New Mom

Updated on October 19, 2006
L.S. asks from Rock Hill, SC
74 answers

Hi,

My newborn son Isaac (10 days old) is really good -- most everyone thinks he is an angel b/c of how mobile he is and how well he does throughout the day. He lets others hold him, he goes to the doctor and other places with ease -- no crying. But lately, at night when I put him down, he is restless. His arms and legs flail about erratically, he makes fussing sounds and eventually will start to cry if not tended to. I'll have just fed and changed him, but he acts like he still wants to eat. He goes for his hands, trying to suck them and it seems he is wearing himself out. But he doesn't fall asleep. I tried the pacifier, and it calms him, but after a while it falls out and he's back to crying. If I pick him up and hold him, he calms down, and even seems to fall asleep, but once I put him back in the bassinet he cries. This goes on from the time I put him down until about 1AM. Help!

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So What Happened?

Wow. Thanks so much for all of your responses. That really helps me. Most of you recommended swaddling, which we were doing, but he is so strong that it would only take a matter of minutes before he had completely broken his arms (and often legs) out of the swaddle. Am I not doing it right? Or is he not really liking the swaddle?

I do have him sleeping on an incline sleeper, with wedges for support, but he still cries. I really appreciate many of your suggestions... I will try and see what works. I also know that because he is a newborn, he needs more touch, more attention, etc. I had been worried though that I would form unhealthy habits where he would become dependent on certain props or actions in order to fall asleep. I read that in a book somewhere. So I go back and forth between thinking about that, and just wanting to give him whatever he needs. Any more thoughts on that?

Again, thanks so much!

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D.L.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi L.,

It sounds to me like what my little boy would do sometimes. It sounds like maybe the formula isnt enough or maybe he is teething already and they bother him more at night. My son started teething at a month old and didnt get his first tooth til he was 9 months. his formula also wasnt satisfing him, so I put him on cereal.(without the Dr. telling me to, then I told the Dr. and he put him on it) and if it is his teeth try teething tablets, I found them at wal-mart in the pharmacy section. just ask someone and they can help. I also have found them at CVS and other drug stores. I hope this helps.

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A.S.

answers from Raleigh on

I know when I had my 4 yr old I was worried about unhealthy attachments and my dr told me that babies need lots of touch and to know you are there. She also told me that they do not start knowing pattern(like sleeping with you or whatnot) until they are about 6 mos old. Have you tried the bear that makes the sound of the womb? I heard those work really well. Congrats and good luck!

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A.S.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi, first Congrats on the new baby, second, my son is 10 1/2 months old, and he did that when he was younger. When I put a pillow or blanket unberneath his head and chest to elevate it just a little, he stopped crying so much. From then until here recently he never woke up more than twice a night. He only wakes up now because he is tething. Well, I hope that helped. Good luck. A.

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R.C.

answers from Norfolk on

There is a great product that Babies r us carries that is a little bed that goes in your bed. It is totally up to you but I am a firm believer in the fact that babies are connected to you for 10 months...and should not be seperated until they are ready.
Both of my kids slept this way and are both healthy and happy and sleep in their own beds now.
Best of luck. Remember your the mom and going with your gut is the best.

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P.H.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi L.,

I am a birth and postpartum doula and massage therapist. What I have learned from my profession and being a mom myself is the importance of human contact. It is paramount in the bonding process. I firmly believe the first contact a baby should have when born is the warm, loving arms of his parents instead of the gloved hands of a Dr. or even a midwife (not saying one of these professionals should not be present) but the parents should be allowed to touch their baby first.

Your son is a newborn. He has only been out of your body for 10 days. He needs you. He needs your touch, your voice, the warmth of your body close to help soothe him. It is too soon to expect him to be able to calm himself and inanimate objects are unsatisfying to him.
If he has already eaten and been changed but is still unhappy it is because he wants and needs to be held. Babies instinctively know what they need but the only way they can communicate it to you is by crying.
Our society tells us that you will spoil your baby if they are held too much. You cannot spoil a newborn by holding him. It is perfectly natural for a newborn to need closeness to the person he's been part of for 9 months. Touch actually helps your baby's brain to develop, teaches him how to eventually calm himself and helps him learn security and trust.

When my own daughter was a newborn, she would wake every morning between 3 and 4am--not to eat, not to be changed but to be held and talked to by me. I was thrilled because this baby was initiating bonding with ME and I did it as much as she needed. That lasted about 4-6 weeks and then she was sleeping all night. The older she got, the more independent she became but she was always a very secure child because she knew that her anchor( her mother) was there for her.
She is now an extremely bright 4th grader and I have always recieved compliments on how outgoing, friendly and secure she is.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make this so long :-)

L., do what your instincts tell you to do with your baby--not what "the latest research" or well meaning frinds and family say. This baby is yours and you should do what is right and what works for the 2 of you.

P.

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T.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

SWADDLING!!!!

Newborns love to feel snug, just like the womb. That's why he calms down when you hold him - he's warm and feels safe when he's snuggled. Wrap him in a baby blanket like you used to do to your baby dolls.
Here's how:
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babycare/babysoothi...

and here:

http://www.colichelp.com/shop/3marthasswaddlingblanket.html

Hope these help - you can also just Google "how to swaddle a baby" and find lots of advice!

Take care,
T.

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M.B.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi L.,
I feel for you. My son (now 3) was incredibly difficult for several months and I was frequently in tears in the middle of the night because I didn't know what to do. Anyway, looks like you've gotten lots of good advice. I would also recommend talking to a La Leche League leader. They are SO nice and helpful, not just with breastfeeding but with lots of related parenting issues.
Also I've heard a book called "Happiest Baby on the Block" is really good for, well, having a happy baby. :)
Best of luck,
M.

