Nursery at Church-Realistic Expectations?!

Let it go Laura.

Your baby was safe and clean and apparently happy for the special treat. I really don't think the short exposure hurt her.

FLoor playtime is a special treat for mother/baby. Why would you want to take away from that by having other people do it?

If it still bothers you, by all means volunteer to help in the nursery. I've never seen one yet that couldn't use more help. Maybe someone would like to trade out with you on alternate Sundays so she can enjoy the church service.

God bless you for being a concerned mother.
D.

Having worked in several church nurseries of all ages, I really wouldn't have a problem with the scene you describe. I've never seen a video like Barney playing. Maybe a Veggie Tales might have been a better option, but chances are, they were just using it for the music aspect. The nurseries I have worked in usually play KLTY, and music has a great calming effect on kids. But at the ages the kids are in the nursery, they may have spent a large majority of the time dealing with the crying at drop off. The toddler room was always the most stressful and exhausting to me. You spend half the time trying to calm a bunch of toddlers when you only have 2 hands. One or two usually cling with dear life making it hard to calm other kids. Once you calm them all down, change diapers, feed snack, it's mentally and physically exhausting. They probably finally got the kids situated and happy and didn't want to disrupt anything. If it really concerns you, try volunteering in there. Until you try it, I wouldn't be so quick to judge. Being with one child is world's different than several who you don't even know. I was a school teacher for 8 years, and being a church nursery is much harder! Nursery workers get a lot less respect than teachers which is sad because they are doing it for free.

This is most likely a free volunteer service that the church is providing. The workers are most likely volunteering. An hour or two watching TV-- while being in a safe place is all you can ask for I think. esp. if the care worker/child ratio is high.
Now if it is a paid daycare for longer than a few hours-- you may be able to say something....
as long as they are being "cared for" and not being hurt or neglected-- I think no learning/stimulation is fine for a few short hours....It is at best "OK"

It kind of sounds like you are being a psycho mom, as you put it. You're daughter is 18 months old, and the church has graciously offered child care free of charge so that you can enjoy the service. As long as your daughter was not upset, did not have a dirty diaper, and was being supervised, I do not see a problem.

If their nursery does not provide care that meets your expectations, you could always find your own babysitter and pay the 10+ dollars an hour.

I agree with most of the other moms in that what you described is probably nothing to worry about. When it comes to infants & toddlers, I believe the church provides childcare so that you can go in and enjoy the church service while your child is kept in a safe place. It's not preschool and there's probably not a church curriculum for that age group. Not only that, it's only an hour or so a week. Since your church provides paid child care workers, it would be nice if they were on the floor playing with the kids, but you don't know if they were doing that earlier during the service and you caught them at "quiet time" or if your daughter was stuck in the swing the entire time you were gone. I personally don't have a problem with them showing a Barney video and letting the baby swing or play in a little activity bouncer for a little while. I'm sure if your daughter and the other children in the room, were not enjoying themselves, they would be letting it be known quite loudly. LOL :-)

My advice would be to let the care givers know you prefer that your daughter be allowed to have floor time play rather than be put in a swing to watch a video if that's your preference. I doubt they would go against your wishes if you let it be known. But at the same time, I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it. It really isn't that much time and definitely not worth making a big deal about it if you ask me.

Now, if you walked in and found your baby crying, upset, soaking wet or something indicating she was being neglected, that would be a different story. Obviously, that's not the case though so I would just enjoy the church service and not worry that my child is not being engaged enough for that one hour out of the week. :-)

While I agree the situation is not ideal (I work in a school myself). It depends on if these are paid and trained staff or volunteer. The fact that it's a "Church" that probably doesn't even receive payment for the service or have trained staff, I wouldn't be that concerned about it. It's only for an hour each week anyway, right? I once attended a church that didn't even have child care. I don't think I ever got to sit in with the regular congregation. I was usually in the family room watching it on a television while my kids ran around with other kids which was very distracting. Not ideal. So I would choose to look at it in a more positive light and be appreciative to have childcare. If it's a big enough concern, you could always volunteer to work in the room some weeks and be a good example of how to do things differently.

My expectations changed a little after I volunteered in my son's 6-12 mo room. There were two adults and two teen helpers and about 10 or more babies. I learned a lot that day about how busy they are...feeding and changing each child. I'm not sure I played with any of the kids that day. When it was all over I felt very glad to sit down.

