Non-dairy, Non-soy Food for an Infant Whose Mom Won't Breastfeed?

Updated on June 19, 2010
D.D. asks from Port Townsend, WA
28 answers

Hey there, ladies -

My cousin's wife refuses to breastfeed the baby and we have all tried desperately to get her to do so, but that is going nowhere and the baby is allergic to both dairy and soy. What else can we recommend she feed him? Are goat's or sheep's milk safe for an infant? Are there rice-based formulas these days? I breastfed all of mine and haven't been infant-involved for so long now that I need some serious help figuring out the alternatives.

Thanks for any resources or suggestions you can offer.
D.

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone for the responses.

To those of you who scolded me for trying desperately to get the mother to breastfeed, I think that it is important to discuss what happened in this situation. The mother's failure to nourish the baby, through her refusal to breastfeed and inability to find an alternative, resulted in her losing custody of this child (as well as her 2yoa daughter) because the infant was literally starving to death. My aunt and uncle are now raising both of them with the father and my aunt's vigilance in pursuing alternatives, all of which she had suggested to the mother, resulted in their finding ways to not only nourish him, but to help him recover from the few months of malnourishment. He is now well and thriving and since it has been months since we discussed this, he is safely on solid foods at this point.

Yes, there were pediatricians involved, but I can tell you, having worked in medicine for the past 22 years, that most MDs are not versed in many alternatives to standard care. That is changing, for the better, but too often it falls to us as parents to do our own research (think circumcision, vaccines, fluoride, etc.). I mean, seriously, some MDs are recommending that patients use aspartame products to decrease their sugar intake. Aspartame is a neurotoxin and can be deadly for anyone whose body does not cope well with it. We have to take responsibility for our own care and not blindly trust.

I don't know if you all realize this, but medical school is a pass/fail situation. One can be juuuussst above failing and still get licensed and practice the same as the class valedictorian. We, as the patients, do not have any idea whether our doc was the brilliant one, or the one that barely squeaked through.

The more crucial point that I think we ought to think about, as mothers, is this: Bearing and raising a child is THE single most important thing that most of us will ever do. We ought to invest more research time and commitment in this role than any other, yet most of us do not allocate much time to such research, and many women's commitment to their children stops where the child's needs interfere with the mother's desires.

I know, I know - you are not like that. Of course you aren't - you are on sites like this precisely because you ARE doing the research and are committed, but the numbers enrolled here reflect just how much we are the minority.

I think that we, as women, DO need to help one another learn, access quality information, and consider as many aspects of our children's care as we possibly can. I am not saying tell people what to do, but encourage, direct them to resources, and help them understand the consequences of not putting their children's needs first. If this infant had died the mother would be in prison right now. That is a significant consequence, as is losing custody of her children.

I am aware that this is, in some or many ways, contrary to what feminism has told us. According to some feminist doctrine, the woman's desires are just as worthy and as high or higher priority than the needs of the child. I think that our accepting this idea is a disservice to us as mothers, and to our children. There is a very simple way to have our desires remain top priority in our lives, without anyone ever questioning it - don't have children. But if we DO choose to have children then we ought to do so realizing that their needs will be foremost for many years and some of our wants will be unfulfilled as a result, but the rewards of mothering, if immersed in, relished, and revered for the remarkable miracle that it is, are immense and fulfilling beyond having the perfect figure or the CEO title.

I am sure much of what I have said here will be unpopular and raise some people's ire. Can we please talk about these ideas respectfully and without condescension, realizing that we do not know one another or the fine details of the situations being discussed? Let's trust that we all are well-intentioned and doing our best and have a dialogue that is enlightening, inspiring, and supportive, please.

Be well-
D.

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C.H.

answers from Medford on

Hi D.
You might try to google... lactose & soy intolerance infant formulas ....I saw a few thousand responses.

GOOD LUCK

C. M Hamlin
Cave Junction OR

1 mom found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Seattle on

I have an oatmeal milk recipe you can do. Or there is almond milk that can be made at home.
Be well,
Liz

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D.J.

answers from Seattle on

This is just my opinion so you may not like it, but that's what makes these boards so beneficial is the variety of input that we receive.

I do not believe anyone should put so much emphasis on forcing a mother to breast feed or not. Period. It's a personal choice and it's disrespectful to ignore someone's wishes. I chose not to breastfeed my twins and I got absolutely horrible comments. They were a great weight for being a month early and are healthy little boys who have no weight issues (neither too light nor too heavy.) My mother bottlefed my older sister and me and we have no allergies or weight issues. My mother did breastfeed my younger sister and she has many allergies and weight issues. Go figure as I know that is not the norm for breastfed babies and I'm not debasing breastfeeding. If the mom is comfortable fine, if she's not no worries, kids can still turn out quite well and healthy, that's the point I'm trying to make here.

As for the allergies, I would assume that the mother would be discussing this with her pediatrician. What does the pediatrician say? Are we certain the baby is allergic and not just intolerant (there is a difference)?

I have heard of moms who give their babies goat's milk, but I'm not sure if it is by choice or due to allergies. An internet search gave me this link and at the end there is a recipe for the goat's milk formula (it is accessible through a link). http://askdrsears.com/html/3/t032400.asp

Please try to support the mom, now she could probably use the input as to alternative milk suggestions, but don't be so h*** o* her for her choice in not breastfeeding.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

She needs to talk to her pediatrician. There are formulas available for children with multiple allergies. They may be hard to come by and are usually VERY expensive.
Another very expensive solution for babies who do not respond well to any kind of formula is obtaining human breastmilk from a milkbank. Again, her doctor needs to make an assessment of what her condition truly is and what is the best way to feed her.
Many people tend to blame certain conditions on milk or soy allergies all too quickly, when that may not be the case. It may not actually be the milk or soy that causes the reaction, but another ingeredient from the VERY LONG list of ingredients in infant formula or even unrelated to what she is eating (skin reactions may be caused by baby cosmetics, shampoos or laundry detergent - even mom's cosmetics). She should see a specialist.

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S.S.

answers from Spokane on

Hi D.,

First, I wouldn't push a mother to breastfeed that really doesn't want to or can't. It is not for every mother and that can really make a woman feel like a failure. What's right for you, may not be for another mom.

Second, doesn't she have a ped. for her infant? They should be able to answer that type of question. What is she feeding the infant now?

S.

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J.L.

answers from Corvallis on

First of all is the child lactose intolerant or Allergic to milk? Some people dont realize there is a difference (intolerance causes stomach discomfort, gas, and possibly a hard time pooping. Allergy would make the child sick like vomiting, hives, hard time breathing, etc.) IF it is just an intolereance, there are milk based formulas that are lactose free. Most of my children could not have soy and reg milk based formula. We used the lactose free stuff.
Another thing, if the baby just spits up alot it could be an acid reflux problem. The dr can perscribe a med for that.
If she hasn't already, she really needs to speak to the pediatrician about he baby's diet.
Goat milk is safe. My son drank it when he was an infant.

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G.B.

answers from Portland on

There is a very good formula that uses the water from cooked barley, goat milk and a sweetener. I used this very successfully with my son who was allergic to many, many foods.

If interested let me know and I will dig up the directions and portions of formula for you.

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B.G.

answers from Eugene on

I am going to re-iterate what a few have already said. This is not your child, so this is not your problem to worry about unless you believe there is gross negligence or that the baby is being physically harmed and suffering from failure to thrive. As a mom, I am sure that you know firsthand how damaging it can be for those we care about to doubt the decisions that we make for our family and our kids. Sounds to me like you could be driving a wedge in your relationship, and I would reccomend backing off. You can research all you want, and assist this new mom with finding options and doctors, but allow her to be the mom and to make the decisions. And then RESPECT her decisions.

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A.D.

answers from Portland on

you should be more supportive. new moms need support, not criticism. can you imagine if someone had pushed you to do something you didn't want to do when you were a new mother with sleep deprivation, hormones raging, and the worry that you're doing everything wrong? present the facts and leave it at that. you cannot force someone to breastfeed, period. to "try desperately" to make someone do something they don't want to do can make someone angry, resentful, and avoidant of the person who is pushing them. yes, breast is best. no one can argue that. but some families choose not to, despite that fact, and you know what? that's their choice.
as for the child, the baby's doctor should have a solution, as well as a diagnosis and a formula suggestion. any formula decisions need to go through the pediatrician anyway. there is a hypoallergenic baby formula available, so perhaps the doc will suggest that.