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L.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

Both of my kids were also belly sleepers. I know it's frowned upon, but I found that if I laid them on their backs, they would startle and wake themselves up, then need me to help them back to sleep. Also if your breastfeeding, it could be that he's needing to cluster feed. They go through growth spurts when they will eat forever and constantly want more. If that's the case, hunker down in a comfy recliner with a boppy pillow & a good book & let him eat! I wouldn't worry too much about bad habits yet. He's still too young. You should do whatever works for you and for him so that you can get some sleep too. You can start worrying about behaviors when he's a little older and sleep becomes more regular. For now, give him what he needs so that you can take care of yourself too.

Good Luck!
L.

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J.

answers from South Bend on

Try swaddling him before you put him down! It works wonders. It might even be worth getting the miracle blanket, or swaddleme blanket so he can't work his way out of it.

J.

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M.M.

answers from Charleston on

My name is M.
My baby did simething similar
Our problem was he was really gassy we had to pump his leg to help him relieve some gass also gave him mylacon drops. I am bottle feeding so I switch to Emfilmil for gassy and fussy babies and it worked he is 7 months and doing fine. Maybe it's just somthing they go through or not.
I hope this helps
M.

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J.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

10 days is such a hard time for a new mother. Sometimes you get a good sleeper, sometimes you don't. Down the road a little, you can start helping him to form better sleeping habits. With my little boy, he was always flailing when I laid him down too. Most of the time when he was that age, I would let him fall asleep while eating and then lay him down asleep. Once he was out of the basinette though, I never let him fall asleep before he was in his crib. Just hang in there. There is really no right way to handle the sleeping habits of a baby so young. At that age, whatever works, you can get away with doing, such as the swing or the bouncer. Make sure you only do it for as long as it's necessary though because you don't want a 3 month old who can only fall asleep in his swing. You can find what makes your baby comfortable, and then maybe every week, try to lay him down in the basinette to fall asleep. In my opinion, that early on in motherhood, the concern with sleeping is how can the mother get as much sleep as possible. So, worry about yourself and find what makes that little guy happy and then down the road you can work on other methods.

Just so you know, as much as it seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, it WILL get better. At first, mine always woke up every 2 hours, over time it goes up, 4 hours, then 5, and eventually you'll get 8 hours or more straight in there. If you can make it through the sleepless first 2 or 3 months, it will get better. Also, as hard as it is, try to embrace those nightime feedings because one thing I noticed was once my son was in his crib at 3 months, he became very independent and those nightime feedings became an intimate pasttime to me that I actually missed.

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K.T.

answers from Raleigh on

You might also want to talk to his doctor about collic. It can start around the 2 week mark, and he is not far from that. If he is pulling up his legs, burping or having gas, etc it might be this. Try getting some Mylacon drops and give to him before he eats that last meal. It might help. You can try it to see if it works. It will not hurt him at all. Swaddling is also a good idea. Babies like to be wrapped tightly. Don't worry about confining his arms and legs. They were used to being in a very tight space for a long time and actually feel more safe this way. Being out in this big world is scary.
Good Luck!

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D.C.

answers from Spartanburg on

When my daughter was first born she was miserable unless she was swaddled in a blanket. We seriously kept her swaddled for the first 3 months of her life. It's the only way we got through it. Otherwise she would cry endlessly. It didn't solve all her fussiness but it definetly helped. Target sells swaddle blankets. You might want to check it out. Good luck!

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D.P.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

L.,
I also agree with swaddling. I am also a big fan of close contact and baby wearing (use of a baby sling).
I am also a Doula and a number of my clients have co-bedding.
When my son was born we would put him down at around 9 pm in a rocking cradle and then take the cradle in to our room at night when we went to bed.

trust your instincts!! You'll know what's right for your son.
D.

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S.O.

answers from Charlotte on

I haven't read all the responses, but I did notice you've got a lot of cosleeping advice. Don't know if you're breastfeeding, but if you are, let him nurse as often as he wants. Also, wear your baby. Which may've been some advice you've already gotten, but my son LOVED being worn in a sling. I'd wear him to sleep. All I had to do was put him in the sling, and walk around and do what I'd normally do, and being so close and tight made him feel more secure and he'd fall right to sleep!

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C.W.

answers from Greensboro on

Have you tried a swadler? (you can get them at walmart/target or you can use a baby blanket) This helped with my son. It will keep him warm & snug just like Mommy's belly:) Hope this helps!

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J.F.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi L.,
I remember thinking to myself, when my Sophie was about 8 weeks old " I can't do this anymore...this baby has to sleep soon." I was holding her in her rocking chair, and nursing her..and crying while I thought it...I was tired beyond any sort of tired I had ever imagined. Sometime in the late 60's, someone decided that babies are supposed to sleep through the night. Before, then, Mommies just accepted that babies get up at night because that is what babies do. I have to say this...your baby will sleep when he is ready to sleep. You can help him create good sleep habits by being there for him..let him feel your hands on him...let him hear your voice (sing a boring song over and over again that has a monotone melody, like the Abc song) Sing it over and over and over again. Don't turn lights on..use a nightlight. His flailing arms are just his way of discovering his body...he does not have the coordination to move them calmly. I clearly remember Sophie doing the exact same thing :-) And I just read he is in a bassinet....Sophie acted the same way your son is...then when she was 9 days old, I put her in her crib( with a nice full belly)..with none of that other stuff...just baby in the crib...and she went to sleep and slept for 5 and a half hours straight. Sometimes, they like their own room. And just one more thing...Sophie hated being swaddled from the moment she was born. It made her mad. I got to see her temper from the beginning :-) hahaha. I can tell you all these things about Sophie...and you could read every book you get your hands on...but your baby is your baby...you grew that precious baby in your body. He is, literally, a part of you. Trust your instincts as a Mommy. I had to learn that the hard way...you do know what is best for your baby. :-) My thoughts are with you in this diffacult first few months. (especially at night) <big hug 4 you>
Jenny (and baby Sophie)

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S.L.

answers from Evansville on

Hi L.,
My son who is now 6 weeks old did the same thing! He'd only be calm or fall asleep when I held him. My pediatrician told me to place a heating pad in his bed while I fed him or rocked him and take it out when I laid him down. It worked, the heat felt to him as if it were my body heat and he stayed asleep. Hope this helps.

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D.J.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi L.. I didn't read through all of your responses (there are so many!), but I read your update and it seems you could use a little more advice. I hope I can be helpful and am not just repeating what you've already heard.

As for swaddling, I think all babies are different. They say most babies like that, but mine hated it from the day she was born. The nurses in the hospital would swaddle her and she would immediately begin to scream. As soon as we unwrapped her, she was fine. To this day (she's almost four) she will not stay under her covers at night! So if that's not working, don't sweat it. There are other things you can do.

What we did when our daughter was about that age and started a similar behavior was to mix baby cereal in with the formula. I know the doctors and Gerber and whoever else all say you shouldn't give them anything but formula for some rediculous length of time, but my mother and mother-in-law said they did that with their children and we all turned out the better for it. (Doctors change their minds about stuff like that every few years anyway... I think they're all just guessing!) Formula just won't satisfy a baby's tummy for long, and the cereal will stick with them for longer. It worked for me, and I hope it helps you.

As for picking up a baby and forming dependency habits... well it is a very real and very easy-to-start problem. I was told that and I just thought "she's so young she won't remember, I'll just do it tonight to calm her down." WRONG!!! I am still fighting her at bedtime every night because she wants someone to snuggle with her. I am very adament about not doing it now, and you would think she would give up after a while, but I guess I just gave her too much snuggling when she was younger because now she just won't let it go. So do be very careful about that because it can cause problems for years to come! (and p.s. - NEVER let him sleep in your bed... that's another one we ignored and now regret!)

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S.C.

answers from Charlotte on

I have a couple of suggestions for you. First and very important for a newborn is swaddling. Tightly cuddle your baby in a blanket like a burrito for security. Using the baby wedges, lay your baby on his side to heighten comfort versus his back. You can even use receiving blankets rolled and propped on his back and tummy to hold him up.
I have been a doula for 10 years and have helped with postpartum issues for years!
S.
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K.E.

answers from Louisville on

My daughter who is now 8 months old was the same way. She was always mobile and very strong for her age. I tried the swaddling but after a few times she figured out how to break free( no matter how well you do it). After awhile nothing seemed tto work so i would always hold her and rock her to sleep.Often times i would lay her in the bed with me to get her to sleep. Allof this worked for that problem but created problems we are dealing with now.She constantly wanted to be held by myself(until she started crawling) and she always wants to lie in bed with me and my husband.I know it is frustrating but if you can deal with it now it will be better in the long run.

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A.M.

answers from Greensboro on

Hi:

I'm not a new Mom my kids are 13 & 15. But I do remember those days. Your baby is having separation anxiety. My children seemed to want to suck all the time.

I know people don't agree with this but I let my children sleep with my ex-husband and I for a while. At least I got sleep! By the age of two she was in her own bed. Yes I had to lay with her until she went to sleep. I did that with both my children. They do eventually get out of your bed! LOL

There is a book called the family bed. Or if you go to the library there are other books on baby's and sleep.

Hope this helps

A.

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T.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi L. -
This sounds so familair - I sure don't miss those sleepless nights. (My son is now almost 11 months). My son was also very strong when he was born - he weighed over 10 pounds at birth and swadling didn't work for him. My only savior was his bouncy seat with the vibration on. He loved it. He slept in there until he was about three months old. The pacifier helped a lot too. The pacifier does fall out sometimes (Michael's still does) but usually he would fall right back asleep when I put it back in. It does get easier, but the first couple months are pretty tough, infants need thier Mommy, but it does get easier. Michael started sleeping through the night at about 4 months old. My only advice is to take a lot of naps throughout the day, because you won't be getting a full nights sleep for a while!

Good Luck

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M.T.

answers from Lafayette on

Hi, Debbie!

I'm a nurse, and pregnant with my 3rd baby. Lots of people will be telling you to give the baby cereal - don't!!! The reason that we don't want you to start cereal til later is that it sets the child up for food allergies. Although "my mom did it and it didn't hurt us" sounds good, just because they beat the odds doesn't mean your baby will. I'd personally rather not take that risk (having to cook special food for the rest of its life vs. fussing at bedtime now). Also, co-sleeping is what I did with mine and intend to do with this one. After being in constant contact with you for 9 months it seems a bit harsh to me to suddenly make a small infant be completely alone. If you gradually ease into sleeping in their own bed it isn't a problem. Been there, done it. Good luck!

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E.A.

answers from Indianapolis on

I have a 3 week old baby and can empathize with you. Here are a few suggestions that have worked for us. I place a heating pad in the bassinette while I feed her, then take it out as I put her back in and it is nice and warm and cozy, the warmth she felt while being held. Also use receiving blankets, rolled up like a u-shape and make a "nest" for him to lay in. Then he feels something on his sides to make him feel more secure. Hope this helps!

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D.S.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi L.! Congrats!! I have a 4 month old and an (almost) 8 year old!

