Neighbour's Kid Hitting My Soon to Be 6 Year Old.

Updated on May 22, 2009
A.V. asks from Ridgeland, MS
9 answers

We live in an apartment community where kids come out to play in evening. However, there is one 4 year old boy with his 7 and half year old sister who picks on my nearly 6 year old boy. My son likes to tell a grown up/teacher if somebody bothers him. Even though he is older, he is afraid to take him on because of the bigger bully sister.

Today he came home crying again as he was hit in the back with a baseball bat and slapped on his cheek. After tolerating for a very long time, I went to confront their mom. She said that the only solution is to keep them away from each other. I am not at all keen to keep in touch with them either. But my child is a single child and we do not have extended family here, so he craves for company.
How do I make sure that he can still play with other nice kids in the community, without having to play with the bullies as they always try to get the other kids to their side of the community. I can not tell other kids not to be friends with them, yet at the same time I do not want my son to feel isolated too.
My son goes for soccer, t-ball, swimming etc. to keep him busy. We thought about karate lessons too so that he does not get bullied, but he does not like to hurt anybody and does not like martial arts.
How do I teach him to defend himself? This does not happen in school as we have a fabulous Kindergarten teacher , who is not just a good academician, but a good disciplinarian too. Please advise.

I just wanted to add that usually I do hover over at a distance. This happens as soon as I turn my back for a minute. Yesterday, I just came back inside for a minute to do something and it happened. But if I continue to hover over, I am afraid my son will learn to run to me for everything and not learn to tackle things by himself.

THANK YOU All for your advices.

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answers from Oklahoma City on

I think definitely hitting with a bat probably warrants a call to the police-you're in the best position to determine the severity of it, but it sure sounds bad and terribly inappropriate. (Of course, depending on whether it was a plastic t-ball bat vs. an aluminum or wooden bat...) In any event, you might also try to help your son find other ways to deal with it: Can you invite the nice kids over for pizza or some other kind of activity in your home or to some other activity? Maybe the other parents would respond to this as well and might also be interested in get togethers where these bullies are not involved. Sometimes the best solution is for the kids to be motivated to change their own behavior after they realize that no one wants to play with them (or the parents will see their kids being left out and take action to correct the inappropriate behavior).



answers from Baton Rouge on

Your son is going to have to learn to hit back when he is hit. He doesn't have to be able to trounce the bully - most bullies stop if the person they're bullying shows any resistance at all.

Can you schedule play dates with kids he likes on his soccer, t-ball. and swim teams?



answers from Fayetteville on

Hello A. V. You have gotten alot of good advice. I would defintly talk to the Apt Manager and tell them you have talked to the parents. Most places like that dont like any kind of violence and bullies. Your son should be able to go play and not have to worry about bullies. You should document any bruises and let the police know. No child should be threatened rather by another child or adult. Its not good. Try to involve the dad in this too. I know you are at home all day with your son but maybe in the evenings the dad could go out with him. Talk to him its ok to stand up for himself. He doesn't have to hit back, just let the bully know he isn't going to take it. I really hope this helps. I will include a site for parents that stay home with their children and we set up times to go out and do stuff together with families and kids of all ages. If you want you can sign up and get all the information on the meetups. Good luck

S. Thorne



answers from Montgomery on

Where is your husband in all of this? Maybe if he hears about defending himself from his dad then he will do it. I say get the dad involve in this situation and also in spending in time with his son.



answers from Shreveport on

Best solution is to go sit out with your child while he is playing with the other kids. This way when the bully child shows up you can be there to make sure he doesnt bother you child. This way he still gets to play with other kids but that bully child will see an adult there and odds are wont hit your child.
You can also talk to the child yourself and explain that he isnt suppose to do those kinds of things. Sounds like the mother doesnt seem to care if her child is a bully or not.
Also if it continues you can talk to management. Let them know you already tried talking to the parents with no results.



answers from Lafayette on

I have found it helpful that if there is a problem with other kids in the community to go directly to the parents. If the problem insists then around here we have to tell the landlord and they will end it. I know where I live if the children are a problem the parents are warned then will be evicted from the property.



answers from Fayetteville on

Maybe instead of karate, you could take your son to some aikido classes. See if it takes. The point of aikido is only to defend, and all that happens is, the attacker is deflected. It's a great discipline, too, and fun.

Meanwhile, though, maybe you should stay out there and supervise. Getting hit in the back with a baseball bat is more than just bullying. This is getting dangerous! I think that, if it were me, I'd be pretty tough with those kids and tell them if they hurt my son, I'm calling the cops. And follow through.




answers from New Orleans on

Speak with the mother one more time and inform her that if she doesn't control her children you will be forced to involve the police. You need to tell the kids too. She will probably laugh it off, but the next time there is an incident you must follow through call the police. Children that do not show empathy have learned that behavior and judging by the mothers first response, they learned it at home.

Neglecting your childs disapline is still neglecting your child.

The police and a social worker will be happy to remind this woman of that because they know if she doesn't reign them in now they will be getting arrested for assult when they are teenagers. The seven year old is old enough to be disaplined by the courts now if it has to come to that and in some areas they will disapline the parents as well.

If you want to teach your child how to stand up for himself, he must see you doing it! Document what is happening everyday, name calling, bullying, phyical attacks, and the next time he comes home crying. Call the police and give them your documentation.
Karate will build confidence and teach him self defense, but I would make sure he is talking about how he feels about the situation on a regular basis. You see, self defense martial arts works really well in letting out emotion, so well in fact that you can sometimes forget to let it our for real by talking which is the best way to work through a problem. It is important for him to understand he is to only use what he learns in class and if he is attacked. If you think he is mature enough to handle the respondsibilty of having that knowledge then it is o.k. to enroll him.
Good Luck!



answers from Oklahoma City on

I do agree with the others, be out there and document. As for Karate is not about beating up others a good "gym" will teach not to hit even if you are hit, unless you really have to defend yourself, they teach you to say no and give the child displine, selfconfidence, body control and more. We take classes at National Karate, next door to Dynamo gymnastics on Hefner Rd. You don't have to teach your child to hit someone back but to stand up for themselves and if you are out there with them you can hear the language and other peer presure things that are going on.
good luck.

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