I was trying to plan my husband a surprise birthday party. I have met his friends only a handful of times because my husband isn't really the kind of guy that likes to hang out all the time. But he had mentioned he wanted to throw a party for his birthday, so I told him it was a bad idea so I could surprise him. Well I don't know how to contact his friends other than Facebook. So I shot his friends a message letting them know I was planning a party and was hoping they could join us and possibly even help me get the guys together. These are all friends of his from grade school on up. In the message I left them my number and asked that they call or text me anytime. I even sent a message to one of the girlfriends instead of the his friend thinking it might be less awkward for her to call or text me rather her boyfriend. I also didn't want to cause problems. You never know when a woman will take it wrong that you messaged her man when you could have messaged her being that you know them equally the same. So long story short, not one person got back to me, other than the one wife that I am close to. Needless to say, the party was a no go. The day of his birthday I got a friend request from the one girlfriend I had messaged. She never responded to my invitation, but she friend requested me. I accepted her request anyway. She still never said a word. I'm not sure what to think about it.
So a week prior to the proposed date of the surprise the wife of his friend that I am close to told me that her husband received a message from my husbands sister. To make a long story short, she talked badly about me and put my husband down. Basically airing out the family's dirty laundry. At the moment we have no contact with his family that was recommended to us by our marriage counselor. We see a marriage counselor only because of the issues going on with his family. We are very happy otherwise. The no contact has been in effect for 3 months. Anyway, I started to feel as though maybe none of his friends contacted me because his sister sent them all messages speaking badly of me. It got me wondering if this girl that sent me a friend request is friends with his sister. His sister isn't close with my husbands friend that I know she messaged, but she still messaged him. She knows all of his friends from around the way. Never hung out with any of them though.
I just don't know what to think about the friend request. I don't care if she's on my page to snoop because I hardly ever post anything on there. I'm mainly on there for deals and networking with other couponers. My husband and I are happy and neither of us ever post anything negative about our relationship.
I guess I'm just wondering what you ladies think of it. A penny for your thoughts.
Thanks for the response ladies. This was really just something I posted to see if others would have analyzed the situation the same way I did. I realize I could just delete her, but this is my husbands best friends girlfriend of 6 years. I have my privacy settings pretty air tight and she is limited to what she can see. And if she is friends with my husbands family on FB then I would never know since we have his family blocked. I will never know why none of his friends responded to the private message I sent them, being that they are avid FB users. The only one I know for sure was contacted by SIL, is the one where my friend forwarded me the correspondence between her husband and my SIL. While I don't agree with my SIL's actions, and lack of respect, and I have my doubts that she only emailed one of my husbands dearest friends, I have to act according to knowledge and not speculation.
You lost me about halfway through...who is this woman again?
Ditto Amanda W! Defriend (or block - so she cannot see everything you post) her if you have any second thoughts at all. Or, since you said you have nothing to worry about as far as what you post, just stop worrying. =)
Poor choice using FB for inviting people you never see/don't know for a planned party when they will be the lions share of the guests.
Evite would be better.
Anyhow--I can't imagine any woman being bothered by a friends wide contacting their SO in regard to a party for her husband.
Friend her or ignore it. No big deal either way.
You've already wasted too much of your life thinking about this. If you have to give it a second thought, just unfriend her.
This is exactly why I am only friends on FB with people that I actually know and am friends with in REAL LIFE!!! :)
A lot of assumptions going on here. People friend request people for random reasons. If the sister did talk badly about you all, I'm sure your real friends know to take it with a grain of salt. It's always good to do a little cleaning out of facebook friends. If it stresses you out, just defriend her.
there are so many wonderful settings on FB... get to know them, and put her on a restricted list. So even if you are not a big poster, or air great family secrets, she see's even less of your couponing goings-on. You dont have to offend anyone by de-friending but you can limit what she sees. The good part is that it will appear your being friendly with them if she is a spy, and not snubbing, which could make the situation with your husbands family even worse than it is.
If you are curious if she is a spy, then check out her friends to see if she is friends with his family. If she is then make sure you set your controls to friends only. If it is friends of friends then the in laws can see everything you post. You can also set tighter controls as others have stated or unfriend her. She won't get a notice that she's unfriended. You should also call his closer friends and ask for help getting the party together, definitely easier then waiting for a man to check his facebook...lol. =) Good luck.
Ugh. Unfriend everyone who isn't your friend.
You don't know if anything actually happened behind your back. Maybe (probably) nothing happened. FB isn't the best way to send out party invitations or make any kind of contact with men.
I think you can safely wash your hands with this mess and continue to ignore your husband's toxic family.
You don't say whether or not your husband was disappointed with YOU for shooting down his b-day party idea. The next time your husband asks about a b-day party, just say yes and don't try to surprise him.