You might want to try swaddling him...a lot of babies like that, and it often helps some of them sleep! ( Of course, both my kids hated it...lol)

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S.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

you may not agree with thisbut, it was the same way with my now 2 yr old and my newborn(july 24, 2006). after the first night of no sleep this time i put the new one in bed with us and every since he sleeps 3-4 hours straight. some babies just like the closeness of mommy. with my first, i tried everything. he would only sleep in his carseat and then only his swing. neither of my boys will take a pacifier. co-sleeping has been the only thing that saves me. when the oldest was 6 months old we put him in his own crib and it went pretty smoothly. people have different perspectives about co-sleeping but it worked for us. we use a sleep positioner and he stays where he is.

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K.

answers from Charlotte on

My sister-in-law was having the same problem with her daughter. She was breaking free from the swaddle. She was using just a receiving blanket. She used a product called Swaddle me it has velcro so it really stays shut. She said this way her daughter didn't break free. (found at Babies R Us) She now has her daughter of 3 months sleeping through the night.

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M.H.

answers from Columbia on

I'm sure you are doing this, but just in case...have you done the little "burrito" role? Where you roll him real tight in his blankets? (kinda makes them look like a burrito) I found that calmed my children when they were first born. Also, I bought one of those bears that makes the heart beat sounds. That soothed them a lot too. Anyway, I hope this helps
M.

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S.H.

answers from Fort Wayne on

My 2 month old breastfed son is the same way. He has really bad gas when I have milk products and don't drink enough water or if he gets formula if I have to leave him with someone. I am going to buy some soy formula and see how he does for when I am gone. Also I found if I put a little sugar water on his pacifier (just to get him to suck cause he won't take it otherwise) and hold it in his mouth so it does not fall out he will suck and suck which makes him pass gas and then he feels better. Until I found out what the problem was, I swaddled him and did the pacifier trick at the same time and he did better.
Good Luck!
S.

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P.

answers from Spartanburg on

I know you've already gotten the same responses that everyone gets - swaddle, car seat, swing... None of this worked for me either. We had several problems and until we answered all of them, my baby had trouble sleeping.

The only thing that I could do at first was to hold/bounce/walk her until she was sound asleep. Then keep holding her for 15 minutes. I made the transition to the crib very slowly, first lay her down in my arms and keep rocking, then stand up and wait, then in the crib and don't let go, and finally release.

The other thing may be that he's not getting enough food. Milk production slows at night, so he may actually be hungry after that feeding. Supplimenting was hard for me, but the Playtex Natural nipple is so much like the breast that my girl hardly knows the difference.

We also had reflux - not the kind with big spit up, just the kind that hurts. The "other" symptoms are kicking, crying and hiccups. My doctor gave us a prescription and it is amazing.

Lastly, is he getting enough stimulation during the day? If not, he may just have energy to burn off before going to sleep. Peddling his feet, talking to him, looking at toys -that's about all you'll get at 10 days old.

Don't forget, it will get better. You're not forming any habits at this age (until 3-4 momths, I read), so do anything you can to make him comfortable and sleep. My 2 month old still kicks at night and makes funny noises, but she's alseep and happy, so I don't mess with her.

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J.H.

answers from Lexington on

I see a lot of people said swaddle swaddle swaddle... my little one was quite a handful (she's settled and 6 months old now). We tried the swaddle but had your same problem, until I heard about the Amazing Miracle Blanket... and boy, was it amazing! They are about $30 and you can only (to my knowledge) order them off their website, but so so so worth it that I wish we had bought more than one! We just bought the one to make sure we liked it, and never dreamed she'd be swaddled as long as she was. They are one size fits all (up to a certain weight, for her it was about 5 months), and once you get the hang of it are supereasy to use. We had tried the swaddler in the store with velcro tabs, but she kicked out of it from day one, it just wasn't strong enough. And just as the ads say, she would start settling down as soon as I started wrapping her once she was used to it. As far as the paci goes, ours would never take one, but I do firmly believe that if you have to get up to replace it every time it falls out, then it's not doing much good to teach independent sleep. I know babies need extra soothing at this point, and fortunately the swaddle became soothing enough for our little girl that she didn't need anything else. And she let us know when she was done with the swaddle-- started breaking out of it routinely and so easily, and by then found her thumb, which she only sucks while sleeping. I know the thumb/paci thing can be touchy, but we're just doing what works for ours. Good luck and congrats on your new little one! And hang in there, because before you know it, he'll be grabbing at everything like my little one does!

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S.O.

answers from Charleston on

Congratulations, on your new baby! It sound like your precious one is very similiar to my daughter(now 11 months) when she was first born. She was a very "high needs" baby and one of her needs was to be touched and held and comforted ALL the time! I do remember how exhausting this can be!! There are several things that you can do that might give your arms a break: one is to swaddle him when you lay him in his bassinet - that way they feel secure. I think Kiddopatomus (not sure about the spelling) makes a swaddle blanket that velcroes and that way it stays put better. Also, this won't help much at night, but during the day, I would try an infant sling or wrap so you can "wear" the baby during the day even during naps if he won't sleep in his bassinet. That way you can move around the house and have your arms free while your little one sleeps. This became a LIFESAVER for me that way you can get something productive and your son is feeling comforted and getting his "high touch" need met. But, I must say what worked the absolute BEST for me was to co-sleep. I know there are many moms and other professionals that look down on this practice (including me before I became a mom!) but, if you do it responsibly and follow the guidelines it can be safe. Here is one of many websites that discuss co-sleeping http://trulyattached.com/cosleeping.htm. I found that my baby slept better and most importantly I SLEPT better! But, hang in there, trust me this to shall pass! Not as soon as you would like I know, trust me! I do hope you get some sleep soon. I think looking back on those first days as a new mom the most important advice anyone gave me was to sleep when your baby sleeps! They will eventually figure out there days and nights.

S.

