No Toddlers Allowed to Visit

Updated on November 12, 2009
J.L. asks from Cleveland, OH
17 answers

I am due in three weeks and just found out that the hospital won't allow anyone under the age of 18 to visit due to the flu epidemic. I am sad, but what can you do? I have a feeling that I will miss my 2 1/2 year old more than he will miss me, since he will have Grandma and Pop at home with him.
I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of how we could communicate while I am there. It will be a c-section, so I will be gone at least three nights. He has been away from me for that long and does well. We are going to talk on the phone and webcam, but I usually get some good ideas on here, so I was wondering what you suggest.
Thanks!

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S.K.

answers from South Bend on

I just thought I would comment. I work at the hospital and half of me totally agrees w/ the policy. But I am also pregnant and due in Feb. I have a 5yr old and 2yr old. I will also be having a c-section. I have never been apart for my kids unless work... I don't know how I will do it. My 2yr old is my lil side kick. We do everything together and are really close...I am really nervous how it will go

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J.F.

answers from Toledo on

I'm dealing with this too (you must be in the Toledo area). I am set to have my 4th child via C Section 2 weeks from today and it absolutely breaks my heart that my older children can't be there for the birth of their sibling. I tried calling my doctor today to see if there was a way around it and she said not a chance. She also said that it is likely that before I deliver, they will have even tighter rules in place including only allowing one visitor per patient at a time. I am just really torn up about this and wanted to let you know you're not alone.

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L.B.

answers from Fort Wayne on

This was me just last week. I had a baby girl last Thursday and my almost 2 year old son couldn't visit because of the H1N1 policy. I do think it was harder on my hubby and me than it was on him. He's never been away from us more than a night and this time it was two night and he did just fine. My parents stayed with him at our house. We did skype a few times and while I thought it was wonderful seeing my boy and having him see his sister it sounds like that was the hardest time for him. Seeing us on the computer, but not understanding why we weren't there. It was almost like he didn't remember that he missed us until we were on the screen and he had to say goodbye. Not that I wouldn't have done the skyping again, but just be prepared for him to have a hard time saying goodbye on the computer.
At our hospital I did have the option of going out to the lobby to see him (the baby had to stay in L&D). That might be an option for you if you'd like.
I hope everything goes well and do remember that down the road it's just a couple of nights and he'll probably have a blast with the grandparents. Make sure they have plenty of activities to keep him busy if you're worried. Take your time at the hospital and use it as a time to bond with the new baby. You won't have as much one on one time at home so enjoy snuggling and loving on your new little one!

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D.F.

answers from Cleveland on

I believe as long as the toddler is your child, they can visit you. I would double-check. And congratulations :)

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K.D.

answers from Kokomo on

I like the idea of making cards or just a simple, special drawing. If your husband visits, he can take it to your 2 1/2 year old. They could be made up now, just taken to the hospital in your suitcase. That way, it will seem as a new message from Mommy. Maybe put some lipstick on and kiss a piece of paper so they can have a special "kiss" from mommy. Trace your hand and put a heart in it. A video with I love you by pointing to your eyes for "I", crossing your arms for "love" and pointing to the camera for "you." Our girls love to do that. Maybe a new little teddy bear that's a special gift from you.
I thought at the time, my almost 2 year old might have a hard time, but she was explained that mommy had the baby and she did fine. I think they understand that when the time comes. Explaining ahead of time is very important so one day, mommy's not just gone and they don't know why.

Congrats on your new baby soon to arrive!!

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D.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

In addition, make cards for each other. Take a few pictures of the two of you together and put one in the card(s) you send, reminding the child of how much you miss him/her.

Have something that they give you - very specific and especially picked out by them- to remind them of you every time you or they see it.

Abbie and I do this. I do not see her except on weekends because she's with her mom during the week. She leaves me something somewhere in the house and tells me....."everytime you look at this, I want you to think of me". I do the same for her. I put something special in her bookbag that she can keep there all week.

Those little things mean ALOT!!!

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T.C.

answers from Steubenville on

hi J....Congrats :) just alil idea from ...Make up a couple cards from mommy and mail one befor you even go in to hospital, he will get it while you are away. Lil kids no matter the age love mail! just a thought. :) GL, Congrats and God Bless!

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M.P.

answers from Cleveland on

Some of the suggestions that I have heard over the years for helping children stay connected during births, surgeries and/or business trips are:record a story and a special message that the child can listen to at bed time or when the need arises,Video clips of both parent and child to share back and forth,love notes from child to parent(child's drawing and parent drawing)special surprizes to open each day from Mom to child and keeping something of Mom's under the pillow or in a pocket just for comfort. A scrapbook could be started and daily communication added along with the pictures etc.

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D.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

They have the same rules in the Fort Wayne, IN hospitals, but in small print it says that with your doctor's permission Children can visit. I'd check with you doctor...
Good luck!!!!
D.

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J.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I'm a stay at home mom who operates an in home childcare business. When I had Dominic who is my youngest son, I went into early labor and didn't have time to really explain or say goodbye to my then 3 year old. I was worried sick about how he was, what he was thinking, basically if he was okay. I would say defitely prepare them for your absence. Talk to them about your new arrival and why mommy will be gone. You being gone is scary, but just remember that once you come home everything will be different for them. Lots of the moms I babysit for have done the recordings, cards, presents, etc. But we all agree preparing them for the new baby was equally important.

J.F.

answers from Cleveland on

I just got home from the hospital a week and half ago. I was in for a total of 18 days. I know how hard it is to be away from your lil one. My son is 2.5 and I was hospitalized for 2weeks before my sons were born. I had hoped to VBAC but the docs at the hospital where I was transfered would not let me. Anyways, just to let you know even though I was away from my son that long he is okay. I felt like a horrible mother and wife (leaving my hubby to be a single dad for 2.5 weeks). Good luck :)

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J.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

I don't know if you'll have time for this idea: Do you and the little one have any favorite stories you read together? Perhaps you could record you reading them before going to the hospital and then he can listen to your voice and follow along in the book with the help from the grandparents. When I was little my mom did this for me when she had to be in the hospital and those recorded story times are a fond memory.

And/or if someone is coming to and from the hospital everyday both you could send little recorded messages to one another.

Hope this helps.

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D.T.

answers from Indianapolis on

It's hard but look on the bright side... with any luck you'll only be gone 3 days/nights. It will seem like a lifetime but looking back a few years from now it won't be that big of a deal. Heck, when we were kids, it was pretty common for hospitals to say no visitors under age 18 all the time - this is a temporary thing. So most of us probably weren't visiting our baby sisters/brothers in the hospital and it's not a big deal. Use the webcam and lots of pictures and videos... your son will be fine (as long as you are and project the right attitude!!). (tell your son it's a really cool special few days with grandma and grandpa and talk up how great that is to be alone with them!)

A friend of mine just went into labor and delivered at 32 weeks. The baby is fine, mom is back home, baby is expected to stay at hospital for at least another 5 weeks.... and she has a 3 year old and 5 year old at home who have yet to see their baby sister even though she's now 2 weeks old and mom/dad visit daily. It's very tough on everyone... be thankful if your visit is just 3 days/nights. :-)

The hospitals around here (central Indiana) aren't taking any chances and take no exceptions to the rules. It's for a good reason. I have friends who work in some of the hospitals. Since the bans went into effect, one hospital saw a 60% reduction in doctors/nurses/other staff getting the flu within a week. So many were calling in sick that it was compromising patient care. Also, the number of patients getting the flu (and all other secondary infections) dropped dramatically within a few days.

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R.G.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I have the same problem except that I have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter. I'm going to talk to my Doctor at my next visit to double check our hospital's policy on siblings visiting. I guess the worse they can say is no is can't come visit & we'll deal with it.

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A.M.

answers from Cincinnati on

You might want to double check and make sure he is not allowed. I thought if you had them vaccinated and showed proof of it then they were allowed in. But things might have changed.

Good luck.

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A.V.

answers from Indianapolis on

I am a labor and delivery nurse and I know that the hospital I work at got web cams for parents to talk to your children while at the hospital. Maybe that would be the most real communication? Ask about it at your next apt.! Good luck!

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

I totally understand how you feel. My older son was more than 2 1/2 before I let him stay a couple nights away from me with my in-laws. My younger still hasn't spent more than over night away from me and I was in a hotel down town even for that! I'd HBAC so I could be with my son, but that's me:)
Why do you have to be there 3 nights? Most women I know who have c-scetions go home within 48 hours unless there are complications. You don't want to have to be anywhere near sick people right now. Get out ASAP!!! I think there's no better reason to VBAC than the fact that you can go home the next day and get away from all the germs in the hospital - especially during flu season and ESPECIALLY during this flu pandemic. But if you have a medical reason that VBAC isn't for you, ask why you have to be there 3 days and try to get out of there as quickly as you can.
Can your parents (in-laws?) bring him to the hospital and meet you outside for a while so you can see him? Guess it kind of depends on the weather at that point...

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