No-cry Sleep Solution: What Am I Doing Wrong?

I do not know anything about the NCSS, but I thought that the purpose of all of the various sleep-training methods was to teach your child how to fall to sleep on their own. I'm not sure how you can teach a child this if they're always sleeping in the bed right next to you. I'm not criticizing your choice to co-sleep, just questioning how well any sleep-training method can truly be effective while co-sleeping. Also, there is a minimum age requirement for most sleep-training methods. I personally used the Ferber method with wonderful success and I know the minimum age for this method was 6 months. 4 1/2 months old seems a little young to expect a consistent, predictable routine. My suggestion is to give your daughter a little more time to get older before implementing a serious sleep-training method. In the meantime, take advantage of the fact that you only have one child and sleep when she sleeps!

Hi A..

I would also recommend Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child. The book cleary explains how a child'd sleep is organized and what parents can reasonable expect at each stage. If your little one was only waking once to nurse, she is doing great. HSHHC also says you can have different sleep approaches for naps and bedtime. So, you can teach her to sleep in her crib for naps and continue to cosleep at night. The book does not necessitate that the babies cry it out. You have to pick a soothing style that you can stick with. The key is to be consistent. The author, Dr Weissbluth, says that cosleeping babies' sleep is not fragmented when they wake for night feedings. I actually found that I slept much deeper when I coslept with my son ( we coslept for 6 months). When I started teaching him to sleep in his crib, I bit the bullet and transitioned him fully for naps and bedtime. I felt the need to rush him out of my bed because so many people judged and said I was making a big mistake. Now that he is too big to want mommy time, I miss the feeling of him falling asleep in the crook of my arm. :) Enjoy your baby and trust your gut!

I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution with ZERO success. It got worse for us too and I stuck with it for about 3 weeks. We didn't co-sleep, but had the exact same problems that you're describing and I fell apart for it.

Then, against my better judgement, read the Ferber book with no intention of using "cry it out". The more I read it, the more I realized it was do-able and not as harsh as I thought. And it I had control of everything. It wasn't like "do it this way or it doesn't work". But it did work like a charm in 4 nights and I never wondered if it was working because from day 1 I saw a huge difference in his day and night sleep habits.

I also read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and learned more about infant and children's sleep. Both books were sooo helpful. Different, but helpful. It was HUGE for me just to understand how kids sleep is organized.

You deserve your time and sleep and you're doing the right thing trying to sleep train her. She's old enough. Maybe just open yourself up to different solutions. Good luck and keep us posted!

A.

Healthy sleep habits worked well for me. I think I started trying to get my son in his crib for naps around 3 months because I was going back to work and I knew my mom would want to be able to put him down for naps. We started him in his crib at night around 4 months because cosleeping didn't work anymore (he was very active and squirmed everywhere). I'm not sure where you are putting her, a crib or bassinet? My son outgrew the bassinet around 4 mo and needed the space of the crib. It also helped when he learned to roll on his belly because that is where he slept most comfortably. I would put her in her crib when she is awake with some toys so she can get used to it and let her play for a while. Then try the naptime. You should start a routine with her, the same one you use at night. For my son it is simply turning on a lullabye CD. My sis swore by swaddling and my friend put a shirt that smelled like her in the crib and the baby felt like she was next to mom because she could smell her. The only thing I would caution with the co-sleeping thing is that if she associates sleep with being next to you, it may be difficult for you to implement any sleep away from you, as this is the routine you are creating. I'm not criticizing as cosleeping works well for many, but it is something to think about. I think training at this age makes sense--we waited way too long with my daughter and it was much more painful. To get her in her crib independently I had to stand there and everytime she cried I'd pick her up and then put her down as soon as she stopped fussing. I must have done this 30 times the first time, 20 the second,etc, until we finally succeeded. Whatever you decide, stick with it for a while, as unfortunately it takes a while.