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K.D.

answers from Lexington on

My daughter did this, too, when she was around that age. Have you considered that he may have gas or reflux? I switched my daughter to Gentlease formula and it helped tremendously! You may be breastfeeding, I guess, but you may really consider reflux. Does he lie flat on his back? You might consider an incline-positioner. That helped us, too. I know that when Graysen was gassy, she would suck on her hands like you're describing.

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D.B.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

Congratulations on the little one, I had a very similar problem with my daughter Sophia, she will be 1 next month. I found her problem was she hates to sleep on her back...I know big problem. We did the co-sleeping thing with her and she slept on her side or belly, she slept thru the night at 7 weeks. I swore I would never cosleep...but you need to rest as well, so I did it and am glad I did. As long as she was on her belly she was fine! Of course I worried about sids but felt somehwat better that she was in bed with me and I could hear her breathng and feel her move around. She is now sleeping in her crib at night...all night long! We started putting her in her crib at 6 months and we would put her on her side she would always be on her belly by the morning but she was sleeping and did fine.

I know everyone says not to put babies on the belly...but at this stage in the game everyone is exhausted and it is a matter of getting sleep and surviving. The first couple of nights after we figured this out she would sleep on me, i would lay down on the bed and just put her on me on her belly, then as I got more comfortable I started to lay her in between us. She would sleep for 4 hours straight at 10 days old...

Anyway I hope that helps, just remember it is a matter of trying so many different things to figure out what works best for the 3 of you. I would avoid cereal so early, it may lead to belly aches! Go with what you feel is best...trust your instinct that is what it is there for.

Good luck

D.

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A.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

L., you cannot spoil a baby. I let my daughter sleep in bed with us until she was about three months old, now she sleeps in her bed, usually all night. Right now you need to do whatever makes your son happy and also gets you some sleep. If that means letting him lay with you, then so be it. Remember that four nine months Issac was inside a tiny little dark space, now there are lot's of changes he is experiencing. It's going to take a little bit of time for him to get used to our world. He'll evertually settle dow. It's rough dealing with a newborn, but in a few more weeks things will get easier and you can get him into a routine. Good luck!!

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T.R.

answers from Raleigh on

r u sure he is getting enough milk, u might need to go to thr doctor n c if ur milk is coming out enough, try one bottle before bed n c if that works. i wasnt able to breast feed, i just couldnt get the hang of it. good luck to u!!:)

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A.T.

answers from Louisville on

Hi L.,
My son had the same problem. I called his dr. and was told to swaddle him. This really helped. When they are small they like to feel secure and being wrapped up in a receiving blanket really worked for us. We called our son our little "burrito" for a while. After a few weeks he did'nt like the swaddling anymore and would struggle to free his arms. From that point on he would go to sleep and for the most part stay asleep just being put to bed in a sleeper blanket.I know it is hard right now trying to function without sleep, but trust me it will get better! My son is 6 months old now and sleeps through the night most of the time and its wonderful!

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B.

answers from Lexington on

I agree with Irene's post. The flailing arm's is part of your infants startle reflex. The best way to console him is to swaddle him good! If he doesn't startle himself he will rely less on other things to settle and get to sleep. That said, when my kids lost their passy it could also cause a comotion. You just have to deal with that. Babies need to suck to soothe themselves often times. The best soothers I know of are sucking (passys or feeding), swaddling, swinging, swaying (rocking in rocking chair sometimes fairly rapidly--you are trying to mimic the motion of sloshing around in the womb).Use them in combinations. It worked great for my kids.

Best of luck

B.

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T.R.

answers from Raleigh on

I know that you have already had responses and responded yourself, but just wanted to add my two cents...my daughter was the same way -- she hated to be swaddled, however, so that was not an option. We also used the wedge for awhile, which worked great - putting her on her side and having her somewhat wedged in...but I have to say -- we started putting her on her belly -- WOW!! -- what a change. She didn't have her hands and feet so free to flail -- she was constantly waking herself up with her wild and crazy body parts. I know they frown upon belly sleeping, but if it meant I could sleep -- we were happy! She also was somewhat able to move her head back and forth - and we just kept the blankets out of the way and dressed her warmer to sleep...

Good luck!

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A.L.

answers from Indianapolis on

L.,

It has been awhile since my "baby" was a baby...she is 5 now. But, when I read your request, there were a couple of things that came to mind. Babies are born with a terrnile fear of falling. They also have been used to being in tight quarters in your womb. So, many babies feel more secure when they are swaddled tightly in a blanket/receiver. That will definatley help him feel snug. Also, it sounds as though he is not burping as much as he may need to do, and that may be why he is not at ease, then all of a sudden, has room for more milk. So break earlier, burp, then begin to nurse/bottle feed him. And of course, burp again afterwards. On to the crying when in his bed. If you have him sleeping, (and swaddled- easier to move without him noticing)when you pick him up or begin to go to lay him down, sway a bit, and when laying him down, go slowly and remain sort of on him while he is in his bed. that way, he doesn't realize he is in his bed, he still smells you and or feels heat...then you can slowly move from above him..

Good luck with these tips. I hope thy make a difference.

A.

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T.P.

answers from Charlotte on

My son did the same thing and swaddling him in his blanket maked him feel so secure

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J.K.

answers from Greensboro on

I think that you have gotten alot of good advice already.I completely understand what you are going through.When my daughter was fisrt born(now she is 6) When i would put her down she would cry and fuss like there was no tomarrow.Even swaddling did not help with her.For the first month and a half I had to co-sleep with her. She constantly stayed hungry.She would breastfeed almost all night long.But even after I started her on cereal she still did not want to sleep away from me. I found this really cool thing. It's a teddy bear that has a heart beat sound. It makes the heartbeat sound like they are still in the womb which is real calming to an infant. But be careful becauseof course it's a stuffed animal. What I did was I took the sound piece out of the bear and when i would lay her down at night I would put that sound piece close up to where her head was. If you use a wedge for your son put it either under the wedge close to his head or just the other side of the wedge.I hope this helps a little bit on your journey of being a mom.

