs at you. He has gone so far as to try to hit his older sister in the head with a brick. He was cuaght just in the knick of time but thats how horrible his behavior is. We are trying to get him help. He is in the EI class at his preschool but it is only half a day 3 times a week. This fall he will eb there full day 5 times a week so hopefully the teachers will see what we are saying and be able to get us more help. All I can tell you is get him evaulated. They will at least give you a start as to where he is and If you ever need to talk email [email protected]____.com.

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L.T.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I feel for you. You have got to be emotionally drained. I have a 3 yo son who throws tantrums, but they aren't as aggressive as what you describe. And it seems this behavior is taking a toll on your whole family. I would suggest getting him evaluated by a child psychologist. I used to work for a children's behavioral health agency. They had a team of psyhologists and behavior specialists that treated children with a variety of behavioral disorders using meds and behavioral therapy. They can give you a diagnosis, teach you how to work with your son and teach your son more appropriate coping techniques. The evaluation (and subsequent services if needed) should be free for children in PA through medical assistance (regardless of parental income). Be sure to ask about how to sign up for medical assistance if you make an appointment. If you feel that they aren't taking you seriously, get a second opinion from another professional/agency. Good luck to you!

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R.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi..I have a child with ADD..We finally put him on meds at 10 (which I said I never would).I thought he was just being a boy..He is the youngest of 5. Anyway to make a long story short, what a difference meds make!
His teacher wrote me a letter the last day of school saying what a wonderful boy he was. This I knew all along we just had to find it in him.

If you live in Greensburg you can get him evaluted privately if your insurance will cover it.
Try Kreinbook Physcological services.
You will need to see a therapist first. Try Cynthia Altman. She will then tell you if she thinks you should see Dr. Fruman.
I wish I would have helped my son earlier. I hope this helps you.

Becky

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L.D.

answers from Reading on

Hi J.. I don't know too much about odd and add however I knew a mom in my daughter's preschool who had the same problems with her son. She drastically changed his diet, made sure there were no red dyes (found in candy and snacks) she bought everything organic and no sugar - sounds pretty harsh but her son did a 360 and she hasn't had any problems.....I think its alot better than putting him on a risky medication. Good luck to you....L.

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J.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

its not odd or adha or add or any of that "umbrella" stuff, its classic textbook opisional defiant disorder. when he is frustrated or upset about any little thing, like his shoes are to tight and he dont know how to tell you, it will esculate into an hours long battle. if you say yes he says no, if say the sky is blue he says its pink. my daughter had that umbrella term of add over her head for years, and we all knew that she didnt have it. nick beatty a cousiler at the stern center in carmichaels, helped us alot, its been a few years, but i also have a phone number for you to call and just follow the prompts and explain your situation, ###-###-####, they are even there all night should you need them. learn now, pick your battles, and dont sweat the small stuff. its alot easier to pick up the toys yourself than to have a 5 hour battle and they are still not picked up.

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T.M.

answers from State College on

Hi, Jenn! First, I am so sorry your family is going through this. I know how hard it is to be the parent of extremely difficult kids - personally, I often feel that others are judging me as a bad parent b/c my kids are incapable of controlling themselves.

My just-turned-8 year old son was dx'd with ODD when he was 3 years old. I knew from infancy that he was *different* - extremely strong-willed, determined, driven. His behaviors really became much worse between 2 and 3 - far beyond the 'normal' Terrible Two's. I had him evaluated by a neuropsychologist and was shocked with the ODD diagnoses at such a young age. When he was in kindergarten, he was also diagnosed with ADHD. We held off on meds for a bit, but finally gave in to try and get my son some internal peace. That was 2 1/2 years ago. About 6 months ago, he was hospitalized in-patient at a children's psychiatric hospital and received an additional diagnoses of 'mood disorder - NOS' - basically, bi-polar disorder for kids. He's on a couple different meds and it has truly helped in so many way - especially with his anger control. Now, he still gets angry, but he's able to pause and do his breathing techniques or to verbalize what is upsetting him instead of going straight into a rage.

My step-son has also been dx'd with ADHD but I do not believe that is his problem. I firmly believe (and we've got neuropsych testing scheduled at the end of October) that he is on the autism spectrum, most likely with high functioning Asperger's.

Anyway, I agree with suggestions to get testing done. It's very, very easy for people who are NOT living with this kind of child to say, "Oh, gosh, that's perfectly normal. ha ha ha" You are his mom. NOBODY knows him better than you. NOBODY can judge what you have seen or lived through as the parent of your child. Seek additional help and, if you do not like what one psychiatrist says, go to another. Ask around in your area to find out who the REAL pro's are in that field.

I don't know where you live, but my SS is going to Dr. Richard Dowell in Lewisburg, PA for his neuropsych testing. We keep hearing his name from other parents every time we discuss my SS's behavior issues. He's testified before the PA Supreme Court as an expert and, from what I hear, he is THE MAN when it comes to determining what is *truly* happening with kids when other docs have totally missed it.

Trust your instincts and read as much as you can. Two of my favorite books to help me with my son are: "Easy to love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey and "Try and Make Me!" by Ray Levy and Bill O'Hanlon (both available on Amazon). Good luck and keep reaching out for others who really understand what you're going through!!

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A.G.

answers from York on

He sounds like he has ODD with violent tendencies. My cousin's son has been diagnosed with the since he was 2 years old. I agree with one of the moms below don't listen to your pediatrician, get a refural to a good child psychologist and psychiatrist. you need both the psychologist will evaluate the behavior part and the psychiatrist will perscribe any meds that are nessecary. It is a very difficult decision to make and that is something that you and your husband have to decide together. There is help out there.

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S.R.

answers from Altoona on

Hello J. just to let you know i have a son that just turned 4 years old in june. I myself feel your pain and the emotional roller coaster ride i though on the other hand battled a very bad marriage which was emotionally draining for my child.i am happy to report that chapter of my life was closed and i have since moved on,but,i to was told this is exactly how 3 year old boys act my child is very aggressive and gets worked up if he cant go to where he wants to go. Although his behavior pattern is different than your sons my child gets his anger out within minutes he is fine. It is still extremely stressful and i myself am not against but do not truley believe in the whole counseling system although i have some background in the field. 3 months ago i had to quit my job as a full time nurse to stay home with my son he was asked to leave two childcare programs within months of each other because of being aggressive and bad language which i may add was picked up in the first daycare taking away thomas the train and heavy discipline worked only for a few days we would pretend not to here the words coming from his little mouth and be plenty nights i would cry myself sleep to think i created this mess. But remember i was a single mom and his father was not involved so, i took him out of daycare and now stay at home just recently i opened a private daycare which limits me to 3 or 4 kids a day and my child has done a turn around every week gets better and he is much more respectful and uses his manners. Please feel free to contact me via email i would love to give you some feedback from him and maybe you can help me with some ways that work for you! Good luck jenn

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