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L.M.

answers from Seattle on

Hi,
That would be hard.. to be allergic to all those things.. If I were here I would visit the dr.. and ask what they suggest.. or they may even have samples of what they suggest. Here is a link to enfamil formula website.. they have many options www.enfamil.com
click on view all products.. there looks like there might be one that works.
also, don't give her a hard time about breastfeeding.. if she doesn't want to do it that is her choice.. just like you did not want to give your baby formula.. it might help if you tell her sorry for being pushy about breasfeeding.. and let her know you are worried about the baby.
Lenc

1 mom found this helpful

E.B.

answers from Seattle on

Let me say first that I think it is amazing what your hub and you are doing!! If only all of us could do something similar could you imagine what this world would go back to being like!! Anyways there are hypoallergenic milks about there. It smells and look horrible and babies well mine away way hate the taste. You should tell her to take baby into the doc because they will or should give her a free sample of it to try. My first two werent breastfed and we had to go this route for a week or two to figure out what the allergy was to specificallyits so hard to convice them to do the right thing sometimes. Has she said why she doesnt want to or is so against breastfeeding? to bad i have found it to be simply magical!!

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E.C.

answers from Bellingham on

Hi D.

My oldest son was allergic to my breast milk, dairy and soy milk. The pediatrician should have recommended it but we had to put our son on very expensive formula called Alumentin. Good luck.

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M.Z.

answers from Seattle on

D.-

I would definitely take baby to the pediatrician. I'm sure this isn't that uncommon. My son's pediatrician said that when babies have a milk intolerance it is the protein in the milk that they are unable to digest. Goat's milk will have the same effect. I know there are rice based formulas out there that are easy to find.

I'm sure everthing will turn out fine.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I really don't think it is any of your business whether or she breast feeds HER children. It is her choice! If the baby has allergies then she should be working with her pediatrician to find a good nutrition source that works for her and her family. There are many reasons one may choose not to breast feed, and it is there choice to make. I breast fed for about 3 months while using formula in bottles when ever we were in public. I know some moms who could just stick their baby under their shirt while out and feed away, but since I was wearing a 38 GG would have sufficated the poor little guy!

So in short, breast feeding is a very personal choice, and she should be working with her Doctor to find the best solution for her and her baby. The rest of you should stay out of it!
That is my personal opinion on the matter.

Best of luck to your cousin's family and their new bundle of joy.

1 mom found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

D. - If the baby is allergic to soy and dairy and the mother wants to breastfeed, that would mean the mom would have to avoid all things with soy and dairy as well. That is a huge undertaking. Maybe she does not want to have to give up ice cream, cheese, yogurt and about a million things that have soy! WHile I personally would give that up (I breastfed both of my sons for a year and 1 1/2 years) some people are not willing to. YOu said you have "desperately" tried to get her to breastfeed. I would lay off. Some moms do and some don't.
I know that when my son was under 1 he had a hard time with getting belly sick. It seemed like he was barfing or getting a fever a lot. WHenever that would happen we (my husband and I) would make him rice water. (my husband is from Mexico and swore by this! It took a while to convince me) Some moms may get up in arms about the ingredients, but it worked for us. We would cook rice until it got SOGGY, then drain it, but KEEP the water. Cook that water with a bit of cinamon and a dash of sugar, and there ya go. He would guzzle it down. He too was bottle/breastfed. (we had a horrible car accident when he was 3 weeks old. He was in the NICU for two months and I pumped for two months. But, pumping is not the same as nursing, so my supply went down. We had to supplement as well as breastfeed)
I know that there is also rice milk in the organic sections and stuff that you can buy already made, my girlfriend gave that to her son (he was allergic to peanuts, soy, dairy and eggs).
Good Luck to your cousin and his wife, L.

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K.W.

answers from Portland on

Replying late, but my infant had a casein (milk protein) intolerance. This is not the same as lactose (milk sugar) intolerance, or even the same as a milk allergy. These are all different conditions and people confuse them a lot.

For casein intolerance, both the baby and the breastfeeding mom have to go without dairy and usually without soy as well. It's a major project if you're breastfeeding!

Goat's milk does NOT solve the problem.

This protein intolerance causes lesions in the baby's intestine and is quite painful.

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C.W.

answers from Yakima on

I was allergic to dairy and soy and my mom did not breastfeed either. Granted, this was over 30 years ago, but I have been told that my parents used some kind of blended vegetable formula. I'm guessing there are many more options today. The good news is that I'm healthy and happy these days - I do eat soy and some dairy (yogurt, ice cream, cheese) although I never really got over the cow milk aversion.

Good luck!

