Nursing Strike?

Updated on November 26, 2007
T.W. asks from Saint Petersburg, FL
23 answers

My 8 1/2 month old son just started what seems to be nursing strike. He suddenly stopped nursing after he bit me on Friday night (and I reacted by saying "OW, no biting" and pulling him off my breast). He was already tired and crying so I think it hurt his feelings. We are also doing intensive swim lessons (that end this coming week) that he's not thrilled about, and started a new daycare about a month ago. He's started to really use a binkie over the last 2 weeks. From what I'm reading, any or all of the above could be contributing factors so I'm trying not to beat myself up, but I can't help but feel very sad and as if he doesn't love me as much anymore. I'm fearful he will never return to nursing, or even worse, that I won't be able to keep up with his milk consumption by just pumping. I think I'm in a bad place mentally and just need some other moms who have been through this to give me some advice or help me get through it. I'm also not sure if I should just wean him and give him only expressed milk from now on. Any ANY ANY advice or kind words to help me through this would be great.

Thank you!

*Added* - PS: I don't want to sound obnoxious, but please don't bother responding by telling me my little guy has "too much of a rigorous schedule" and I should just "let him be a baby". I live in Florida - he's learning to survival float - most people see it as loving my child enough to not want to lose him to a terrible tragedy.

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So What Happened?

So, it's 5 days later and he still hasn't come back to the breast, so I've been a pumping fool! I notice that he's drinking A LOT more milk than usual too. Before bed and first thing in the morning, he will down 7-8 oz. when he was getting only about 5 from the breast. He's also doing a lot more - he took his first steps, he's in swim class, he's in a fairly new daycare, and he's just so darned independent. I think all those things, coupled with the biting incident, are reasons why he won't nurse. I guess I'm getting over it by knowing I'm not withholding anything for my own gratification - I'm giving him what he wants and needs by following his lead.

Thanks to everyone who replied - it warms my heart to know there are so many people who care so much. :-)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

More Answers

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L.C.

answers from Tampa on

Hey T., I am part of a breastfeeding support group with lots of other moms that have gone through so many BF issues. Please join us. http://mommymilk.meetup.com/381/boards/
Once you apply to be a member, you will be approved shortly after. Also, the resource http://www.kellymom.com is awesome!

Your supply could be reduced for many reasons, your menstral cycle, change in diet, not drinking enough water, or drinking something else, like too much caffeine. Try drinking more water, eat more oatmeal, or drink motehrs milk tea.

He could also be teething. Give him something else to chew on, a cold rag, a teething ring, anything!

He may also be going through a growth spurt and trying to up your supply. So the situation is just temporary.

He may also be playing! So try to just offer the ninny when he is really hungry.

I would just pull him off the ninny when he gets rough and try again later. When my dd would bite me, I would yelp, it was a knee jurk reaction that often caused her to cry. We only did this a couple of times before she got the message, no biting!!

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S.A.

answers from Tallahassee on

I know how you feel with the mind set of him not wanting the breast milk as a sign of his loss of love for you. Its not true! He's getting older-sad to say-and his interests might be more in foods, table and jar food alike. If he is taking your milk that was expressed into a bottle, then hold out on the next bottle feeding until he has no other choice but to go to you. He'll eventually come back. But really, he's had the best already and if he doesn't come back, don't feel bad. There are other ways that you two will share your bond together!

I kept BFing my son until he was about 17 months old-only because he had 2 eye surgeries within an 11 month time frame of each other. Its funny, even now he remembers breast feeding and he's going on 3! Lucky for me, he didn't bite all that often when he was breast feeding!lol

I wish you well T.!

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M.H.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

Hi T.,

Please don't get your feelings hurt. He's just growing up. (Not to mention stress can affect your milk, the supply and the taste...)

Both my girls weaned themselves before I was ready emotionally. One at 14 months, my second at 10 months. If he's weaning himself you can't do anything about it and if he's not he'll get back in his routine. Things change as he grows, including teeth and biting, and each child is different. Roll with the punches and don't beat yourself up!

I don't know if you can believe this or not, but the love to come is sooooo incredible. Just cherish every moment!

M.

M.S.

answers from Ocala on

Hello T.,

If he has just now started to use a binkie, then he is looking for comfort and security. He might be stressed out from a new day care. They are strangers to him.
Make sure that you go buy and do some surprise visit's to the day care to make sure that everything is going well.
Check his little butt to make sure that he is not getting a rash. They might not be changing him as often as they should be. Maybe there are some children in the new day care that are not treating your son right.

He is only 8.5 months old, brace yourself there is alot more to go through. Try to slow down and relax and enjoy your little one as much as you can. They really do grow up way to fast.

I have 3 kids and I breastfeed all 3, I did not have any problems like this so I do not have any advice for you about breastfeeding.

Good Luck and Happy Thanksgiving.

:)

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E.R.

answers from Tampa on

Have you changed deoderants, soaps, shampoos, or anything like that recently? My son went on a nursing strike when he was about 5 months old - I went on the La Leche League website and read about how smells affect them. I had recently switched deoderants so I switched back and he ended the strike no problem. I hope things get better for you!

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K.

answers from Tampa on

I remember the first time my little guy bit me... I responded almost instinctively with a very LOUD OUCH! and a little firm tap on the nose. I felt horrible. He felt horrible. But we eventually both got over it. It was the first of many times that I would feel bad over scolding him for an accident or time of frustration. Now that he is older these times are great opportunites for ME to show him how to say sorry etc... Trust me your little guy loves you more than ANYTHING. You sound like a GREAT MOM going thru many of the toughest times. As far as weaning him, I am not sure how long you wanted to keep nursing, but try and do it as long as you can. I weaned my little guy straight to a cup. But you sound like you have great instincts so just listen to him (your heart:-) and I am sure you will do what is best for the both of you :-)
Enjoy!

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C.L.

answers from Jacksonville on

I don't have any nursing advice because I didn't breast feed. BUT I will say that survival swim lessons are VERY important and you are doing the right thing. My son (20 mos.) just finished his a couple weeks ago. I'm sssooo glad I did it!!

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R.H.

answers from Orlando on

Don't worry, he still loves you! Mine stopped sooner than that just b/c I think they were busy and wanted to see what was going on and not be slowed down by nursing. Boys are just busy. You did him a tremendous favor nursing for 8.5 months! Maybe pump for a while so you feel good about breastmilk in a bottle.

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J.W.

answers from Tallahassee on

No need to feel bad about putting your child through infant swimming resource. My 4 1/2 year old took it over the summer. In Florida all children should learn how to swim and survive around water.

I doubt you hurt your son's feelings, you're just upset with yourself because you snapped at him. He'll be fine. Maybe his ready for something other than milk. Try some cereal or baby food. Then relax. He can sense your stress.

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F.R.

answers from Norfolk on

I think you're being a little too emotionally sensitive. His behavior is completely normal. They can sense when you're anxious or too stressed and his reaction may be the "strike". Give yourself a break and try to just relax. It'll come back naturally or you can use this time to wean him and start giving him sippy cups. There are many more transitional periods yet to come, brace yourself because nothing stays the same.

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K.W.

answers from Orlando on

wow--8 1/2 months of BFing--way to go momma!
I didn't make it that long, but two of my friends wanting to go a year, had both infants self-ween around 8 months....not that this is ideal, since 1 year is when you can start them on cows milk and sippys skipping the formula and bottles all together.

I would just keep offering him your breast as you normally do--it may be that he just got mad at you for getting mad at him for biting you.

It's so natural for you to feel rejected--but weening is a part of babies growing up and some do self ween around this time! You're not a bad mom, your baby still loves you--it's just one step in many of him growing up! (and that is if he is truly self-weening). Good luck!

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A.I.

answers from Pensacola on

Dear T.,
DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP! I stopped breast feeding my daughter around nine months and I think it is actually their first little step to independence. Good for you for breastfeeding that long. Most moms don't make it that long. Maybe you could start supplementing with formula if you are afraid he isn't getting enough milk. I too live in Florida and good for you for giving him swimming lessons it is the perfect age! He is just growing up and I feel you on the feeling bad. I think it effected me more than my daughter when we quit breastfeeding she seemed fine with it. I did ween her to the bottle because I think she was still getting emotional needs still from the "sucking" coping skill. Anyway don't worry about it and don't blame yourself it is just a transiiton period. I hope you have a great holiday.

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A.D.

answers from Tampa on

Hi T..

It sounds like a nursing strike to me, probably brought on by your reaction to his biting. It probably startled him a bit.

www.kellymom.com has some wonderful information on nursing strikes. I suggest following some of the tips there. Also offer your breast often. When he's hungry, he *will eat. :0)

*most babies wont wean before a year old. If you're not ready to stop, don't give up. :)

If you have access to AOL message boards, find the breast feeding support board. The ladies there are a wealth of information.

Good luck! :)

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A.T.

answers from Melbourne on

When my daughter was about 9months old (18months now) We moved, started her at a new day care, and changed her routine around all together. This stressed her out and it was evident in several ways.
Whats worse, I was stressed. When you are stressed your body creats and releases a hormone through your breast milk that actually has a bad taste. Not to mention your baby is very tuned in to you emotionaly. Your child will know when you are happy, sad, stressed.... and react in a mirror image. Start with lots of love and put you and your baby in a calming environment for both of you. Breath deep and relax a couple of minutes before you begin to breast feed.

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N.L.

answers from Orlando on

I don't think its bad at all that you have him on a schedule. It provides stability and some peace for you! :-)

About the nursing: it just might be time to start him on the real food(something he can sink his teeth into-no pun intended). I have a 10 month old I nursed until 6 months and I couldn't keep up. He is on formula but I've had to start adding cereal to it b/c his appetite has increased.

Everybaby is different and its probably his way of telling you he's ready for the next stage in food.

Good Luck!

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A.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

He's just getting use to the new stuff.
I'm glad for the infant swimming lessons. Don't give up!

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R.M.

answers from Orlando on

Any mom that puts her 8 month in survival swimming classes is a GREAT MOM!!! Of coarse make sure your instructor knows of the changes in his schedule. Dont forget to write it on your daily buds!!

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U.K.

answers from Orlando on

T.,

I went through the same biting phase and almost quite because of it. I read that instead of pulling away train yourself to push him into you when he bites. It take real effort to make yourself not pull away, but trust me it really works. It makes them naturally open up their mouths which makes it much less painfull. Work through it, it is a phase that will pass. I am so glad that I did, 13 months and still going, only twice a day but still going strong. Best of luck to you.

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K.R.

answers from Sarasota on

Hi there. The longest I was able to nurse was with my second son, and it was only 5 months. Long story but in a nutshell, I felt horrible about not nursing any more, and I felt he wouldn't love me as much. Just wait. My oldest is now 3 and my baby is 17 months, and they both hug me and give me kisses all the time, and it's even better than the bonding I felt while nursing. Whether you're able to continue nursing or not, your son loves you like you love him, and that's awesome. Try not to worry. This will pass and even better things will come. Good luck.

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A.B.

answers from Tallahassee on

I've read that some babies just naturally wean themselves from the breast. Most Dr.'s reccomend that you start weaning from the breast/bottle around 9 months anyways. He should start eating more solids also at this point. If he doesn't want to nurse don't try and force him. He is just letting you know that he is ready to move on. With him being in day care now he is probably just becoming more independent. It's not a bad thing that this is happening, so don't let it make you feel like you are doing something wrong! Some people play hell trying to wean their child off of the breast. I would try pumping, but don't feel bad if he is more interested in eating solids than eating from a bottle. I know this probably sounds silly, but you just gotta let him do what he wants to do.

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B.H.

answers from Lakeland on

I'm going through something similar with my 9mth old. I had trouble pumping at work. Was only pumping a few ounces at a time. Then, when I would nurse, she didn't seam intersted. Wanted to get up, look around and play. I really stressed about it and even was in tears at times. I finally decided to supplement. With the nursing, I've just tried to be patient and persistant. If they are hungry they will eat. It's hard but just keep trying. If you pump and end up not pumping much because of stress or because your baby isn't nursing well, just supplement when you are normally away but still pump. This doesn't interfere with your milk supply. I've been doing it for about a month now. I feel less stressed. I'm still not pumping much but I'm not as worried about it anymore. When I'm with my baby, I breastfeed only.

I hope this helps. Not exactly the same situation but you could pull from it what you want. Good luck.

Ps..Some people may encourage you to continue breastfeeding because it is the best. What my friends told me and what I finally had to accept is....you've breastfed for over 8 months and should be very proud of yourself. If the time has come, do what you need to do for you and the baby.

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M.H.

answers from Sarasota on

I'm sure he will come back, but if he doesn't, it won't be the end of the world. It could be completely unrelated to his biting you, it could just be that he is transitioning himself and if that is what he wants, let him. I do also have to say that maybe you shouldn't pile so much on him. My gosh, he is only 8.5 months old! He shouldn't have a rigorous schedule, we live most of our lives that way, let him be a baby!

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K.S.

answers from Melbourne on

first of all, i commend you for survival swimming! it is a brave step as a mother to realize it's necessity and i think you are a strong woman doing what you know is right for your son! i would love to hear how it is going as i have twin 8 month olds we are planning on doing the same with.
as for nursing, i can only tell you about my first experience. my first son was born with two teeth (difficult enough i know) but nursing was no problem, until the top two came in and one day he bit me (he was about three months old at the time... his teeth came in very early). i pretty much had the same reaction as you, i pulled him off of the breast and said no (i am sure some will disagree with my reaction, but it was instinctual). shortly after that he just did not want the breast anymore. i beat myself up for quite some time thinking it was my fault, until i spoke with some other mothers who had said that sometimes babies just stop when they move on to other things. i continued to pump and give him my milk that way until six months. i was quite sad that he no longer wanted the breast, but i found so many other ways to bond with him... we had the same routine with the rocker and lullabye music with bottle feeding, at night, i would lay skin to skin with him and bottle feed him that way the last feeding of the day. so my advice to you: you are doing a great job just by wanting this so much, BUT some things your son will determine on his own, follow his lead. continue to try the breastfeeding, but if he is not interested then pump (pump often, drink plenty of water etc to maintain supply). i wish you the best and congrats on doing all you do! good luck!

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