Need Some Advice on Heart Ache

I feel for you and have been there myself years ago. Some little bit of advice that helped me, and was given by my older/wiser close friend:

#1) live in the present and don't dwell on the past or worry about the future

#2) use this time for yourself, get involved in something - ANYTHING!! I'm sure you are busy with your kids, but you need some time for you. Something that makes you feel good and confident again, so you can walk by knowing he is the loser in this, not you!! Try joining an excercise class, taking an educational class, volunteering for a cause, or even get a part time job. The worst thing you can do is have too much free time on your hands. The more time anyone has to think about something, the bigger the anxiety/fear becomes over it. The majority of men I've known always seem to keep themselves so busy that they rarely dwell over relationships. That is the key!!

#3) End ALL contact with this man. The more you stay connected, the more power you give him to keep doing what he is doing and the harder it will be for him to really know what it is he wants. Don't be his security blanket, which he will then only "USE" whenever he feels vulnerable. I think staying in contact when someone is needing space (even when they reach out to you) is setting oneself up for lots of pain ahead. It wastes your time in hanging onto someone who really isn't there for you --- but you are there for him. If you cut off all ties, and do something for yourself it will definitely cause him to gain a greater respect for you as a person AND... either he will miss you and learn he can't live without you -- OR he may find he is okay with it and then, you know it really wasn't meant to be. Eitherway, you earn some self-respect and become stronger from this.

#5) Have faith in God. Every person is put in our lives for a reason - even the heartbreakers - and we must learn from each one in order to be prepared for what God has in store for us next. Even through the pain, something positive will come from it. You will be the one to determine what that is. I can't help but relate this to the song by Garth Brooks that has that line..."sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers"... because it is so true for me. Even though we may think we want to be with someone so badly, we later find out that we were blessed to have moved on with our lives. Tomorrow is always a brighter day, but you have to be open to letting it be.

I wish you all the best and hope you get some good feedback from others that is helpful to you! And, remember to Thank God for your beautiful children - they can keep you smiling.

I had my heart broken by the love-of-my-life first boyfriend. I lost 20 pounds in two weeks and wasted a lot of time crying. Looking back it was the best thing for me. I'm glad it happened. I wasn't saying that at the time though. Time heals. Sounds corny but it really does. And there are millions of "fish in the sea" who won't jerk you around...
Give yourself the gift of finding a man who KNOWS for sure that you are the one he wants.

If u want him back and it was a split due to "not sure if this is what i want deal"..ouch. I would really put some effort into this. Even for for some sad reason it dosnt work out..u r going to need closure to be able to move on. First luvs make a lifetime mark. What i would do is first off- Do NOT seem clingy! Most girls get scard and cling-call alot-beg-cry...it will do nothing but make him want to run and look for new. Also add something new to ur life...it'll be great for u and he will be interested to want to learn this new side of u. I'd find a new hobbie or job ...something in that area where u can focus alot of ur time and help with some selfchange dear. Plus focus on ur children. Turn to them for hugs, support and geting u busy through the day so u dont find urself calling and driving around..asking q's about him. It will get back to him and isnt healthy for anyone in the party involved. Plus with this extra time ur kids could really use being mommys number one. Remember they alwayssss come first. Id be busy for a while..find ur self,, get ur thoughts together. And after a while when u feel some self change in urself and what u truely want in life then call or drop by to see him and tell him u want to give this another shot. That u hv relized.." up to u what u say" and that u still luv him. Dont overchase but dont give up dear. Goodluck. Get some rest and try sleeping in bed with one of ur kids this week.... u may be surprized the outcome.
~R.~

Lauren,
I have to agree with the other responses. I have also been in your shoes before. You definitely need to take some time for yourself and those work outs are a start. And don't forget those wonderful well-behaved boys. They are your true blessings. What ever it is that you chose to focus on, stay focused. Don't let this man use you when it is convenient for him. Time truly does heal all wounds. If it is meant to be it will but it sounds like you need to give him his space. After me and my ex broke up, I cut my long red hair and lost 50 pounds and am now with a man who was also a good friend from my past for 10 years now and we have 2 beautiful children and a nice home! Keep the faith

Sorry to hear about your recent breakup. I have been through a similar situation and here is a little advice that MIGHT help. First of all you need to realize that it is going to take time to get through this. I was with my children's father for 8 years before we were married and after we were married only 15 months he decided that he wanted out. I was devastated! There I was with 2 children(8 and 1.5) at the time and no where to go. I cried, I begged him to stay, I promised to change(even though I had done nothing wrong) and then I realized that I needed to pick up what I had left of myself and move on. It wasn't easy BUT it was the best thing I have ever done! I got a cute, affordable place, a job and worked very hard to get where I am today. You need to realize that you can't make someone love you( this is the hardest part) and that YOU NEED TO DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES to move on. YOU need to take control of YOUR life and you can't wait for him to decide how you are gonna live. Right now he has control over you, in the sense that you are waiting for him, and you need to move on. You need to not let the kids see this knock you down, trust me kids pick up on the jealousy and the depression. All of your feelings are normal and this is a tough spot to be in but trust me, once you decide to move on you will feel better, you will be more "awake" and alive. Break ups are hard but you need to look at how much that relationship helped you grow and how much you learned from it, and move on.