No Alcohol at July 4Th Party

Honestly, I think that this is going to be very difficult because people like to drink and relax on Holidays.

Coming from someone with both alcoholics and recovering alcoholics in the family (and being in recovery myself), I do think it is unreasonable to expect others to NOT drink and NOT enjoy themselves with alcoholic beverages just because of one person.

For example, I have a recovering history and my mother-in-law is a recovering alcoholic but I still serve alcoholic beverages for guests at Holiday parties. I don't think that everyone else should have to NOT drink just because of me and my mother-in-law. I don't think that would be fair. But that's just my personal feelings.

Change your party to earlier and end by 530pm and let them know it is so you can go to a public fireworks show and spend some down time with your family. As far as alcohol, you simply don't have it at your home so you don't make any. In your invitation simply state our house is working on healthier lifestyles and party of this includes no alcohol please respect our wishes and not bring any. Your friends will make a choice of whether to come or not and alot of people may not respect it, so when you greet them at the door accept the alcohol as a hostess gift and put it aside and get rid of it immediately following the party. True friends will support you, others just wanted an awsome party. They are not your friends.

Honesty is always good! I would say for safety and health reasons this year's 4th of July party is celebrating our independence from alcohol.

We love to see your smiling face
and driving drunk is a disgrace
Please celebrate the 4th with us
and leave the alcohol and fuss.
No beer, no vodka,gin or wine
just hang out with us and dine
Bring a dish you want to pass
we'll all play and sit in the grass.

Wow, Been there, done that. If there is someone in your family newly sober (less than 18 mos) I would say from experience, don't even put this kind of pressure/temptation on them. We use to host this type of 4th of July party and had to stop doing it for a few years. Sobriety is wayyyy to delicate in the beginning. There are to many triggers and temptations even if there is NO alcohol involved. Its the whole thought process of what USE to go on. If your loved one is in the first couple of years of sobriety just please go do something else. We have learned this the hard way many times. You probably don't want to go back to where you started from.

I agree with the many other posts urging you to cancel your party this year. Your intentions are in the right place to keep your loved one away from alcohol...but after a decade of the booziest, craziest 4th of July parties your loved one will feel too much pressure, stress and guilt over this change being made specifically for them. The desire to drink will be intense that day no matter what so maybe you can create a new way to celebrate the 4th of July...perhaps hang out at a beach, have a picnic, watch the fireworks (amazing how different they are when you aren't drunk) turn in early and then make a big brunch to feast on in the morning and revel in the fact that you aren't all feeling hung over :) When people ask about the party this year tell them that you are ready to pass the torch along to another family so that they can host the festivities for awhile. Alcoholism is a very difficult disease to manage, good luck to you and your family!

Sadly to say, the size of turnout will probably change drastically. That's o.k. The people that do come will support you whatever the changes. Those are your TRUE friends anyway.

Just keep it simple, and have a small gatthering of friends and family that understand why you are not having alcohol. Don't invite everyone and anyone that you can not confide in. It is just too much pressure to try to "control" what others expect and will do. When others ask, just say "Sorry, we are not having the usually crazy big party this year".

I would definitely warn people, possibly before the invitations go out. If you don't want to explain why, be ready with a short explanation and a quick "we're keeping that private" if they have extra questions.

Is there any way to change the time? I would end it earlier so those who choose to can go drink elsewhere.

It sounds like you're concerned how people will react and I think some may find that your new party is not the party for them. Be prepared for people to leave, and be upset.

What a kind family member you are to put one person's needs above years of tradition that would hurt them.

Good luck!

As someone whose life -- suffice it to say -- has not been affected positively by the presence of alcohol, I've had this type of situation arise numerous times. I baffled my parents (one of whom is a recovering alcoholic!) by insisting upon a dry wedding (there was a bar in the hotel, where people could go if they wanted a drink at 11:30 AM -- and they did). I've had to field questions from roommates' nosy friends (do whatever you want offsite, but please know before moving in that we don't have it in the apartment) and rejections from acquaintances and co-workers when I invited them to alcohol-free parties.

Easier said than done, I know. Any time a family makes a major change, everyone who knows then has to adjust accordingly. Still, don't feel like you owe anyone an explanation. I suppose you can go the "white lie" route, but in my experience, saying there's issues with medication, allergies, et cetera only leads to blurting out the truth to people who should be minding their own beeswax. What's worked for me is that I politely state there is going to be no alcohol this year. If someone hounds you about it, return the question: "Why do you ask?"

Another suggestion is to end the party early this year. Given that the bulk of the boozing happens later in the day at these things, alcohol might not be missed so much.

