New Pregnancy - Aurora,CO

Updated on January 25, 2011
R.P. asks from Aurora, CO
7 answers

Is there anyone out there whose gone through this before? I recently was laid off in July, then found out I was pregnant a month later. The father-to-be is not happy and neither was I at first. Our daughter is very excited though. We are in no shape fashoin or form prepared for a new baby. It has been 7-8 yrs since we have had a kid. I wanted another kid but not right now too much financial hardship and plus I thought my organs didn't work anyways it's been so long the thought was long down the line after I got back on track. Although I was very shocked when I found out, all I can think of is..."Lord why did you do this to us/me, we are not ready for this right now!" Our relationship has been rocky on and off for years, I am working part-time and getting a little bit of unemployment, behind on rent & some bills praying that things stay afloat somehow. Not to say the father is having mixed emotions, at first he was highly upset. One day he is not happy, says hurtful things to me about the entire situation saying he's not going to be there for us then the next he apologizes saying he's not going to leave us hanging out to dry. One week he's cool then he flips the next. Our daughter is so ready for the new baby and is very supportive (wants a lil sister). She is by my side constantly this makes it more exciting for me and to acknowledge the gift of God even more. Some family members are beginning to put things together because they see the weight gain yet we haven't officially made the big announcement. I feel good and am doing what I can yet their father's attitude is taking a toll on me with his negative energy. He wants to be in our daughter's life yet doesn't want to be in the new baby's life, I guess. He said he not happy about me being pregnant and won't be period. I am to the point where I want to say if you are not supporting the new baby as you do our daughter than you can step because they are both your kids and I don't play that I will do for one but not the other. I think that is selfish to do to our children. I really want the kids to be apart of his life but I have prayed on it and God told me to walk away with our kids from him. I can do it on my own I am a strong woman and I know God is telling me to do this for a reason. I just know his father was not there for him and his siblings and I do not want him to repeat the cycle with our kids. My question is for you moms, have you been through this before and if so what was the outcome? What is your advice for me? Please help me!

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answers from Oklahoma City on

Never been in your situation but you saying it: God has a plan for your family and never doubt about it, even in financial needs a babies is always good he will be your rock and your more blessing because a sister already loves him and is Wating for him, we had our baby and a very bad economical situation and I breastfeed so no worries to buy bottles and milk, and I was buying clothes as need it, the expensive thing are diapers and wipes but I think is help out there if you struggle on that too....well even that we where not even close to afford a newborn we did and turns out great ! My husband is getting lots of work and we are more blessing everyday .
About the father of your child's well probably the hormones are getting into him too !! And if not and he wants to move over well don't need someone been held against his will don't you think? And what he's saying about been with her daughter not with the new one sounds silly to me kind of child thinking will see... everything will get better or for have a miracle on you !! Love it and enjoy it..

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Jackson on

I have not been through this...but I after reading I just wanted to say that you should be proud of yourself for putting the needs of your children first. Whatever the outcome as long as you put their needs ahead of your own and their fathers they will thank you for it in the end.

He will be in your life for the rest of your life.

The only other thing I feel like I should mention is to make sure you keep him a positive person in your childrens lives. For example keep all comments and conversation about him positive so that your children can make their own decisions about what kind of person he is.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Salt Lake City on

You already know the answer. If God told you to get out of a destructive environment, do it. Your mental health is vital! You need to have positive energy while you are carrying this baby. You will find out, this baby is a blessing sent from God as a gift. He will make sure your needs are met in every way. Let your family know as soon as you can. They may be the strength you need as you proceed. You are a strong woman! I admire you for moving forward.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Well I have'nt been in this exact situation but I thought I could relate. I was with my boyfriend for four years and we had split. Then we were kind of trying to work it out and I got pregnant. He was such an @ss through the whole pregnancy. Very mean didn' want to be with me, didn't think the baby was his (It was). Out partying etc etc...We weren't living together and I pretty much figured I would be going it alone. When I was 32 weeks pregnant he went to an ultrasound, it was like a switch flipped. At 35 weeks we got married. Today we have been very happily married for 9 years and we have had two more children. My advice? i guess if at any point he changes his mind give him another chance. But really I am so very soory that your husband would be so immature as to let a new baby split up his family. People deal with tradgedy everyday, a new baby is a blessing even if it didn't happen when we were ready. HUGS and Good Luck.

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answers from Provo on

He is probably scared to death. He's staring into the unknown, you don't have a job, money is tight, he's supposed to be the provider. And dang it, the daughter was just getting old enough to be fun and he has to do the whole screaming baby thing again!
My DH was not supportive with either pregnancy, but he is a great father. It just might be that he's not enthusiastic about pregnancy but will step up when the baby gets here.
However, if you truly feel that God is telling you to walk away from him with the kids then there must be a reason for it. It could be that walking away will be what he needs to wake up. Just be certain that it's not hormones confusing you. Pregnancy is a hard time to start with and he's not making it any easier. And while I'm sure you are a strong woman and can do it on your own, kids do better with two parents (in general -- and this may not apply to you because some fathers are terrible).
Good luck to you. Such a hard road to travel no matter what you choose.

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answers from Denver on

I was thinking on the same lines as Michelle. Most adoptions these days are open which means you can have contact with the adoptive family. It can be as open as the birthmother wants it to be etc visits, letters, sharing pictures. My husband and I have adopted two babies and we have so much love and respect for our birthmothers. We do know how hard that decision was for them, but their gift of a child has been a blessing to us. God bless you as you make the decision that is right for you!



answers from Boise on

If I were in your situation, I would seriously consider adoption for this baby to a two-parent married couple. I think it is unfortunate that adoption sounds like such a negative thing to people these days. There are so many couples waiting for a child, wanting to be parents. With the dad of this baby not interested at all, is it fair to subject this child to that? Wouldn't it be the most loving, unselfish thing to give it a family that wants it and will love it? I'm not saying it wouldn't be difficult, but sometimes the best thing is the most difficult thing.

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