I didn't really follow your post -sorry, but i want to tell you what I immediately thought before I got too far into what you wrote. Guys don't check their FB's like women do. In fact, some of them accept every friend request that send them an email when they first sign up, and then they get bored with it, or they don't really figure out how it works, and kind of abandon it. Or they look at it every few months.
A couple of months from now, they may actually see your note.
You need to actually find out who your husband's friends are for real so that next year you can actually give him a party. Don't depend on FB.
As for the trouble maker, you have to ignore her.
Dawn
She didn't respond to party and never said anything to you? Unfriend. I have COUNTLESS bizarre friend requests due to husband's job-so I'm used to almost never accepting any, but then there's the odd local friend of many of my friends who will shoot me a request even though we've never met. Bottom line-they always turn out to be weird people. I say, ONLY friend your FRIENDS.
this is a mess..
unfriend her. she's not your friend. she wants to "spy" on you for your SIL. Dn't allow it to happen. Unfriend and block her. That's the easiest way to combat this issue.
I'm sorry you haven't been able to get a party together for your husband. If he birthday is already passed, tell him what you were trying to do and how you feel you might have been thwarted by his sister. Then throw a party where he invites the people...if they don't respond or are a no-show, then you know his sister has more pull on his "friends" than he thought.
I wish your husband a happy birthday!!!
I would say that you could counter anything she might be saying by just simply planting a few well worded posts.
About how happy you and hubby are. Post something wonderfully special he did for you. Mention how much fun he had on his birthday. Other stuff that would go towards showing the world what a great relationship you guys have.
Nothing personal of course. Just general "We're so stinkin' happy" stuff. That way if sister is talking bad then what you're posting is going against that and not in a negative way.
I think sometimes going on the offensive in a sort of backhand way that is not obvious is the best way to target someone's gossip and them trying to stir up trouble. I would message each of those friends and tell them you're so sorry that they couldn't make the party. That they were missed and hopefully they can come another time.
Don't say there was no party, just say they missed a wonderful time and were missed. That way they don't know they stopped a party from happening. Unless hubby spills the beans. He does need to be on board for this so he doesn't make you look goofy.
If you want to know if she is fb friends with his sister, go to her wall. It will show you what friends you have in common. If she is also friends with his sister, then unfriend her.
As for your husband's party, I am not sure if that is over with or not. I would have the friend that you are close with arrange a guys get together that you pay for.
First off, you should not have felt obligated to accept her request, especially with the timing of it all. You were only talking to her in the first place to plan the party (which you really should have done through his friend and not the girlfriend. If that had been a problem for them, then it was up to him to forward the message on to her and then let her contact you about planning the party. It's not up to you to problem-solve before you even know if there is or would be a problem. When you do that, you are thinking for everybody and reading lines for all the characters, when you're only responsible for your own.). Since she didn't even respond, you could have just ignored her.
Yeah, people send friend requests for all kinds of reasons, but if that sort of thing matters to you, then you will need to feel secure enough to ignore and say no sometimes.
I wouldn't accept the friend request because I would be suspicious too. If you're not friends with her, I would just ignore the request.
I think you are WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY overthinking this.
She probably just friended you because you invited "them" to a party, and your hubbies are friends.
I'm sort of confused.
First, I don't deal with facebook. I mean, I have an account, but it's not my main source of communicating. ESPECIALLY if you want to keep something a secret.
Second, I have received many friend requests.......from people I don't even know or that were related to someone I knew 30 years ago that I don't stay in touch with. I learned my lesson when I accepted a friend request from a guy I'd been friends with in high school. He was a family friend and we'd lost touch over the years. At first, I was glad to hear from him. AFTER accepting his request, I saw all the photos on his profile and I couldn't un-friend him fast enough. He's pushing 60 years old and apparently thinks he's some kind of "rock" god. Lip injections, wrinkles, long hair, and photos of himself with nothing but his guitar and a thong. GROSS!
Sorry for getting sidetracked on that note, but seriously, you can't assume anything when it comes to facebook. You don't have to accept friend requests. You don't have to use that as your only means of communication.
I just keep hearing of so much drama generated from facebook and in my opinion, it's just not necessary or worth trifling with.
Maybe I'm naive or old fashioned, but I don't see how anyone could expect to keep anything a surprise after posting on facebook.
Have a belated surprise and go about it in a different manner.
Sorry, I guess I gave you more than a penny's worth of my thoughts.
Best wishes.
Sorry but I'm not quite following your post. You stated you had trouble w/a FB friend request but I didn't see the problem w/the FB friend request in your post. I only saw the trouble you had w/your sister in law who bad mouthed you & your family. If this is the issue, I would confront the sister. Sounds like she either is desperate for attention or is jealous for some reason. Good luck!
If you don't post anything negative on FB, then it didn't come from that woman.
I think she's just one of those people who friends everybody, so they can have a zillion friends.
What Amanda said.
She's a bugaboo. Unfriend her. Is she your friend? Of course not. Why is she your "friend" on FB?
Sounds like your DH needs to find some new "friends" also.