Hats off to you for taking care of your family and yourself. I know this stuff is awkward at first but it will get easier. Good luck!

I'm not sure if you have children or not but I think you are setting a wonderful example for them in addition to the people in your family dealing with alcohol issues by not having to be wasted at a party to have a good time. We had "friends" who just HAD to get plastered every time we got together at each others homes. At our home we did offer beer and wine in limited amounts. Our children were getting older and they were really noticing how these adults were getting so drunk at the other homes and started mentioning it to us. My husband and I were the only ones sober. We finally started turning down invitations to these get togethers as it just became this pattern of over drinking for all of them every darn time. And eventually they stopped inviting us all together. It was very hard at first to see them still get together but then I realized we had to do what was right for our family. The quality people in your life will still come to your party whether there is alcohol or not.

S.,
Wow...I think you're going to get a lot of responeses on this one! If you don't normally send out invites, I would try to this year. Try evite or some other email invite. That way you can give people a headsup about it being alcohol free so they have the choice to make other plans if drinking is that important to them. I like what someone else wrote: "Help us celebrate a DRY 4TH OF JULY". If they ask why, you can give a answer while still being vague. You could say that the alcohol consumption has gotten out of control in the past, and you want to try something new this year. That gives people an explanation without naming names. I am personally a non-drinker by choice (don't care for it) but I am married to a moderate drinker. Seems odd to me that people would choose alcohol over friendship but apparently some people are under the impression that they can only have fun if they're drunk. I wish you the best of luck with both your party and with the person who is trying to sober up!

Though my first thought is to say cancel the party, my second thought is that this could be a really positive, though totally different, kind of party. Recovery is a common concept these days, and you may be able to keep your family member's confidentiality but still be totally open about your need to keep the party alcohol free this year to support someone who's in recovery. Expect a smaller party, and expect questions and discussion before and during. Do be EXPLICIT in the invite about no alcohol. Also, put a reasonable ending time on the invite. Maybe come up with a theme to proactively push people's attention in a new direction, like a pie contest, or some kid-friendly activities, or wearing red, white and blue shirts, or who knows what. If you've been throwing all-day parties for years now, you've probably got a ton of ideas to keep people occupied. Finally, do appoint a family member or two to take turns keeping an eye on the door, greeting guests before they're even walking in, and if they're toting a bottle of wine or booze, remind them you're going alcohol free this year, even for guests, and would they please leave that in their trunk. Good luck!

we are non drinkers here and just flatly tell people alcohol is not welcome at our house. But we have always been that way, so people know this.

since this is new to your family you need to put very explicitly on the invitation "Please bring NO alcohol, none will be served." If people ask say you are concerned about drunk driving or blame the city for a new ordinance or be honest and say, "we found that someone in our group just can't hold their liquer and we are trying to make it easier on that person."

Work the program. Honesty is best, but protect people's anonymity when requested. We made these changes in our family years ago and actually now have more people who like to attend because it is a "safe" place. This is a healthier life style yes - that saves lives! Just do what you need to do and don't worry about others. They can figure out their own lives on their own...maybe. You and yours come first.

Don't have the party this year - its too much pressure, it will be an occasion for speculation and rumors and you can't control people. Some may bring alcohol anyway - some may show up drunk. I would just use the economy as an excuse to cancel.

We have an alcoholic in our family. We don't serve alcohol for the Holiday parties anymore (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter)- but it is only family and we are all aware of the problem. For big parties we don't not serve alcohol - but if he comes we ask he brings a sponsor. CLose family doesn't drink but we don;t ask our friends not to. It has been 5 years and it has worked out very well. We tried banning it at first, we didn't tell them why,-it didn't work. We had people sneak in booze. A couple of people brought mini bottles in their purses or bags and just added it to their pop. I am not sure how you are going to tell people who have been coming to your party for years that this year you are having it alcohol free without divulging more info. It is h*** o* the person but also their family but it can be handled without having to change every aspect of your life. I hate to say it but be prepared for not as many people (Gina H is right)to show up or if they do they "bring" alcohol. He wants to keep it private so we respect. Good Luck!

In this case since you were known for your famous alchohol parties, I think you have to be upfront. You don't have to say that someone is a raging alcholic and will be tempted or that there was a ticket given, or DUI or an accident or hosptialization or whatever the issue was. You can simply state that there will be no alchohol permitted and they will have to be asked to leave if they bring it. My sister tells everyone she has an allergy to alchohol and that eliminates that problem almost all the time. And everyone still goes to their parties even if they are a little bit quieter and the bathroom is available more often.If they want a place to get drunk they can sit in their own homes and do that. If they can't come without thinking they are going to get plastered then they are not your friends anyway and it will certainly cut down on the bill. I also attend other parties where there is no alchohol and they are perfectly fine. Just enjoy yourself.

