I hate when my friend compares our daughters. Her girls are the same age as my girls. Just today I simply mentioned laughingly that my daughter wore the same tshirt she put on for bed last night (we were in a hurry this morning) and she came back with "My girls would NEVER do that. They would think it's gross!" I said, "Oh, well then I guess she's gross today." No big deal but she turned it around saying I always twist her words and that she wasn't saying my daughter was gross. Well, isn't that what she essentially said?
She is always comparing my daughter with hers. I know my daughter has been struggling with some things lately and I just vent to her about them (like you should be able to with a friend) and she always says, "My daughter never does this or that." It just doesn't help.
Am I "reading" into her words? Isn't it mean to say "my daughter NEVER would do that" ? I was just going to brush it off as I usually do but today she told me I'm so sensitive and I read into things. I just want to know what you think. Thanks.!
As close as you two may be, it might be time to start looking for a new best friend. Friends support and try to understand, and this is not what she is doing.
Get into the "friend dating" scene again and hopefully you'll find a woman who is kind and supportive- just what a friend should be.
Good luck!
I had a friend like that...always comparing our kids. I knew it was just her being insecure and catty, but after a while I got tired of it and let our friendship wane. If you feel comfortable bringing it up with her, then by all means do. If she responds defensively, or accuses you of being too sensitive, try taking a recent situation and asking her if it would bother her if the situation were reversed. If all of that doesn't make a dent, you can just continue with the way things are, or let the friendship die. I chose the latter, because my friend would compare everything in life, even before we had kids. I had to draw the line somewhere, and when that line was belittling every little thing my kid did, I had no problem walking away. Extreme, maybe, but it seemed after a while all our time we spent together was spent with her comparing our lives in demeaning way. It wasn't much of a friendship, and it wasn't worth my time. I hope it turns out differently for you!
As moms, we are all guilty of trying to make our children better than someone else's. I've noticed this with my sister. "My baby was walking by nine months old." "Mine was walking by eight months." "My baby was potty trained at three years old." "Mine was trained at two."
I'm not sure why we do it, but we do. I think it has to do with the fact that we don't want anyone to see our children as anything but perfect, smart, little angels, the way that we see them.
We're just competitive. Try not to read too much into it. It's just the way we are, even if it does seem mean and cruel at times. Remember, your baby is wonderful just the way she is no matter what she does.
I think her responses to you are unkind, but if you don't like them then don't tell her private things anymore. You can't change who she is or how she acts, so I would just vent to someone else in the future.
Have you let her know how her comments make you feel?
You may be a little sensitive, but it also sounds like your friend doesn't have good instinct in helping you. So I would suggest you Keep your friend. Never throw away a good friend if that's what she is, but find a different friend to discuss your daughter with.
I am on your side. You are right about this.
She is being very rude to you, and I am so sorry she is treating you like this. I bet she acts like that because she is jealous of you and your children.
Spend some time away from her and see if you feel peace without her around.
I wish you the best. God bless.
= )
Hi L.,
I'll bet you she literally has no idea she's even doing this. Honestly, I don't know a Mom out there who isn't ready to bring up their own child. (like me).
She's showing poor *listening* skills: she's just waiting for her turn to talk: you brought up your daughter, so it's a opportunity for her to bring up (brag about) hers (and forget the two of you were even talking about your daughter in the first place).
It's an annoying habit, but difficult to change in someone else. Maybe, first ask how her daughter is doing. Let her talk as long as she needs to, then start up on your sweetie.
If she can't keep her mouth shut for a while about her kid after that... ?
Good luck.
t
Sometimes people are negavtive because they dont want you to know whats really going on in their home. Maybe this is what is going on with your friend. I would let her know how I felt about the situation and see how it goes from there.
It may not be mean. It's hard for me to tell because I don't hear the tone. Maybe she wishes her daughters were not so fastidious. She may just be sharing stories, which are different because all of you are different, not necessarily better or worse. She might be feeling that she can't share her stories with you because you take them as criticism when they are not meant that way. It doesn't sound like she has the best skills in talking about parenting, but she may not mean it the way you are taking it. Like I said, it's hard for me to really tell and you may not be that compatible as friends. I have discovered that some friendships don't work on the same level and it doesn't mean that either person is wrong.
She probably doesn't realize that she is being insensitive. (sp) I would just bring it up to her in a nice way that you are talking to her about these things to get her opinion on what you could do to help her. Not to compare. All children are different and learn at different levels. She will get there just practice a little more on the things that she seems to be struggling with. (sorry about some of the spelling).
I'm sure that your daughter is doing just fine! :)
I don't think you are overreacting. I once had that same friend for 10 years, who is not longer my friend. Although I have many close acquaintances I now have only one person who I vent to and is my confidant and that is my husband. I have found that sometimes women can be so competitive that they can't be always be objective. I would keep her as a friend and try not to share your personal business with her. It seems you have been honest with her about her comments and she still continues to throw her little digs so I wouldn't give her the opportunity to do so. Good luck!!