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J.L.

answers from Portland on

Breastfeeding is definitely the best for babies. That's what babies are meant to take. It's the only perfect food for human babies, no question about it.Some moms who don't want to put the baby to the breast will pump and feed the baby breast milk from the bottle. That's the facts and after she knows that then it is up to her to decide. Not all moms who breast feed enjoy it .Some do it just so that the baby is healthy. Not all moms who have a baby that has 'allergies' or intolerances to soy or diary ,etc.need to eliminate those foods from their diet.Sometimes they just need to not go overboard on those foods.
The next best thing is mother's milk from a milk bank. Very expensive unless her insurance covers it and she is able to get a prescription from a doctor. There are also moms who are willing to share their excess breast milk who don't want to go through the trouble of sending their milk to a milk bank. There are some risks involved in that(medications,drugs,HIV in the donor mom) .She would need to screen the moms carefully and educated herself about that issue.
Goats milk is still dairy. Many babies that don't tolerate cows milk will not tolerate goats milk either. Goats milk by itself is not a complete formula .
Rice milk,almond milk,oat milk etc. are very seriously lacking in the vital nutrients babies need. They are not meant as a replacement for formula and they usually say so right on the container. I don't think there is a complete baby formula made from rice milk.
It is extremely important that the baby get all the nutrients it needs during that first year of life when they are growing so fast and the brain is still forming. How the baby is nourished in the womb and during the first year will effect the baby the rest of its life.
There are other formulas that don't have diary and soy like Neocate (not sure if I am spelling it right) which is expensive and usually reserved for cases of serious intolerances. I believe it is a prescription only formula. Some babies outgrow their sensitivity to cows milk formula after 6 months of age,and some after 1 yr of age.I am not sure how old this baby is.I am not sure what "allergy" symptoms the baby is displaying but if it a matter of spitting up or being fussy I know some babies will tolerate one formula brand and not another. I see a lot of babies who are very fussy,have reflux,and rashes no matter what formula they are fed or no matter what the breastfeeding mom takes out of her diet.Sometimes it could just be do to all the environmental chemicals (air,water,food,clothes,cleaning products) we are exposed to no matter how careful we are.Some people feel that being born by C-section (especially those babies that are not breastfed) can put a baby at risk of having digestive issues,since babies naturally get cultured with mom's flora when they are born vaginally. In that case I would seek out a naturopath that was very familiar with working with newborns who felt knowledgeable in recommending a probiotic for the baby. Not all probiotics are recommended for young babies. To start I would definitely encourage her to consult her baby's doctor .
J.

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S.T.

answers from Portland on

Goat's milk is a possibly a good alternative. It is much closer to human milk than cow's milk is. Its much easier for babies to digest. I supplemented with goat's milk while breast feeding my first daughter. I started by mixing it in with expressed breast milk and she took to it very quickly. However, I would recommend find a local producer and getting it fresh. Not only does goat's milk taste awful after pasteurization, but it also destroys some of the beneficial immunological properties. I would get it fresh every week for my daughter. Its definitely more expensive than cow's milk, but not any more expensive than formula. The milk can be warmed quickly with a bottle warmer.

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J.J.

answers from Bellingham on

Dont harras her to breastfeed. it is her choice. especially if the baby is allergice to foods. it is bad idea to breastfeed.
a friend of mine has a similar child. she drinks rice milk. as the child is getting closer to 2yrs she is becoming less sensitive. FYI the mother was acutally poisoning her child through her breastmilk. You would be amazed how many foods contain milk or soy that the mother consumes that can be passed on through breastmilk, and the mother not even knowing it.
At this point, with an allergy, It is beast to bottle feed.

She, NOT YOU, needs to seek the advice of an allergist who specializes in infant food allergies.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

My granddaughter was allergic to both milk and soy. The doctor did some blood tests that showed thise allergies as well as others. The formula that my daughter gave to her daughter is Nutrimagen. Yes, it is expensive.

I doubt that goat's mild would work. Although it is said to be easier to digest it does have the same or similar proteins in it that milk has. I'm lactose intolerance (not allergic) and I can't use goat's milk. It gave me as much gas as milk much to my disappointment.

I do highly recommend that your cousin have her baby tested for allergies if she hasn't already. My granddaughter is still allergic to peanuts as well as dog dander, grass, pollen, etc. Some allergies, such as peanut, can be life threatening.

