Need Some Suggestions for Long Absence!

Updated on April 21, 2011
M.S. asks from Denver, CO
12 answers

Hello!

We are a military family (my husband is a Marine) and we just found out that my husband will be leaving for a school sometime next week. He will be gone through the rest of the year, and our 3 year old son is having a hard time with this. We have been through deployments before - my husband left for Iraq the day after our son's 1st birthday, and missed the birth of our daughter as well - and I feel more prepared to take this on, but this is the first time our son is really aware of what is going on. I'm not sure how to comfort him and I believe our 2.5 year old "Daddy's girl" is going to struggle with his absence as well. I know lots of people have done "special" things to keep Daddy close while deployed, and I was looking for some suggestions. This seems so much easier for me this time because my husband will be across the country going to school instead of 7,000 miles away in a war zone like last time. He will also be able to call home every day, etc. but I know none of this comforts my son as it does me.

Also, you military moms - when your husband left for an extended school like this, is there anything special I need to have or remember? We haven't experienced this aspect before, and I'm not sure if I need the Power of Attorney forms or anything like that. It's not like last time in Iraq, but I feel like I'm still not sure what to expect.

Anybody have any suggestions or advice?

Thank you so much!

PS - It's not relevant to any of my questions, but I am also 8 weeks pregnant and am due a couple weeks before he will be returning home.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

M.J.

answers from Dover on

Hey there Mama! I work at the finance office of an Air Force Base & am also married to a Reservist so I do have some experience concerning all of this.

Yes, you will absolutely need a power of attorney, and I would recommend you also get what's called a Special Power of Attorney specifically stating that you have access to all of his account & pay information in case you need to make any changes or have any questions as none of that info will be given to you without that paperwork.

I'm also with the other Mama's regarding the webcam &/or Skype. I've found it's a lot easier on the kids to be able to actually see Daddy while he's away.

More Answers

E.B.

answers from Fort Collins on

We use FaceTime (or Skype, should work too) and the kids love it.
What about something like that commercial with the monkey toy. Let your son pick a special toy to keep daddy company and daddy can send home pictures of him and the toy in different places. Email is great, but kids love to get things in the mail too and a paper letter or hardcopy picture is something they can hold on to. Maybe even make a photo album together of daddy's trip.
We also recorded daddy reading a few special stories on audio, so daddy can still read the kiddos to bed even when he is not there. There are several different websites that offer this service with special sound effects, but you can do it for free (minus the sound effects) with any iPhone or computer and mic. Message me and I can tell you how.

Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

You've had some great suggestions for once he has left. May I just add something for the mean time?
It sounds like your 3-year-old is getting worked up over the anticipation. I would stop talking about it around him. I think that, for him, the thought of it happening is the worst part right now. He doesn't have the logic or reasoning to understand all of the things you will do to keep in touch. Reminding him about it, even to make plans for keeping in touch, is just working him up.
If he brings it up, reassure him that it will be okay, and that you'll be able to talk to daddy every day (I agree that Skype or something similar will be very good). But don't let him dwell on it. When it's time to say goodbye, help him through it, and know that he'll probably cry a lot. Remind him "we'll see daddy soon" and help him give hugs and wave bye-bye. Make sure your husband calls as soon as possible once he arrives.
My husband used to drive cross country. It was h*** o* all the kids, but especially my youngest (5 at the time). He cried bitterly every time daddy left - he was gone for 4 weeks then home for one. During the week home, we wouldn't talk about when he left again, we just enjoyed the time we had together. We talked every day on the phone, and the kids were free to call him whenever they needed to. I think it was harder on them that he kept coming home and leaving again.

I would also make sure that you have support for you while he's gone - being pregnant and almost a single mom can be really draining. Do you have people who can take the kids for a few hours and give you a rest once in a while?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Since he will be just across the country, schedule Skype time. Whether its a breakfast time or bed time, its a face to face for the day where the kids can send hugs and kisses until tomorrow.

Take weekly pics. Every Sunday, take a picture. Dad can take one every Sunday and send it to the kids.

M.

C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I'd take videos of him reading different books so that you can play it for them every night before they go to bed. Have him read maybe 10 of them so it does not get old for your kids. I would also have him sing songs and tape or record them (if he wants to) so that he can 'sing' to them at night. There are books you can buy at Hallmark that he can read and record in the actual book. I would also have your kids make lots of drawings and pictures to send to daddy.

Skype is a great thing so invest in a webcam (as others have said).

Also check on base to see what services they can offer to you as well as your children.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.D.

answers from Provo on

When my Dad was deployed (over 30 years ago) he would get kids books from the library and record himself reading them. Then he would "read" to us every night. This was back when he couldn't call (cost of long distance was too much) and there wasn't email or skype. If your husband has a laptop, I would highly recommend skype for your son (and for you). My husband travels often (which I know is nothing like military deployment and training) and my kids LOVE to see Daddy on the computer. It is so much more real for them then a phone call. Good luck to you on this separation time!

E.B.

answers from Seattle on

I have no suggestions. but hugs to you. I have alot of respect for military wives and family. what you all do is a selfless thing. I think you all should be treated like royalty.

Do you guys have webcam? That may help your little ones once he is gone. since he will be able to call on an almost daily basis. If you dont have one maybe that is the best thing you could do. My family got connected big time with ours, when my older sister and her family moved up to alaska. Not the same thing at all. Same idea though.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Denver on

facetime (iPhone or iTouch or iPad)
or
Skype

or any other sort of video chat. he should have a little bit of predictable downtime he can use to chat with you and your children.

Phone calls are nice- but being able to see daddy is very reassuring to children.

Best wishes-

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Denver on

I would say, your babies are going to respond to his "deployments" as you do. Be proud and supportive and the kiddos will do the same, I have been married to an active duty, now retired after 26 years of service, for 20 years, during that time had six babies, to a wonderful sacrificing, giving, loving and believe in our country being. It really is not that big of a deal for kids, if you don't make it one, that is what they "know", also I assume you are on a military installation or going to be at some point, so they have a support system and they are just like everybody else, mom or dad love the constitution of the United States and the freedom it provides for all of us so they choose to defend it and everyones ability to have the freedom of choice. Wow, not many people can say that!!!! And it really for people, who VOLUNTEER their service to our country, see it this way. I was also active duty and had our first child during my obligation to defend our way as Americans who have the CHOICES that are afforded us.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Dallas on

I know you said he can call everyday how about Skype? That way your son and daughter can see him. This will really give them something to look forward to everyday or at least a few times a week. Also how about a count down calendar for your son? He can mark off the days until Daddy returns, I know you said it was for a long period of time but this could help.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I am not a military mom but I would say that you would need to just in case have all your forms in order. You never know what will happen but you would want them to be on the save side. I would recommend like some other moms have, try using Skype, it is a free service and all you need is a valid email and computer. Then the kids will be able to see daddy on the computer everyday. This will keep the spirits high and they can look forward to talking to him everyday. I think the picture thing is a good idea as well. Lots an lots of pictures to document the time apart. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.S.

answers from Houston on

Make every time Daddy calls or sends something or you sending something the THRILL of a lifetime. "A LETTER FROM DADDY!!!!! HOORAY!!! LET'S READ IT TOGETHER!!!!!" and then open it with wild abandon each and every time.

I also just want to thank you and your family for the service and sacrifice you guys are making for this country. Military families have a very special place in my heart. Hugs and prayers to you and yours!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions