No Parent at Bus Stop, What to Do?

You sound like a very nice person, it's nice you are concerned about this little boy however, maybe he is just fine. You said his dad is home - just not at the bus stop. When my children were little I rarely went to the bus stop to bring them or pick them up, only if it was really cold out. We live in a very safe neighborhood where all the children just got off the bus and went to their homes, dropped off their backpacks and then back out to play with each other. They were fine. I would just tell this mother what you have seen and if she is concerned she can have a talk with the kids dad.

If mom is at work and someone else - dad, babysitter, whoever - is responsible for picking him up, my guess is the mom has no idea that you're walking him home all the time. If it's the same person who normally picks him up, talk to them first. If the problem persists after that, or if there are different people doing pick up all the time, then talk to the mom.

I think it's wonderful of you to be helpful for this little guy, but I would worry that you might have an appointment after school and he'd be on his own if his parents flake out again. I think that's what I would bring up with mom. You don't mind helping, but you are worried because you aren't always at the bus stop.

This happened with my neighbors...they started relying on me to take their kids home from the bus stop...it wasn't official, but I was always there...one time, my dd's grandma picked her up - and took her to an activity. There was no one there for their kids and the kids were sitting out in the snow until their parents came home

It never happend again...

I think you should tell them that you don't mind if they make arrangements ahead of time, but sometimes your schedule may change and their kid may be left alone at the stop.

You sound like a very nice, caring person. But this is not your business. The people who should be calling the boy's parents are the bus company and the school.

You're enabling this behavior by always being their backup. Instead, you should ask the driver to radio the bus company to make a call to the child's emergency contact.

you're a sweetheart, but you are taking on a troubling level of responsibility. it's a huge pity, but what if he gets injured while he's in your care?
talk to the school and bus driver, and have them follow whatever procedure usually gets followed when there's no one to meet this little guy. i assume they take him back to school and call the parents?
it may take a few times of 'losing' their child for them to wake the hell up.
khairete
S.

Tell the bus driver.
Tell the school.
Make them, handle this.
Right now, YOU are responsible for this boy. Because his family is just whatevers about it.

And technically, a school & probably the Bus company, cannot just let a kid go home or be taken by just anyone. That is hugely irresponsible to say the least.
Tell the school, about what has been happening.

Anyone, can tell a bus driver "I know the parents, I know where he lives, I will take him home..." and take the kid.
The bus driver and the bus company must have procedures and protocols about this.
And the school, too.
And he has Asperberger's.

I agree that maybe the Mom doesn't realize that Dad is not picking the kid up or that others are late to get him. If she doesn't call you, I would stop by there on a weekend afternoon and kindly explain the situation. Give her your number (have it written down ahead of time), and reassure her you don't mind helping out. This will alert her to the situation and is pretty much all you can do right now.

Our school has a policy where Kindergarteners can not get off the bus w/o a parent, but generally the drivers will release them to ANY parent. If you start to feel uncomfortable or burdened, then do not accept the child off the bus and have the bus driver return to school with the child to make it official.

And please disregard the other posters who question why you feel the need to help. Those of us with small children and a moral compass get it! I once intervened with a Kindergartener who was mistakenly let off at our bus stop, and managed to get him back on the bus and to his proper stop. If I was not willing to step in and help out, then I can't imagine where this poor kid would have ended up. Thank you for being kind and doing what's right!

Wow. First off you are amazing to always be available. I just cannot imagine not being there for my child or making sure someone is. Especially in kindergarden. My daughter is 10. Our bus stop is visable to my home and I still feel the need to phyisically be at the stop. I think these parents are completely irresponsible. God forbid your child is home sick or your away and this child gets off the bus alone. Also I am surprised the bus driver will release this child to you with out parent confirmation. We have a kindergarner in my neighborhood and my neighbor had to write down our names as people who he was allowed to be released to in case she was not there. Which she always is. Ughhhh this is tough. I know you don't want to be mean but these people need to be told the obvious. Which is to be a parent. Good luck.

Does your nearly ten year old need you to walk him to and from the bus stop for some reason? I would stop going to meet him at the bus stop. If you aren't there, then you will not be put in this position. They will not release a five year old without an adult present, and it will be up to his parents to figure it out. Of course, if you really don't mid doing it, then perhaps ask the parents to pay you on days you pick him up and walk him home.

The bus driver should not be releasing the kid to you. The bus driver should be taking the kid back to school where they will contact the parents.

Since that is not happening, I would call the school myself and let them know what is happening. I would let the school handle it.

Don't get me wrong, I think you are awesome for stepping up like that, but as others have pointed out, the mom probably does not know and the caregivers are taking advantage of you. What happens when no one is there? Is the bus driving going to let that kid walk home on his own? Just seems like a recipe for disaster.

Good luck - let us know how it turns out.

Why do you feel responsible for walking him home? Does he not know his way home? Maybe thing are different where you live, but in our neighborhood parents don't meet the bus, the kids get off and walk home. Now the one time dad was not home, that is not a good thing, but the other times dad was at home waiting for him, and the one time dad was not there other arrangements had been made. If they wanted your help they would ask. I would leave this alone, they may not parent the same way you do, but this is not an uncommon way to parent (look up free range parenting) and the kid does not seem to be neglected or in danger.

My guess is that the mom has no idea this is happening. So, be kind but concerned. Let her know that while you don't mind, what would happen if you weren't there one day? There could be a day when your child is home sick or you picked up early for a doctor's appointment or something, and your child isn't on the bus so you don't go to meet it. That child will be left all alone.

The other possibility is that your neighbor believes that it is a safe neighborhood and they think the child is perfectly capable of walking home by himself. That is their choice, but again, they have to be confident enough in that choice that they (and the child) will be ok with it if you are not there one day. If this is the case, then there is not much you can do. (I guess if it's an unsafe neighborhood, a long walk, or something else, then maybe you could call the school or CPS, but I do know good parents who think their elementary age children are perfectly capable of walking a few blocks by themselves.)

It sounds like they know you are a reliable backup so they are taking advantage of you. I have a child with Asperger's so I would be extra cautious to make sure she got home ok, but that is MY responsibility as her parent. If I were you, next time it happened I would tell the bus driver to take him back to school because you cannot take him home. For one thing, if something were to happen, YOU could be held responsible by the parents. Once back at school, they will call the parent for pick up. Then you could just say, sorry, I was put in a bind since I couldn't take him home, it's probably a good idea if I'm not left responsible for that any longer. JMO. Good luck.

I used to be the only parent at the bus stop before & after school when my kids were younger. It happens, for various reasons.

The drivers will not let a kindergartner off the bus if there is not an adult (any adult) at the stop, so simply being there puts you in charge. My suggestion is that you do not meet the bus after school. Let your kid know you won't be there and he should walk home. You can look for him at the window.

The bus won't let the kindy kid off and will contact the parents. This should solve your problem without having to get too involved.

While it's very nice and caring of you to be so willing to look after this boy with zero advance notice when his caregivers flake out - and yes, they are flaking out -- it does nothing to get these parents to step up and give their child reliable pickups. Saying you want to give them your new number, etc. is basically enabling them to be flaky about this, and I think you would do them and the boy more good to say "I like your son and have been glad to help, but you do need to have someone else pick him up because I cannot guarantee that whenever he gets of the bus and no one's there, I can take him home with me that day or even walk him to the house." Surely your own son has activities and places he needs to be at times? You're being very nice and mellow about this which is great but...it's enabling them to be too casual about their own kid.

One day you are going to have other plans, or pick your son up early from school by car to head to an appointment or event, and no one will be there for this kid, and if he does get home on his own, he might find no one there, or dad so asleep he doesn't come to the door. It doesn't sound like a family that's awful or abusive, just one where the adults are not on top of the fact they have a kid who is new to school, new to buses every day and on top of it has Asperger's which could make it more complex.

Does dad work nights? Because it sounds like that might be the case if he's asleep in the middle of the afternoon. Mom needs to phone him from her own workplace every day at the same time to get him up and out the door to meet their son. Suggest it nicely.

