New to Area, Need Play Dates for My Children (10 & 6)

Updated on February 19, 2013
L.B. asks from Crofton, MD
7 answers

Hi. I'm new to the Crofton area and have two children. My son is 10 and my daughter is 6. My family have "semi" busy life-styles. We moved here last June from PG and my children still have not made any friends. We are one of possibly three African American families on the block. When my son attempted to make friends with the other children, he was not welcomed well--in fact they completely ignored him and didn't even speak to him. Needless to say, my son came back to the house fighting back tears and asking questions that I never thought he would have to ask in this new millenium. This was my son's first experience with someone of another race--unfortunately it was not a good one. I am looking for playdates for my children with others who have open minds. Not only is it important for my son to meet others in our new community, but I also want to show him that not all people are as ignorant as the ones he met. Some of my attempts included, placing them in neighborhood sports. They do not attend our community school, but the school where I teach. My children are well mannered kids just looking for a few good friends--regardless of race, culture, or class.

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answers from Washington DC on

I wish we were closer, L.! I'm in Columbia and we are quite a mixed group here. 33% of all couples are interacial (Asian, White, Black, Hispanic, etc.) and we seem to get along in our schools, scout troops, extracurriculur activities, and around. My kids are 7 and under so I can't speak about teens...

I hope you meet some nice people, and if you don't, come visit Columbia sometime!! That's what we are known for!

(Proud to have friends who are red and yellow, black and white!)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

HI L.,
My daughter is under a year old, so we're a bit out of the playdate loop, but I wanted to respond to your post. Moving to any new area can be tough for kids...especially at the ages your kids are. It can be very cliquey. Then to add that they look "different" from the other kids at an age where they are all seeking their identity and looking to be as "similar" as possible, is extra tough. I just wanted to encourage you to hang in there...and not give up. Maybe if you can meet some parents and invite a family over for dinner or dessert or an activity and encourage your kids to approach another child when they are alone and not in a group of kids,it might help. Once the other kids are in their "groups" it can be hard for anyone to break in. Actually, as a new mom, I'm finding a similar situation myself with the other "veteran" moms in the neighborhood!
I am sorry to hear that there is still such ignorance out there, especially regarding race. I know there is, though, and experienced it myself. I've worked at a medical office in PG now for 3 years as the only "white girl" as they called me, in the practice. I welcomed that experience and learned a lot. It did take a while for patients and even some staff to be willing to get to know me, and some people were even blatantly hostile about my being there,and these are grown and educated adults! It didn't take long before I fit right in and loved it there! Now, there have even been tears that I'm leaving to be a full-time-mom! I like to think that this experience has broken through some ignorance on both ends!
Take the time to explain to your children that people tend to be anxious and even afraid about things they don't know and that can include someone who looks different than them. If, by chance, they are learning this negative and ignorant behavior from their parents, let's hope the kids will lead and teach the parents a thing or 2!! Encourage your kids to continue being friendly and I am sure things will turn around.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I am so sorry to hear about your experience! It broke my heart reading your message. I can't believe people would be so cruel in this day and age! I'm caucasian and live in a diverse neighborhood and would welcome having you and your family live next door. I live in Annapolis and have 2 small children (ages 2.5 & 2 weeks) so I don't think my kids would offer you the kind of playdates your kids are looking for, but I would encourage you to contact to see if there are other mothers in your area with kids the same age as yours. Good luck and keep the faith that not eveyone is as small minded as those you have encountered!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Hello L. B

My name is A. Byrams and I live in the Crofton area also in fact I have been living there for 7 years. We are African American also. I am sorry to here what your son had to experiance. I have 3 kids a daughter 8 and a son 14 and I also have a young adult daughter. We live in the Walden community. We first lived in Crofton Village my son made friends first in school and then in the community. Praise GOD that we have not experience any of what your son had to go through. Although my son is older than yours maybe some of his friends have brothers his age. I will ask him today. You may email me at
[email protected] or you can give me a call at work on ###-###-####. I Look forward to talking with you and meeting your family. Also my husband is a big sports fan also, let me warn you He is a Dallas Cowboy fan. (Smiles) Talk to you soon.

A. B



answers from Washington DC on

Hi Letesha,

Unfortunately that is common in that area. When my son was a baby I went to the day care center there on Waugh Chapel where the Safeway is and all the restaurants and the director of the school was absolutely racist. My son is mixed and I'm African American. I was so angry with now nasty she treated me and refused to give me a tour of the facility (The Young School-that's what it's called) that I called back to speak to her boss to complain. They assured me that was not the case, but my son was the only face of color there and I know based on the way they treated me. I have been told it's common in that area to experience that type of treatment. I would recommend establishing play dates in other areas and allow him to make friends at school and give things time if that is the area that you live in. My son is much younger than your kids and I have a baby on the way, otherwise I would set someting up with you. Good luck!




answers from Washington DC on

L.: It's funny--I'm in the opposite position. We're white and just moved to a new neighborhood in PG where, I discovered after we moved, we are the only white family in our cul de sac. This was new for me, and at first I was apprehensive. One day after we moved in I started across the street to greet a new neighbor and he just turned and walked away. I thought, Oh no, and I told my husband, "We've made a mistake." I still don't know what happened--but the next time I approached him (to ask a garbage collection problem) he was very friendly. All my neighbors are friendly, in fact. It took them a while to meet us, and us to meet them, but people are busy and schedules are frantic. At any rate, my kids have more kids to play with here than in our old neighborhood and I am really liking it here. I'm not trying to tell you that you're making things up; I know you're not. I've witnessed a kid in my old neighborhood use the N word. It's real. But perhaps, if you give it more time, things aren't as bad as they seem now. I'd hate to see one bad experience lock you into a defensive posture, which is almost what happened to me.



answers from Washington DC on

Oh gosh, your post touched me. I am so sorry that happened. My partner and I have 2 incredible girls, ages 2 and 6 and live in Hyattsville. We frequent some places in the Crofton area (pottery, Roly Poly)
I am Af-Am and fortunately my kids having 2 moms, being biracial they have had positive experiences in the community and at school. (minus one or 2 comments) We just started a meetup just to see if there is any need for family playdates (I like to call it!) for families that dont live in neighborhoods with kids. If you think youd like to join thatd be great.

WIshing you and your famliy the best.

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