First of all - CONGRADULATIONS to you and your household!

Obviously, that will be 'noticed', so just tell them beforehand. When you invite & ask to "bring a side dish or dessert to share", just clearly state "NO Alcohol, Please".

Any questions, just answer as honetly and frankly as you can, without embarassing anyone. Just simply tell them that is is better for our family, not to have any alcohol around.

If they do insist and choose not to honor your wishes, be honest and simply ask them to do so. Worse case scenario - they will not come and that will avoid the situation for your family, as well.

I'm sorry, but my experience is that you may lose a lot of friends. Drunks like to be around drunks.
Don't be discouraged, though. You made a wise decision, especially if you have children. Be strong, sister. JM

I would cancel the party & take that money & go away for the 4th of July weekend. Go somewhere fun & make it little family vacation. Tell your friends & family that this year you wanted to get away & do something different. You could even invite close family or friends to join you to make it more festive. Some destination ideas are Mackinac Island, Michigan or Galina, IL. You can always resume having this party next year (if you still want to). You never know, having a family getaway for the 4th may be your new tradition.

S.,
Look at your prorities, and see what's really important here. Your family, right?
We are a "dry house", and when we fist made this change I had to cancel few big parties. Once again, it was easier then dealing with explaining to everyone what and why, and my family's health was much more inportant then what others think.
It's been few years since we made this change.
at parties now, we do serve some alcohol, wine, beer, it doesn't bother us anymore. We still don't drink and don't have it around the house.
I would really looks at what's important to you here.
Besides, will you enjoy this party if it happens? Is it worth it?

Good luck!
D.

Have you considered making it a smaller group? Just the handful of people that do know what is going on & would respect the change?

I think you're in for a very ackward day/party with such a radical change. You don't want to spend your day trying to explain the change (very uncomfortable for the person you're doing this change for).

I would try to make it very clear up front that you're changing the format of your event as some people may choose not to come at all. I come from a family that tends to "celebrate" that holiday weekend in the same fashion & I know they would not come if that was not the case.

The last thing you want is for some one to come & then start making rude or just not completely supportive comments about this "new rule" you've put on the party. I only say that because with a large group you sometimes get one or two that might speak out.

I think it's great that you've made the decision to be alcohol free in your home to support someone who is struggling with it - but you might find this party won't continue (as much as you'd like it to). YOu're the one with the new lifestyle - not your guests....

Do you send invites, either via computer or print? You could clearly state that you and your family have made the choice to no longer provide or serve alcohol. Just don't talk about why. I have a friend who is amazing at avoiding giving answers she doesn't want to... It is as if she rises above the question and never hears it. Sure people may ask and wonder, but so what!

Your party sounds like a great time, and very soon people will get over the change!

Happy Memorial Day!

YOU do have a dilemma....Are you sure that your big 4th of July party is the time to announce this? YES, be very clear that this party is DRY with soft drinks only...I fear that someone may spike the punch anyway since this has been the normal flow in the past parties...Say that you are doing it to protect everyone's health since alcohol is associated with so many illnesses...Personally, i would have a smaller party for only those that care NOT to INDULGE and word will get around and they will be asking YOU to INvite them all to your DRY PARTY in future years...

I just want to add my vote to cancel the party. Or have something smaller with just close family and friends who know the story. I don't drink and I'm not an alcoholic but have some in the family. Over the years they have figured out how to handle people drinking around them. But that sort of thing takes time. My brother-in-law can't drink, but his friends and family do at his parties. I think he would feel bad if people who have no problem with drinking came to his house and had to just drink Pepsi with him. But it took him awhile to become comfortable with things like that. I think it could be a very awkward day if people who are used to having a beer or two on the 4th can't sit there and do that. Maybe in the future you could host again. But this year I would definitely say don't.

If your loved one is in a recovery program, PLEASE have him/her discuss with the other people in the program how this could affect their new situation. Your loved one's recovery is 100 times more important than your friends and family members enjoyment at a party. As the child of a recovering alcoholic, I know how hard those first years of sobriety were for my mom. You need to make sure that the person in your family can handle a large party before you put them in the situation. If they truly feel prepared, then politely explain to friends that the party will be dry and will end earlier than normal.
Hang in there and know that there will be all sorts of new and different situations to get through as this change in your family occurs. It may also be the greatest thing that ever happens to you. I now have an amazing mother who is the greatest grandmother in the world and she never could have been that way if she hadn't started her recovery process.
Good luck!

S.,

We did the same no alcohol at a party we had last June. What we did was anyone who we thought might bring alcohol we called and let them know this was an alcohol free party. We knew our Christian friends would not bring booze but some of our family members might so we just let them know.
Another way is if you are sending out invitations clearly state on the invitation that it is an alcohol free party.
At our party we offer, soda, apple juice, lemonade, Snapple, and ice tea for beverages. You also could include non alcohol tropical drinks and serve them in fancy glasses.

Good luck... Happy 4th!

OK.. tough one.. but your family is what is most important here.. You want alchohol free? Then say so! No real need for long explanations. It's your choice..that's all. Offer (as you said) to have guests bring foods to share.. Maybe fun games to share.. When this happened by my brother's house.. we taught all the kids how to play 4 square. And the kids came up with beach type games for us to learn and play too. There was no alcohol in the house ( although 2 guys weren't with the program and snuck out to cars for a beer or 2 ) Everyone had a great B.B.Q... then left early for a long walk to the local fireworks display. It was a large group walk..also fun.. to and from the display.. the party breaking up as we got back from the display.. Don't know if this helps you.. But yeah.. we lost some drinkers along the way.. but those of us that stayed .. decided it was ok..and alot safer.. Good luck..God Bless you and your family for your monumental decision!!.. and Happy Fourth !!

I think you should let people know not to bring alcohol and if they do tell them to put it in their car. This is your house and you have the say so. If people can't have a good time without drinking then they will not come. I used to give parties like that but now since I don't serve alcohol only a few come and I plan parties to have a good time with close family and friends and besides most of the people come for the free alcohol even if the bring a case of beer or not. Enjoy your family on this day don't worry about other people. They have to respect you, your house and your decisions and rules made in your house. Good luck

You don't have to explain anything to anyone on why you are having a "Dry 4th of July". For the invites, being specific as you stated bring a side dish, also state that wine is not a side dish, it's beverage.

Celebrate and enjoy your party without booze and trust me there will be so much fun. Alcohol in moderation is okay but at parties people tend to overdrink (get sloppy drunk), become unruly and loud.

I applaud you for helping the person in your life who is recovering from this disease.

HI
You sound like a fun person who I'm sure has some great parties. You can tell people like you said, "please bring a side dish/dessert and may be say that
"This year we have decided there will be non-alcohol drinks only. We apologise for any inconvenience and hope that you will be understanding about our decision. We will definitely be making some delicious non-alcoholic drinks though!!!

Hope this helps. If these people are your true friends, they will be respectful of your decision and support your choice. Those who don't attend cos there's no alcohol, well too bad cos they'll be missing a great time with friends!

good luck!
mom of 2

This is a delicate subject and I commend you and your family member for taking the journey of sobriety. And for your willingness to accommodate your loved one.

However, it isn't fair to anyone, just a year into being sober to expect them to spend the entire day at an outdoor party which has in the past been an alcohol related event.

I think the person in question would be best served by finding an alternative way to celebrate this year. It to me seems like the healthiest way for them to get through a previously known "drinking day". And then you can scale back on the booze. Have some beer, maybe some wine. That's it. It will take a few years of you providing less and less to drink for your family and friends to realize your tastes for the party have changed.

To quit cold turkey on serving drinks at the party opens up the newly sober to intense pressure and social scrutiny.

Life changes dramatically when one stops drinking. To try to just do the same old thing "without booze" isn't fair and doesn't work. You clearly want to support your loved one and that's great. Hopefully together you can come up with a solution that will work best for sobriety.

Good luck!

I have to be honest with you. This could turn out not so good. I understand that someone has developed a problem that alters your lifestyle, but, you cannot expect everyone that has come to all your previous parties, to be under- standing, as much as you want them to be. Its a party, and people party. It might be too soon, for both sides to be able to adjust. That is alot of people that expect your parties, to be what is it was in the past. You cannot "not" tell them, but, I understand and respect your need for privacy. I personally would re-consider the party, for this year, or prepare yourself for the worse, yet hope for the best. For some people, booze is a big part of summer parties, so, if you are going alcohol free, you really have to tell them. That would be the right thing to do. This is just my opinion.

Hi S.,

Since alcohol is often expensive, could you use the economy as a way to not have it at your party? There are non alcohol mixers, etc you could have if it's the taste people are looking for.