I think it all depends on the church and their program. Maybe you walked in at "down time". I think at your daughter's age, you should only expect "babysitting" at the church nursery. I don't think you should be jumped on for asking a question on this site. One of the responses came from a lady who should not be vonlunteering or working with a "bunch of toddlers". It sounds like she is must to frustrated and exhausted to work with "a bunch of toddlers. But, back to the subject, be thankful you are able to enjoy the service. If they are not watching your child or hurting her, I don't think you should worry. If the volunteers seem happy to be there, that is a plus. If they look frustrated or unhappy to be there, make other arrangements.

I do not think that you are being psycho, overprotective, or any of that. I also do not think that you should have to just "let it go" or "get over it" as some of the other responses have advised. Not that it is the worst thing in the world, but this is your pride and joy we are talking about. You have the right to talk with the nursery workers about these kinds of situations. They do not, and could not, know your parenting style if you do not talk with them. If you are like me you might have to see it happen more than once and get up the courage to talk with them, but you can do it. It may not be what you think. One Sunday I went to pick up my 20 mo. old from the nursery and he was inside a pack and play with another child and no toys. It certainly seemed odd and inappropriate for his age, so I asked about it (in a non-judemental way). Come to find out, he and his buddy decided that it would be fun to climb in there and throw all the toys/blankets etc. out. The next Sunday I actually saw them doing it, the next Wed. they moved the pack and play so that our little rascals couldn't access it. Kids are funny. You never know, she could have climbed into the swing herself or another kid pressed the button on the TV to turn it on. Yes I know it is unlikely, but you need to find out what they are doing in there just for your peace of mind. I also kind of agree with some of the mothers, just stay in there with your daughter on Sunday to see what it is like and help out. Maybe they need a little boost and you can help make it fun again...for everyone. One last thing...pray about it. You can do it Mom!

I would be a little bothered if I were in this situation. Children this age (and even up to three) are very likely to play Beside each other rather than With each other so that part doesn't concern me. Having a video on is inappropriate, imo. Church nursery isn't babysitting - it's an area of ministry - to the babies and their parents. I would find out from the church office who is in charge of the nursery and address your concerns with this person, rather than the workers, who probably have been told "what to do." The head of the department should be willing and able to help you find a happy soultion. Hoping y'all find something that works well for this area of ministry at your church!!

Hi L.,
Well I don't feel that putting an 18 month old in front of a video is a good idea. Though it seems harmless, it can be too stimulating for them at this age. I wouldn't like it and I would say something. I don't even like it when they show anything to my 4 year old. Some stuff freaks him out. When I worked in church childcare we had a problem arise when a toddler got pretty freaked out by something they had watched in our care. We set a rule that they would not be watching TV while in class. As for them spending floor time with your child, well if it's something that you notice all the time I would be concerned too. But it being a church nursery I wouldn't expect too much. As long as they are safe and happy it should be fine.
C.

It probably all depends on the church and how they run their "nursery" care. I volunteer every other week in the 12 months class at our church. We do sit down and play with the kiddos or carrying around those that need a little extra attention, as well as change diapers, give bottles and listen to music (on CD player) while giving out snacks (cheerios or crackers). I do have to say that working in the nursery isn't the easiest job.......more toddlers than adult hands/eyes can be challenging, but I'm enjoying every minute of it! So maybe you could just ask the nursery director about your concerns and expectations.

I don't think you are unrealistic in expectations, but without knowing how the rest of the class went, you can't be quick to pass judgement. Until you have volunteered your time in the Children's Ministry - I would not be quick to judge.

At my Church - it is all parent volunteers as we have children that are part of the Children's Ministry - thus our hearts are to make it great for all the kids. It is HARD work!! We have served with every age group - and depending on the length of your service - it can be nearly 2 hours or more by the time kids are dropped off/picked up. We do cradle roll with the babies/toddlers - but there is not official curriculum until 2 years - and after teaching 2-3's for 2 years - it is a LOT of unstructured play time. We parents serve for several months out of the year and give up our "adult service" to worship with the children - and that is a great priveledge.

Perhaps that is what you witnessed, was the finale of class, winding down with a video?? I would certainly have an open mind and heart when discussing this to see what the policy is on the infant class. IF you are not comfortable you may have to keep your child in service - or alternate with your spouse or a friend.

You did mention they are paid "workers" so perhaps they are non-members of your Church - who have no investment in your child... I am not sure I would want to be a part of a Church like that - but that is not my place...

