Hi- First of all, let me say I'm sorry about your situation and the trauma of what is happening. I was not able to breastfeed EITHER of my children because I have a true medical condition that caused me to have a low milk supply. I, too, was very depressed about the situation and mourned the loss of that dream. I still have weepy moments every blue moon when I get hit with that memory. I dreamed of the bond that nursing would bring with my children.
That said, bonding with your child, whether a newborn, toddler or preschooler, can (and, in retrospect, should) happen all day long, not juist when you are feeding the child. Still, the wound of that lost dream was slow to heal. I threw myself into being the best mom that I can be, without dwelling on the negativity of not being able to nurse. That is easier said than done. Looking back, I probably should have sought out some counseling to help me deal with the guilt I was plagued with. It wasn't until I was in the same situation with my second that I came to terms with that guilt and feeling of inadequacy.
We always had luck w ith the Enfamil formulas. Try the regular one with DHA/ARA (or whatever it is) with Iron (unless your doctor says otherwise). If there is a family history of allergies, most docs advise not going to soy. Also, be sure to read the can of formula. There are strict guidelines about not drinking from a bottle for more than one hour, so the clock starts from that first suck (because of bacteria growth from formula going back into the bottle). Once a child has taken one suck, you can't put it back in the fridge for later. Use small amounts at first- you'll probably waste a lot. You can either get one of those premeasured divided containers they sell near the bottles and fix maybe a 4 oz. bottle on demand (GREAT for portability and also you can use warm water) or you can premix a large batch and keep it in the fridge. If you don't want to use the microwave (usually only 15 seconds takes the chill off-SHAKE REALLY WELL) you can put the bottle into a cup of hot water and wait 4-5 minutes. You'll find what works best for your baby.
Also, I've heard that it is much easier to have someone else around to help and be really hands-on and proactive the first few days. A long weekend with dad, your mom or grandma, or a great friend would be ideal. And be prepared for crying (the baby and you). This is a loss to your child, too. But, just as my issue was medical also, this transition is what needs to be done for the good of the family. The hardest part is finding the balance of mourning without becoming obsessive.
The best advice about weaning to a bottle that I can give you is to take a look at your own breast and try to find a nipple that looks like yours. There are narrow nipples and wide ones; short ones and long ones. Most moms tend to buy the silicone (clear) nipples rather than the orange (rubber) ones. My daughter took Advent bottles easily; my son gagged on the nipple. We bought the smallest package of every bottle we could find and he decided he liked the Gerber cheap-o's better than anything else. That was fine by me, as long as he was taking it. You can also ask friends if they have a couple of bottles their babies used that you can borrow for a trial run. As long as the nipple is not torn and the bottles, nipples and rings are steralized, you can use them!
Which brings me to a lifesaver. When you make your shopping list, be sure to get one of the nipple/ring holders from the aisle near the bottles. Most dishwashers do fine sanitizing them as long as the baby has no other health issues. If it's an older dishwasher, run the hot water at the kitchen sink for a couple minutes before starting the dishwasher to help.
So, I guess this long answer is a little bit of both- advice on how to do what you need to do, but also about the emotional "I've been there too" side of things.
If you'd like to talk more, feel free to e-mail me privately. I know where you're coming from.
J.