Would scaling down the party be an option? You could have it be your closer friends that know the situation.

Hello, This is only my opinion but I think you are going to have to send out invites that say alcohol is not permitted, no exceptions!! It is only natural for people to wonder why this is the requirement, so you say it is private, or you just be honest. If alcohol is going to be a problem, then it might be as simple as not to host a party this year. Good luck.

Hi S.- I agree with the options that everyone has said. Haven't read all of the responses. In my opinion, if you choose to continue and have the party, honesty is probably the best bet, especially if all these people are truly your friends they will understand and support you and your family. I think everyone has an alcoholic in the family and understands. I have an uncle and cousin who just won't admit or do anything about it, so I applaud all the efforts your family is going through to help this person out. I had another cousin(runs in our family)who went through all the therapy and I understand it is very difficult. Many sacrifices to be made. Just remember, when it comes down to it, it's your family that is most important and you need to do whatever it is to make life simple and happy.

I think I would say something like..."After reading and contemplating the fact that alcohol is basically unhealthy, we respectfully request that no alcohol be brought to the party. We are not criticizing or making judgments on people who choose to use alcohol, but we have made the family decision to no longer have alcohol in our home, therefore, we hope that you will respect our wishes this year. We look forward to seeing you."

HI S.,

I commend you on having a "dry" party. WHAT A CHALLENGE! I think b/c of your past history of having the booziest-craziest 4th of July party, you will have to be specific and spell it out saying, NO Alcohol this year. I am sure people will wonder why, but I guess that is your choice to disclose that.
Nonetheless, just be prepared to expect less people. Unfortunately, many people feel they can only have fun with alcohol involved BUT your TRUE-Blue Family, friends and neighbors who want to spend time with you with or without the drinks WILL STILL COME! This will help you see who you true friends are. Have Fun!

Here are my 2 cents...if this 4th party is usually a big drinking party, I think you shouldn't do it. Start a different holiday/theme party and start new traditions with that one. If the past has been one way, there definitely will be disapointment with the big change. Good Luck with your dicision!

Sixteen hours is a very long time for a party. How many of your guests usually end up with too much in their system? If someone left your party and ran over someone you would be legally liable. I like the suggestion to go on vacation. You may want someone to watch your house since a lot of people will kn ow you will be gone.

I am all for having no alcohol parties. The person who is trying to stay on the wagon doesn't need other people making him/her feeling guilty about the dry party or no party.

Best wishes
J.

I would be honest with them. If you are close enough to invite them all to your home for this party- then you should let them know.

Just say something like "Due to family matters, we will be having a 'dry' party this year. Alcohol is fun, but so is hanging out with friends, playing games, and enjoying each others company."

That way the subject is touched upon and people won't feel like they need to "know more".

Though i have to say....if your home is known for having the drunkest craziest 4th of July parties, then it might be nice to have some fun crazy games or activities planned to take the place of the "drinking". Just an idea...

Hope everything works out wonderfully!!

S.,

I know what you are going through. When I got married 14 years ago, I wanted a dry reception because of many relatives' problems with drinking. Many relatives were cranky about it, but they understood and respected my wishes. I wish you well with your party. Remember that if people have a problem with a dry party, then they probably have a drinking issue to deal with.

B.

S.,
It's already been said to keep your family a priority & sometimes that's hard. I do have a relative who is a recovering alcoholic. When it's our turn to have a family get together at our house, I get some grief when I request no alcohol. Your relatives & friends should have enough respect for you to abide by your wishes when they come on your property. If you don't feel like they will, then going away for the weekend would be a good idea!

Best of luck to you and your family!
S.

First off, awesome for cutting that out!!! I would just state it that your home is a no alcohol free zone. & make sure you state it in the invite. You don't need to tell them why, just that your family has decided to not have that around your home anymore. My opinion, if they have a problem with it, they don't need to be there. You shouldn't worry about canceling your party because of the no alcohol thing. Our family never offers it regardless of what others think. If they don't like it, they don't have to be there. It's interesting who'll show up because of the booze or no booze, but oh well is what I say. & if someone does show up with it, I personally ask them to leave it in their car or if not ask them they have to leave if they refuse. Sometimes you have to do, what you have to do for your family.

Personally I wouldn't have the party...regardless of it being "dry" it is still a trigger. I would do something intimate with the family at a park...go camping or something, but don't do the party.

And from my experience after moving here ten years ago and being kinda surprised by how much alcohol plays in the lives in many that live up north...very few will come to your party anyway once they hear it will be dry.

Just do something small this year.