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P.

answers from Indianapolis on

I had the same experience with my son, are you lying him on his back? My son would not sleep on his back for anything and my pediatrician told me if anyone in the house was going to sleep I would have to let him sleep on his stomach. I was terrified because of sids but we bought a video baby monitor and after a few restless nights of checking on him every few minutes it seemed we all slept through the night. Hope this helps. Also he seemed to hate the bassinet so we put him in his crib in his own room. I know it sounds early to do that but it worked.

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C.W.

answers from Louisville on

I know when my babies were having problems sleeping at night I would papoose(sp) them and turn on the peacful planet aquarium and it worked every time!!! The soothing sounds would take them right to dreamland:-)

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C.W.

answers from Richmond on

Here's another vote for letting him sleep with you. You'll probably both get a lot more sleep. And don't worry about spoiling him! I firmly believe that you cannot spoil a child by meeting his needs for love and affection. He's a newborn and he just wants to be in physical contact with his mommy. It's natural and normal, and if you meet those needs now, he'll probably grow up to feel more secure and independent.

As for the swaddling, at his age, I'd say it's probably not an issue of not liking to be swaddled. I think a lot of the arm and leg jerking are more like reflexes at that age. Try getting a special blanket made just for swaddling. The Miracle Blanket is good (you can find it by doing a search online), but I also saw cheaper versions at Babies R Us that would probably work just as well.

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J.F.

answers from Elkhart on

Try bundling him. He seems to enjoy the snugg feeling of being held...which is normal. My doctor instructed me to bundle my preemie baby when he was born to give him the snug feeling. after dressing him in his sleeper, take a receiving blanket. Lay the blanket out in a diamond, fold down the top corner. Lay your baby's head above the turned down corner, and fold up the bottom corner, then fold in the sides and tuck the last side in snug. He will feel secure and snug, like he's being held. He may wiggle and squirm and loosen the blanket and then cry, but this should help him get used to not being held all the time. He also knows your scent....take the blanket you bundle him with and sleep with it to get your scent on it. Then when you bundle him, he will smell you on it, and feel secure. Sucking is soothing to a baby, just because he goes for his hands does not mean he's hungry, he trying to soothe himself. It may be frustrating to him, that he cant' get his thumb or hand positioned to be comfortable. The pacifier can help. Remember, he learning how to live outside the womb, and things are quite diffrent, he longs for the snug, farmiliar, even the sound of your heart beat.
Hoepfully you can get some sleep!! God Bless !

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J.C.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi L.,

I have a 3 month old boy and remember him doing the same thing as Isaac. My best friend showed us how to swaddle him really tight (wrap him up like a burrito) before laying him down to sleep. That way his arms won't move around and wake him up. They showed us how to do it in the hospital but we forgot and didn't realize how much it would help him settle down.

Just in case you weren't shown - take a receiving blanket and lay it down with one of the corners at the top. Fold the top corner down a little and then place him down on fold (it should be right near his neck). pull his left arm down and fold the left side over and tuck under his bottom. pull up the bottom corner (so his feet are in it) and tuck into the part under his neck. Then put his right arm down beside him and wrap the last piece pretty tight around him and tuck it under his bottom. Then lay him down. You will be surprised how calm he will be.

I hope the explanation is good enough. If not, you can respond back (I think) and I will help.

Good luck! J. and Wyatt

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M.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

My son was like that too. I found that he still wanted to be swadled like they do in the hospital. His arms were going crazy, and he just needed them tucked in beside his body. Think about him- he goes from being all tight inside you to having all the room in the world. It probably takes getting used to. Try swadling him when you put him to bed. It worked for me.

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K.

answers from Indianapolis on

So someone else is going through what I am right now! My son is three weeks old today. I have a 7 year old that I never had a problem with but my son is doing the same thing. One thing that the doctor told me was that it does take them awhile to get their sleeping schedule normal because when you were pregnant they sleep during the day while you were walking around because it rocks them. So when they are born they still want to sleep all day. Anyway you kind of just have to test to see what works with your baby. I found that my son wants to sleep on his side. So I lay him with his back against the padding of his bassinet so he can't roll back and since he is wrapped in his blanket I make a little extra padding around his stomach because I don't want him to roll on his stomach. He has been sleeping much better. His car seat is still his favorite. The first couple nights he was home he slept in his carseat inside the bassinet because he would just scream all night. I asked my doctor and he said it was normal. Last thing, a couple nights ago I put up this fish toy that plays sleeping music and has a single light that fades on and off. Whenever he has woken up and I know he is not hungry I have turned that on and he quites and falls back asleep so you might see about something like that. Sorry so long, I could go on forever about babies!!!

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J.H.

answers from Elkhart on

Hi L.,
My daughter was the same way. We just wrapped her tight in a blanket (like they do at the hospital) and it works great. They love the feeling of being all cuddled up and wrapped tight. Make sure his arms are down and then wrap him up tight and I bet you will see a noticable difference! We also let our daughter sleep in the car seat because she was partially upright (it was dry in the house and she kept coughing) and the position is comfortable for them to be in. Keep trying and you will figure it out soon!

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R.C.

answers from Greensboro on

Well L. all I can say is it sounds just like what I went through with my now 15 1/2 month old when we first brought him home. He loved everyone and was always so good. But at night he got very fussy and wouldn't go to bed at night which I don't know if it is the same thing but everyone told me it was colic and it would go away by three months but come to find out after it went on for six months he was lactose intolarent and he was breastfed so when I drank milk or took in alot of dairy he would be up half the night crying and the only thing that seemed to console him was me holding him. It even got so bad as to me having to hold him on my chest all night sitting up on the couch just so he would get some sleep. So my advise to you is to try lactose free formula or if he is breastfed limit your intake or dairy and see if that helps. Hope this helped you some.