A comment on the comments about whether or not your cousin breast feeds: Yes, it is her decision but I'm thinking that your family is one that shares their thoughts and feelings in a good natured way. I suggest that none of us should pass judgement on you because they assume that you have passed judgement on your cousin. Families care about each other and are concerned when someone is having difficulty. I find it very easy to tell someone else what to do before I know the whole picture. Even then I find it easy to "know" what's best. :):):)

My family has lots of food allergies and so from experience I know it'd difficult to find a solution. As another mother said, breast feeding isn't necessarily helpful with allergies. It does mean the mother has to be very careful of her diet and that is difficult in its self.

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H.A.

answers from Bellingham on

To the actual mothers defense breast feeding did not work for my allergic daughter. Her instinct may be just the motherly one speaking. We could use soy but there are formulas out there that her doctor can prescribe.

Good luck,
H

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A.M.

answers from Seattle on

As many smart ladies have said, GOAT milk is an amazing alternative. My husband, my dad, and myself all were given goats milk as children... It tastes great and any nutritionist will tell you that it is wonderful for babies, and MUCH more compatible with their tummies than cow's milk or soy milk.
It's pretty easy to come by if you are in a more rural area, but lots of health food stores carry it.
Please bear in mind that this is her decision, so forcing the issue will only make her resentful, but if you approach helpfully and humbly, maybe she'll be receptive to your advice.
Best of luck to the little one:)

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C.M.

answers from Bellingham on

D.,
There are a few products out there including goats milk formula that you can get at your local grocer like Fred Meyer or there is a product called Nuplus from a Company called Sunrider and it is made of vegetable protein, and chinese herbs safe for infants and their digetsion and it's completely organic. It's soy and milk free. The only problem is that it clogged my bottle when I tried it, but if you dilute it. Could your cousin pump her milk and give it to the baby through a bottle? Good Luck.

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K.R.

answers from Portland on

I know that it's hard when we all learned and know the advantages of human breast milk, but I'm sure that the mother involved believes that breast feeding is a personal choice and might be a little upset that people keep telling her she has to do it for her baby's sake. Not that I don't believe that every mom should breast feed or get breast milk from the Mother's Milk Bank, but I know how it feels to have a bunch of people telling me that it's important to do something for my baby that I do not think I should be burdened to do. (We refuse to daycare.)

Here's a great website for both you and the mom: http://www.saanendoah.com/compare.html It compares different milks and formula for vitamins, etc.

We advicate raw milk, and goats milk is much closer to human than cow. It has smaller fat molecules, so it's easier to digest, and many many more of the vitamins in human milk show up in goat milk. Raw milk hasn't lost all it's nutrients through pasturization. Studies show people are actually much healthier and stronger physically and able to learn better. The scares of salmonella and ecoli to date have nearly all be refuted and the dairies invovled have been compensated for the lost business when they were accused. Raw milk is available in most states, but cannot be advertised in all of them.

Take a look at the dairy/creamery and milking areas to feel confident in your milk source.

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L.R.

answers from Portland on

My mom didn't have enough milk for my brother and me after about 6 weeks (probably because she didn't increase the number of nursing sessions when we had a growth spurt, but oh well, we survived!), so she started supplementing with goat's milk. As per someone else's advice, yes get it raw. You can get it in Portland at the People's Food Coop, or you can look for other places (pm me if you live in the Portland area and I'll tell you the other two places I know of).

Nut milks are an alternative, as is mixed nut and coconut milk. You could add baby vitamins to it, and it should be sweetened with something. Keep in mind that rice milk is very low fat, and babies need lots of good fat. I have a cookbook from back in the 60's that has several nut milk baby formula recipes which I can share if you're interested.

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J.W.

answers from Seattle on

Goat's milk is a great alternative, but I would have the baby tested for any sensitivities before introducing this. Breastfeeding isn't for everyone. You might be able to talk with the mom about expressing milk and storing it for feedings. Then she could bottle feed her baby and others could help when she's at work or away from the baby for whatever the reason. If the baby is that lactose intolerant, Mom may have to change her diet, as Mom's intake of dairy products does pass thru to breast milk. Again, something to consider. She needs to talk with her pediatrician as to what would be a viable alternative for this baby. Sounds like there's a big push to breastfeed and maybe by stepping back and letting her doctor work with her, talk with her about what's best for this baby, she'll do what works best for both of them.

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M.R.

answers from New York on

Hi D.: You do have a dilemma but the good thing is that it's
almost a good thing the baby has those allergies because most
of those formulas are chemical laden. Low fat fresh goat's milk
is the way to go for numerous health reasons. You should go to
and/or call your local natural health/food store and see what they
carry. Take good care.

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