I think before you go over people's heads, express your concerns directly to the workers themselves. Then, if there's resistance, you can go to someone's supervisor.
Next time, if it's your wish, just make a request that they don't put your daughter in front of the TV because you don't show TV to your child yet -- simple as that. No big deal. No drama.
I know there are some parents that don't do TV at all in the childhood years and there are others that don't care about it. So, most church nursery workers know that there are some parents that have specific requests (no goldfish snacks or no cookies - so they bring their own snack for their child, etc.) -- but they don't know about your specific requests unless you tell them.

Also, how do you know for sure that these are paid workers? Most churches I've been to, all the nursery workers are parents like you and me -- volunteering our extra free time to serve the church body. Paid nursery workers are usually reserved for Bible studies; other ministries outside the church service times. But maybe then again... yours maybe a church with a huge childcare budget. ???

I don't think it is necessarily "bad"; however, personally I prefer when the kids are played with rather than "babysat" with a TV show. It seems odd that they wouldn't have a playroom full of toys for that age though...that seems the most appropriate between playing on the floor and a TV show.

Maybe an option for you is to contact the nursery/child director and ask about the program. Obviously, don't make it a complaint, but see what their thoughts are on the nursery. Nursery is a ministry just like all the others - they just have to reach the babies/toddlers a little differently. If you have ideas for them too, I'm sure they'd be happy to accept them. Good luck!!

You are not out of line wanting/expecting more out of a church nusery. When we were looking for a church, that was one of the things we looked at. Our church has volunteers and they kids are always learning about the love and grace of GOD. God loves you, God made you messages. Your child should LOVE going to church! Mine run in as soon as they're "tagged"! Naomi (2) will come out showing off her scribbles on a picture of Noah's Ark, and Daniel (1) will be giggling! They play, teach/learn, interact, from the minute they walk in to the minute they leave! In my opinion, you should find a church with a better Children's ministry or talk to your pastor. You want your children to learn that church is not a bad place, it's a place they should want to be and children's ministry (IMO) should be church at a baby level. I know I have the help of my church to instill the WORD in my children, I believe you should have the help of yours as well.

I wish you all the best. GOD BLESS
A.

PS I totally disagree with those who say you should just "let it go". Your child is a gift from GOD and should be treated as such, by you and by anyone you entrust to care for her. A clean diaper and satisfied belly does not necessarily mean a happy and adjusted child; that takes interaction and attention, which means time and energy. anyone who is not willing to provide that, does not deserve the previlige to "care" for you child.

I wouldn't worry about it, it's not daycare, they are not in there that long, at that age they usually don't have a curriculum, I know when I have worked in the church nursery we would sometimes put in a video while getting everyone ready for pick-up and no one ever had a problem with it. Also, maybe your child had been fussing and that was the only thing that calmed her down.

I worked in our church nursery for several years and still volunteer off and on my children are 4 and half and 5 and half and the nursery workers at our church were not allowed to let the tv be on for oyungsters that young they were to either be on the floor with them playing or in the rocking chairs feeding, reading, soothing a child. We have an awsome church nursery and childrens hour at our church if youd like to visit sometime let me know!
As far as telling some one you are worried I'd talk with the childrens minister or the pastor if no childrens minister!
Best of Luck!
E.

I think you already have your answer, but there is one thing from several of your responses that I feel I need to address. Some people differentiated paid workers from volunteers and one person suggested that if nursery workers are paid then the church must have a huge budget. Obviously I don't know which church you were discussing, but I can tell you my church does pay a nursery attendant... not much but she is paid. We are a VERY small church that is barely scraping by, but we only have one service therefore all our members attend that service and we are left with no one able to work the nursery or one of us missing church that week. I know that has nothing to do with your question but I felt it needed to be said. As far as your concern, I am borderline. I don't think you would be wrong to ask that videos are not shown to children whether or not the workers are paid. It isn't too hard to entertain 1 year olds for an hour or two. However, it is important you are very careful about how you word your request and if they still go ahead with it, which they have every right to, then you need to either repect their decision or find a babysitter. Don't let it affect how you feel about your church. I have seen people leave churches for similar, very small, issues. It is sad how things can snowball out of control. Best of luck.

You're always right to be concerned when it comes to the well being of your child. I don't think you're being a psycho nor are your expectations unrealistic. In my opinion, the cost of the service shouldn't dictate the quality. Sure, it's free but that doesn't mean you have to accept conditions with which you are not comfortable and it doesn't mean tha the people who are in charge shoudl or even would have the opinion "well, it's free so I can be lax."

I don't think you should go in with a whip, but I'd definitely speak with whomever is in charge of the area & voice your concerns.