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J.W.

answers from Iowa City on

Our first child was like that too, and we swaddled her in her blanket real snug and that was a lifesaver! Good luck!

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S.M.

answers from Evansville on

Hi L.,
My son hated to be swaddled, and to this day, hates to be confined in tight clothes, likes them baggy.

The one thing I can say is that you want to make sure what ever you are doing now, you will be comfortable doing in the future, such as rocking.
If you start co-sleeping, they will continue to co-sleep. We won't even discuss the dangers of that - because it is well known how a tired parent can roll on the baby.

Is it possible that your son is over-stiumlated. That when it is time to go to sleep, he just can't because he is used to being stimulated? Does he have any quiet time during the day other than sleeping? Some good suggestions would to be have him in his bed awake and look at his mobile, or some supervised tummy time.

And trust me, it is a great day when they can put that paci back in their mouth on their own...until then, god-speed my friend!

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J.B.

answers from Charleston on

Hi, I have a grandson that every since he was born i have taken care of him. He was the same as your baby and i didn't know what else to do so instead of putting him in his bassnett i put him in his crib and he just went right to sleep. Sleeping in his crib to him was like us sleeping in our own bed. Sometimes theses other beds that they make for babbies now are cute and all but hard on their little bodies.

J. baeza

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S.M.

answers from Raleigh on

Isaac sure sounds sociable! That just might be the major clue right there! He could very well be a snuggler-personality.

Babies can't read books yet...they make up their own rules..and right now, Isaac's main rule is: Love me-hold me-snuggle me!

Swaddling/bundling/wrapping him up in some store-bought contraption is nothing more than Imitation Mommy Love...and he's smart enough to know the difference.

He's only 10 days old. (plus a few since you wrote) Think of what he's been through already...being born, going from his warm wet nest out into the World. He naps during the day, right? Maybe it's because you are tired that he senses the tension, knows something is wrong, and is worried. Babies stress, too.

Bottom line is: relax...snuggle up in a comfy chair for an hour or two, with Isaac on your chest, stroke his back...let him feel you breathe, your heart beating...and both of you relax. Give him the sense of security he requires...it's NOT SPOILING a child to meet his needs! Try some skin-to-skin contact! I used to wrap my big bathrobe over the two of us and curl up on the sofa for our afternoon nap. It was all it took, and mine turned out okay. Good Luck, and much happiness to you ALL!

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B.G.

answers from Fort Wayne on

My daughter was the same way. I was about to loose my mind!! I ended up swaddling her and putting her to sleep in her infant carrier car seat. I would put the car seat in the crib and pad it with a folded blanket and set her in it. I guess it must have felt like someone was holding her all night, it was nice a cozy and she slept like that for a couple of weeks when she was first born. She still woke up for her feedings every 2 to 3 hours, but at least I finally got a break in between to sleep. Good luck and I hope you find something that works! It's hard to be a new mom but the rewards are endless! God bless you and baby Isaac!

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B.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi L.,
I agree with the many responses to "swaddling", as I had a similar situation with my son. Everytime I would put him down, he would cry... when I held him he would go back to sleep without a problem! I was given the advice to swaddle him and put him down with an article of my clothing. This way he would get the sense that I was there with him! IT WORKED WONDERS! Sometimes they just need that sense of security that you are there with them. Try it, it may help.

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C.A.

answers from Indianapolis on

L.,

Congratulations! Such and exciting time in your life.
My suggestion is to "swaddle" your new baby, wrap in in a receiving blanket as he was in the hospital which will make him feel secure. This worked everytime with our son who is now 14 months. Also it seemed like burping helped even if he had already burped, he sometimes had 2 or 3 more and then settled down. If he is a big baby (as ours was/is) maybe he is still hungry? Our always ate (and continues to eat) a little more than the charts/peditrician recommend. Another thing that always worked was a swing that rocked as a cradle. That put our little one to sleep everytime too!

Good luck!!

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A.

answers from Louisville on

Hmmmm-I found this article to be useful...any chance swaddling needs to happen again for a bit?
"Why it happens----
Babies can be notoriously squirmy sleepers. Starting around 3 months, your baby may moan, groan, whimper, and kick in his sleep. And don't be surprised if your 6- to 9-month-old starts waking up several times a night. These night wakings are associated with cognitive and motor development. Teeth grinding, sleep starts (being suddenly jerked awake), and sleep talking are common sleep behaviors and nothing to be concerned about. For most babies, head banging or body rocking isn't a problem either. Babies often rock or bang their heads to fall asleep.

What you can do about it
Since restless sleep is normal, just let your baby be, especially if he doesn't completely wake up. If he does wake up, try to give him a chance to settle himself back to sleep before you go to him. "
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/7575.html

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A.M.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

My son also "houdined" his swaddle. I ended up purchasing the ultimate blanket at Von Maur... $18 but totally worth it! It is a larger blanket so when it is wrapped it stays in place. It also has directions on how to wrap it sewn right on the blanket. I decided to go back and purchase and extra one just in case... Hunter never slept better!!!

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H.W.

answers from Spartanburg on

L.,

He is really little. You can not spoil him on attention or love. Or holding him. If that's what he needs, then by all means, do that.

I had a colicky newborn daughter who had a non-colicky twin brother. My biggest regret was constantly racking my brain trying to figure out how to put her down for a few minutes.

It's really hard. But they get older. They will need you less. This really is a small fraction of time, though sometimes it feels longer.

