No Help

I guess you need to decide if you just want help, or if you want HIM to help. If you want help, hire someone and be done with it! He won't take out the garbage? Hire a maid and make it one of her duties. He won't wash the car? Hello, mobile detailing service! You see where I'm going with this? My DH hates to clean, and it's not fair that I would have to do it all myself, plus hold down a full-time job, so we hire a maid to come in once a week. Done! What do I care if he does it? He doesn't want to, and I don't want to do it ALL, so we have someone else do it. Is this something you really WANT to fight with him about? If so, then maybe helping around the house is not the real issue, and that is also worth examining.

This happens every once in a while with my husband. I just quit doing his laundry, I hide the toilet paper, I do not purchase his razors or shaving cream when I go to the store.. .

I make myself a plate of food, but do not serve him..

IF I have done his laundry and folded it, I will place it on his side of the bed,. so he has to deal with it.

I posted earlier one time he left a pair of his shoes on the front porch. I threw them away and never told him.. he never mentioned or asked about them..

Also when I was working full time, I hired a house keeper to come once a week.. She could get so much done in that one day than we could.. It was worth it to have her here. Consider getting someone to come in and clean the bathrooms, mop and vacuum the house and maybe help with the laundry.. It will save your sanity.

He could be depressed or have low testosterone.. he should see his doctor..

D.:

I'm sorry you don't have a husband who wants to be a partner...I'm sorry that you have put up with it this long....

On things that you want him to do - don't do them or hire someone to do them..when he complains about no money being available - tell him that if HE DID HIS JOB then you wouldn't have to hire someone to do the job....

I know it's not the most mature way to handle it - but I don't have a husband who just sits around...my hubby is a good helper and tries to fix everything that I break!!!

Good luck!!

Hire someone to do job you can't or don't want to do, lawn, pool, painting, power washing.
Don't do anything for him anymore.
Make foods that he does not like. I have said many times on here that when my hubby is being a *&^% I make chicken. He hates chicken.
He is not pulling his weight in the partnership of marriage. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? Does it make any sense?

I agree with Laurie - it's time to go on strike!

People just don't always realize what they have until they don't have it anymore. I think it's a good, harmless wake-up call.

The best advice I can give you is advice I have read and tried. Do the opposite of what you have been doing. Apparently the things he is not doing don't bother him because you do them. I would suggest stopping the nice things you do and focus on taking care of yourself. Only do what you need to stay sane and content with yourself and let him wonder. Don't stomp around mad. Find things you enjoy and do them. He will notice. Another thing that I have read is that men need to feel appreciated, yes men, and maybe letting him know what it is that you still like about him, assuming you still like him, will help. Let him know that it would make you feel good if he would....., or you like it when he...... It doesn't have to have anything to do with him helping you around the house, in fact it would be best if you let that alone for a while, but it might make him more receptive to listening to you later instead of giving you the same response. It sounds to me like you have just gotten into your routines and just "comfortable". Or at least he is comfortable. Whatever you do try to be happy. Life is too short to be miserable every day. I wish you luck!

I would just stop the fight and get a housekeeper it could come out of something he would normally buy it's not worth the fight

My initial reaction was to hire out the work too. I would seriously cut back for a month or two and hire a maid service, gardening service, etc. Paying their bills might make him so upset he gets motivated. Or at least price them out and then tell him he can either pay in money or in time. See how that goes.

Another drastic measure -- downsize. I know, it sounds crazy, but when I was working we bought a big house with a huge yard and I used my salary to pay for the maid and gardening service. Now with the economy my job is gone and I have to do all this work????? I wish we had (1) less stuff (working on that), (2) a smaller house and (3) a smaller yard. Fortunately, my husband can cover the mortgage payments but with our home worth so much less than we paid we are stuck here. Homes are time pits, as well as money pits. Since it isn't his priority to work around the house, maybe homeowning is not for you. Rent a condo and use your weekends to hike, bike and read books. Make your living situation synch with how you want to live your life. Good luck.

I may be reading into this and I could be in left field. I don't think he is lazy. I think he downright doesn't care. Doesn't care about helping, doesn't care about the chores that need to be done and most of all doesn't care about you. Sounds harsh. If you have asked nicely, negotiated, yelled and cried then he is being downright mean to not want to help out. I have a very supportive husband and it would drive such a wedge between us if he acted like your husband. I have to wonder how happy you two are together. It doesn't sound as if you are working as a team...cherishing one another and looking to lighten eachother's burdens.

I just can't fathom this kind of behavior. I would look into some couple's counseling. Or if you have a church you could find some help there with some guidance.

You might even mention to your husband that you could really use some help or you are looking into hiring out the help. Maybe the thought of financial strain might kick him into high gear. Maybe ask around and crunch the numbers of lawn trimmer, one a month house cleaning etc.

Good luck and best wishes!

Mine refuses to do anything. I tried nagging, I tried complimenting, I even went on strike. Do you know what he did? Started bringing home fast food for him only and went out and bought new clothes. So I have excepted the fact that he is lazy. If I want it done at all, I'm going to have to either do it myself or pay someone to do it. I think it's a question of what are you willing to put up with. If your not going to leave him over this then he's not going to step up. If you are and do then maybe he will and maybe he won't.

I have to agree with others. If you really have tried "everything" then you may need to try a different tack.

Perhaps suggest you both speak with a counselor or pastor? Use his hobby budget to pay for a handyman, someone to mow the lawn, housecleaning, etc.

You could always go on strike and tell him that if he "doesnt work, he doesnt eat". Maybe go a week where you pretty much look after yourself and leave him to fend for himself. Grocery shop for one. Cook meals for just yourself, do only your own laundry, make your side of the bed. Do it with a smile and no bitterness. Get yourself a dish of his fave ice cream and when he asks "where's mine?" Tell him its in the fridge waiting for him. Tell him directly and in short sentences what he can do to earn his priviledges back. I'm not implying men arent intelligent, they just often can't hear through all of our emotions. I dont really think he's lazy but he enjoys you doing all the work and he doesnt have to have any responsibility that way.

One thing that has worked with us is giving him one space that he can do whatever he wants with. I will clean the rest of the house, but his office is his territory. Sometimes I can hardly stand to walk in, but I figure he's the one living in the mess. He works at home and eats meals in there so there are often dirty dishes and food scraps so periodically I'll go and try to empty them. When he goes away for a day, I try to find the floor, but most of the time, I just walk away. It has helped that he does not usually leave stuff other places in the house so I just have the normal clean up elsewhere.

Although there are times when the helping ebbs a bit, we've always been pretty good about lending a helping hand.
When my husband got a new truck and wanted to put a grill guard on the front - I didn't know anything about it, but it was > 95 degrees out and I handed him cold water when ever he wanted it, held/handed tools to him, and actually held a golf umbrella over him so it was a little cooler while he was crawling around on some pretty hot asphalt (he'd had a work cloth laid down but it was still pretty hot).
He was an absolute angel when our son was born - I don't know what I would have done without him.
If you have to do everything - you get to arrange when/how you do it - which may or may not be to everyone's liking - but hey if they don't like your arrangement - they might actually get up and do it themselves.