Others have posted "why can't the kid walk home alone" but if he's in K that may not be good for him. Someone also said your son should be walking home on his own, but you should not have to give up that daily walk with your son - that's a time when kids often talk about their day with their parents. You should be able to meet your own kid at the bus stop if you want and not be always wondering if this is a day you have to worry about this little boy, or a day you can carry on with other plans you had. I'm not being hard-hearted about the boy; I think the parents need to get better organized about pickups. They may need you to say no every time in order for them to get the message clearly. They've come to assume that SOMEONE will help him if he's not picked up by dad or this other person.

And yes, find a way to talk to the bus driver and ask the driver to alert the school that the boy is not consistently met at the stop. Some schools actually have rules that someone must meet kindergarteners at their bus stop on their return home, so the family may be breaking a rule they don't know about.

Maybe mom doesn't know whats going on? Since dad is home can you suggest she give the kid a key, attached to his back back and you can assist him in letting himself into the house. This way he can wake up his dad. Otherwise your only options are: not take him and let school deal with the family, or take him to your house.

he's lucky to have you in his corner.

to me, dismissal at the bus stop is the same as dismissal from school on campus. they should only be released to an approved, in writing, care giver. just my 2 cents.

I would definitely ask her to give you a heads up if she would like you to walk her son home. What would happen if your son was sick and didn't ride the bus home one day when they assumed you would be there? Would they be upset with you because you didn't take care of their son, even though you would have no way of knowing you "should" be there? What if you take this child home and the note blows away somehow and they call the police? If it is going to be a regular thing, maybe even think about something in writing. Once or twice, I can see just letting it go, but if this is once a week there need to be clear expectations and boundaries to protect everyone involved.

I would say, "I don't know if you were aware but this is the pattern. I am concerned that no one will be there for him - people get sick, there are appointments and activities. Can you talk to the people who are supposed to pick him up regularly so that someone is there for him besides me?"

ETA: I was reminded this AM about our bad au pair. SD was 7 and while the au pair did technically walk her to school, SD was not holding her hand or anything and nearly got hit in the parking lot. Another parent told DH about this and we are so grateful because what we thought was the case with our caregiver was anything but. The mother may have no idea (being at work) and may be grateful to know what's really going on, especially if she's paying someone to pick up and watch her son.

This is what I would do. I'd go to the house and tell the father that you would not be taking care of the boy anymore. You will be letting the school know as well. The father is being irresponsible. You need to make him be responsible for his son.

I'd ask Mom what she'd like you to do if there's no O. at the bus stop to meet him.
For me, it would seem easier to take him to your house & have him collected there, if that's agreeable to you.
The mom could be completely unaware that dad is flaking out so much!
In our district, K kids aren't even allowed to get off the bus if no O. is there to get them. They are taken right back to the school and the parents are called.

So just nicely say if they can't make it to the stop please give you a call. It would be awful if something happened to both of you so best to be on the same page.

I would say something like this. That way she won't become defensive. I am glad to pick up your son on Tue and Wed. I have a commits the other days so I won't be able to. Its not your responiblity he is taking advantage of you. Don't let him.

If your child is sick and not at school, there could be no one there for this little guy. Phrase it to the mom that way. Tell her you're concerned he won't be able to find his way home by himself, that if she were to notify you in advance you'd be happy to meet him at the stop.

Ask the driver what the policy is for kindergarteners. He might be allowed to just head home on his own, though that would make me nervous. Many have approved people who can meet him.

I think a good place to start would be a conversation with mom. If nothing changes, go to the school.

I think it's great that you walk your kid to and from the bus stop and I hope you are able to do it for as long as possible not just for safety, but for special mom/kiddo time. To those of you who think it's ok for a little kid to walk by themselves, my mom also thought it wasn't a big deal and I was horribly victimized as a result. She was a SAHM, perfectly capable of walking with me. And yes, I knew my way home. It was a simple walk in what everyone thought was a very safe neighborhood. If you can walk with your kids, do it.

Have the bus driver drop him off and speak to the parents