Just met his needs the best you can. Hold her if she needs to be held. Feed him when he seems to need it. If he's not ready to lie down alone, then perhaps you can get a co-sleeper, and put it in your bed.

It's a big adjustment. Good luck!!

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S.S.

answers from Spartanburg on

L.,

It sounds to me like he is not getting enough at one time. If you are breast feeding, this is sooooo common. I breastfeed both of mine and it seemed like they stayed in the breast24/7. But if you are bottle feeding, it is too early to add cereal, however if he is taking 2 oz, give him 4oz or if he is taking 4oz, give him 6oz, etc. Some babies will really surprise you in what they can take in being so young and litte. I have friends who had their babies come home from the hospital taking 4 to 6 oz. Even my daughter who was only 5lbs 10oz took 4oz of formula at the hospital. Trust me, he will not over eat, he will stop when he is full. Hope this helps.

Jenny

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J.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

The other thing that helped my son when he was that little (he is 5 mo old now) is we put a small fan in his room. Facing away from the crib, as not to make him cold, but it was that white noise that I think made him feel safer. They say that being in the womb is VERY loud--so to try to fall asleep in a totally quiet room is scary and foreign for them. The fan works like a charm for us!

Good luck!

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M.M.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

Know that it won't last forever! Will he sleep in a swing or to some soothing music? Find a CD you both enjoy and listen to it in the car, then when it gets to be sleepy time turn it on and he'll find it calming. A blanky might work too, whenever it's time to sleep use a routine and something familur so he knows what time it is! At such a young age whatever works do it! Slowly work to having him sleep without being held so it doesn't go on forever!

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J.

answers from Indianapolis on

Have you tried swaddling him in a blanket when you put him down? It keeps him from eating his hands. They also like the cocoon feeling, like still in the womb. Or if he is having a hard time right now sleeping, maybe rocking him to sleep just for now. But if you keep doing it, you'll be doing it till he's 2years and that's not good. I always feed them in their room while rocking them and that put them right to sleep. I had 2 good sleepers though (2 boys 2 and 4 now). Hope it works.

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M.F.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, I am also a new mom with a son born on June 13th. I have the same problem as well. So the only way I get any sleep is to have him sleep next to me. I breastfeed & feel that has alot to do with it. I have talked to couple other moms about this & it's all different. One mom that breastfeed said her daughter slept with her up until 6 months & was fine; the other mom has said she couldn't break until her son was 5 years old. So I'm kinda stuck as to what to do, I've been trying to break him of this but everytime I put him in his crib he will cry hysterically until I pick him up. I'm just hoping he will eventually break himself of this, before it is to late.

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S.F.

answers from Charlotte on

Swaddle Me infant wrap - they're about 20.00 at Babies R us - get the newborn size - works like a charm, my son was a swaddle baby until about 3.5 months old. it calms them! Good luck!

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I.S.

answers from Charlotte on

Have you tried a swaddle? My son was the same way and I actually ended up having him sleep on my chest for the 1st 2 weeks. We tried the sleep positioner too, which makes them feel more contained.

Good Luck - I know it can be rough. Hang in there. It does get better.

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V.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

L....the best thing I can tell you is this is all totally normal for a 10 day old baby. I have had 3 and the first 2-3 weeks can be a living hell (mixed with moments of great intimacy and bonding). You MUST get a break from it at least 2-3 evenings a week and let your husband handle it. This might mean that you actually remove yourself from the premesis. But hang in there, this is all normal, and don't be afraid to feed him as much as he wants to eat and as often as he wants...this will level out when he has developed a bit more. Good luck!! ~V.

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M.B.

answers from Charleston on

Dear L.,
Try a warm bath, and then lay him on his little back and "bicycle" his legs. It sounds to me that your little guy may have gas or a touch of colic. Call your pediatrician and let them know whats going on. Don't change his milk, it may cause more upset. If you're nursing, stay away from things that cause you gas...they will cause the baby gas, too! Lots of new mothers don't know that, and it's not your fault. Kids don't come with a handbook. I have 4...3 girls, ages 15, 13 and 8; and 1 boy, age 7 tomorrow! I STILL learn something new everyday! If you ever want to talk, drop me a line! God bless you and your new angel!!

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J.

answers from Indianapolis on

I agree this is perfectly normal behavior. I would get the book Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp I think? It saved me. My boy had very bad colic, but it sounds like your 10 day old is maybe just missing the womb, in which case I agree with all that talked about a swaddle. Also, a pacifier can help (or nursing too), rocking or swinging movements, and a "shhhhh" sound. We actually got a CD called Baby's First Hair Dryer, because we went through TWO hair dryers letting them run - my boy LOVED the sound of it. I also used to swaddle him and put him up on my shoulder and vacuum. I had amazingly clean floors and a sleeping baby!! Good luck, you'll get through it, the first month is a TOUGH one.

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H.K.

answers from Louisville on

My baby did the same thing. How much is he eating at feedings? Have you tried swaddling him? I found that my son just wasn't getting enough to eat. The guidelines the doctor put about how much a newborn should eat were way off for my son, so he may just be still hungry..Are you breastfeeding, if so you may want to supplement at night.

It gets better, just try to stay calm. My son had his days and nights confused and was sleeping most of the day and then didn't go to bed until 3am..so I totally know what you are going through. We just had to slowly tweak his schedule. Now he goes to bed between 9-10 (he is still in the bassinet on my side of the bed though).

Hope some of this helped, if you need to talk to me directly, my e-mail is [email protected]____.com care and good luck!

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A.K.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi L.!
First, congrats on Isaac! I have a 7mo old and he's so much fun!

Second, I highly recommend swaddling. Isaac is used to being all scrunched up inside you and being swaddled might soothe him.

Hope it works! I know being a new mom is a tiring (but wonderful) thing.

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