Nervous to Go Back to Work

Updated on January 01, 2013
J.C. asks from Eagle River, AK
11 answers

I have been thinking about going back to work. My SO is ready now for me to go back. When we tried a couple of years ago after a few months he wanted me to quit and stay home again. That was only part time, and this time I am looking for something full time with the state or I may go back to school. I am nervous for a couple of reasons. One, I don't want to start and have him want me to stop again. Also, I feel like I will be missing out on all the wonderful things I get to do now, like volunteering at the school and being available to shuttle my kids around allowing them to do all the activities they love. I feel like they will be getting the shaft in a way, possibly having to give up things they enjoy. But, once I am working it will allow us to buy a bigger home, and give us more play money. We live comfortably off my husbands income, but part of me feels it is time for me to bring in money. I am so torn. Maybe hearing your stories about going back to work or staying home will help me decide how to proceed from here.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers


answers from Hartford on

I'm answering based on my own thoughts here, without reading what anyone else has written. I went back to work at the end of October after being a stay-at-home-mom for ten years. I started looking for work two years ago when I was ready to look, and got help looking for work when I was ready. Because I have a disability I ended up going to the Bureau of Rehabilitation Services so they could help me with a job assessment, and the place where I did it ended up loving me so they requested to have me placed with them. That's where I am now, permanently.

I was nervous for all of the reasons I'm sure you're nervous. I went back for all of the reasons you're going back. My children are all in full time school and my autistic daughter is well established with her IEP and learning to self-advocate. We have other issues with my eldest daughter hammered/hammering out. I feel confident that with an understanding employer (and I did find one! yay!) this can work.

None of this has been up to my husband. He was part of the decision making process WITH me but he didn't order me back to work, and if he's ever uncomfortable with me working it won't be his decision for me to stop working. I know that with my particular disability that there will come a time when I'll have to stop working, but that will be decided between me, my doctors, and my husband. It won't be decided for me.

If you want to work, then work. If you become established in a job that you enjoy and it works out for everyone except him to the point that he creates problems, that's something that you have to discuss with him. He may be proud that he can provide everything you and your family need. That's fantastic. And you feeling like you want to contribute financially is great... but don't you dare downplay how you've been contributing. You've been contributing to the family at least as equally as financially would be if not more.

If you think working would give you some play money and/or be nice to have in your own account and/or just be nice to get out of the house, there's nothing wrong with any of those things. It's not selfish. Happy mother, happy wife equals happy home.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I would try to work part time if you are wanting to go back to work for some extra cash or can you do any consulting work that has a more flexible schedule so you don't have to give up your volunteering and time after school with the kids? If you are on the fence, that might be best so you don't have to give up what you love to do. I work from home full time and even with my flexible schedule, it's a lot to manage with the kids, house, work and all. No downtime ever.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New London on

Working PT is the best of both worlds-- if your husband's current income is good. Working FT is a huge challenge to transition to. Then, you might have to hire a housekeeper and a sitter to take the kids to their activities.
Food shopping and laundry become quite a challenge to fit in.

I agree w/ the other ladies. I have 2 friends who work in the local school system. They have the same vacation days (and summers) as their kids.

Do you really need a bigger house? With that...brings even more work.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I would suggest that you start out as part time. That way perhaps keeping the job will not be as hard. You will still be able to schedule in all the little extras that you love. I reluctantly gave up the SAHM, because I knew more money would help the budget. That first year was such a challenge. Learning how to manage the time, the house, the kids, the errands, after school activities, no school days and everything else. I still don't have a great system, but we are getting there. The extra money is great, but I do miss out on more than I would like to with "school functions" and the feeling that things are getting done. Not sure that this comment will help you, just know that the extra green is not always worth the loss, try compromise.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Contact personnel firms in your area about part time positions. Google will help you find them. Also, let the people you know that you are looking for part time work. You never know what's going on out there, and who you might be connected to. Starting part time will give you the flexibility it looks like you want, and let you ease into the work world. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

if you can get by on your husbands salary, only go to work if you find it is something that you will be passionate about, something that you will enjoy doing everyday and something that will make your life more fulfilling. Do not go back to work for a bigger house and more junk. Americans have way to much and we are not any happier for it. And our kids are lonely. They are shuffled from place to place all the time when what they like most is to be home. I've been talking about getting a job lately, and my 12 year old "tough guy" son said one day, "no Mom, I like it when you are home". Does the kid talk much to me when he is here? Briefly, in between homework and activities, and friends. And when I am here I feel like a nag, "shut that TV off!" "Have you done your homework?" " can you help me with this?" - so I am a little surprised this was his response....but it is interesting. We could definitely afford nicer vacations, a newer car and all that if I went back to work...but at what expense to stress, kids being home alone, and a house filling with more junk because of buying more "stuff". However I do see the benefit of a Mom working at something she really enjoys - this sets an extremely good example for your kids - so if you could find something you just love, (and even better be able to do it part time) - you could have the best of both worlds I think. Just don't do it for money unless it's an absolute necessity!! (and by the way, I have the bigger house....oh my gosh it's a nightmare to clean, and the heating bills are horrible - not to mention that the more space you have the more junk you seem to fill it with (and I'm not even a big shopper)!! I would move to a smaller house in a second if my family was not so attached to this one). Good luck with your decision!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I agree with starting part-time but my bigger concern is why are you letting your SO dictate stopping and starting a job??? The way you word it: "My SO is ready for me to go back and I don't want to start and have him want me to stop again." The decision should be yours instead of putting him seemingly in the driver's seat.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Maybe try getting a job at your kids' school.
That is what a lot of Moms, at my kids' school, do.
Including me. And that way, your job schedule, is the same as your child's school.
I have a job at my kids' school. They love seeing me there, I can still take them to school and pick them up and be home with them after school. And I then also am on campus per any activities they have etc.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

I understand...I am in the same boat...all kids in school and a lot of free time to volunteer at kids school, and do activities, etc etc.

I asked my husband if he wanted me back at work full time and he at first told me no...he really likes all I do around the house and with the kids. But then we got slammed with some unexpected bills and we could use a second income.

I went to my kids school substitute coordinator and asked if she needed anymore substitutes...she got so excited and said yes yes fast can you get approved. It took me about a month to apply, go to orientation, and get background checked (I am already a licensed teacher in our state.)

So now I work subing at my kids brings in extra money...I am on their schedule, they go to and from school with me. I am still at the school I know the majority of the teachers and staff. It has been a win-win-win.

I can stop at anytime or keep isn't as much as a full time teaching or working position would make but it covers the extras. I could literally work five days a week if I wanted to, but I aim for three or four days a week.

Just an idea...good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Why not start a business from home?



answers from Oklahoma City on

I am very pro college and all higher education so that is always a good choice as far as I am concerned.

As for going back to work I think that in our world today we have so many risky economic issues that effect us. I would go to work and save as much money as possible if I could work.

If he lost his job the money you have been bringing in and allowed to use for savings would support your family for some time until he could find other work.

You can start the kids college accounts so when they're old enough they could have that paid for. That is a huge load of your mind I am sure.

I know people who stayed home during the preschool years but as soon as the kids were old enough got full time jobs. Maybe they had to get an education first though but they went to work and stayed working all through the kids school years. They paid full cost for every one of their kids educations. They paid in full for every vehicle they bought. Their goals were all to be as financially fluid as they could be. So going back to work is not a bad thing.

One of my friends who worked outside the home and saved their money paid as much down on each home they bought and paid them down as quickly as possible. Then the last house they bought they paid cash as it was built in Salt Lake City.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions