New in Town, How to Form New Friendships?

When you're an adult and new in town, it's all right to talk to strangers. You have the common sense to know how to handle it. Anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable you can distance yourself from.

Everybody is timid sometimes, for various reasons. Don't let your background keep you from knowing some people and letting them know you.

When you go to the moms' group, wear a smile. (And clothing, of course.) Smile at *everyone* and say hello. A smile is actually a present, and most people don't get enough of that kind of present. Expect to discover some people who won't give you a glance or a kind word; it happens everywhere, and has nothing to do with you! If there's a greeter at the door, introduce yourself. Tell her you're new, and she might introduce you to others. That's what she's there for.

Church is usually a great place to make friends, because there are so many opportunities. Feel free to introduce yourself and let the person know you're new. At a small church, many people might realize right away that you're new! At a large church, folks may be thinking, "Is that a new lady or someone whose name I should already know?" and might be hesitant to say anything, so you can make them feel at ease by giving them the information they need.

Do the same with your neighbors. They will be glad to know who you are! They may be a little timid, too, but they're wondering what the new folks are like. You can ask your neighbors about good babysitters, too. Is there something you like to do for fun - photography, sewing, hiking? You could ask your neighbors if there are any organizations around devoted to your interest.

I would tend to be a bit more reserved at a park or other such public place, but I would smile - especially at the mothers with children.

Ask people about their all-time favorite subject, themselves! If you're at a church, ask also about the church, the service, the activities, the history of it; with the moms' group, ask about good shops, doctors and dentists, places in the area your children would like, things a family can do together - that sort of thing. Let them do the talking. They might, in turn, ask you about yourself; if they don't, don't worry about it - they're just not interested right now. That takes nothing away from you.

I have read that, by and large, strangers usually feel more comfortable when you ask them for help or for information than when you just go up and start talking about things in general.

Remember that you're out actually to make acquaintances! Friendships are fewer and farther between, and take a lot more time to develop. You don't need to be desperate, and you don't need to wonder what they think of you - just be interested in them.

When I get really terror-stricken, I pretend to be my friend Cindy, who is very confident and outgoing, and I do what I know she would do. Once I get started, I can be me again.

#1 - Change your attitude to: "Everyone likes me." I swear it will work wonders..I too came from a background that generated no self-esteem. I wish my dad had ONLY been belittling and demeaning...anyhow..a different problem.

#2 - Volunteer at school in areas that you know you enjoy....music, art, science fair, Scholastic book orders, etc. You'll meet like minded people there.

#3 - attend church and go to their functions

#4 - invite friends of your kids over all the time to hang out....make cookies, or pizza or a craft with them.

#5 - go to you local library and join a book club if you read, or attend a free seminar on anything you find interesting.

I've moved 18 times now with kids. I make my friends usually through my kids at first. I allow my kids to invite people over anytime they want...on certain days. This year they can only have friends over on Friday's, and Tues/Thurs right after school for an hour.

My local best friend right now is a mom I met on the bus ride for my son's band concert.

How old are your kids? A lot of friendships are formed from volunteering at school, talking with other parents at kids sporting events and so on.

Join a large church and do some volunteer work there too.

If your kids are young, check your local library for their story times. I met a lot of people at the library story times when my dd was a toddler. You usually see the same people over and over again which makes it easy to get to know them.

Remember what they say about kissing a lot of frogs before you find prince charming? Same way here without the kissing! First find what you like to do then find the person that likes to do that too! If your kids are your world, play groups/parks/ mom groups. If you seek Spiritual guidance, church, prayer groups like Moms in Prayer. If you like to paint, there are community art groups, ect. It's kind of like teenagers in that we shy people like to bond while doing something not really face to face. Bring what you are doing to the park and someone will ask about it. Bring a book you like. Join a book club. Check on your neighbors! I would talk to a stranger! Good luck!

I met people at boy scout meetings and at church.

People in my neighborhood were not coming over to meet their new neighbor so I went door to door with my wife and introduced ourselves.

When we were all unpacked, I put my BBQ grill on the driveway and fired it up. I bought some pork roasts and smoked them. Then I delivered them to some of my neighbors. ( I smoke very well !) That changed some minds and made some friends.

If you do homemade chocolate chip cookies, make some and go meet you neighbors.

Good luck to you and yours.

Kids are a great way to meet new people. I have met so many new friends through my daughters activities. Moms & toddlers groups - I made so many friends there. One of the moms I met there had a much older dd who babysits for me now. PTA - again the same thing. I can't tell you how many new friends I have made at my local Zumba class and we actually socialise on a regular basis.
I would not find it weird if someone new was to approach me and strike up a conversation. How else are you going to meet new people. Good Luck :-)

I lived in my hometown until I was 32 years old and moved out of state. It took awhile to make friends even when I worked as a teacher. When my kids came along I wanted to be a sahm, so I knew I had to find ways to meet others for myself and my kids. When my son was 6 weeks old, we joined a Gymboree class. He loved it, but looking back on it, that class was for me too. It was natural to meet other moms because we had a common bond and most moms are going their for the same reason-to make those mom friendships. I also joined MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) at a local church. This program is geared for moms exactly like you-that are looking for some adult interaction while their children are taken care of in a friendly and safe environment close by. We do fun things like listen to speakers on a variety of topics interesting to women as wives, mothers and just being a female. We do fun crafts and socialize. There is always potluck that is delicious. From that, I got involved with a women's bible study group and also found another moms group through a teacher friend. Give it time and don't be afraid to put yourself out there, even if it is just doing trips to the park, zoo or storytime at the library. Eventually you will find other people looking for friends too.
Good luck!
A.